Love Hurts (Forever and Always #17)

by E. L. Todd

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I’m married.”

  “You’re still a girl, right?” He smiled.

  “But you don’t need to do that.”

  “Hey. I treat all women with respect. I’m not letting you pay for anything.”

  “Did we just go back in time…?”

  He laughed. “I think we’re still living in that time period.”

  “You know I’m, like, a billionaire, right?”

  “Your point?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Forget it.”

  “Let’s.”

  We left the restaurant then walked a few blocks to his car. He walked very close to me, being protective like always. Even though there weren’t very many people out and there were no characters, he still seemed intent on keeping his eye on me. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but whatever.

  We passed a newsstand and Cortland froze.

  “What?” I asked.

  He stared at the stand for a long time, saying nothing. The seriousness on his face made me wonder if he had stroke or something.

  “Cortland?”

  He ignored me. He grabbed a magazine off the rack then stared at the cover.

  “Cortland?”

  Nothing. I got nothing from him. He held the magazine in his hands and kept staring.

  I finally looked down, wondering what was so interesting.

  It was a picture of Monnique, wearing nothing but a bra that put her breasts on display. One strap was falling down, and a shirtless guy behind her was kissing her neck, his hand squeezing her stomach. It was a provocative cover, even for a racy magazine.

  Cortland rolled it up then squeezed. His knuckles turned white.

  I stepped back, realizing he was pissed.

  He ripped the magazine in half, and then ripped it into quarters. His bare hands somehow ripped through the inches of thick paper. That’s how pissed he was. The pieces scattered on the street, drifting in the wind.

  “Fuck her.”

  My eyes widened at his words.

  “I’m done with her.”

  It was like the conversation we just had never happened. “Cortland, she took this picture months ago. That’s not her anymore. Keep that in mind.”

  He turned to me, a look of menace on his face. “She actually let herself be photographed like this.” He tossed aside the remaining pieces in his hands. “How would you feel if Sean did that? You know, don’t even answer that. I know you would leave him.”

  Actually, I would. But I wasn’t going to say that. “Cortland, it’s in the past. You just said you fell in love with her all over again.”

  “It just reminds me of everything she did.” He gripped his skull. “This is permanent, Scar. This will never go away. The magazine owns these images. He can use them for the rest of time. She betrayed me. She went to parties and everyone thought I didn’t exist. She was a superficial bitch. She got so wasted she couldn’t tell her ass from her face.” He walked in a circle. “No. I’m not going back to her. I can try to forget what she did but I never will. I don’t trust her and I shouldn’t. I’m moving on from her, and this time, I’m really going to do it.”

  God, this was bad. I respected Cortland’s decision, but he seemed so happy just a second ago. He got so worked up over this picture. All the anger burst inside him and exploded. I wouldn’t defend Monnique unless I really thought she changed, and I honestly thought she had. Cortland did too. “Sleep on it and then call me tomorrow. We’ll get coffee and talk about this. You’re too upset right now.” He opened his wallet and paid for the magazine he just ripped apart. Then he bought another. “There’s nothing left to discuss. She can’t just take back what she did. She can’t act like everything is okay. It will never be okay. I’m sick of her shit. I’m sick of the hell she put me through. I deserve someone better.”

  I knew I wasn’t going to talk any sense into him.

  “You don’t think I do?” he asked incredulously. “You think I deserve to be treated like hit?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then you shouldn’t be on her side.”

  “All I know is, you love her and she loves you. If that’s how you both feel, you need to give it another chance. Isn’t that better than losing her altogether?”

  “I’m tired of being the committed and devoted one in this relationship. I’m always taking care of her. When is she going to take care of me? Every relationship I’ve ever had has been that way. I’m sick of it. I’m done.”

  I knew this was bad. Really bad. “Cortland—”

  “Save it.” He gave me a firm look. “Your advice and opinion is no longer needed. But thanks anyway.”

  I shut my mouth. He never yelled at me like that before.

  He walked to the car and opened the door for me. I was surprised he even did that.

  On the drive home, he didn’t say a word. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. The magazine lay in the backseat, the image of Monnique and the guy right in view. For the first time, I realized Monnique and Cortland really weren’t getting back together. They were over.

  9

  Flynn

  I was in a really shitty situation.

  My girlfriend was a flight risk. I knew if I pushed her too hard or scared her she’d take off. I knew she trusted me, but that trust only went so deep. The scars were further down, and as a result, they would take longer to remove. But I had to be careful.

  Should I tell her about Carly and Zahara? That was a lot for her to take in a single sitting. But if she found out some other way, she wouldn’t trust me and assume I was hiding something from her. There was a good chance she’d never figure anything out, but was I willing to risk it? And if I did tell her, she might be mad anyway.

  Ugh. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Everything alright?” she asked over dinner.

  I’d been quiet pretty much the entire time. “Yeah.”

  “How’d your meeting go with HBO? You never told me about it.” She drank her wine and watched me.

  “It got picked up.”

