Lost Without You

by Rachael Johns

  ‘Would you like some lunch?’ Rebecca said. ‘My shout.’

  Josie had almost forgotten they were sitting in the middle of a busy café and the last thing on her mind was her stomach. ‘Actually,’ she said, glancing at her watch, ‘I’ve got to go.’

  She made no excuse about where as she picked her bag up off the floor and stood.

  ‘Oh.’ Rebecca stumbled to her feet. ‘Okay. Well, thanks for meeting me. It was lovely to talk to you. I’ll let you know what my father says.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Josie said and then turned and fled before Rebecca could ask if they could see each other again.

  ‘How was it?’ Nik asked the moment she walked in the door. He was lounging on the couch, watching football.

  ‘Exhausting,’ she said as she kicked off her shoes and then flopped down beside him.

  He picked up the TV remote and muted the footy, which considering the Dockers were playing was a massive sacrifice. God, she loved him. ‘Good exhausting or bad exhausting?’ he asked.

  ‘Both.’ She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed deeply as he pulled her close against him.

  ‘You wanna talk about it?’

  ‘It was weird,’ she said. ‘When Rebecca first arrived it felt a bit like a job interview—hers not mine. She was nervous and I found myself trying to put her at ease, even while being a little irritated by her. Then, when she was talking, when she was telling me about getting pregnant and being forced to give me up, I kept forgetting that the baby she was talking about was me. Like logically I know she’s my mother but I just don’t feel anything for her.’

  ‘That’s understandable.’ Nik squeezed her hand. ‘You might share DNA but you only just met; real relationships take time.’

  ‘She asked me if I was okay. That’s what she wanted to know—and I said yes, when we both know I’ve been anything but okay lately. I think she needed me to tell her that to alleviate some of the guilt she’s carried all these years. But that’s not why I said yes, the real reason was because I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I didn’t want to tell her about our miscarriages and how I’ve come close to losing the plot this year.’ Josie swallowed to try and shift the emotion that was clogging her throat. ‘It would be like telling a stranger.’

  ‘Oh, Jose.’ Nik held her tighter. ‘That’s okay. You don’t have to tell her anything.’

  ‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘And although she says she won’t pressure me into getting to know each other better, I think deep down that’s what she wants, but I’m not sure I can give it to her. I know I could have looked for her myself, but she was the adult, she was the parent, and she didn’t come looking for me. At least Robbie wanted to.’

  ‘So you’re not going to see her again?’

  ‘I’ll have to, I’m going to be Paige’s chief bridesmaid remember? And that’s fine. It’s not like I hate her or anything.’ Even if she did, Josie would be civil for Paige’s sake. ‘Who knows, maybe in time, I’ll get to know her better, but right now, there’s other things I want to focus on.’

  ‘Like finding Robbie?’

  ‘Yes, that,’ she said, then pulled back a little so she could look at him properly. ‘But also you and me and our family.’

  His eyes widened in question.

  ‘If this whole thing has taught me anything, it’s that family is not about DNA—like you said—it’s about what’s in here.’ She grabbed his hand and pressed it against her heart. ‘I don’t feel any connection to my biological mother, but I’m glad I’ve found her, because maybe I didn’t think I needed to know about my beginnings, but maybe I actually did. For closure and reinforcement.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Whatever happens with Robbie and between me and Rebecca, Mum and Dad will always be my real parents—it’s love that matters. They were the ones who gave me that. And you and me? We have a lot of love to give, so I think we should look into adoption after all.’

  His mouth fell open. ‘What? Rather than IVF or any of the other possibilities?’ he asked in a disbelieving tone.

  She nodded. ‘I know it will be by no means an easy fix either, but I want to give someone love and a place to call home; someone who, without us, might not have the best chance in life. What do you say?’

  Nik’s look of shock turned into a grin. ‘I think you’re amazing, Josephine Mitreski. Let’s do it.’

