Clutch

by JA Huss

  It helps.

  A fine mist sprays out in all directions and I lift my arms up to let it coat me all over. It is only then, when my muscles are asked to respond, that I realize what's happened.

  The smile comes out and I laugh, soft at first, then wildly, hysterical, and I turn my face upward to the drizzle as my lids are freed from their prison. Hot water blasts the soap off my body and I finally open my eyes.

  I expel the fear.

  I've been reborn.

  The water drenches me and then I step back to wipe my eyes and look around, holding the handrail for support. It's a shower room, obviously. Small, but I can see through the clear surround that there are close to a hundred of them all lined up. Mine is the only one in use at the moment. I look through the glass to try and see if anyone is around, but the large room outside the stall appears empty.

  My attention returns to my shower and I lather my new body with gel provided by a wall dispenser. When my hands touch my chest and upper back I gasp with the changes. My upper body is pure muscle. The smile creeps along my face as I imagine the new power this will bring to my old skills. I turn my head to try and see my wings but all I get is a glimpse of the tips as they roll over to cup my shoulders.

  The water cuts off and the hot air blasts me in all directions, making my long hair fly up and whip around my face. Several minutes later the door opens with a click and my hair falls flat as the wind ceases.

  I scan the room and count more than two dozen possible surveillance points, then step out and look down the long row of empty showers and start walking. At the end I find a small pile of clothes inside a cubby. One small square filled among hundreds that are empty.

  I take the clothes and walk over towards a flat piece of furniture that sits low to the ground. I've worn Tier's shirts back on Earth, so I know it goes over my head. I fuss with the bodice, noticing that the missing fingers on my left hand are still missing (oh well, one can hope) and then the remaining digits automatically track to the SEAR wound that runs the length of my jaw on the left side. I drag a fingertip down the raised line of scar tissue and allow my mind to jerk back to the memory.

  And then let it go.

  It is what it is.

  My attention returns to my girls, which need to be smashed down into the cups of the upper body garment. Tier's shirt never had cups and they feel heavier than I remember, so it's a struggle to get them to cooperate before sealing up the sides.

  In the end it fits like it was tailored specifically for me.

  The pants are made of the same black material as the top, synthetic, thick as light armor, and soft. They slip on easily up to my hips and it's only then that I notice my SEAR dock under my belly button is completely covered by skin. I touch it and the dock opens, revealing the small blue wand within.

  I admit, I have to hold back my revulsion.

  "Do not remove the weapon, Junco." The voice on the speaker is emotionless and direct.

  I completely ignore it and slip the SEAR knife into my hand. My thumb flicks over the small imperfection near the tapered end and it comes to life with a buzz. Another smile graces my face. I flick it off and dock it, then look up and find what may be the closest surveillance point. "You went through all this just to kill me in the waiting room? I don't think so. It's mine and I'll take it out whenever I want."

  I button my pants and move on to the socks and boots.

  This time I'm stumped. My feet are no longer feet and I stare at them in awe. Or maybe confusion, I'm not quite sure. Four toes and they are extraordinarily long. All point forward, but the two outer toes seem to have a mind of their own and can point sideways and almost backwards, if I wiggle them enough. I get up and walk around a little, looking down as I try out the new digits. They move and adjust as I change my pace. The talons clack on the hard tile and I imagine what it would feel like to clutch things. I wrangle them back into the forward position and tug on the socks and boots.

  When I'm finished a door opens and I walk through.

  The space is empty except for a mirror long enough to allow hundreds of avians to gawk at their new bodies at the same time. I stand there, stunned at what I see. I flex my back muscles and the wings respond. One stretches out to its full length and then retracts and folds, cupping back over my shoulder. I squeeze the muscles a little and I feel them collapse completely against my back. It makes me look human for a moment and I grin back at my reflection.

  My wings are not black. I get close to the mirror and try to see my back. They are a strange color – not white, not cream, not tan, not brown, not gray – a mottled mixture of all these hues. I squint at my eyes in the mirror, moving my head back and forth to get a clear look at them, expecting to see orange like Moju's or green like Tier's. But they haven't changed at all and a grunt of disgust leaks out of my mouth.

  "Well, that fucking sucks. Not only do I still have hazel eyes, but you fuckers gave me hazel wings too." I look up, but get no answer. Then I whisper under my breath, "That is so fucked up."

  I'm done looking, satisfied with the novelty of my new body, but the next door does not open. I think of how I should act so that I don't show weakness and decide on boredom. I lean my wings against the wall and then slide my back down until I'm sitting on the floor. I tilt my head back and close my eyes and my mother's voice is in my head. Patience and inertia are not the same thing.

  She's right after all. So I wait. And think about where Tier is. Hell, where I am for that matter. Are we in the Band? I'm not really even sure where the Band is, but Tier talked about it before we left Earth a few times. And then my thoughts slip back to Earth – to Selia. Did she get the message out? To Slag – what did he do after we left? To Moju. My hearts aches for him and I let a little frown cross my face before I catch it.

  This seems to be the magic signal that I am calm and ready to be rational, because the door opens and a man walks in.

  He doesn't look avian. For a moment I wonder if I ever left Earth. But I feel the weight of the wings and the lightness of the less-than-G gravity and let that go. It doesn't matter where I am – I am no longer human.

  He's not a friendly looking man with his height and muscular bulk, not to mention the down-turned mouth and intense stare. His suit is black, tailored, and screaming money. His hair is fair and this too is different. So far all the avians I've ever met had black hair. Except me of course. My hair is still the same ugly auburn brown. His complexion is fair as well and his smile as he approaches me, is forced.

  I look up at him for a moment, then get to my feet and wait.