  She almost spit out her wine. “Seriously? Congratulations!” She left her chair and hugged me, a smile on her face. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks.” I loved it when she hugged me. I loved it when she touched me.

  She pulled away and looked at me. “Why aren’t you more excited?”

  For a very big reason. This was the moment of truth. Should I tell her? “Well…I don’t know how to say this.”

  She sat down and fear covered her face. “What’s wrong, Flynn?”

  “It’s not even worth mentioning, but I feel like you’re entitled to know. I just don’t want you to think I’m hiding anything.”

  “Okay…” She looked even more frightened.

  “The executive producer wanted to sleep with me. I said no, and then we talked about it some more. She said she didn’t care that I had a girlfriend so I told her I didn’t want to work with her anymore. After I said that, she came around and apologized.”

  Hazel said nothing. She just stared at me.

  “I didn’t do anything and I turned her down. Nothing is going on.” I felt flustered and scared. I knew Hazel was extremely distrusting of others, especially men. I knew I wasn’t an exception to that, only Cortland.

  “I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “I thought I should tell you before you found out some other way… I don’t want you to think I’m hiding anything.”

  She stood up then stepped away from the table.

  That wasn’t a good sign.

  “Are you going to see her again?”

  “Well, we work together…”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.

  “But I have no interest in her and I’m madly in love with you. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “The same woman who was in your apartment a few weeks ago?”

  “Yes.”

  Her eyes f
lashed in recognition.

  I knew Carly was pretty and that wasn’t helping me.

  “Are you going to see her a lot?”

  I shrugged. “The executive producers have more input than anyone else, even the director. Unfortunately, I will be seeing a lot of her.”

  She rubbed her arms in anxiety. “I don’t like that…”

  “I know,” I said gently. “But, nothing is going to happen. I promise.”

  “You wouldn’t like it if I worked with someone who was trying to sleep with me.”

  No, I wouldn’t. “I know…but this is something I really want.”

  “You’re going to be around a woman who’s constantly throwing herself at you?”

  “No,” I said firmly. “I told her she was harassing me and I refused to work with her if she continued to do it. She said she understood and apologized.”

  “But what does that mean, really?”

  “Baby, what are you saying?”

  “I…it makes me uncomfortable knowing you’re around her all the time.”

  “I know.” I had to tread carefully. “But nothing is going to happen. You can trust me.”

  “I do trust you. I don’t trust her…”

  “She’s not going to hold me down and rape me,” I spat. “I couldn’t get hard for her anyway. You’re the only woman I want.”

  She didn’t seem convinced. She started to pace the apartment. “I need a break…”

  God, she was taking off. “Wait.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t go.”

  “I just…want to be alone right now.” She headed to the door.

  I grabbed her arm. “Don’t leave. I don’t want you out and about at night. I’ll go.”

  “But this is your apartment.”

  I started to get mad. “It’s our apartment, Hazel.”

  “But…I’m the one with the problem.”

  “Then don’t let it be a problem. You either trust me or you don’t.”

  “I do. I—”

  “Then this shouldn’t be an issue.”

  “I didn’t think Kyle was going to cheat on me, but then he met Hannah at work and they fell in love right under my nose. How do I know that won’t happen with you?”

  “Because I love you—only you.”

  She shook her head and pulled away. “I need space.”

  Fuck. Now there was no way in hell I was telling her about Zahara. That would just be a disaster. “I’m going to go out for a drink then. I’ll be home in a few hours.”

  She looked torn.

  “Hazel, please stay here.”

  “I feel bad kicking you out.”

  “You aren’t kicking me out.” I grabbed my wallet “Think it over for a few hours and we’ll talk about it when I get home.”

  I went to the usual bar I went to with my friends. But I didn’t call them and ask them to meet me. I just wanted to be alone. I ordered a beer then sat at the bar, thinking about Hazel and her reaction.

  She was overreacting. If she were some other girl, I’d hit the road and forget about her. But I understood her unease. It was similar to what she already experienced. Hopefully, some time alone would help her calm down and think clearly. Her reaction was what I expected, but I didn’t suspect she’d want to leave the apartment. The last thing I wanted her to do was run to Cortland. I’m glad she had a friend who cared about her, but I was sick of her running to him about our relationship. It was she and I, not us and Cortland.

  “Why are you here alone?”

  I turned to see Zahara sit next to me. What the hell? “What are you doing here?” I blurted.

  “My monthly book club is held here,” she explained. She nodded to the table of girls across the room.

  I already knew that. I guess it slipped my mind. “Oh. Cool.” I drank my beer then looked straight ahead.

  “Is everything okay…?”

  “I just want to be alone right now.” That was my gentle way of telling her to leave me alone.

  “Can I help?”

  She never offered to help me with anything before. “No. I just wanted a beer and then I’ll head home.”

  She nodded but didn’t move from the barstool. “Having some trouble with Hazel?”

  How did she know her name? “Hazel?”

  “That’s her name, right?”

