Choosing Happy (Madison Square #2)

by Samatha Harris

  I released her, my hands hovering at her hips for a moment to be sure she wasn’t going to fall again. I straightened and scratched at the back of my head, stalling until I could come up with something to say besides begging her to give me a real chance.

  Her eyes dipped to where my shirt had ridden up a bit then lowered to my crotch. My dick twitched and I flinched, trying my best not to groan. I wanted her, fuck me did I want her, but Madison was already buried so far under my skin that I was in serious danger of losing my mind.

  We wanted very different things for each other, and the only way I could get through this without doing more damage was to make a clean break. So no matter how much I wanted her, I needed to resist.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Her eyes snapped up and locked with mine. “I…I wanted to see you.”

  She took a step toward me and placed her hand in the center of my chest, her fingers trailing down my stomach slightly as she smiled that shy smile that completely undid me every single time. God dammit! My jaw tensed, and I fisted my hands at my sides to keep from touching her.

  She looked at me, her eyes so soft and sad as they searched mine. It took every ounce of my willpower to keep from just going for the kiss she so obviously wanted. If I gave in and kissed her, it would be all over. She’d end up bent over the arm of my couch in a matter of seconds.

  I kept completely still, refusing to move an inch. She continued to watch me for a moment longer before stepping to the side and heading toward the couch. I exhaled a sigh of relief and dropped my head before following her into the living room.

  “Do you want something?” I asked, heading to the kitchen. I needed a task, something to do that didn’t involve being close to her.

  “I’ll take a glass of wine if you have it,” she said, setting her bag beside the couch and dropping heavily onto the seat.

  “I think you’ve had enough,” I said, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and a couple of aspirin from the cabinet. Everything about this woman drove me completely crazy, her touch, the softness of her skin, the sweet floral scent of her perfume that lingered after she’d gone.

  Nothing had ever felt as good as seeing a smile on her lips and knowing that I was the one who put it there. She put on a front for the rest of the world, with her polite smile and appropriate laugh, but it’s not real. It’s like she was trained—behave a certain way, make the right kind of decisions—but when she’s with me, all the bullshit melts away. Her eyes sparkle when she laughs, her smile is full, genuine, almost involuntary. The sadness in her eyes fades, even if it only for a moment.

  I headed into the living room to join her. “Take this,” I said, handing her the aspirin and the water. “You’ll thank me later.”

  She smiled up at me, swallowing the pills with a large gulp of water.

  I sat down beside her on the couch, trying to keep a bit of distance between us still. “You want to tell me why you’re here?”

  “I told you,” she said, sliding a little closer, her hand moving to my knee and her fingers trailing heat up my thigh. “I wanted to see you,” she cooed, pressing her breast against my arm as she continued to slide her hand up my leg.

  My cock was already painfully hard and straining against my shorts, a fact she was already well aware of, since she couldn’t take her eyes off my crotch. “Come on, Madison,” I said. “This is a booty call, admit it.”

  “So?” she whispered, pressing her lips against the side of my neck. A groan slipped from my throat as her tongue flicked against the hot skin of my throat.

  I swallowed thickly and squeezed my hands together tightly at my sides. If I touched her, it would be all over.

  She gripped my chin and turned my head to face her. My eyes locked with hers. Sadness mixed with want and whiskey was all I saw, and my heart clenched inside my chest. I searched her face, trying to make a decision.

  “This isn’t a good idea,” I said. Our lips were mere inches apart. I seemed to be having trouble breathing as my eyes dipped to the soft, pink fullness of her bottom lip. I was desperate to taste her again, to feel those soft lips and warm tongue moving against mine, but it was a bad idea, a really, really bad idea.

  She leaned forward and brushed her lips softly against mine. I stayed completely still, afraid to move, or breathe, or think. She kissed me again, pulling at my bottom lip and sliding her hands up to my neck.

  She ran her tongue along the seam of my lips as a soft whimper escaped her lips, and I broke. I wrapped my arms around her waist and thrust my tongue into her mouth, kissing her hard and dragging her into my lap.

  My head was screaming Danger! Danger! I didn’t give a shit. I kissed her with everything I had. I wanted to wipe away the sadness and the desperation I saw in her eyes. I knew that there was a good possibility that tomorrow she would rip my heart from my chest, but none of that mattered right now.

  She straddled my lap, grinding herself against my throbbing cock as my fingers dug into the delicate skin of her hips.

  I broke the kiss, my lips traveling down her neck as she panted and moaned against my ear. I reached for her shirt, doing my best to undo the tiny buttons that were keeping me from her soft smooth skin, but they weren’t cooperating. Frustrated I gripped the thin fabric in my hands and pulled, tearing it from her chest as buttons scattered across the living room.

  She cried out as I kissed my way across her breasts, frantically pulling her arms free from her ruined shirt. I flung it somewhere behind her.

