Sideshow: Tales of the Galactic Midway, Vol. 1

by Mike Resnick

  “Thank you,” said the Blue Man.

  “You're welcome,” I said.

  I tried to send Big Alvin out for cots and chairs, but he refused to leave his post, and even Treetop, who had been waiting to spend a couple of minutes picking up the food, was afraid Thaddeus would find out if he left long enough to get what I wanted. So I left the tent by myself, and started rounding up such chairs and bedding as I could find. I'm not very strong, and I had to bring them back one chair and one cot at a time. Then I hunted up a batch of blankets. The whole operation took me almost two hours.

  “You're very kind,” said the Blue Man when I was finished. “I wish there was some way we could thank you.”

  He stretched out a grotesquely deformed hand, with fingers jointed in all the wrong places. My first inclination was to draw back, but then I remembered how many people in my life had drawn back from me, so I clenched my teeth together just in case I felt an urge to scream when we made contact, and shook his hand. It felt warm and dry, and very strong.

  “What does Flint intend to do with us?” asked the Blue Man after a moment's silence.

  “The same thing Mr. Ahasuerus did,” I said. “He'll display you.”

  “For how long?”

  “Until you stop making money for him.”

  “I see,” said the Blue Man. I thought he tried to frown, but his skin was stretched so tightly over his lean, angular head that he couldn't really change his expression much. Still, he looked satanic again, and I backed away.

  “Have no fear, little one,” he said as gently as his fierce voice would permit. “I won't harm you.”

  I told him that that was very comforting to hear, but that I still had work to do. I moved as far away from him as I could and started setting up the cots.

  Big Alvin figured it would be okay to help me, as long as he didn't have to leave the tent, and we finished in about ten minutes. Then we opened up the chairs. None of the freaks paid us any attention, and none sat or lay down when we were through.

  Jupiter Monk came in a moment later, hauling a bale of hay on his back.

  “I don't suppose Thaddeus supplied them with a toilet?” he said.

  “No,” I answered.

  “I figured. Well, this'll be better than nothing. He tossed the hay onto the floor and pulled a wire cutter out of his belt. The Blue Man walked over, curious to see what we were doing, and Monk straightened up.

  “You keep away from me if you know what's good for you!” he snarled, pointing a scarred and calloused finger at him. The Blue Man backed away.

  “Just keep clear of me,” continued Monk. “You scared my lion half to death, you damned freak!”

  He went back to cutting the wire that held the bale together, then took about a third of the pile and placed it against the far end of the tent. He came back, got the rest of it, and carried it to a spot about five feet away from the first pile. Then he got Treetop to help him and strung some rope around the two piles.

  “Okay,” he said, brushing himself off. “Hang up a few blankets and they'll have a little privacy—and tell Thaddeus that if he doesn't want his million-dollar show coming down with all kinds of diseases than he'd better pop for a couple of toilets before too much longer.”

  Then he left, keeping his eyes on the Blue Man—much as he did with Bruno the Bear, which was the most dangerous of his animals.

  I turned to watch him go, and when I turned back, I almost bumped into the Blue Man, who had wandered over again.

  “When you see him outside the tent, please express our gratitude,” he said. “I did not mean to frighten him.”

  “Not much frightens Jupiter,” I said defensively. “He's our animal trainer.”

  “Thank him for us, little one,” said the Blue Man.

  “I will,” I said. “And my name's Tojo.”

  “Thank him, Tojo.”

  “What's your name?” I asked.

  “You may call me the Blue Man,” he replied, and walked away.

  Since Big Alvin and Treetop were on duty, I felt it was all right to leave long enough to have some dinner. I ran into Thaddeus doing the same thing at the food stand.

  “I can't understand it,” he said as I sat down next to him. “I just called Vermont, and Romany is still in the cooler.”

  “Jupiter says the freaks should have a toilet,” I said.

  “As soon as they earn it,” replied Thaddeus. “So far all the money has been flowing out. Let's let some flow in.”

