Wild On My Mind

by Laurel Kerr

  “I can’t. Abby’s pretty upset.”

  * * *

  Thoughts of sex gone, Katie’s heart seemed to flip over in her chest. “Abby saw the video.”

  Bowie nodded. “She’s feeling betrayed. She…” His voice broke. This time, it took him a second to collect himself. “Katie, she wouldn’t even let me call her Abby Bear.”

  Once again, agony swamped Bowie’s voice. Katie’s heart wrenched at the pain he and his daughter must be feeling. Abby was smart enough to realize that Bowie and Sawyer had been Katie’s unnamed tormentors. Since Abby was bullied too, she would project herself into the situation as Katie. Worse, Katie doubted that Bowie had told his daughter much about his past, so the preteen would have no explanation for how her loving father could have acted so deplorably.

  “I’m so sorry, Bowie,” Katie said. “I know how hard this must be.”

  “She’s locked herself in her room,” he said as he turned to Katie. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I am going to fix this.”

  “I do. I’ll talk to her.”

  Relief swept over Bowie’s face for the second time that evening. “You will?”

  Katie nodded. “She’s just hurt right now, Bowie. She’s probably scared that we’re going to break up and that I’ll disappear from her life forever. Once I talk to her, she’ll come around. Everything is going to be fine, including us.”

  “Did I tell you that I love you?” Bowie asked.

  Katie smiled. “Many times, and we still need to mark the occasion, but first, let’s get this resolved.”

  He nodded, and they headed out to his truck. As Katie walked to the passenger side, she noticed the broken taillight. “Matt?”

  Bowie shook his head. “Mike. With his nightstick.”

  She whirled around. Destruction of property was more Matt’s thing. Mike was generally the calmer of the twins. “He didn’t arrest you on trumped-up charges, did he?”

  Bowie grinned. “No, but in retrospect, he probably just wanted to give your other brothers a chance to exact their revenge. He was the first, and he confused the hell out of me. I hadn’t seen the video yet.”

  Katie climbed into the truck, shaking her head. “The four of them will be the death of me.”

  Bowie shrugged. “Just be glad you’ve got ’em.”

  Thinking about his childhood, Katie conceded his point. As much as her brothers bugged her, she loved each of them deeply.

  She was trying to focus on that thought when she and Bowie heard a siren about ten minutes later. He sighed as he pulled over and placed the truck in park. “Round two.”

  There was not going to be a round two. Katie would see to that.

  Mike sauntered over, all male bravado. Katie was not amused or impressed. Her baby brother didn’t know it yet, but he was going to walk away from this encounter with a bit of his hide missing. Bowie might be okay with her siblings’ treatment of him, but she was not.

  “What did I tell you about the taillight and the decals?” Mike barked, clearly not spotting Katie.

  Before Bowie could speak, Katie leaned around him. “Michael Harris Underwood, you broke that taillight!”

  Mike looked surprised and not at all happy to see her in Bowie’s truck. “What are you doing with this creep after what he did?”

  “Don’t be an idiot. That was over ten years ago. Do you think I’d be with a guy who still acted that way? Stop insulting my intelligence.”

  Mike’s mouth set in a hard line. “He’s no good for you.”

  “Oh, for pity’s sake, he probably saved my life, and he got shot doing so,” Katie pointed out.

  Mike crossed his arms, but before he could speak, Katie did. “Mike, we don’t have time for this foolishness.”

  “Yeah, what’s the emergency?” Mike asked, clearly unimpressed.

  “Abby saw the video. Since she’s been teased herself, she didn’t take it well. She’s locked herself in her bedroom, and she’s very upset.”

  Mike’s entire demeanor changed. “Shit, I didn’t think of Abby. This has to be rough on her. That other girl in the video is her birth mother, right?”

  Katie nodded. “So, if you would excuse us, we’d like to get going.”

  Mike took a step back, but before he moved any further, he fixed Bowie with a death glare. “Hurt Katie again, and it won’t be a taillight that I smash.”

