Free to Dream

by Tracey Jerald

  And just like that, the atmosphere in the room changes. I sit up, still connected to him. “What did you say?” He sits up slightly as well.

  “I just asked what was so funny,” Caleb says mildly.

  “Not that,” I whisper. I’m desperately trying to reach for my phone, slapping my desk repeatedly. If he said what I think I just heard, I sure as shit don’t want it to be remembered to country music, dammit. I manage to find the next song on the playlist, Sarah McLaughlin’s “Train Wreck.” Really freaking appropriate. “What did you call me?” I ask quietly.

  “Oh, that.” In my mind’s eye, I can picture him preparing to tell me it’s a term of endearment, like baby. I’m bracing myself when I hear it.

  “I called you my love, Cassidy.” I feel his hard chest directly against my back. “You are, you know. I love you so damned much. It keeps growing every day.” He kisses the center of my tattoo.

  The first tear slides out of my eye, landing somewhere on my collarbone, right over my funky-shaped birthmark.

  Oh my God. He loves me.

  Caleb Lockwood loves me.

  How on Earth is this possible?

  I raise my hands to my face and quietly sob while he begins stroking my back and my shoulders, dropping kisses here and there, trying to calm me down. “Cassidy, would it be possible for me to see your face?” he asks quietly.

  I don’t want to lose my connection to him, so I contort myself to the side and he leans forward. His arm comes up to cup my face. He runs his thumb under my eyes to capture the tears trickling down. “I love you, Cassidy Freeman. I think I started falling the first time I was in this office. I know I’m going to be in love with you forever.” He brushes his lips across mine, like a vow.

  I reach to touch his face, storing this moment into my memory bank as one I want to remember for eternity. “I never expected to fall in love with you, Caleb, and I never thought there was someone out there waiting for me. I never knew he would come walking through my door and would never leave my mind. I never expected he would find my heart because I wasn’t sure there was one to give.” I lean forward to kiss him. “It’s yours now. Please be careful with it.”

  “I promise, my love. I will,” he chokes out, his emotions making his voice crack on every word.

  I stay wrapped in his arms, clothing everywhere on a freezing cold November night, basking in the warmth of his love.

  Phil was right months ago.

  You couldn’t plan for love.

  You sure as hell couldn’t control it.

  But I sure as hell was going to try to hold onto it with everything I had in me.

  For the rest of my life if I could.

  30

  Caleb

  My love.

  My heart.

  My soul.

  She stirs slightly in my arms in her bed with a smile on her face. I wonder what she’s dreaming of.

  I lean down and brush a soft kiss on her upturned lips.

  She settles deeper into my arms and stills.

  Maybe it was selfish of me to tell her how I felt before she knows, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. My love for her has been ready to burst out of me for weeks.

  She’s the other half of me.

  The dream I didn’t know I was chasing.

  The quiet to the storm in my soul.

  Besides, I don’t care about what’s in that file.

  She has to understand that I only care about what’s in that file because I love her.

  I only care because I know it will matter to her.

  And I’m petrified she’s going to walk away, no matter how much I love her.

  31

  Cassidy

  One week until the wedding.

  As we approach Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for so many things. I figure if I start listing them now, I might be done by the time the wedding is over. I start ticking them off in my head while I’m in New York City the next day.

  Caleb. My family. Caleb. Ryan and Jared. Caleb. Being on schedule for the wedding. Caleb. Not meeting Mildred Lockwood yet. Caleb.

  I must admit, I’m a more than a little concerned about Mildred Lockwood. With everything I know about the woman’s character, I keep expecting something to happen. The only time I’m sleeping well is when I have Caleb’s arms tight around me. When we talked about it this morning, his face became grim when he said he was concerned about the same thing. Apparently, some part of Hudson was on Mildred watch. Either she was somehow aware and behaving, or she didn’t care and was going to strike out anyway. Sadly, for Ryan and Jared, either was a very real possibility. A discussion about protecting the grooms was the meeting Caleb could not get out of this morning, and why I would be hanging out with Keene next door, so I didn’t need to go through all the security protocols twice to get back onto the executive floor.

