Wild On My Mind

by Laurel Kerr

  When Bowie finished, he found Katie watching him with a penetrating expression. He really wished she’d stop doing that. In the last twenty-four hours, he’d been visually dissected more than a science experiment gone awry.

  “Do you have any questions about taking care of the cougars?” he asked her, hoping that he didn’t sound defensive.

  She shook her head. “Not about taking care of the cubs. You were very thorough…surprisingly thorough. You really know your stuff, don’t you?”

  Bowie shrugged, once again feeling slightly uncomfortable with her praise. “I get by.”

  “How did you become a director of a zoo?” Katie asked. “It’s not exactly how I pictured your life when we graduated from high school.”

  No, she’d probably imagined him behind bars. Everyone else had. Like father, like son.

  Hell, like mother, like son.

  Ironically—or maybe poetically—a criminal act had led him to working for Lou in the first place, but he didn’t relish telling Katie that story. She had already witnessed enough of his bad side without delving into his juvenile-delinquent behavior. But Bowie had never hidden his past. He had realized long ago that if he ever wanted to truly leave it behind, he couldn’t simply bury it. He had to confront it and hope like hell that he’d learned something.

  “I got my start here after I tagged the place.”

  “Tagged?” Katie asked in momentary confusion, and then her expression cleared. “You mean spray-painted it with graffiti?”

  He nodded. “I’d done stuff like that before. Been busted for it, but that was the first time as an adult.” He’d actually been caught by her father, but he didn’t think now was the time to reveal that. She might take it as a criticism that he didn’t intend. He’d broken the law, vandalized people’s property, including Lou’s, and her dad had just done his job.

  “Why’d you do it?” To his surprise, Katie didn’t sound particularly accusatory, just honestly befuddled.

  “Tag in general or the zoo in particular?”

  She shrugged. “Both, I guess. I mean, I never understood graffiti myself. Some of it is pretty artistic, true, and I can see painting a mural on an abandoned building. What I don’t get, though, is why anyone would want to vandalize someone else’s property.”

  Because they were a lost kid who was desperate to leave a lasting mark, for someone to pay attention.

  Bowie gave her the easiest, most direct answer. “I tagged the zoo the night after I found out Sawyer was pregnant.”

  Katie’s eyes grew wide, and he thought he might even have detected a glimmer of understanding. No matter, he’d succeeded in silencing her.

  “Sawyer broke up with me. Said I’d ruined her life.”

  It had been an ugly scene. Sawyer—a drama queen under normal circumstances—had vacillated between screaming and crying uncontrollably. She had wanted to abort the baby, but her parents had found the pregnancy test and threatened to cut her off if she terminated the pregnancy. At first, Bowie had just stood there, trying to absorb the fact that he was going to be a father. When Sawyer started hurling the contents of her purse at him, he’d finally snapped out of his stupor. He’d tried to comfort her, but his attempts had only escalated the situation.

  When Bowie had told Sawyer that he’d be there for her and the baby, she’d laughed at him—not hysterically, but cruelly. He’d heard that laugh countless times when Sawyer made fun of yet another classmate, but she’d never directed it at him. Then Sawyer asked just how a piece of homeless white trash like him could ever provide for her and a child.

  Since he’d been kicked out of his foster home only a week before on his eighteenth birthday, the words had stung. He had been camping out as he tried to find another job in addition to his part-time gig at a local burger joint.

  But Bowie didn’t want to reveal those particular details to Katie. Even all these years later, he couldn’t shake the shame of it all. So he opted to tell her the CliffsNotes version.

  “I lifted a can of spray paint from an open garage after Sawyer told me the news.” His ex-foster family’s, but he also wasn’t getting into that. “I passed the zoo, saw all the buildings, and well…all that rage had to come out somewhere.”

  “Did you break any windows or trash the place?” Katie asked.

  Bowie shook his head sharply, glad he could at least honestly deny that. “Naw, I never got into stuff like that. I always stopped at tagging.”

