Love's Lost Embrace

by ChaShiree M.

  “Start with what I don’t know about your business.” Oh, that’s easy.

  “Well we own 30 shops across 20 different states.”

  “30? I had no idea your business was so vast.”

  “Ours, baby. Our business. You are going to be my wife as soon as I can get you down the aisle. You and TJ are the heart and soul of the birth of this business. What’s mine is yours baby. You understand?”

  “Yes Trim. I understand. So, I take it that money is not an issue for you...erm...us then?”

  “As of last month, when TJ and I spent that day together taking care of my affairs, we are worth 285 million dollars.”

  “Whaaat? This is a joke, right? I mean. I am sure you are well off what with 30 shops and all but……. holy……”

  “Well baby, I had your name added to all of my accounts and you and TJ are my sole beneficiaries with an amount set aside for Aunt Lei and Lansing.”

  “Trim…...I can’t…..I don’t…..”

  “Breath baby. It’s ok. Money is simply a means to an end baby. A way for me to take care of you and our children. No freaking out. It’s just money.”

  She was shaking in my arms and though I am proud of all I have amassed, I don’t ever want her to feel some type of way about it. Her breathing begins to get uneven and rushed. It is then that I realize she is in the throes of a panic attack.

  “Love look at me. I am the same person I was last night before you knew this. Have you somehow changed your mind knowing what you now know?” Though jerkily done, I can see her head shake slightly.

  “Do you love me less? Do you think somehow this will change me?”

  “No... It’s not that...I just…. I guess...just...shock.”

  I wrap her in my arms and rock her back and forth for about an hour. When she finally stops shaking, I lift her chin and see that her eyes are clearing, and her face has begun to lose the reddish tint.

  “I’m ok now. Thank you. Sorry. I used to get panic attacks all the time when you left, and I realized I was pregnant. But it has been a while. I’m ready to finish talking now. Tell me the rest.”

  “You sure baby?”

  “I’m sure. Please. I don’t want anything else between us. All that money is from your shops alone?”

  “No. I’m an investor of sorts. If you will.” Suddenly, I am nervous to tell her the rest. I felt vindicated and within my rights when I was loaning money to people, who I considered my enemy. But now, looking in her innocent sweet face, while she looks at me like I hang the moon, I don’t feel so righteous anymore.

  “Ok. Investing in what?”

  “Shit baby. I feel like a teenager in the principal's office. Ok listen. Before I tell you the rest, I want you to understand that when I was presented an opportunity, I was still very angry. The thoughts and actions that I had was of revenge and it was the only blood type pumping through my veins.”

  “Once Lansing had the business started and running and then expanded to the first few states, he got word of Everhart Florists being in financial trouble. Lansing new all about my past and the troubles I had with the people of the town. It was then decided that we would have my lawyer create a subsidiary company, whose sole purpose is to invest in businesses as a silent partner. I will be honest with you and say that I had every intention of using it against people of the town when the opportunity presented itself. I wanted to remind them who I was, and who I wasn’t.” Saying all of this out loud to Love, I can hear how bad it sounds and what type of person it makes me. My head is hanging now in what I am sure is shame. Shame for letting my anger and vengeance take me down a road that I am sure Love would not be proud of me for.

  “Trim.” her voice is tentative, and I can even hear a bit of disappointment mixed in. I look up at her and she is smiling at me. I just told her I was a fucking retribution seeker and she is giving me bright sunshine. I am sure I look like a fucking lunatic with the wide smile on my face, but I can’t help it. She makes me so fucking happy and somehow, I want to be a better person for her and my son.

  “Yes baby.”

  “Tell me what happened yesterday.” Fuck.

  “Well, the Sheriff still has it out for me, and he tried to get my business shut down on a bogus complaint. So, I…...had information about his questionable dealings and character delivered to his wife. He gambled the money for her floral store away in Vegas with is mistress, who just so happens to be the best friend of his daughter.” I ramble all of the facts out as fast as I can, hoping to minimize the impact. In return she gives me the same look she gives to TJ when he has done something she dislikes. I am a grown man, but at this moment I feel good and scolded as if I was the same age as my son.

  “Well…. I get why you did it. Considering it’s the sheriff and the way he has been nothing but nasty to you for your whole life, and he wasn’t too pleasant to me either, I will let that go. But babe, I don’t want our life together to be marred by holding onto the past. I want us to both let go of the hurt and move forward with our future. Let’s not worry about anyone else that has harmed us. We can have a great life full of love, laughter, and adventure. But you have to be willing to let it go. Can you do that?”

  Looking at Love and seeing the forgiveness and understanding on her face, I am in awe of the woman sitting before me. Life has dealt her a shit hand and she has endured it all, while living in the place where all of the shit happened. But somehow, she still manages to be untainted or jaded by the experience. I couldn’t be more in love with her at this very moment, than I was when we were younger. But…...of course I am going to use this to my advantage.