  Paige

  ‘Our parents are going to kill us,’ Paige said as she and Sol stood in the entrance hall of a chapel waiting their turn to go inside. She was wearing her mother’s dress and Solomon looked sexy as all hell in a dashing charcoal suit, which they’d hired earlier that day. Vegas wasn’t called The Wedding Capital of the World for nothing. Not only had they been able to get their wedding licence from the Clark County Marriage License Bureau in a matter of minutes at eight o’clock the day they arrived but they’d easily hired a suit and had fallen in love with this cute little chapel a few hours later. Luckily, they’d had a vacancy that very afternoon.

  ‘They’ll get over it eventually.’ Sol didn’t sound the least bit remorseful as he grinned down at her and the truth was, neither was she. The last forty-eight hours since they’d decided to do this had been the most exciting of her life.

  She’d gone home Thursday night, told Sol that he was right—she had overreacted, it wasn’t her place to make decisions regarding his kidney—and begged his forgiveness.

  He’d pulled her into his arms, kissed her senseless, told her that the twenty-four hours in which she hadn’t been talking to him was the worst day of his life. It had given him time to think and he’d come to two conclusions.

  One, he couldn’t live without her and two, if his mum had sprung something like this on him he’d probably have been furious as well. It was easy to be pious when you weren’t actually the one in a situation and he’d apologised for not being as supportive as he should have been. He’d agreed that he didn’t want any secrets between himself and Paige and they’d had the best make-up sex in the history of make-up sex.

  But afterwards when she’d told him that she’d asked Josie to be her chief bridesmaid, Sol had hit her with a curly question. ‘I thought you’d already asked Karis? How’s she going to feel about being demoted?’

  And before Paige could consider this question, he’d thrown her with another. And another. ‘And what about your grandparents? Are they still invited to the wedding? And if they are, how will Josie feel about that? Does she want to meet them? Is your dad okay with Josie being in the wedding party? Is Rebecca? She and Josie haven’t even met properly yet, have they?’

  ‘Stop!’ She’d held up a hand and placed the other against her forehead to try and dull the roar his questions ignited. Why hadn’t she thought any of this through? Even without the kind of revelations that had occurred in her family the last couple of days, weddings were fraught with drama and there was nothing Paige hated more than drama. Right now the thought of her grandparents, her mum, her dad and Josie in the same room … Way too much drama.

  ‘Sorry,’ Sol had said sheepishly.

  ‘What do you think I should do then? I can’t un-ask Josie but I don’t want to hurt Karis either. And I know Jeanie and Grandad did a terrible thing but they’ve always been so supportive to me. It’ll break their hearts if we don’t invite them to the wedding.’

  She could tell from the expression on his face that he thought that’s exactly what they deserved, but it didn’t feel that straightforward.

  ‘Do you think we should postpone the wedding until after all this has blown over?’

  ‘No way. Absolutely not.’ He’d paused a moment as if deep in thought, then, ‘I think we should elope!’

  ‘What?’

  He’d grinned that beautiful smile that turned her knees weak and her head to mush every single time. ‘The actual wedding was never what mattered to me—it was marrying you and I don’t want all this Josie-stuff to overshadow that but I still want to marry you. Let’s go
to Vegas.’

  ‘What? When?’ She’d laughed, unsure if he was joking but the idea was growing on her by the second.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ he said. ‘If we can get plane tickets and time off work at such short notice.’

  ‘Are you serious?’

  He’d nodded. ‘I’ve never been more serious in my life. What do you say, Paige MacRitchie, will you come to Vegas with me and get hitched?’

  Thank goodness for the head on Sol’s shoulders—at that question Paige had been ready to grab their passports and jump on the next plane, but he did a little online research while she packed their bags. By the time their plane was taxi-ing out of Sydney airport the next morning, he’d booked a hotel, found out where to go to get their marriage licence, what documentation they required to do so and provided her with a shortlist of possible wedding venues. All she’d had to do was sneak into her parents’ house and steal the wedding dress. Thankfully her mother had gone to bed early and her father was so happy that she was going back to Sol that he hadn’t noticed her leaving with extra baggage.