  I was squirming internally over the hour I’m supposed to spend with Keene. After our last interaction, was it wrong I was kind of hoping he’d get a conference call and I’d have to wait with my planner in the lobby? I’ve been trying to convince myself that whatever happened in my office the last time I saw him were likely due to Keene relating my own circumstance to his missing sister. And it wasn’t like we were real chummy before that.

  I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because both he and I are going to be in Caleb’s lives for a long time.

  Walking around Rockefeller Center to kill time, I stop at Dean & DeLuca to grab bagels, pastries, and coffee. I figure if Keene and I can’t get along for more than a few minutes, I can shut him up by shoving something in his condescending mouth. Within a few minutes, my cherished morning cappuccino and ammunition were in my hands as I made my way over to the building holding Hudson Investigative Services.

  Huh, funny. When Caleb told me where his office was, I had never put two and two together. I realized it was the same location of our former investigator, Thomas Laskey. Checking the address, I get a little chill. Same office too. I suppose it makes sense. The setup would be ideal to just buy and not require a lot of modification. I tense for a moment, wondering if Laskey’s client list transferred, but then relax. Truthfully, it’s not like there’s anything left to hide. I told Caleb the worst there was about me on our first freaking date, for Christ’s sake. He stuck around. What hasn’t been told is details which can be shared over time.

  Lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice the man who steps on the elevator with me until he speaks in a familiar growl. “Well, beautiful. You’ve always been a sight for these sore eyes.”

  My head flies up. “Charlie! Oh my god! I was so caught up in my own thoughts. How are you?” I swiftly push past two disgruntled people to stand next to Charlie Henderson, my former investigator when we used Thomas Laskey to investigate our backgrounds.

  When we decided to change over our identities, we didn’t want anyone from the past to find us. Charlie quickly became an advocate for our decision and soon became someone we openly trusted.

  “I work here, beautiful.” He taps the discrete brass plaque displaying merely the name Hudson on it. “New boss picked me up as I was getting ready to chuck a paperweight at the old one on the way out the door. Even had my shit packed up and everything. I’d already written a big ol’ fuck you resignation letter to Laskey. Wanted to shit on his desk on the way out, but figured the old Missus woulda frowned on that.”

  I let loose with an ear-splitting grin, taking note of the “old Missus” comment. He hasn’t changed one bit. Tolerating Charlie takes a special kind of gift. He’s freaking brilliant, but it takes a certain kind of person to call him a friend. Or an employee. Or longevity in marriage, apparently.

  “I can see that. So, how did the new boss make it worth your while to stay?”

  “Took me into a conference room and let me point out everything wrong with Laskey’s place. He didn’t necessarily agree with me on some things, but on the stuff he did, he had my back one-hundred percent.” His hair, snow white and sporting a style
popular with early 80s by a news anchor, keeps flopping over his glasses. “Offered me a promotion to head a new division—Missing Persons and Protective Services.”

  I shake my head, a huge smile still on my face. It’s so like Caleb to recognize talent within cantankerous personalities. First Keene, then Charlie. I lean forward, press a kiss to his weathered cheek and say, “Couldn’t have been a more perfect job created for you. You do so much good for people, Charlie.”

  His pale cheeks get all rosy as we land on the Hudson executive floor. Both of us step out, and Caleb’s waiting in the main executive area with Keene. Both stiffen upon seeing me with Charlie, then relax when they realize we’re arm in arm.

  Charlie leans down to not so quietly ask, “Which one of these bozos are you here for, beautiful? Mind you, neither one is good enough for the likes of you.”

  I laugh boldly at the outrage on both Caleb and Keene’s faces. Both send withering stares Charlie’s way.

