"Qualkhoikhom insurtat vey. Jusgesi Aticamae aliehu. Phan iti me. Qualkhoikhom insurat Ashna. Qualkhoikhom insurat Jezna. Jezna et Ashna monte de veii. . .."
"He is possessed!" Ronald went white at the realization. He dug his knee into Ashley's stomach, trying to keep her from wriggling off the bed. "Doris, we need to send him back! Lock him up! He's evil!"
"Ronald!" Doris fought to pull him off her daughter. She grabbed his face, clawing at his ear. "Stop it! You're choking her! She can't breathe! You're killing her!"
Ronald batted Doris's hand away. In the process, he accidently hit her in the face. She stumbled backwards and fell to the floor, clutching her pregnant belly.
Kayla screamed. "Mom! The baby!"
Ronald let go of Ashley, jumped off the bed, and squatted over his fiancé.
"Oh my God baby! I'm so sorry!" He reached his hand out to help Doris to her feet. "Your son is trying to kill Kayla! He's tearing us apart! He's been taken by the devil! Look at what he's done! My pastor - maybe he could -"
"Get out!" Doris shrieked. She pushed his hand away, "Get out of my house!"
Ashley continued to chant, now catatonic.
"Yet gheti Qualkhoikhom. Oftui Qualkhoikhom. Qualkhoikhom insurtat vey! Jusgesi Aticamae aliehu! Akamaz Phan iti me!"
"Baby, he's - the cat - the water -!" Ronald spluttered. "Listen to him! He's possessed. We need to get him exorcised and out of this house! The baby - he could -"
"Get out!" Doris slowly climbed to her feet, "GET OUT!"
Ashley began to gag, convulsing as another seizure rocked her body.
Doris rushed over to her. She glanced at Ronald over her shoulder, eyes ablaze. "Get out of my house now, or I will call the police!"
Ronald clenched his fists. He backed away and shuffled downstairs.
Doris bent over Ashley and forcefully opened her mouth, grabbing her tongue so she couldn't swallow it. She cradled her head and crumbled up her meds, feeding the powder to Ashley like she was a baby.
Slowly, Ashley stopped shaking. Her breathing settled out to an even rhythm.
Kayla balled up on the wet floor by her bed. She cringed as Ronald slammed the front door.
"Kayla." Doris turned to her. "Help me pick up your sister and take her to my bed. She can't lay here. Her bed is soaked. She's shivering."
"No, mom. She's. . .I'm scared." Kayla started to cry again. "I don't want to touch her. She's a witch. She put a spell on me! I swear!"
Doris grabbed Kayla's hand and forcibly placed it onto Ashley's shoulder.
"I can't pick her up alone. You ARE going to help me!" Doris ordered. "You don't have a choice. Pick her up. Now!"
Doris and Kayla slowly dragged Ashley out of bed. Ashley didn't move. She was completely rigid. The two were easily able to prop her up and carry her down the hallway. She weighed almost nothing.
"She's so frail. She - she must have stopped eating." Doris sadly shook her head. She held Ashley's shoulders while Kayla secured her feet.
The two clumsily stumbled their way into the master bedroom.
While Doris stayed with Ashley for the rest of the night, Kayla curled up on the downstairs couch, trembling until morning.
7.
-Khootol-
(Sorrow)
Doris and her daughters stayed home the next day. Ashley's neck and chest were bruised from Ronald choking her. She looked like a skeleton with sunken-in eyes. She spent the day watching TV on the downstairs couch, deep in a daze that Doris couldn't snap her out of.
Kayla spent most of the day upstairs with her mother, drying out the bedroom. They took both mattresses into the garage to air-dry and towel-dried every inch of the carpet. They tried using blow dryers too, but the room remained damp and smelled like the ocean. The patches of the bedroom that did dry out were covered in a thin crust of salt.
Ashley and Kayla didn't talk. Kayla was too terrified of Ashley, and Ashley was lost in her misery. She could feel khootols crawling across her face and into her eyes.
Khootols were Ashley's totem Ide. If she didn't make an effort to suppress her daily depression, they'd erupt like an acne outbreak, causing her skin to wrinkle and sag, until her face looked like a skull. She was too weak to do anything about them now, and too miserable. She had ruined her bedroom. She had ruined her relationship with Kayla. She had ruined her mother's engagement.
She had ruined everything.
Ashley heard Doris on the phone and tried to eavesdrop on her conversation. She muted the TV and listened intently for any mention of her name.
Doris was talking with Ronald. Ashley could tell he was apologizing to her, just by her answers and tone. It seemed like she was trying not to forgive him, but was failing. She heard Doris laugh and then go hush. Ronald's deep voice crackled audibly every now and then, making her grit her teeth each time.
The thought of them making up, and Ronald moving back in, intensified Ashley's misery until her face was teeming like a beehive.