  “If you agree to marry me next week, I will consider all of their debts to me paid in full.” The shock in her eyes and the corners of her mouth drops open at my ultimatum. I expect for her to turn me down when suddenly she bounces on top of my lap and starts to giggle.

  “You are incorrigible mister and I should turn you down for the way you ‘asked’ me to marry you. But of course, I won’t. I want to marry you more than anything. I would be a fool not to take the life you are offering and live it with you and our son to the fullest.”

  Hearing her say she would marry me makes me harder than a sheet of concrete. I roll her under me and smash my mouth on hers. My hands wonder down to her naked breasts and I pinch one nipple then the other over and over.

  “MMMMMM…. Trim…...I love you so much.”

  “I fucking love you baby. I can’t wait to make you my wife.”

  My hands go lower after her nipples are good and hard, and right as my hand reaches her pussy, which is ready and dripping for me, there is a knock on the door.

  “Mom, Dad, you up?”

  We both burst out laughing, because of course the cutest little cockblocker alive picks the perfect time to come to the door. I lean down and kiss her making sure she can feel the promise within the touch.

  “I will get him babe. You take your time.” Once I throw on a shirt and a pair of shorts covering my erection, I walk towards the door and turn around before opening.

  “Thank you, Love.”

  “For what babe?”

  “For giving me everything. Including a perfect son, who is standing right outside the door. You did something amazing where many other young girls in your position wouldn’t have. Thank you for breathing life into my son and then into me. I love you.”

  She smiles and I can see the tears forming in her eyes. She places her hand over her heart and takes a deep breath with her eyes closed. When she opens them, she simply says?

  “I love you too. Trim.”

  Walking out the door to greet my son, I cannot help but feel like the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

  Epilogue I

  Love

  Three Months Later

  “Trim, baby can you find the cumin for me. I know I bought some last week, but it's buried inside the cabinet somewhere.” In the middle of making chili for us and some friends we are having over tonight, I am starting to feel the press
ure. Not because of the guests. We entertain quite a bit in our new home where we moved two months ago. Trim has become great friends with most of his employees and I have with their spouses. It is not unusual that we are all always doing something together.

  Lansing and his wife Araya are one of the couples that we are very close with and spend a great deal of time together. She is not too far behind me in pregnancy and I find it humorous to see a big hulking guy like Lansing going all gooey over his wife, that gives him the flux every chance she gets. She and I have had plenty of girl outings where she tells me how she makes him angry on purpose, because that is the only time, he will take her roughly. If it's not her too short skirts at work then it's her showing her pregnant belly, which he is convinced makes her more desirable to other men. That poor man. Araya is a small firecracker on the best of days. On the worst, she is a full-on explosion.

  No. It’s definitely not the family we have built by choice. The pressure is in the timing. I am having a hard time getting out of bed on most days now due to my rapidly advancing condition and not sleeping much the night before, because when you have a sexy as hell husband who makes your lady bits purr whenever he is in the room, doesn’t help.

  It was only a week after he extracted a very unnecessary, but sweet blackmailed proposal from me that we were married. Due to the lack of any family and friends at the time, we both decided to go to the next town over with Lei, Lansing, and our son and get married at the courthouse.

  I wore a simple lace silk knee length dress and Trim wore a black and white suit. Every day I remember our vows and as a rule, we recite them to one another whenever the mood strikes. It is a reminder of what we have overcome and what we stand to lose.

  “Trim, the day you walked across the street, I knew even at the young age of 11 that my life had changed irrevocably. As time went on and you became more to me, I never faltered in that because somewhere deep inside me, I knew you would keep me safe. In your arms I found acceptance, love and devotion. When that embrace was taken from me, once again I knew, that my life would never be the same. But you came back for me and wrapped me in your arms, and I was home. I promise to love you in this life and any other we should live as your friend, wife and constant source of support.

  I love you Trim.”

  “Love. There is no other way to describe it then to say, you happened to me. You happened during a time in my life when I had never felt more alone. You happened so innocently and with no provocation on my part. It’s almost like someone dropped you right on top of me as a sign that Angels do exist. I vowed to be your friend and protect you from everything and everyone. As time moved on, I tried to walk away from you because the intensity of my feelings scared me. When faced with the alternative, I let my arms and heart say what my mouth wouldn’t. I became a coma patient the day I left you, but seeing your face breathed new life into me and hasn’t stopped. I promise to love you in this life and any other we should live as your friend, husband and fiercest protector.

  You are…. My Love

  Our wedding day will be forever ingrained in my heart as one of the greatest days of my life. Only third to the day TJ was born and the day we found out I am pregnant again. Exactly one week after saying our vows, I woke up and stayed glued to the toilet for the first 20 minutes. It continued to happen for the rest of the week before I finally relented and went to the doctor. Turns out, he got me pregnant the first time we had sex after he came home. How fitting, considering it was like our second first time. Here I am four months pregnant and happy as a puppy chasing his tail, but also tired. Hence, the reason I have such a hard time getting up.