  The plan was to be Mr and Mrs before anyone in Australia even noticed they were missing.

  So far, everything was going according to plan.

  A round of applause sounded from inside the actual chapel. Moments later the doors flew open and another bride and groom emerged, their faces jubilant.

  ‘Congratulations,’ Paige and Sol said in unison as the bride flashed her ring at them and the groom held up their wedding certificate proudly.

  ‘Best thing I’ve done in my life,’ he said, before pulling his new wife into a kiss.

  Paige and Solomon stepped aside to let the newlyweds and their entourage exit the chapel. When the small crowd had spilled out onto the streets, an employee held up his hand to them. ‘Five minutes and we’ll be ready for you guys.’

  ‘Okay, thanks,’ Sol said, before turning back to Paige. ‘Last chance to back out. Are you sure you want to do this?’

  ‘What kind of stupid question is that? I love you and I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.’

  He grinned proudly. ‘That goes without saying. But what I meant was, are you sure you want to go ahead doing this here without our family and friends to celebrate?’

  ‘Yes. A hundred and ten per cent. I didn’t drag this big stupid meringue dress halfway across the world and pay for all that excess baggage for the hell of it.’

  He laughed, then leant forward, captured her face between his lovely, big hands and kissed her hard.

  ‘I think you’re supposed to wait for after the ceremony to do that,’ she said, a little breathless, when they finally broke apart.

  ‘Sorry. Just practising,’ Sol said playfully. ‘And I thought you were crazy wanting to bring that dress with us, but I have to admit, now you’re standing in front of me wearing it, looking like the prettiest bride that ever there was, I’m quite glad you did.’

  ‘Me too,’ Paige said with a grin she wasn’t sure would ever be wiped away. After all the trouble she’d gone to finding this particular gown, it would have seemed wrong not to get married wearing it.

  And, this way, at least she would have a piece of her parents and her newly found sister with her when she said ‘I do’.

  Josie

  ‘Oh my God,’ Josie shrieked, almost dropping her phone as she stared at the screen.

  ‘What is it?’ Nik asked from beside her in the driver’s seat—they were on their way to Brenda’s house to film the missing persons segment with This Is Sydney and she’d been a basketful of nerves all morning. Suddenly that was forgotten.

  ‘Paige and Solomon got married!’

  ‘What?’ He sounded just as startled as she’d been. ‘Where? When?’

  She laughed and, as he slowed the car in front of a red light, angled her screen towards him. His eyes grew wide as he looked down at the photo of a bride and groom in front of the iconic ‘Welcome to Las Vegas’ sign and he started laughing too. ‘They eloped?’

  ‘Looks like. Oh my.’ Josie sighed at the sight of Paige in The Dress and her throat grew a little scratchy. ‘Doesn’t she look stunning?’

  The light changed to green and Nik turned his attention back to the road. ‘She looks good, but not as gorgeous as you did. What are her parents going to say?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Josie wondered if Rebecca had seen Paige and Sol’s announcement on Facebook yet. Posted less than twenty minutes ago, it already had over a hundred likes and comments, but she knew Paige’s mother was only a recent-comer to social media. ‘Not much anyone can say now. Good on them.’

  ‘Let’s hope she brings the dress back in one piece,’ he said with a chuckle.

  But Josie found she no longer cared as much as she once did. In fact, she wasn’t sure how she felt about the dress anymore or if she even wanted it back. She posted a quick congratulations on the photo and then popped her phone in her handbag as Nik parked on the street in front of Brenda’s house. Clara’s car was already there—she’d agreed to come along for moral support—and a silver car Josie guessed belonged to the TV crew had just pulled up behind her.

  ‘They’re early,’ she said as she hurried out of the car to greet them.

  ‘Morning, are you Josie?’ asked the tall and skinny but big-breasted woman who climbed out of the driver’s side. With a very dark fake tan and long jet-black hair, she looked like the Barbie’s best friend doll Josie had when she was little.

  ‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘You guys are from This Is Sydney?’

  ‘That’s right.’ Barbie’s best friend held out her hand and introduced herself as Haylee. ‘And this is Gayle, my brilliant cameraman.’

  Gayle too offered her hand and although her shake was strong and she had a much more casual look than Haylee, she was clearly not a man. It was probably a good thing the station hadn’t sent Paige’s dad.

  ‘And this is Hunter,’ Gayle gestured to the third person beside them. ‘He’s on sound.’

  ‘Hi, nice to meet you all,’ Josie said. ‘Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview. This is my husband, Nik.’

  ‘Need any help carrying anything?’ he asked.

  ‘No, these guys have done this a million times. Shall we go inside? Is the missing man’s mother ready?’ Haylee waved her hand as if she wanted to get this show on the road as Gayle and Hunter retrieved their equipment.

  They were greeted by Brenda and Clara at the front door. Brenda had on a full face of make-up and what was clearly her best pink dress, but looked even more nervous than Josie felt. More introductions were made and then discussions were had about the best spot to film for both lighting and aesthetics.

  In the end, it was decided that Josie and Brenda would sit next to each other on the couch, Haylee would sit on a dining chair angled slightly next to them and Gayle would film from the corner. The trio seemed to know what they were doing and Josie just wanted to get this done—the sooner it was recorded and on air, the sooner someone would hopefully come forward with information.

  While Gayle and Hunter set up, testing angles, lighting and acoustics, Nik watched on in fascination, Clara made tea for anyone who wanted it and Haylee got a little bit more background from Brenda and Josie, ready for the actual interview. Her legs crossed, she asked questions and took a few notes on an iPad with a stylus. Josie made the mistake of mentioning how the wedding dress had linked them and Haylee seemed more interested in this than Robbie missing.

  ‘That would make a really good story in itself,’ she said, chomping down on the end of her stylus.

  Thankfully Gayle chose that moment to interrupt. ‘Didn’t you say there was a collection of LPs you wanted to feature in the shots?’

  The question was directed at Haylee but Josie nodded. ‘Yes, I talked about that on the phone, your producer liked that idea.’

  ‘Yes,’ Haylee confirmed. ‘The personal angle is always best so as well as showing the relationship grandmother and granddaughter have formed, it’d be good for you to
tell us a little bit about your passion for music. We definitely want to mention how you were a fan of your father’s band—what was it called again? One Road?—long before you knew your connection.’

  ‘One Track Mind,’ Josie corrected, anticipation pumping through her veins as she got up to retrieve one box of Robbie’s collection. ‘Where do you want to put them?’

  While Gayle and Haylee argued about positioning and Hunter stood back as if knowing not to get involved, Josie shared a hopeful smile with Brenda. As annoying as Haylee was, she might just be their secret weapon in the hunt to find Robbie. Best case scenario Robbie saw himself on TV, realised how much they cared and came out of hiding, if that’s indeed where he was.

  ‘Right, I think I’m all set,’ Gayle said.

  ‘Fabulous. Seats please, ladies.’ Haylee fluffed her hair a little and reapplied her bright red lipstick as Josie and Brenda took to the couch.

  Josie took hold of her grandmother’s hand but just as the camera started rolling the doorbell rang.

  ‘Who the hell is that?’ Haylee snapped. ‘Somebody, get rid of them.’

  ‘I’ll go,’ Clara volunteered, stepping out of the room into the hallway.

  Voices sounded and they waited to start the filming again until Clara had sent whoever it was on their way, but she returned a few moments later with two policemen in tow instead. Josie’s scalp prickled at the matching grave expressions on their faces and while she knew instantly what they were here to say, she didn’t want to believe it to be true. She tightened her grip on her grandmother’s hand and shuffled closer.

  ‘These two policemen need to talk to Brenda,’ Clara said, then looked from Gayle to Haylee and Hunter. ‘Would you mind waiting in the kitchen?’