  “I’m not going to hurt her, Mike,” Bowie said. “I happen to love her.” With that, he put the truck into drive and pulled away, not even waiting for Mike’s reaction.

  Katie laughed. “You know, I think you’re going to handle my four brothers beautifully.”

  “You think they’ll get over this?”

  “Oh yes.” She nodded. “It might take time, but they’ll come around. They really do like you.”

  “What about your mom and dad?” Bowie asked.

  “I’ll probably have to tell my mom a little about your past, if you don’t mind. Once she knows your history, she’ll be fine. I have a feeling my dad knows some of it, and that’s the reason you’re not bleeding more. He’s worse than all four brothers combined. If you haven’t heard from him, then you’re good.”

  “That’s a relief,” Bowie said as they pulled into the driveway of the Victorian. When they entered the house, they stopped to see Lou first.

  “Abby?” Bowie asked when they entered the living room.

  “Still up in her room,” Lou said. “I told her that you were gone and dinner was ready, but she thought I was trying to trick her into speaking with you.”

  Bowie’s expression turned even grimmer. He was worried. Katie could tell. She wasn’t.

  He and Abby shared a strong bond, and this wasn’t going to break it. Without her running interference, Bowie and his daughter would have gone through a rough patch, but their relationship would have eventually healed.

  Katie walked over to Lou and bent to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Hey, Lou.”

  He smiled at her. “I knew you’d be level-headed about this nonsense. You and Bowie are good?”

  Katie nodded. “We’re more than good. We confessed that we love each other.”

  Lou straightened in his chair, clearly interested. “Is that so?”

  “Yep. It was on the phone yesterday,” Katie said.

  Lou swung a mock-accusing gaze toward Bowie. “You didn’t tell me.”

  Bowie held his hands up in surrender. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”

  Lou hrmphed, but Katie knew he was thrilled. He’d wanted Bowie and her together from the beginning.

  “Well,” she said, “I have a little girl upstairs who needs to be comforted.”

  “Should I come?” Bowie asked.

  Katie nodded. “Yes. This is between the three of us.”

  When she knocked on the door, she heard Abby’s watery voice. “Go. Away.”

  Bowie visibly flinched. Katie reached out and brushed his arm. Right now, she wanted to wring Sawyer’s neck. The woman had hurt her own daughter in an effort to attack Bowie and Katie.

  “Abby, honey,” Katie said. “It’s me.”

  “Katie?” Abby’s voice sounded surprised and more than a bit relieved.

  “Yep. Can you let me in?”

  The door flew open. An angry Abby stood before them. When she spotted Bowie, her scowl deepened. “What is he doing here?”

  Katie ignored the question. “Can we come in?”

  Abby crossed her arms and glared at her father. “You can. He cannot.”

  Bowie, to his credit, stayed silent.

  “Abby, how much do you know about your father’s childhood?” Katie asked.

  That caused Abby to drop her rebellious stance as a look of curiosity spread across her pixie features. Bowie shifted from one foot to th
e other, clearly agitated now.

  “Katie—” He began to warn, his voice deep.

  “Bowie, it’s important,” she said.

  “What’s important?” Abby asked, wide-eyed, her head swiveling back and forth between them.

  “It’s you or your parents.” Katie addressed Bowie.

  Understanding lit across his face. He clearly realized she meant that either he or Abby’s grandparents would be destroyed in his daughter’s eyes.

  “I’m not sure,” he said.

  “About what?” Abby asked.

  “Trust me, Bowie,” Katie said.

  His gaze held hers, and finally, he nodded. A rush of responsibility swept through Katie as it dawned on her that Bowie had just shared a parenting decision with her. She sucked in her breath as she prepared to talk to Abby.

  “What do you know about your grandparents?” Katie asked. “Your father’s parents?”

  “They died when Dad was a little older than me,” Abby said. “Then I guess Lou and Gretchen took care of him. Dad never talks about it.”