That night, Kayla shared Doris's bed for the first time since she was two. Ashley refused to move from the downstairs couch. She watched every light on the neighborhood block flick off, one-by-one. She was too afraid to go to sleep, worried she'd take the whole house with her during her next shift, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. She cried throughout the night, watching the clock slowly tick by into the wee hours of the morning. Anytime her eyelids began to close, she'd pinch herself awake.
At dawn, Ashley made herself a pot of instant coffee and guzzled it. By the time her mother woke up, she was an anxious, frenzied ball of energy from the mega-dose of caffeine.
Despite the lack of sleep, Ashley decided to go to school that day. She desperately wanted to get out of the house to distract herself from her depression. She wore the outfit that Lucy had picked out for her - the same outfit she'd worn to Bobby's party. It was the only clothing she felt comfortable in, and, conveniently, the turtleneck hid her bruises.
Kayla stayed home, still too shaken to go to school. Doris couldn't miss another day of work, so she dropped Ashley off on her way in, hesitant to leave her alone, even at the bus stop.
Ashley didn't see Lucy in English class. She wasn't at school, and Ashley didn't know why. Lucy was the main reason she'd gone in. She wanted to talk to a friend, and unload, and Lucy was the only friend she had.
Without Lucy, Ashley spent class daydreaming, trapped inside of her head. Anytime she emerged into the outside word, she could feel the stares of every other student bore into her. They could see right through her crude attempts at femininity. She knew it. They all knew what she really was - what she tried so hard to hide.
When Ashley walked to the cafeteria for lunch, she heard people whispering in the hallway. Upperclassmen turned their heads, studying her, examining every facet of her body for the one little telltale sign that she was really a boy pretending to be a girl.
Ashley wanted to scream at them to look away. She wanted to claw their eyes out so no one could see her. She skipped lunch and spent the rest of the school day hiding in the girl's bathroom.
Near the end of the day, Ashley finally emerged from her stall to get a sip of water from the sink. As she did, she caught a brief glimpse of her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her face was still crawling with khootol mites, little dime-sized ticks. Their tiny pincers pricked her skin, making it pink and puffy.
Ashley clawed at the mites, scratching her eyelids as she futilely tried to pick them off. Her face turned red and began to bleed. Her fingernails scoured her skin off, but the mites remained unaffected.
After school, Ashley took the bus home and plopped down on the couch. Doris came to her and almost force fed her dinner. She still refused to eat a bite. She didn't speak. She didn't move. Doris broke down and pleaded with her not to become anorexic.
That night, Ashley, again, tried to stay awake. She made a horrible, insomnia-inducing concoction by mixing Coca-Cola, Ronald's left over energy drinks, and several cups of coffee. She nearly fainted
from the resulting crash, but kept herself conscious by mumbling to herself while pacing around the house in an endless circle.
At around three A.M. she caught herself dozing on the couch. She shook herself awake and tried to stand up, but was too weak. She hadn't eaten in days. Exhausted, she collapsed, and began to nod off.
A loud noise soon roused Ashley from sleep. She turned and looked towards the front door of the house. What she saw was indescribable.
The entire lower floor of the house seemed to be caving in on itself, forming a small, glowing singularity. Out of this single point of light emerged a tall, horned shape.
Ashley stared at the shape, trying to figure out what it was. Her bleary eyes made everything look fuzzy.
The shape appeared to be a vaguely anthropomorphic creature. It had a ram's head with two curled horns, a man's torso, reptilian arms, backward, bird-like legs, and cloven hooves. A tall, lanky chimera whose appearance seemed to constantly shift - ever changing.
Ashley was mesmerized. She'd never seen anything like it. She reached her hand out to touch the creature, to see if it was real, or if it was just a hunger or insomnia-induced hallucination.
"You," the creature began, pointing a single finger at Ashley. Its voice sounded like a snake's hiss, wind over dry grass, rustling. "You are the last one. The true one."
Ashley rubbed her eyes. She had a throbbing headache and thought she might pass out.
"What are you?"
"I am creation." The creature came closer. It towered over the couch, seven feet tall. "I am the creator."
Ashley licked her bone-dry lips. "Are you. . .Qualkhoikhom?"
The creature pressed a cold, scaly hand to Ashley's mouth.
She went white from terror.
"Never say that name," it cackled. "That is a dangerous name. That is a name of which you do not speak."
Ashley pulled away from the creature's hand, still quivering.
"Wha - what's your name?"
"I do not have a name." The creature's body seemed to constantly decay and regenerate, as if Ashley was watching it in time-lapse. "But when He created me; He called me Phan."
"Why are you here?"
Phan took a step forward and ran its sharp fingernail across Ashley's jaw line. "So beautiful. A perfect reflection. Like looking back - back to the very beginning. Yes. You are the one. The last one. The true one."
"What do you want from me?"
"You are my release. For eons I have waited for you to return, Jezna. Now you have been reborn. The end of an eternity of waiting."
Ashley shook her head. "My name is Ashna."
"You're all given different names, but you are Jezna. She and you are one." Phan lowered its head down to Ashley. Its goat eyes were dark and pupil-less. Its breath smelled like honey. "I can sense it in your eyes. Infinite eyes like the infinite sea. Sama. An echo from the beginning of time."