  “Jupiter says if you don't—”

  “Enough!” he yelled. “If I want to know what Jupiter Monk says, I'll go talk to him!”

  We ate the rest of our meal in silence. When I was about to leave, he placed a heavy hand on my shoulder and held me onto my seat.

  “Has the Blue Man tried anything funny?” he said.

  “Funny?” I repeated.

  “He's the one to watch,” said Thaddeus.

  “He was very nice to me,” I replied.

  “So you've decided that being a freak is just a matter of outward appearance,” he said with a grin. “How broadminded of you.”

  “Let me go,” I said. “I've got to get back to them.”

  “Tell ‘em they're on in two hours,” he shouted after me.

  When I returned to the dormitory tent a number of them were clustered around the Man of Many Colors, who had been a dull blue ever since we arrived. He was wrapped in blankets, and Big Alvin was standing near him, looking very disturbed.

  “What's going on?” I asked.

  “The blue guy—not the mean-looking one, the other one—he threw up a few minutes ago. Greenish stuff, a really bad-smelling mess. Then he started shaking, and they put some blankets around him.”

  I shouldered my way through to where the Man of Many Colors was sitting on his cot. He was trembling slightly, and his eyes looked a little glassy.

  “What's the matter?” I asked. “Will you be all right?”

  He didn't say anything, and neither did any of the others.

  “Is there anything I can get you?” I said.

  He shook his head, but didn't speak.

  “I'd better get Thaddeus,” I said, turning and starting to leave.

  “That won't be necessary,” said the Blue Man. “But tell Flint that the Man of Many Colors will not be able to perform tonight.”

  “What's wrong with him?” I asked.

  “A chill.”

  “Well, tell him to wear something besides a pair of shorts,” I said.

  “That is what he wears,” said the Blue Man. I couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement or an explanation, but whatever it was it sounded final.

  I shrugged and went off to tell Thaddeus.

  I found him standing by a phone booth, the receiver next to his ear. He muttered a couple of sentences, then cursed and slammed it down on the hook.

  “Damn!” he said. “Ahasuerus still hasn't shown up to bail him out!”

  “But I thought you wanted him in jail.”

  “I wanted both of them in jail,” said Thaddeus. “For all I know Ahasuerus is ten miles behind us.” He looked down at me as if noticing me for the first time. “What the hell do you want? I thought I told you to stay with the freaks.”

  “The Man of Many Colors is sick,” I said. “He won't be able to go on tonight.”

  “Like hell he won't!” snapped Thaddeus.

  “He really is sick,” I said. “I just saw him.”

  “You let these fuckers start goldbricking on the first day and there's no end to it!” said Thaddeus. “Sick, healthy or dead, he goes on!” He paused to light a cigarette. “You tell them that. You especially tell the Blue Man. And tell them that I'm barking the freak show, just so I can keep an eye on ‘em.”

  “Who's doing the girlie show then?”

  “Swede.”

  Swede was a huge blond guy, almost as tall as Big Alvin, who worked the games for Diggs.

  “Does he know how?”

  “He'
ll learn,” said Thaddeus. “At least he doesn't trip over his own tongue like some people I know. Now you get your ass over to the tent and tell them that everyone works tonight.”

  I walked back through the lightly falling snow, teeming with bitterness.

  Swede was happy working the games and fleecing the marks. He probably even resented being forced to bark the strip show. I'd have given everything I had to change places with him, and Thaddeus knew it. I could never be a barker, we both knew that, but he didn't have to make that remark about tripping over my tongue. I don't know why I stammer. Sometimes I think it's because I was quiet for so long when I was growing up that I've got a lifetime's worth of things to say, and they fight each other in a race to get out. I knew I couldn't get up there and talk to a crowd, but he didn't have to talk to me like that, and he didn't have to give it to the one guy on the grounds who would hate it. It was just unfair.

  “You look troubled,” said the Blue Man as I stalked into the tent.

  “Everyone works tonight,” I said, “including him.” I gestured to the Man of Many Colors. Then I thought about whose fault it was and whose fault it wasn't, and added, “I'm sorry.”