  That surprised Katie. It made sense that Bowie wanted to shield Abby from the fact that her grandparents were drug addicts and criminals. His foster-kid past, though, was different. It wasn’t a shameful family secret—just in Bowie’s case, a sad one.

  He clearly didn’t view it that way. The hurt from his childhood permeated deeper than Katie had realized. She didn’t know if he refrained from telling his daughter over a hidden fear of rejection or a desire to not seem vulnerable.

  * * *

  Bowie couldn’t miss Katie’s surprise that Abby didn’t know he’d been in foster care. He probably should have told Abby—maybe not when she was little, but she was mature enough now. But he hadn’t mentioned it. He supposed he worried that Abby would look at him differently. His daughter saw him as strong, competent, and capable of fixing any problem. He hated telling her that he’d once been the boy nobody wanted.

  “I was a foster kid,” Bowie said, his voice rough. “I didn’t meet Lou and Gretchen until right before you were born.”

  That grabbed Abby’s attention. For the first time since she’d opened the door, she looked fully at Bowie, her eyes not full of venom. “You were?”

  He nodded, and some of the mutiny left his daughter’s face. Katie seized the opportunity. “Abby, if you let us into your room, we can tell you the story.”

  Abby hesitated, but Bowie thought it was more a point of pride than anything. She stepped back and allowed them to enter. Abby plopped on the floor, and he and Katie followed suit.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Abby asked Bowie.

  He barely prevented a sigh. Was Katie’s plan going to backfire? It sounded as if Abby might feel even more betrayed, and it still felt odd to concede a major parenting decision to another person.

  But Katie loved Abby. Bowie didn’t doubt that for a moment. If he wanted to make Katie a permanent member of the family, he would have to learn to co-parent. Plus, he had no idea how to smooth this over with his daughter, and Katie seemed to understand Abby.

  “It’s not easy for your dad to tell,” Katie said, her voice soft, “but he didn’t have the best childhood.”

  A flare of concern replaced the recalcitrance on Abby’s face as she flashed him a questioning look. Bowie nodded in confirmation.

  “What does that mean?” Abby asked.

  “His parents were drug addicts.” Katie maintained a gentle tone, but Bowie forced himself not to wince at her otherwise blunt statement.

  “What?” Abby asked in disbelief. Her incredulity only grew when Katie briefly recounted a sanitized version of his parents’ deaths.

  When she finished, Abby studied him as closely as she did a particularly challenging section in one of her science books. Bowie could practically see her absorb and process the new information, arranging it in her mind. As his daughter reevaluated him, he waited, his heart pounding, striking a faster beat every second.

  “Did…” Abby paused, took a breath, and then asked in a tumble of words, “Did they hurt you?”

  Bowie went to shake his head, but he stopped himself. Abby needed the truth. “There wasn’t much physical abuse. They mostly ignored me.”

  Katie’s hand closed over Bowie’s knee, but she regarded his daughter. “They were unkind in other ways. The taunts that we faced from the kids at school… Bowie had to hear from his parents and then his foster parents.”

  Tears filled Abby’s eyes. “You did?”

  Bowie nodded. He’d never thought of it in quite those terms. It touched him that Katie had.

  Abby flew at him. Bowie caught his daughter in his arms as she slammed against him and buried her face in his chest. Relief flooding him, he enfolded her in an embrace. He knew this hug. Since Abby had begun to walk, she’d run to him whenever she needed comfort and love. The gesture was full of faith. She still trusted him to hold the world at bay.

  “I’m sorry, Dad,” Abby said.

  Bowie didn’t know if she meant for his childhood or her anger. It didn’t matter. “I am too, Abby Bear,” Bowie said.

  Abby pulled back slightly, her face wet with tears. “Why did you do it? Why did you treat Katie like that?”

  It was Katie who answered—or rather who responded with her own question. “Abby, when you were little, who told you when to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’?”

  Abby swiped at her face. Looking a little confused, she shifted slightly away from Bowie to face Katie. “Dad. Why?”