  It had been enough for him just to leave a mark.

  “So what happened next?”

  “I got caught. Hauled into the police station. For the first time, it freaked me out. I was eighteen, and I was going to be a father.” He’d felt as useless as Sawyer had accused him of being.

  “Did it scare you straight?” Katie asked.

  “I don’t know,” Bowie answered honestly. “I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t been for Lou. He told the police that he wanted to talk to me before he pressed charges. He was well regarded in the community, so they let him. And do you know what he did?”

  Katie shook her head.

  “He looked me in the eye, and he asked me why I did it. Not rhetorically. Not as an accusation, but as an honest question. No adult had ever done that before…given me the benefit of the doubt. So I told him everything. I don’t think I meant to, but once I started to explain, everything just sort of poured out.

  “Afterward, Lou sat silent for a while. Then he looked at me and asked point-blank whether or not I wanted to be a father. I thought for a bit and told him the truth…that I wanted to be, but that I didn’t know how. Then he gave me a choice. He’d said he’d drop the charges if I agreed to clean up the spray paint. If I did that well, he’d give me a full-time job.”

  “Lou sounds like a pretty amazing guy.”

  Bowie didn’t even try to stop the fond smile that curved his lips. “Yeah, and his late wife, Gretchen, was one terrific lady. They ended up giving me much more than a second chance. Without them, I might not have Abby today. Sawyer’s parents and Sawyer wanted to give Abby up for adoption in another state. Lou and Gretchen helped me find a lawyer, and they even footed the bill. They couldn’t have kids of their own, so they took me in and then Abby.”

  “What about your parents?” Katie asked.

  Obviously, she had never listened to school gossip. By the time he’d turned seventeen, Bowie had been a true orphan—not just a ward of the state. His mom had OD’d when he was fourteen, and his father was killed in a prison brawl at the state pen three years later. If Katie didn’t know, he didn’t feel like enlightening her. He’d always hated people’s reactions. They looked at him with pity, horror, or disgust.

  “Out of the picture,” Bowie said. Katie appeared to be mulling whether she should pepper him with another question, so he quickly asked one of his own.

  “So what about you, Underwood?” he asked. “What have you been up to these past ten years or so?”

  “I went away to college, then got a job designing packaging for a mulch plant in Minnesota. It was literally located in the middle of a forest. The nearest city was Duluth, but Minneapolis was two hours away.”

  Bowie had never been farther east than the Rockies or west of the Sierra Nevadas. Except for an occasional trip to pick up an animal for the zoo, he generally didn’t travel farther than fifty miles from Sagebrush Flats. He could tell from Katie’s voice that she hadn’t thought much of the location of her job, but he envied and admired her for leaving their dusty hometown behind for a while. Less than two hours outside a major city like Minneapolis didn’t sound half bad to him.

  “Why’d you come home?”

  “My father was shot in the chest,” Katie said as Bowie nodded sympathetically. Although she spoke the words easily enough, he could see the vestiges of fear and pain swimming in the brown depths of her eyes. Something turned a
nd squeezed inside him. He didn’t like seeing Red like this. Worried. Upset. He much preferred the woman who’d scaled the rock face to rescue cougar cubs, even if she’d been as mad as hell at him the whole time.

  “I’m sorry.” He had said those words to her before, but there really were no others.

  For a moment, tears glistened in Katie’s eyes, and Bowie had to fight the urge to gather her in his arms.

  “I am too. It’s been hard on all of us, but especially my mom. I think we’ll all feel better when his attacker is caught.”

  “I heard about the manhunt.”

  “Yeah, the state police are doing their best, but he’s still on the loose,” Katie said, and Bowie heard the worry in her voice.

  “You said yesterday that your dad was doing better?”

  “Yes, his physical therapist is really pleased with his progress. He’s also sleeping through the night now, and his bandages don’t need to be changed quite as often.”