  Finding out about the baby gave me the opportunity to make the decision to quit my job and be a stay at home mom and wife. The decision was not as hard to come by as one might think. Being able to cook and take my son to and from his activities, while getting involved in his school stuff. Making sure that I feed my husband, and such is more important to me than anything else will ever be.

  To think…. I almost walked away from this life.

  Thank God Trim wouldn’t let me. Like I said...there is no better place than in his Embrace.

  Epilogue II

  Trim

  Five Months Later

  “Would you sit your ass down. Damn!!! You’re starting to make me nervous and it's not even my turn.” I turn to Lansing with the intent of saying a few choice words, when Aunt Lei shoves a cup of Chamomile tea in my hand.

  “Here take this. It will help you relax.”

  “Why the fuck is everyone telling me to relax. That is my wife and child in there. In there, without me. I should be in there as well.”

  Love went into labor 30 minutes ago and from everything I have read and the birthing classes we took, I should be in there with her from start to finish. But, apparently some fucking quack doctor decided I was too tense and he needed to ascertain the situation before he would allow me in. Motherfucker better enjoy his last labor and delivery, because I will have his fucking license.

  I have been in some fucked up situations. There have been life or death missions. But I have never felt more out of control and scared as I feel right now. It's even more fucked up, because I don't know what she is having. I mean I am more than certain it’s a boy, cause well fuck...who the hell would give my crazy ass a girl, but still.

  FUCK!!!!! I smash my hand in the wall putting a hole in it. The pain doesn’t even register, right now. The panic and feeling of helplessness are permeating everywhere.

  “Seriously Mac. We are going to have to donate a shit ton of money to the new wing to not have that reported. Crazy motherfucker.”

  “Like I give a fuck.” I am on the verge of saying ‘fuck it’ and going into the room anyway, when the fucking crackerjack box doctor comes out.

  “If you are done damaging the property, you may now follow me.” The fuck! He must have a death wish. I start to follow the doctor and when I enter the room, I am not sure what I expect, but for her to be serenely sitting there and smiling at me is not it.

  “Hey baby. I’m sorry the quack wouldn’t let me in. How are you? What can I get you?”

  “Trim, relax. I am fine. They gave me an epidural and checked me out. I am nine centimeters dilated and almost ready to push. Go put your scrubs on babe and get your ass back here so we can meet our baby.”

  I am definitely not going to argue with a woman about to give birth to my kid. I run into the dressing room, change my clothes, and by the time I make it back since of course the changing room would be on the other side of this fucking clown house, she has fully dilated and is in position.

  When the doctor hollers out for the first push, I realize, I only thought I was ready for the level of intensity we were about to face. But nothing could have prepared me for the level of strength it would take her or the tears.

  “Shit baby. I am so sorry. What do you need me to do? Push baby. I’m here.”

  “Just hold my hand and don’t let go,” she says in between pushing and trying to catch her breath.

  “Never my heart. I will never let go,” with that edict, I coach her through the rest of the labor. It took some time and an hour later, Chloe Alexandria Love MacIntosh comes out screaming bloody murder.”

  “A girl. Doc, there has to be some mistake. I can’t...I can’t have a girl. Shit Love. I’m going to end up in jail.” In between gasping, trying to catch her breath she laughs at me.

  I am so discombobulated that when they hand her to me, I am not ready for the level of love and pure protective devotion I feel for little wailing pink faced person that I literally just met.

  “Hi little Chloe. I’m your dad,” I say as I kiss her little hands. She grips my finger like she knows I will stand between her and the whole world, and I cry like a fucking douche.

  “Trim. Can I, maybe hold her too?” Love asks, while still laughing at me. Reluctantly I hand her over to her mama and use the time to run out and tell everyone.

  Once all our visito
rs have left, I sit on the bed beside a sleeping Love holding our little girl and I know without a doubt, Love, my son, and now our daughter are the very reason I was born.

  This moment right now, is my sole purpose on earth. And I will spend the rest of my life living like I know it.

  The End

  Acknowledgments

  First, I would like to thank my family for being so supportive even though I am often checked out when in the zone. I love you.

  To Chelle, DC Renee, Sadie, Jamie and PA- Ladies this has been a blast. Thank you for taking this ride with me and being troopers about it. I love meeting new people and hope to work with you again someday. We should totally meet in person.

  To Melinda. I am excited about this new direction. Love you.

  Trisha. I am so proud of you. As my bestie our Saturday morning talks have gotten me through more than you know. I love you.

  To Siobhan Royle. I am gald I found you on Facebook. I am excited for our friendship and business relationship to grow. You’re an awesome PA.

  ARCangels. You are always ready when the time comes, and your honest feedback is vital to my growth. Thank you so much for your words and willingness to read, review and spread the word.

  Last but not least, LIFERS!!!!! Your continued participation, support and fun, is the light for my sometimes dark soul. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  About ChaShiree

  ChaShiree M. lives in Chicago Il. With her family.

  She believes she has just begun to find her voice in writing and this makes her very excited.

  She loves to read in her spare time and when she isn’t doing either of those, she is traveling to different book events with her friends.