Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  He raises a brow at me curiously. “Where’s Cheryl?”

  Him knowing my mother’s name doesn’t shock me. After years of working with the events, Mom is on a first name basis with nearly everyone. “I’m her daughter, Rachel. Dad’s sick so she stayed home with him,” I respond politely, starting for the table.

  “I’ll make sure to check out your goodies,” he blurts making my face flush even more if possible. Jerking my eyes to his, I watch his lip curl in amusement at the man chuckling behind him. “I mean your food,” he clarifies.

  “Cool.” Nodding, I hurry back to the table where I bury my head in the cooler. Oh, my God. Is it possible to die of embarrassment? If so, call the coroner.

  “Should I leave when he comes to ‘sample your goodies’?”

  Pulling my head out of the cooler, I glare at my sister who is laughing her ass off at my expense. “You heard everything, didn’t you?” There is only one thing more embarrassing than falling on my ass and acting like an idiot in front of the hot guy who helps me up. That’s having my sister witness the whole damn thing! I will never live this down.

  “Oh, yeah,” she nods, waggling a brow. “I also saw him watching your ass the whole walk over here too.”

  Say that again?

  “You’re crazy. He was just messing with me.” I wave her off, flopping down into a chair. “Besides, I’m on a man-strike.”

  Kates eyes widen, her jaw dropping in shock. “Rachel,” she gasps, clutching her hand to her chest. “Not having regular dick induced orgasms is a fate that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy’s rabid dog.” I wince, as her voice gets louder. “Do you have any idea what affect something like not getting regular junk to the trunk can have on you?”

  “Kate,” I groan, holding up my hands. “Keep your voice down.”

  Ignoring me she paces the length of the table. “I sure as shit don’t. Because who would ever agree to find out? That’s a torture no woman should ever be submitted to. Don’t ever say terrible things like that again. Orgasms are our friend, Rachel.”

  “Yes, because every man can make ‘O’ happen,” I grumble sarcastically. Reaching out, she grips the table. Her jaw drops again, taking in what I just said.

  Yep, you got it, Kate. Tim was a definite ‘no O’.

  I blush at my outburst. Looking around, I meet his eyes again. My brown to his blue. Shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, he chuckles. Shit! I gasp clamping my hand over my mouth. Just as I begin to wonder if he heard our conversation, he winks at me, answering my unasked question.

  It turns out there is something more embarrassing than falling on my ass.

  With hungry customers lining up for food, I have no time to sit and dwell on my embarrassment. I am too busy to think about him, much. Okay, maybe it was easier not to think about him once he left the garage and went inside. While I fill orders, Kate makes change.

  Finally, when the auctioneer moves outside of the house, we get a break. Kate and I slump into the two empty chairs behind us to relax for a minute. “Hmm,” Kate says, looking around. “Where’s hot stuff? I haven’t seen him in a bit.” She gives me a knowing wink. “I bet he’d have no problem takin’ the train all the way to ‘O-ville’. Woo! Woo!”

  Just as I get ready to slap her stupid, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I can feel him watching us before I even see him. “I was going to introduce myself, but I’m kinda diggin’ the nicknames,” he says walking up to the table. Reaching out, he extends his hand to me. “I’m Ray Mitchell, I probably should’ve said that before.” Slipping my hand in his, I feel a jolt run up my arm, making me shiver.

  “Nice to meet you,” I reply, breathlessly and completely embarrassed.

  Kate jumps to her feet. “I’ll take trash duty outside for a bit. Ray, will you keep Rachel company for me?” Kate asks. Without waiting for an answer, she grabs a trash bag and is out the door so fast I can almost smell the rubber burning off of her sneakers.

  “She was in a hurry,” Ray says, sitting in the chair Kate just left.

  I blush, slumping deeper into my seat. “Yeah, she really loves rounding up that trash.”

  Ray laughs, the sound washes over me, making me shiver. His eyes run up and down my body, taking me in. “Oh,” he replies with a nod. “And here I thought she was tryin’ to help a guy out.”