  Bowie studied Katie with concern. She didn’t look exhausted, but maybe she hid it well. “Are you sure you’re up to taking care of the cubs? I’ll do the pig-kissing video if you’ll still agree not to charge me your full fee until we get more revenue.”

  She shook her head. “No. Dad’s doing well enough that Mom no longer needs me 24/7. I’ve never required much sleep, and I can do my design work while I’m here. It’ll be good for me to take care of something cute and cuddly.”

  Bowie studied her. Not many daughters would give up their jobs and move home to help their mom take care of their invalid father. Katie was, he realized, just a generally good person. Not for the first time today, he wished he’d realized that in high school. He would have done much better if he’d dated a stabilizing person like her rather than destructive Sawyer. But then Abby wouldn’t have been born, and he’d date a thousand Sawyers if it meant having his daughter in his life.

  “Are you planning on sticking around Sagebrush Flats?” Bowie asked. To his surprise, he found that her answer mattered to him, which was asinine. After what he’d done to her, she’d never consider dating him, even if he wasn’t on the brink of financial disaster.

  Katie shook her head. “I’m not sure. Right now, I’m trying to get as much freelance work as I can. Hopefully, after I build up my portfolio this summer, I can get a job in a big city if I want. LA. New York. The Bay Area would be nice. Housing costs are insane in San Francisco, but one of my best friends from college lives out there and would let me crash at his place. It’s a nice one, since he’s done really well as an IT security consultant.”

  Unbidden jealousy seared through Bowie. Before he could think better of it, he blurted out, “He?”

  He must have spoken more sharply than he’d intended, because Katie shot him a sidelong glance, not that he blamed her. He had absolutely no right or even reason to act jealous. He and Katie had just reconnected today, and they hadn’t been exactly on the best of terms twelve years ago. Plus, Bowie was fairly certain that he was on the short list of men that she would never, ever date—even if stranded on a desert island or if the fate of humanity rested on them procreating. In fact, he knew he would hear one of those lines if he even hinted about them meeting each other for a casual lunch.

  He decided the best way to fix his blunder was to change the subject. “Well, I’m glad you’re in town for the moment. Your marketing plan for the zoo sounds great, and I really do appreciate your volunteering.”

  Katie gave him a smile. This one was easy, without a barbed edge in sight. “At least I get some long-overdue payback out of it.”

  “Glad to be of service.”

  “Yeah… Well, I did check the website. Thanks for posting the pig-kissing announcement.”

  “Red river hog,” Bowie corrected with a grin of his own. “Daisy might get insulted. She’s very particular about these things.”

  Before he could say more, his mouth stretched open into a yawn. Although he tried to stop it, he didn’t quite succeed.

  “You look exhausted,” Katie said.

  Bowie started to shake his head, but another yawn caught him. Katie’s expression softened, and she motioned to the air mattress he’d set up in the room. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you if I run into any trouble with the cubs.”

  Bowie didn’t fight her. He hadn’t operated on this little sleep since Abby’s infancy. It didn’t help that the honey badger kept escaping his enclosure. Luckily, Abby had been able to capture the animal relatively quickly, since the stubborn creature actually listened to her. But Abby wasn’t always around to corral Fluffy, so even after barely sleeping for two nights in a row, Bowie had forced himself to finish digging the trench on the west side of the pen. He’d somehow managed to also find the energy to pour the concrete required to finish the project.

  At least with this round of sleepless nights, Bowie didn’t have the additional worry that Abby’s nighttime crying would eventually cause Lou and Gretchen to kick them out. Of course, now he realized that Lou and Gretchen never would have ordered or even asked him to leave, but back then, he’d assumed they’d treat him like his parents and foster parents had. He’d memorized each creaky floorboard so he’d make the minimal amount of noise possible while nervously pacing to lull Abby back to sleep. Eventually, he’d realized that Lou and Gretchen saw Abby as their grandchild and would never abandon her or—to his surprise—him.

  Now, though, the zoo’s precarious financial situation gave Bowie a whole different set of stressors. This time, he didn’t just have Abby and himself to take care of, but Lou and all the animals. He’d pull through for them. He had to.