  “I’m visiting for a short while with Keene while Caleb’s in a meeting. Then Caleb and I are meeting Ryan and Jared for a final scheduled walk-through for the wedding for the rest of the afternoon.” I pinch Charlie’s arm. “I saw a Mr. and Mrs. Charles Henderson on the guest list. Does that mean you’ll be all dapper in a tux?” I tease.

  He sighs, beleaguered. I lift my arm holding the Dean & DeLuca bag to my mouth to stifle my laughter. “Yes, and let me tell you, the wife is going all out. Hair, nails, the works. This shindig is costing me a fortune.” He turns his bright blue gaze on his bosses. “Don’t I have to see you two people enough? Now I have to share Thanksgiving weekend with you? I don’t suppose there’ll be a room with football on?”

  I’m outright laughing at this point. This conversation is pure Charlie. I lean up to whisper in his ear, “No, but if you behave, I’ll put you at a table near my family and put a bottle of Dewar's underneath it for you as a gift.” Dewar's is Charlie’s favorite Scotch Whisky, and while it wasn’t going to be on the bar menu, it would make him a happy man.

  “Oh!” He straightens up and pats my hand. “You’re a good girl, Cassidy Freeman. Remember what I told you, even if they brew up, storms don’t last forever.” Kissing my cheek, he turns to Caleb. “Are we meeting?”

  Caleb jerks his head toward the open conference room door. “I’ll be just a moment. I want to greet my woman properly.”

  Keene lets out a loud sigh. “Here we go.” He turns his back and I debate pulling out a croissant to shove in his sanctimonious mouth.

  Caleb gives him the finger as he reaches for me, and I hear Charlie chortle as he makes his way to the conference room.

  Caleb pushes my hair off my face. “Hello, my love. You made it back relatively unscathed, and you managed to go shopping.” The humor in his voice isn’t hidden.

  I give him a quick kiss and open the top box to show him the contents. “Oh, these are for you, Keene, and anyone else who wants some. Nothing big, just bagels, pastries and whatnot. I figured you had coffee here.”

  “And yet, you needed to buy your own,” Caleb comments dryly.

  “Shut it, love. I was dragging this morning.” He smiles broadly at that, knowing exactly why I was.

  “Keene, do you want to peruse these boxes before I take them in? You know once I do, they’re gone.”

  “Is it safe?” Keene comments with his back still to us. Unthinking, I reach into the bag, grab a small muffin and toss it at Keene’s head with unerring accuracy. He stills, turns, and shoots me an incredulous look.

  “Yes, I just did that. If we could keep the snarky comments to a minimum for the next hour, we might survive, okay?” I snip at him.

  “Wow, you really are on fire today, Cassidy.” Keene moves closer to peer inside the boxes Caleb had taken from me and opened on the counter. Grabbing a few tissues from the reception area, he chooses a chocolate croissant and a cinnamon roll. “Ready?”

  I turn to Caleb. “Let me know if anything needs to be altered due to security measures. I don’t care how much of a hit we take on the profit. Safety is much more important than anything else.” He stares deeply into my eyes before giving me a thorough kiss.

  “I think I need bleach,” Keene mutters.

  “I think you need to shut the hell up,” Caleb retorts when he lets me go. “Keep my woman relaxed for the next hour.” As he turns and walks away, I watch blatantly because the back side in one of his custom-made suits is just as gorgeous as the front.

  When the boardroom door closes, I turn to Keene. “Where to?” Keene doesn’t say anything, merely gives me one of those penetrating stares and gestures to the open door behind me.

  I turn and walk in, and immediately stop in my tracks, sucking in a deep breath. He doesn’t say anything as he makes his way around the desk as I silently walk over to the windows and stare out over to the Manhattan skyline. “I don’t know how you get any work done in this office. This is breathtaking.”

  And for the first time, I’m on the receiving end of a full Keene Marshall smile. I smile in return before turning my gaze back to the city below. We’re silent for a few minutes, lost in the cityscape.