  “It's not your fault,” said the Blue Man.

  “Thaddeus doesn't believe he's sick,” I said.

  “Would it make a difference if Flint examined him himself?” asked the Blue Man.

  “None,” I said, and the Blue Man uttered a kind of growling sigh.

  “What must be, must be,” he said softly. He looked at the Man of Many Colors, then turned back to me. “Where is Mr. Romany?”

  “In jail.”

  “For how long?”

  “Probably just a few more hours, unless Mr. Ahasuerus decides not to bail him out.”

  “And if not?”

  “Maybe a week.”

  “Is he well?”

  “Nobody said otherwise,” I replied.

  It looked like he was going to say something else, but just then Big Alvin came over. “It's getting near show time, Tojo,” he said uncomfortably.

  “So what?” I said.

  “I gotta get over to the girl show,” he said. “Gloria'll be on in a few minutes.”

  “Thaddeus said to stay here,” I said.

  “If I'm not there, he'll make her work strong,” said Big Alvin. “I know he will.” He clenched his huge fists until the knuckles turned white. “If he makes her get down on the stage and lets those guys start messing with her...” His voice trailed off for a minute. “I've never hurt anyone before, Tojo, but if he makes her do that, I'll do something bad to him. So help me God, I will!”

  “It's all right,” I said. “Thaddeus is working this show.”

  “Then who's the talker for the meat show?”

  “Swede,” I said.

  “Swede,” repeated Big Alvin slowly. He thought about it for a moment.

  “Swede's okay. He won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do.”

  “I'm sure he won't,” I told him gently. “Besides, I don't think we've had time to pay off the cops yet.”

  “All right,” said Big Alvin. “I'll stay here. But if Thaddeus isn't barking for the freaks, I'm leaving.”

  “I wouldn't stop you if I could,” I told him truthfully.

  We spent a few more minutes just sitting around, and then Thaddeus, all done up in what he called his Elvis suit—gold lamé from his neck down to his shoes, twirling a gold cane—walked in.

  “Okay, move ‘em out,” he said.

  Big Alvin and Treetop escorted the freaks to the adjoining tent, where each was placed on a separate platform that had been set up. When they were all in place Thaddeus covered the front of each platform with a makeshift curtain made of colorful metallic cloth.

  “You stick with the Blue Man,” he told me. “If he tries anything funny, give a holler.”

  Then he shoved me onto the Blue Man's platform and pulled the curtain shut.

  The crowd entered a few minutes later. I could hear the drone of Thaddeus’ voice as he collected them all outside, taunting and teasing them, but it wasn't until he ushered them into the tent that I could make out the words.

  “From far exotic Africa,” he thundered, “from the forbidden port of Mozambique, from the pits of Hell itself, comes our first exhibit. Stand back a bit, ma'am. He killed the first two white hunters who tried to capture him, and he went after a customer only last week.

  “Now you may be wondering why I let you all in free, why there was no cover charge. That's because Thaddeus Flint doesn't work that way. You, young lady, would you step up next to me, please? Right up here. That's right.

  “Now ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to let this young lady right here have a free peek at the Human Lizard. She'll tell you what we've got, she'll tell you if we're trying to pull a fast one here. Then I'm going to ask each of you to hand me a crisp one-dollar bill, and if half of you are willing to pay everyone gets to see him. If not, then the show's over and we'll all go home and watch the late movie. Does that sound fair to you?”

  I couldn't tell what he did next, but a moment later I heard a shrill shriek, and then there was a great bustling, as if everyone was pulling out money at once.

  “And there he is, ladies and gentlemen,” cried Thaddeus. “Half man, half lizard, and all mean. What are you hanging back for, Mac—afraid of snakes? Better not let Blondie know it, or she's going to think you're afraid of lot of things.”

  On and on he droned for the better part of five minutes. Then he went through the whole thing again with the Cyclops, this time teasing one man into putting up twenty dollars for the whole crowd. He had a different financial pitch for each exhibit, and it sounded like he'd pocketed about six hundred dollars by the time he'd worked his way through the first nine.