  * * *

  Katie watched out of the corner of her eyes as Bowie finally crashed. She hadn’t exaggerated. He looked bone-weary. Between his drawn features and the presence of the air mattress in the room, she deduced he’d spent the last forty-eight hours caring for the cubs. She hadn’t thought she could ever feel anything but loathing for her high school nemesis, but she had to admit to a bit of grudging respect and sympathy.

  As much as she looked forward to repaying him for his old pranks, she didn’t want to torture the guy. The stunts she was planning might mildly embarrass him, but they wouldn’t scar—not like his had. And Bowie had always possessed a healthy self-confidence, even to the point of arrogance. She doubted that even the cruelest prank would faze him, and she planned on keeping hers lighthearted.

  Smiling, Katie hunkered down for the night. Booting up her computer and inserting her earbuds, she plunged into overhauling the website. The current one was barely navigable. There was no point in creating marketing material if no one could find it.

  The night passed quickly. She hooked up the cubs’ webcam just in time for their first feeding. Tonks woke up first, and Katie gently lifted the little girl from Sylvia. Bowie had built the cubs a den in the corner of the nursery. The handmade crate was raised slightly off the floor and had a mesh bottom that made cleaning easier and kept the cubs dry. Sylvia could get in and out as long as the door was open, and the whole contraption moved easily.

  With Sylvia helping to calm Fleur and Dobby, Katie managed to stick the nipple in Tonks’s mouth before she woke Bowie with her chirping. The cougar drank lustily, which Bowie had told her was a good sign. After Tonks had her fill, Katie carefully recorded the amount. It surprised her that Bowie and Lou still kept physical notes, but the zoo seemed behind on technology.

  Katie picked up Fleur next, and the tiny cub snuggled in to her. Midway through the bottle, Fleur started to fall back asleep, but Katie stroked the kit’s cheek with her finger, just as Bowie had instructed her. It worked, and Fleur began to suck greedily once more. Katie cuddled the cub against her shoulder for a little bit before placing her back on Sylvia and reaching for Dobby. The male cub ate happily. When she returned him to Sylvia, he yawned and fell promptly to sleep.

  With the cougars slumbering peacefully, Katie heade
d back to her computer to work on the website. When her computer monitor showed that four o’clock was approaching, she glanced over at Bowie. The man appeared haggard even in slumber, and she couldn’t bring herself to wake him.

  With a sigh, she tried to return her concentration to the website, but she found her eyes drifting back to Bowie. For five long years starting in middle school, she had imagined herself in love with him. In her mind, she had created a character just as vivid and as unreal as her old sketches of fairy-tale princes. Then he had systematically obliterated any heroic attributes that she’d ever ascribed to him.

  In the last two and a half years of high school, he’d become the cruel but beautiful villain. A modern Dracula. In the intervening years—when she’d thought of Bowie at all—she’d pictured him as a slick, womanizing con artist or a bookie. It wasn’t any surprise that the antagonists she had drawn through the years had always possessed gray eyes, black hair, or both.

  But Bowie wasn’t the cartoonish bad guy either. He’d not only chosen to raise his daughter, but had fought for custody. Bowie had not shared details, but she sensed an underlying thread of emotion in his voice that hinted at unspoken difficulties. Then, of course, he talked fondly of the elderly couple who had supported him and Abby. And she couldn’t deny the tender way that he handled the cubs.

  So who was Bowie Wilson?

  And what was with his reaction when she’d mentioned crashing at her friend Josh’s house in the Bay Area? If she didn’t know better, she would have thought Bowie was jealous. Years ago, she’d made the foolish miscalculation of thinking that he cared for her, and she’d suffered for it. Just as before, Katie was fabricating romantic signals that didn’t exist. As tired as the man was, he’d probably just zoned out and lost track of the conversation. There was probably no meaning behind his questioning tone when she’d talked about living with Josh.