  “It was tough for the first month,” he admits, turning his chair to face the view. He doesn’t move closer, which I appreciate. “We were waiting for additional security protocols to be installed so we could take on the kind of work we wanted to.” I glance over at him and he answers generically, “The government stuff.”

  I nod.

  “And we would stand in our offices and get lost in the view because the desert is nothing like this.” He’s silent for a few moments. “Needless to say, it took us a long time to adjust.” He swivels his chair around, trying to end the conversation.

  Not quite yet.

  “Caleb told me you got shot saving him,” I say quietly. “That your tattoo I was so facetious about the first night we met covers it.” Keene stills. I turn to face him, leaning a shoulder against the windows. “I’m sorry for that. I was trying to protect myself and I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t give someone a chance. I struck out unfairly. I hope we can move past that.” I pause, taking a deep breath before admitting, “I love him, Keene. I hope to be in his life a long time.”

  Keene unconsciously rubs his leg. “He’s actually saved my life more times than he knows, just by being there. I should have given you a chance.”

  I nod, knowing this is the closest thing I’ll receive to an actual apology.

  “But Cassidy, there are things he hasn’t told you yet. Things you need to know.”

  I face Keene head-on. “Will they change how I feel about him?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

  “Do you think these things will come out over time? Are they critical for me to know right now? Like, was he already married? Is he dying?” My heart cracks open a bit, praying the answers are no.

  His frustration is palpable. “No, nothing like that. But it’s important.”

  I settle a bit. “Then let us figure it out, Keene. Sometimes, blasting information in someone’s face isn’t the best way to handle something. After all, I just learned that with you, didn’t I?”

  Keene growls and grabs the cinnamon roll, taking a bite. With a mouthful of food, he gestures to a couch along the wall. “You might as well get comfortable. We have a few.”

  I start to walk to the couch when I gasp. “Oh! I didn’t know it was an actual piece of art.” I drift over to the art hanging over the couch.

  I hear Keene swallow. “Art?”

  “It’s going to seem silly, but I must have seen this painting before and I can’t remember where. I’ve dreamt about it for years though. Only in my dream, it comes to life with a beautiful woman with long dark hair tying the balloon to the girl’s wrist. Silly, isn’t it?” I turn to face Keene, but his face is still, no emotion. Crap. I must have offended him by not knowing a famous piece of art. Personally, I’m just grateful I can tell Caleb it wasn’t a memory at all. “Never mind. Let me just sit here and
review the information I need for my lunch meeting. They should be wrapping up next door soon enough.”

  Sitting under the picture from my dreams, the one I described to Caleb, I pull out my cell phone and planner so I can review the lists, never missing the glances I keep receiving from across the room.

  32

  Keene

  When Caleb comes to get Cassidy from my office, I stand in front of the painting. Moving it on its hinge away from the wall, I tap in the code on the safe behind it. Pulling out the thick file inside, I close the safe as well as the painting hiding it. The tab reads RILEY.

  Rifling through the pages, I find the photo I had the painting commissioned from.

  I close my eyes and remember the day as if it were yesterday.

  Keene, sit here and hold your sister! All Mommy wants this year for Mother’s Day is a nice photo of you and Riley for her bedside table.

  But Mommy, Riley won’t sit still!

  Hmm…well, maybe if we give her something to hold onto?

  How about this, Mrs. Marshall? The photo man hands Mommy a red balloon. Riley gets excited and starts crying MINE! MINE! MINE!

  Mommy’s long, dark hair falls over Riley’s face as she ties the balloon to her wrist. It smells good. Just like the wildflowers in the back of the house.

  Is that better, baby girl?

  Riley’s face lights up. Mommy laughs and so do I. Even though having a little sister is a pain, she sure is cute. Maybe next time Mommy and Daddy would have a boy.

  The photo man takes the shot.

  I’m jerked from my memories of the day the picture was taken and look at the painting. The one Cassidy thought was a famous piece of art she happened to remember.

  The one I am now almost one hundred percent certain my sister just sat under.

  I set the photo on the desk and sit down.