  “And you knew that how…?” Maybe my friends were right.

  “Oh.” She looked flustered, like I just discovered her darkest secret. “I just heard it from Sarah.”

  And I didn’t tell her either. I wonder if she asked Johnny and Ian when I wasn’t around. “She and I are fighting but we’ll be fine.”

  “Fighting about what?”

  What made her think she could ask me anything personal? “Are you seeing anyone?” Two can play that game.

  “No.” She didn’t seem offended by the question. “I haven’t been with anyone for awhile.”

  That backfired.

  “Is there something I can help you with?”

  I was getting irritated. “You and I have never been friends. Why are you talking to me now?”

  Her eyes widened in surprise at my bluntness. “I always thought we were friends, at least on my part…”

  “You’ve never shown any interest in my personal life, and now you’re acting as my relationship psychologist.”

  I could tell she was stung by my forwardness. “I still care about you, Flynn. I’m just trying to help.”

  I turned back to my beer and finished it. “I’d like to be alone, please.”

  She didn’t move. She stayed in her seat and rested her hands on the counter. I waited for her to walk away, to leave me in peace. I knew I was being a jerk, but my girlfriend was already upset about one woman wanting me, and now another one seemed to want to jump my bones. The fact she was my old girlfriend didn’t help.

  “I guess I’m not handling your relationship well…”

  I still didn’t look at her.

  “When you were just fooling around, I assumed you were still trying to get over our relationship. But now you’re actually living with this girl…I guess I’m not handling it well. It’s hard to see you with someone else, no matter how long we’ve been broken up. The fact you love her makes me…nauseous.”

  “I don’t know what to say…you wanted to break up.”

  “The distance was just too much.” She looked down at the counter. “I felt like we were pulling apart. I didn’t even know you anymore.”

  “You could have moved back. You didn’t need to stay in LA.”

  “I know…” She took a deep breath. “Now I’m starting to regret that.”

  “What are you saying?” I finally turned back to her. “You want to get back together? Me having a girlfriend really changed your mind that easily?”

  “I guess knowing you love someone else makes me realize you don’t love me.”

  I thought that was obvious.

  “And I guess I miss you…”

  Zahara had a special place in my heart because she was my first and only serious girlfriend. The years we spent together were something I treasured. She and I understood each other on an innate level. It took me years to finally get over her. But I wasn’t in that place anymore.

  “Maybe we could get coffee or something,” she whispered.

  “I have a girlfriend.”

  She shrugged. “Just as friends.”

  I shook my head. “She wouldn’t like that—even if it was platonic.”

  “Then don’t tell her.”

  I looked at her in surprise. “If I’m willing to meet with you in secret, what makes you think I won’t do the same to you?”

  She stared at me for a while. “Because you and I are different.”

  I shook my head and looked away. “I’m madly in love with Hazel. I don’t want anyone else but her.”

  Her breathing increased. I noticed in my peripheral vision. “Then why are you sitting in a bar drinking alone?”

 
“Every couple has their dark times. She just wanted her space.”

  “It doesn’t sound like she really loves you.”

  Now I was pissed. “It didn’t seem like you loved me when you called it quits.”

  She flinched at the insult. “Flynn, I’m just trying to help you.”

  “No. You don’t want me but you don’t want anyone else to have me. You’re trying to mess with my head. I suggest you drop this subject now because it ruins your memory. Because you still look pretty good in my mind.”

  “No,” she said immediately. “It’s not like that. I’ve felt this way for awhile. When I found out you had a girlfriend, I realized I was too late.”

  “Yes, you are too late.”

  She sighed. “Would you have taken me back if you weren’t with Hazel?”

  “There’s no way to know now.”

  “Flynn?” She pressed.

  “I don’t know. I may have gotten coffee with you, but that’s all I can say.”

  “If there’s any hope for us, don’t you think you should try?”

  “You want me to leave my girlfriend for you?” I asked incredulously. “Again, how do you know I won’t do the same to you? When I told you I loved her, I meant it. I don’t want anyone else but her. The only way we’re breaking up is if she breaks up with me.”

  Zahara finally fell silent. “I’m sorry…”

  “I think you should leave.”

  She said nothing. Her fingers rested on the countertop. She didn’t look at me or show any emotion. “For what its worth, I’m happy for you.”

  “I’m sure.” I finished my beer then tossed my money on the counter. “Do me a favor. Don’t talk to me again.” I walked out without looking back.

  When I came home, Hazel was sitting on the couch. The TV was off and she was staring out the window.

  Hazel turned to me when she realized I was home. I wasn’t sure how she would act or what she would say, but I suspected I’d be sleeping on the couch tonight.

  She jumped up then ran to me, her arms wrapping around my neck. “I’m sorry I acted like that…”

  I breathed a sigh of relief and returned her embrace. “It’s okay.”

  “I do trust you. I guess I just panicked…”

  I kissed her forehead. “I understand.”

  “I do trust you, Flynn. You can work with her if you want. I’m not worried.”