  “I wouldn’t send her a thank you card yet. She usually has an ulterior motive,” I laugh. “Mostly, Kate’s main objective in life to embarrass me and insert her nosy self into my life. I’ve not been around much the last few years, which has her making up for lost time.”

  “Is that right?” he asks, leaning up in the chair. “You back home for good now, then?”

  “Yeah, at least for now,” I explain, attempting to keep my answer as vague as I can. “North Carolina wasn’t home.”

  Ray keeps the conversation going until it’s time to start cleaning up. He talks about being an only child, and about how his dad recently retired as Fire Chief. It is surprising how much I missed having just a normal conversation with another person, let alone a man. Much to my surprise, Ray has managed to keep a smile on my face for the rest of the auction, even though I manage to burn my hand on the metal tongs nearly every time I remove a hot dog from the rollers.

  Without the magical disappearing Kate back to help, Ray insists on giving me a hand with breaking down everything and packing the car when the auction ends with the selling of the house. “Thank you,” I tell him, sitting a crockpot on the roof of the car. “This would’ve taken forever to do alone.”

  Nodding, he hoists a cooler into the trunk. “Anytime, Rachel. How about you let me take you out sometime?”

  “Um—.”

  “She would love that, Ray!” Kate squeals, leaping out from the other side of the bushes.

  “Shit!” I shout, clutching my chest. “Kate, you crazy asshole. You just took ten years off my life!”

  She winks at me before producing a piece of paper from the back pocket of her jeans. Flashing me a smile, she holds out the slip of paper. “Here’s the address and phone number to the house. Tomorrow afternoon work for you?” I gape at her, wanting to disappear into the bushes she just flew out of.

  Ray nods. Stepping closer, he takes the paper from her outstretched fingers and smiles. The smell of his cologne has been making me crazy all night. I have been able to keep him at a distance for the most part. Now that he is this close, I think the smell of his cologne mixing with the heat radiating off his body is causing my brain to misfire.

  He pulls back and shoves Kate’s note into his pocket. Reaching out, he gives my arm a squeeze. His blue eyes meet mine, and the soft smile causes my breath to catch in my chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Rachel.”

  Releasing me just as quickly, he heads away from us. My heart flutters at the sound of my name on his lips. Which is dumb. Fluttering heart, misfiring brain. Am in middle school?

  “What the hell was that, Kate?” I ask, smacking her arm. I cannot believe she has put me in this position. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. No,” I say adamantly. “I know I’m not ready for this.” Closing my eyes, I silently beg the tears not to come. Lately, it seems all I do is fight back my emotions.

  Kate glances between me and the road. “I was trying to help a guy out. What’s the worst that could happen? The guy turns out to be a total loser and you don’t wanna go out with him again?” I blow out a breath, looking out the window. “People date; it’s normal in society, I promise. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. They go out, have a meal, carry on conversations and shit, sometimes they even have sex!” she announces in mock shock.

  Shaking my head, I finish shoving shit into the backseat. “That isn’t what I meant, Kate. One day? You couldn’t even give me one day.” Moving around the car, I climb inside and cross my arms over my chest.

  “Don’t you dare mourn your relationship with that motherfucker,” she grounds out. Sliding into the driver’s seat, she jabs
me in the arm with her finger. “You don’t grieve that kind of loss. You celebrate when you toss out the trash and move on.”

  Kate rambles on and on the entire ride home; however, I remain silent. It would do no good to inform my sister that what I am afraid of is that I will like Ray Mitchell. I might just like him too much. That the worst thing could be me pressing my lips to his and blowing all the brain cells out of my ears only to have him end up becoming just like Tim. Yep, that thought scares the hell out of me.

  “There’s a little flaw to your plan,” I inform her as she pulls into the driveway beside my car.

  Shutting off the engine, she eyes me suspiciously. “Oh?” she asks, arching a brow.

  “Yeah,” I laugh. “Chances are Ray won’t be so excited to get together for food, conversation, and a trip to ‘O-ville’ once he finds out about Alyssa. That little piece of info didn’t come up,” I add, climbing out of the car and leaving her in the driveway to unload everything herself.