  "I'm Lucan, Junco. Your new commander." His voice is deep and calm. Almost soothing.

  "You don't look like a commander," I say, raising my eyebrows at him. For one, he's not that old. Maybe early thirties. And for two, he's wearing a fucking suit. I don't get it.

  He gives me an indulgent smile, like I'm a toddler. "You've never seen an avian commander, so how would you know what one looks like?"

  I watch his deep blue eyes as he talks, find the power there and make myself behave. "You're right. It's a pleasure to meet you, Commander Lucan. Should I salute? Shake? You'll have to forgive me, I am almost one hundred percent ignorant of your culture."

  Another indulgent smile as he extends his hand. "We can do it your way, if you like."

  I take his hand and shake it politely. "I would not like, actually. I would prefer to know how I am expected to act."

  He retracts his hand. "We'll get to that in time. But for now I'd like to know how you came to be on my habitat when I gave a direct order to kill you two months ago."

  I smile. "Oh, that's easy," I say, still grinning up at him, "I was invited, of course."

  "Ah, yes, your invitation. Would you like to know where Tier is?"

  "Not especially, no."

  His brow furrows at my answer and I tuck down a smile. I can play too, buddy. Let's dance.

  "Well, Junco, that surprises me. I think he would very much like to know wh
ere you are."

  My stomach churns, but I shake my head. "No, I don't think so, Commander Lucan."

  "And why's that, Junco?"

  I shrug and turn my back to him and walk a few paces, testing out my wings and feeling my new talons move and be restrained inside my boot. God, no wonder Moju was barefoot. It's kind of annoying.

  "I'm nothing to him. He's nothing to me. Why would we care what the other is doing?" I turn back and wait. Patience is not inertia, Junco. "He brought me back because I can be used and I came because, well – I'm sure you probably realize why staying on Earth wasn't a real option for me."

  He smiles again. I don't. My face will crack if I have to keep up this fake shit much longer. He turns sideways towards the door and waves his arm, signaling for me to pass through ahead of him.

  I do and I am met by six avian guards with their plasma rifles pointed at my head. I listen to their footsteps and decide they are the same guys who just saw me naked and covered in goo not too long ago and shoot them a smile.

  They keep their aim true and ignore me.

  Lucan and I walk side by side down a long hallway wide enough to drive a few tanks through back on Earth. My gaze stays straight ahead and I do not gawk up or around, but instead listen to our footfalls echo as we travel. The guards match our pace and they surround me in a semi-circle, walking sideways to target me.

  I look at Lucan's face and he feels my gaze and directs his eyes down in expectation. "I think it's possible you've misjudged me, Commander. I'm just one small girl. Do you really think you need six heavily armed men plus yourself to control the situation? If so, you will seriously inflate my ego."

  He sighs and I know the charade is over. "Junco, we know exactly who you are, what you do, and what you're capable of – so you will excuse my enthusiasm for protection until we can all come together on the same page. I ordered you to keep that weapon of yours," he hesitates as he points to my stomach and I squint up at him, "sheathed. Yet you insisted on removing it."

  "Commander Lucan, that weapon is biologically attached to me. Taking it out and giving it a quick check was like wiggling my new toes. A simple reflex to make sure everything is working." I reach for it and the rifles emit an electric field so strong it pushes me backwards. "Cool it, guys. I'd be happy to hand it over if it makes you feel better."

  "Hands off, Junco. You will not use that weapon here, do you understand?" I don't meet his gaze and I don't agree to his terms, so he continues, "I would take it, but it cannot stay away from you for long, we tried while you were under. It was – not ideal."

  I shrug. "I lived without it for weeks on Earth."

  "This isn't Earth."

  Yeah, I think I'm getting that, thanks. "Well, you know, I can't help that the thing is attached to me. It wasn't like anyone asked if I wanted a biological weapon grafted onto my body, ya know."

  He stops in the hallway and waves the men off a bit. Without the echo of boots the only sounds are the environmental units pumping out conditioned air. The guards step back but the rifles are still on alert. "Junco, I'm not playing games. This sweet-talking you gave Tier will not work on me. So save your breath."

  I laugh out loud this time, I can't help it. He gives it a good shot, but he's unsure what to make of me and it shows. "Commander, I don't know who you've been talking to, but it certainly wasn't Tier if you think the reason I am alive and fucking up your habitat is because of my wily ways with men. Tier and I had no conversations about what he was and was not doing beyond a handful of words the very last time we talked."

  Lucan's composure is back and his lip curls up slightly as he speaks. "Is that so? Well, Tier must be mistaken then, because he said something quite different."

  I don't even miss a beat. "You're a liar. He never said anything other than what I just stated because that was the truth. And if you know so much about me, then you know that death carries very little meaning at the moment. You can try and kill me if you want – I don't give a shit. I have nothing to lose. You're no different than the assholes I left back on Earth and if you really want to know what I'm doing on your habitat, you better ask yourself. We both know I'm here because you want me for something."

  I watch the guard behind Lucan raise his eyebrows at me and smile, then redirect my eyes back to Lucan's face and wait for his reply.

  He turns and continues to walk and I catch up and walk by his side. We travel in the echo of our footsteps once again and then he stops at a door, palms his hand over the biometrics and it slides open. He waves me in and I step through, but he stays where he is.

  "Goodbye for now, Miss Coot." And then the door closes.

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  Acknowledgments

  A BIG thanks to my family for not badgering me when I didn't cook or clean for weeks. To Alex Tooth for creating Junco and the Clutch cover artwork. And special thanks my awesome editor, RJ Locksley. Her comment bubbles will forever be part of my writing process and I hope we work together for many years. :)

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