  The Man of Many Colors was tenth. I couldn't see him, but I could tell that he wasn't changing colors, because Thaddeus started taunting and insulting him, and finally told the crowd that he was going to refund their money for that particular exhibit, because obviously the man was a shirker with no sense of moral responsibility, and that even though a pale blue man was pretty odd, it wasn't what they had paid to see.

  The Blue Man made a funny noise deep within his throat and I looked up at him just in time to see a small tear trickle down his cheek.

  “Now this next exhibit I'm gonna let you see for free,” continued Thaddeus, as still another mass exclamation arose from the crowd. “But that's for one night only. Starting tomorrow this lovely little lady's going to be working next door in our adult entertainment show. She's gonna shake and spin like you've never seen anyone shake and spin, because she's got more to shake and spin than anyone you ever saw. Now even though this delicious accident of Nature is going to make her act fifty percent longer than usual, we're not going to charge you fifty percent more money, no sir ... You looked shocked, madam ... no? Then envious ... certainly not broadminded. Oh, you are? Then I expect to see you and that grinning baldheaded ghoul next to you in the front row of the strip show tomorrow night. Is that a promise?”

  “My fault,” whispered the Blue Man to himself. “My fault.”

  Thaddeus went on for a few more minutes about all the natural wonders that were on display at the strip show, put in a plug for Monk and Dancer, told a couple of stories that looked like they were going to be off-color until he got to the punch lines and made everyone laugh more out of relief than humor, and then ushered them out.

  The Blue Man and I waited on the platform, wondering why he had been neglected but not willing to risk Thaddeus’ wrath by leaving it. Thaddeus brought seven more groups of people in before the evening was over, though he gave up displaying the Man of Many Colors after two more attempts, and never did he pull the curtain back to reveal the Blue Man.

  Then he told Treetop and Big Alvin to take the freaks back and start closing up the place, but to leave a certain platform alone. I assumed that he was pointing to us when he said it. Sure enough, we remained where we were for t
he better part of twenty minutes, until the place was empty and only one light remained on. Then Thaddeus walked over and pulled the curtain away.

  There was a huge grin on his face.

  “I can be pretty dense sometimes,” he said, standing in front of us with his hands on his hips and a cigarette dangling from his mouth. “It took me until this evening to figure out what was going on.” He brought his gaze up to meet the Blue Man's. “Mr. Ahasuerus, I presume?”

  The Blue Man stared at him, unmoving and expressionless.

  “You're crazy!” I said. “This is the Blue Man. He's one of the freaks.”

  “This is Mr. Ahasuerus, and I don't think he's a freak at all,” said Thaddeus, still grinning from ear to ear.

  “What are you talking about?” I demanded. “Just take a look at him!”

  “You look at him, Tojo,” said Thaddeus. “Look at all of them. I haven't got it all figured out yet, but I do know this: no human parents ever spawned any freaks like this bunch. Still,” he added, flashing an enormous wad of bills that he had obviously taken in during the evening, “I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. It's a pleasure having you aboard, Mr. Ahasuerus.”

  “The pleasure is not mutual,” Mr. Ahasuerus replied coldly.”

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  * * *

  Chapter 6

  You can't see it from here,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, his orange eyes fixed on some unimaginably distant point a billion billion miles away. “It's a pastoral world of sprawling plains and majestic mountains, a world where the sky is so thick with stars that the nights appear like ... like your Midway when all the booths are lit up.”

  It was two in the morning, and the carnival had been closed for more than an hour. Thaddeus had replaced Treetop and Big Alvin with two fresh guards, who had taken up positions at opposite ends of the dormitory tent. Most of the aliens were asleep, although two of them—the Rubber Man and the Human Lizard—were tending to the Man of Many Colors, who was still an unchanging shade of pale blue.

  I was sitting with Mr. Ahasuerus, sipping a cup of coffee while he toyed with a bowl of soup. Both of us were wrapped in blankets, which afforded us at least a little warmth against the wind that seemed to cut right through the canvas.