  Chapter 3

  Stepping into the house, I immediately hear the babbling of my little girl. Those are the sounds I will never get tired of. She is the good that came from all the days of Tim’s yelling, and my constant tears. I could never regret meeting Tim because, in the end, that time gave me her. Rounding the corner, I stop by my parent’s bedroom door when I hear my Dad begin to speak.

  “You look just like your Momma. Grandpa loves you so much, Alyssa. Do you know that?” he coos to her, his voice cracking. “I’m going to miss everything, sweet girl. You won’t even remember me.”

  Walking into the room, I can’t stop the tears from slipping down my cheeks. “Daddy,” I choke out, sitting beside him on the bed.

  Clearing his throat, he wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. “You weren’t supposed to hear that, Rachel. I’m okay,” he assures me, though I think he is trying to convince himself just as much. “I just let it overwhelm me sometimes.”

  His attempt to convince me is useless. I refuse to buy this act of his, and I am not afraid to tell him that. “Why don’t I believe you?” I ask angrily, pushing from the bed. Taking Alyssa, I walk from the bedroom to put her down for the night. Secretly, I hope she will be reason enough to convince him to rethink this whole ‘easy out’ exit strategy. Settling in a chair I rock back and forth, humming softly to my little girl.

  When Alyssa first came home from the hospital, she all but refused to go to sleep without screaming for hours. I became desperate and was doing anything I could think of, those first few sleepless nights, in the hopes that something would help relax my upset baby girl. One night, I was about to beat my head against the wall when a song came on the radio: ‘Brown-Eyed Girl by Van Morrison’. There was something oddly familiar and calming about that song. I started singing along and the crying stopped! Ever since, all I have to do is sing the first verse or so and she falls fast asleep.

  “Your father sang the same song to you girls when you were babies,” Mom says from the doorway.

  “Huh,” I ask surprised. “I don’t remember hearing Dad sing.”

  “Oh yes.” Smiling fondly, she sits on the bed as I ease a soundly sleeping Alyssa in the crib. “He’d belt it out to you girls, swaying in the kitchen with you at all hours of the night. It was always the plan for him to dance with you to it at your wedding. Like we did at ours.” Clamping a hand over her mouth, the sob she is fighting back nearly escapes. Looking in her tear-filled eyes, I realize what a toll this has taken on her. The fact that I have been absent makes it all the more difficult. I was in the dark about his condition, but that doesn’t help ease the ache in my chest. If anything it makes me feel worse.

  All this time, I have been so far away, so disconnected from my family. It is so bittersweet. I just got him back and now I’m going to lose him all over again.

  I drop my ass to the mattress. Her arms surround me, the much needed comfort does nothing to soothe how I feel right now. “Mom, we can’t lose him. It hurts so much to even think about him not being here,” I sob as my heart hammers painfully in my chest.

  I think about all he is going to miss, every milestone a knife to my heart. Alyssa’s first steps, weddings, more grandchildren. The holidays will be so empty without his infectious laugh echoing off the walls. I give in to the emotions that surface, letting myself feel all that I have worked so hard to keep shoved back. The sadness is excruciating.

  Pulling back to look into my eyes, my Mom wipes the tears from my cheeks. “Baby, listen to me. There’s nothing we can do except be here. Your father has made his choice and I have to stand behind it no matter how much it hurts. He’s gotten more opinions than I can count. Now, I can only be strong for him. As his wife and partner, that is my job. My heart is shattering at the thought of losing him, Rachel. He’s my whole world. When he and I discussed it, the only thing he asked of me was not to dwell on the impending future. He wants me to make happy memories with him. If that’s the only think he asks of me, I’ll do it and so will you.”

  “Okay.” Nodding in agreement, I hug her again. “I’ll try.”

  “I’m glad we had this talk, sweetheart,” she says, meeting my eyes again. “Though, I came up here because I want to know about Tim.”