"What are you?"
"I am Phan. He created me to care for you. After you died, He cursed me with madness and burdened me with ten thousand tasks. Now you have returned to me. Now I shall finish them. All of them."
"Why are you here?"
"To grant your wish. He tasked me to grant you one wish." Phan slowly expanded its long, wing-like arms. They filled up half of the living room, "What do you desire? What do you wish for, Ashna?"
"I - I want to be normal," Ashley peeped. The words rolled off her tongue without her even having to think about them. "I want to be normal. And - and I want to be a girl. A real girl."
"Silly wishes," Phan hissed, shaking its ram's head. Its horns seemed to curl around its ears further. "All others are normal and the same. You are the only one of your kind. The only one that matters."
"I'm the only what?"
"The only true beginning and the only final end."
"What does that mean?" Ashley bit her lip. In her heart, she felt she already knew. "You - you mean I'm the final conduit of Qualkhoikhom?"
Phan snapped it claw-hand over Ashley's mouth. She made a muffled scream.
"Do not say that name! Never say that name!"
"I'm sorry." Ashley pulled away. "Wha - why do I shift? Why do I see bugs that no one else does? How do I know their names? Can - can you help me? Please help me!"
"Only the final conduit can see each of the Nine Ides." Phan opened its mouth and gnashed its blunt teeth together, chewing the air with a clicking noise. "The khlathu devours all others. The khlathu devours all - all but one."
"What are they?" Ashley finally stood up from the couch, cautiously approaching Phan. "I don't want to see them! I want to be normal! I don't want to see those things. I don't want to be a conduit!"
"You want control." Phan nodded to itself. It then gave Ashley a stomach-churning smile. "That is your wish. To control where you go and where you return. You wish to choose what you see and what you do not see. That is what you desire. That is what you wish for. Isn't it?"
"Ya. . .yes." A chill ran down Ashley's spine. "You can do that? Will you do that?"
"I can do anything," Phan brooded. "I am creation."
Ashley closed her eyes and walked up to Phan. It was at least two feet taller than her. She peered up at its chin and held out her hand, waiting for it to do something.
"Okay. . .I'm ready. Do it."
Phan waved its clawish finger in her face. "With every wish comes a price."
"What do you want?"
"He tasked me to get your kiss. By your own free will."
Ashley shuddered.
Phan knelt down on its backwards knees and Ashley timidly leaned forward and pressed her lips against its snout.
When their lips touched, Phan opened its mouth with a shriek, and Ashley fainted, falling to the floor, unconscious.
8.
-Chatnuslan-
(Ecstasy)
"Ashley?"
Ashley heard her name echo in a dream. She opened her eyes. Doris was huddled over her.
Doris looked distressed. Khootols scurried across her cheeks. She wasn't wearing any makeup and looked much older than usual.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." Ashley glanced at the curtains and could see the sun burning through them, high in the sky. It was well past noon. "You - did you miss work?"
"It's Saturday." Doris helped her off the couch. "Come into the kitchen. I want you to eat something. Promise me you'll eat something. You're starving yourself again."
"Okay."
Ashley followed her over to the kitchen table and took a seat. An egg was frying on the stove. She heard it crackle and could smell burned butter.
"Where's Kayla?"
"Visiting that boy, David." Doris put a bowl of cornflakes in front of Ashley and slowly filled it with milk. She then fluttered away and flipped the egg in the pan. "Your friend called to ask if you were okay. Lucy. She has a cold. She asked if you wanted to visit her sometime and left her number and address."
Lucy called?
Ashley's eyes lit up, momentarily giddy. She grabbed her spoon and stared down at her cereal. It was crawling with hairy, green worms. They writhed in the milk, defiling it. She stared deeply at the creatures, examining their bodies with a revolted scowl. When she concentrated, they disappeared.
Shocked, she dropped her spoon. It clanked on the table top.
"What's wrong?" Doris glanced over her shoulder.
Ashley stared intently at her mother's face. The khootols faded into nothingness.
It worked. My wish. . . It - it worked!
"Nothing. I - I'm fine." Ashley began to shove spoonful after spoonful of cereal into her mouth. It was the first thing she'd eaten in years that wasn't crawling with some type of horrible insect. She talked with her mouth full. Milk dribbled out. "Fanks maom. Is seely good."
"It's just cereal, honey. . . "
Doris plated the egg and cut open a grapefruit, placing both in front of Ashley. She then sat down across from her, grinning as she watched her daughter eat an entire meal for the
first time since she'd come home.
"Please don't starve yourself again. It will make your condition worse. I thought they cured you of this in the Center. You're so thin already. You don't need to lose weight. You're beautiful, honey. You're killing yourself."
Ashley nodded, devouring the egg. The yolk spread across her plate like liquid silk. She spooned it up and mixed it into her cereal, watching it swirl into the milk.
The Book of the Nine Ides Page 7