  Katie didn’t answer Abby’s question. “And who showed you how not to be a poor loser?”

  “Dad?” Abby asked, still befuddled.

  “And who taught you how to care for animals and show respect to Lou and Gretchen?”

  “Dad,” Abby said, her tone slightly annoyed now. Katie ignored that.

  “And when the kids picked on you at school, who comforted you?”

  “Dad,” Abby said. “Is there a reason you’re asking me all this? Dad’s the one who taught me everything.”

  “But who taught your dad?” Katie asked, her tone very light.

  That caused Abby to pause. She wrinkled her nose. Then her mouth formed an O as she finally realized Katie’s point. “He didn’t really have a mom or dad, did he?”

  “No,” Katie said, letting that sink in.

  “I didn’t know that,” Abby said sadly.

  Katie reached forward and brushed back a lock of Abby’s hair. “I didn’t know either, sweetheart, not until late this summer.”

  Abby turned toward Bowie. “Did you play pranks ’cause your parents were mean, and you didn’t know better?”

  Bowie sighed, wishing it were that simple. “I knew it was wrong, Abby.”

  “Then why did you do it?”

  “He was lonely,” Katie said before Bowie could answer. “When the kids made fun of him because of his parents, he didn’t have anyone to come home to like we did. He didn’t have a family. Then a popular girl at school liked him. He suddenly had friends. He was in the in crowd, but in order to stay in, he had to impress them by playing jokes on me.”

  “Oh,” said Abby.

  “That’s why I’ve told you not to bend to peer pressure,” Bowie said. “I did. I’ve regretted it ever since, even before Katie came back into my life. I don’t want you to live with that guilt, and more important, it’s not right.”

  Abby regarded him solemnly. “But nobody told you that.”

  Bowie shook his head. “No, Abby Bear, nobody told me that.”

  Katie touched Bowie’s arm and squeezed it gently. “Abby, you asked me what I was doing here with your father. I forgave him for what happened in high school. Yes, it was wrong. Yes, he never should have done it. Yes, what he did to me in the past was not inconsequential. But he was a kid, Abby, and he did stupid things and got in o
ver his head. No one was there to pull him back, but he managed that on his own. That shows your dad’s true character. How he raised you, the values he chose to instill in you, the way he cares for you—that shows who your dad is, not the foolish actions of a lonely boy. Everything you thought and believed about your father is true and is the real him.”

  Bowie couldn’t help it. He teared up. Honestly, if Abby hadn’t been in the room, he might have lost it. Emotions had slammed into him again and again like a relentless battering ram ever since Mike had first pulled him over. He felt pulverized. Katie’s words swept over his emotional wounds, bringing a cool, soothing relief but also a joy so sharp and powerful, it almost sliced him open anew.

  Katie really did forgive him. She understood his motivation, maybe even more than he did himself. She hadn’t just shoved his past mistakes into some small corner of her mind where the memories could unexpectedly burst forth and taint their relationship. She accepted his cruel tricks as part of his past, part of the ugliness of his childhood, and she still loved him. It was apparent in how she described him to his daughter.

  Lou and Gretchen had always supported Bowie, always praised him. It had taken a long time for Bowie to feel completely comfortable with that. Sometimes, Lou’s affection still surprised him, but he no longer doubted it.

  And Abby? Well, Abby had always loved him with the sweetness and completeness that only a child could manage.

  But Katie’s love…

  It undid him—and, at the same time, healed him.

  “I love you, Dad,” Abby said, squeezing him tightly, tears streaming freely down her face. He pressed her against him, unable to say more. If he tried to force anything through his larynx, he was afraid a sob would come out instead of words.

  Katie glanced back and forth between the two of them. They must have looked like a watery mess. She plastered on a bright smile and slapped her hands against her thighs. “You know, I think this calls for ice cream. That’s what my mom always gave us after a day like this. Bowie, do you have any in the freezer?”