  “We’re done. It’s over,” I blurt, the words spewing out of me before I could think them through. “I’m not important to him anymore, maybe I never was. Who knows how he feels about Lys. When I told him I was leaving, he didn’t blink. He actually laughed at me. He hurt me, Mom. Not physically,” I defend when her eyes harden. “That I think I could have processed better, I feel like I would’ve seen that more clearly and left sooner. Instead, this was more gradual and he always made me feel as if I deserved it. I actually would defend his behavior and try to rationalize the way he treated me, even though I could feel it ripping my heart out. The scars are here,” I say putting a hand to my heart. “I guess I’m more afraid they may never heal completely. I’m worried that the nagging voice in my head, all those negative things he has said, will never go away.”

  “It will in time,” she soothes, brushing the hair out of my face. “I wish you would’ve said something sooner. I can’t imagine how it would feel for your father to withhold his affection.”

  “I lost me, Mom. That wasn’t fair to myself, or Alyssa. She deserves better than a closed off, angry father and an emotionally unstable, unhappy mother. I realized that I had to walk away from my dying relationship; not just for me, but for her, too.”

  “You’re going to be fine.” Smiling briefly at Alyssa, she stands. “See you in the morning.”

  “Goodnight Mom.”

  The next morning, leaving a still sleeping Alyssa in her crib, I wander downstairs hoping for coffee. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, my eyes wander into the front room. My mother takes great pride in making this room beautiful and keeping it that way. It took an act of Congress or piano practice to get in there on a normal day. Although, that doesn’t mean Kate and I didn’t sneak in there and jump on the couch every time Mom and Dad went out. It was our own act of rebellion.

  Making my way over to the piano, I lift the lid. I have not touched these ivory keys in years. Yet another thing I let Tim convince me to give up. He would say the hours I spent playing were a waste of good time, that I was capable of so much more. Little did I know, at the time, more meant cleaning his house, fixing his meals, and anything else he needed me to do. I let myself be talked into giving up everything I truly enjoyed because I was hell bent on making him happy and making it work between us. However, even though I want to lay all the blame on him, I am at fault too for allowing it to happen, for not stopping it sooner.

  Sliding my fingers along the keys, I say hello to my old friend. My feet slide to the pedals as if on their own when I sit on the bench. With every brush over the keys, it all comes back to me as if I never stopped. Letting go, I surrender to the sadness, the anger, and finally the release only music has ever given me. When I finish, I hear shuffling behind me. I jerk aroun
d and find my Dad standing in the entry way smiling at me.

  “Dad,” I exhale in relief, “you scared me.”

  “Still afraid of your mom catching you in here without permission, huh?”

  “Old habits die hard,” I nod, making him laugh.

  Standing to my feet, I walk into his outstretched arms. “It’s good to hear you play again, Rachel. Play something happy for your old man while I’ll make us some coffee.”

  Remembering what Mom said last night, I nod and head back to the piano. I continue to play for him until he sits beside me on the bench. Closing my eyes, I lean my head on his shoulder, but don’t stop playing. The keys and I become one as I flow seamlessly into another piece. I would play all day, every day, for him if it meant that I could freeze this moment.

  “Your sister says that Ray Mitchell asked you out last night,” he says calmly. Mentioning Ray’s name has me fumbling over the keys. Dad chuckles. “I take that as a yes.”

  “Yes,” I reply, shifting so that I can meet his eyes. “Dad!” I gasp looking at the mug in his hand. “If Mom catches you drinking coffee in here she will blow a gasket.” He winks at me. Taking another sip, he holds out another cup for me with his other hand. “Oh, hell no. Don’t you dare try to make me an accomplice to your crime. I’m not going down for a coffee conspiracy.”

  He laughs out loud. “Do you think I don’t know about you girls sneaking in here to jump on the couch? What about the time Kate danced on the coffee table?” he asks, arching a brow. “Your mom isn’t home. She said something about Alyssa needing this and that.”

  “All this time you knew?” I can feel the blush spread across my face. All those years Kate and I thought we were so smooth only to be busted by Dad.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, patting my shoulder. “I never told her. Now, back to this date.”

  “There isn’t going to be any date, Dad.”