  My lips traveled up her neck again as her fingers tangled into my hair. “Tell me what you want,” I whispered, pulling her earlobe between my teeth.

  She gasped. “You, Sean. I want you.”

  “What do you want me to do?” I asked, nipping at her lips and pulling her tight against my chest. “Tell me, baby.”

  “Make me happy,” she moaned against my mouth, grinding her hips against mine. “Just make me happy.”

  I froze. Her words were like a bucket of ice cold water thrown right in my face. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t. I pulled away, my brows drawn tight together, my eyes locked on hers. She leaned forward, pressing her lips against mine and grinding her hips in search of friction.

  I tightened my grip, holding her in place, and pulled away. “We can’t do this,” I said, lifting her from my lap. I got to my feet. I walked to the window and took a few deep breaths, trying to get a hold of myself. Fuck this. This was just…wrong.

  “Of course we can,” she said, trying to pull me back down to the couch, but I tugged out of her grip. I wanted nothing more than the chance to make her happy, but the truth was there was nothing I could ever do to make her happy. She had to choose it for herself. She had to choose to let me in, to let me get close to her.

  I turned back to face her and almost dropped to my knees. She slumped against the couch, hugging herself as tears slid down her cheeks, refusing to look at me. I sat down next to her and wrapped her in my arms. She buried her face in my neck, and I laid my head against the top of hers, letting her sob in my chest as I held her.

  We sat like that for a long time, me holding her as she sobbed. After a while, she pulled away slowly and looked up at me. Her eyes were red and swollen, snot dripped from her nose, and her make-up was smudged and streaked from her tears. She was beautiful. A complete mess, but a beautiful mess.

  I smiled, and the corner of her lips turned up in response. There was no going back for me. I was falling hard. It didn’t make sense, and I was positive she would completely destroy me. I was totally and completely fucked.

  She pulled further away, her eyes locking on the stain her tears had left on my shirt. Her shoulders sank in despair and her bottom lip wobbled slightly as more tears threatened to fall.

  “Do you want to tell me the real reason you came over here tonight?” I asked. This was a chance to get her to open up, and I was not going to waste it.

  “I told you I…”

  I shook my head. �
�Madison, you’re drunk and you just spent the last twenty minutes literally crying on my shoulder. You came for more than just a quick fuck.” I brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Talk to me,” I whispered.

  She dropped her head in her hands, and the flood gates opened. She told me about the pressures from work, her fight with Margot, dinner with her ex…all of it came out in a jumbled mess of sobs.

  When she was done I leaned back against the couch and exhaled a long breath. “Wow,” I said, exhausted from just listening to all that she was going through. I felt a small semblance of victory for getting her to open up, but it was killing me to see her so upset. I didn’t know how to handle all of it, how to help her.

  She sat quietly, studying her fingers beside me, refusing to meet my eyes. I did the only thing I could think of at the moment. I got to my feet, her eyes following me as I stood, and I held my hand out to help her up from the couch. I held tight to her hand and led her through my bedroom and into the bathroom. I turned on the faucet, testing the water to be sure it was warm enough.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  I turned and stepped toward her, running my fingers over the smooth skin of her bare arms. Goosebumps rose up on her skin from my touch, and she sucked a quick breath through her teeth. I smiled, enjoying the way she was reacting.

  I reached behind her, unhooked her bra, and slid the straps slowly down her shoulders. “You could use a bath,” I said.

  Her face crumbled, and she nervously shifted her weight. I gripped her chin and raised her face to meet my eyes. “You need to relax.”

  She opened her mouth to object, and I gave her a soft gentle kiss to stop her. “Let me take care of you, beautiful,” I whispered against her mouth. She nodded, and the fight disappeared from her eyes as she gave in and let me undress her.

  When I was done, she stood there, naked, just creamy skin, impossibly long legs, and bright blue eyes that watched my every move. I leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder. She sighed, her body relaxing into my arms from that one little kiss. She will ruin you.

  I took her hand and helped her step into the tub. As I turned off the faucet, she sank into the warm water. Once she was settled, I kissed her forehead and turned to leave her to soak.

  She caught my hand, water sloshing around her from the quick movement. “Stay,” she whispered. Her eyes pleaded with me and I smiled, not really needing to be convinced.

  I grabbed a towel from the shelf and dropped it on the cold, tile floor, taking a seat beside the tub. She relaxed, leaning back into the tub with a sigh.

  We sat there quietly for a long time, the only sound our breathing and the sloshing of the water as she moved. I rested my arm on the side of the tub, my fingers trailing a lazy path through the water. I focused on the ripples of the water, anything to keep my mind off the fact that she was warm, wet, naked, and within arm’s reach.

  My fingers grazed the smooth skin of her knee, and we both tensed. I sat up and looked around, trying to find something, anything, to keep my hands busy. I reached for the soap behind her and grabbed a wash cloth from under the sink. I squeezed the soap into the cloth and softly dragged it across her shoulders and down her back.

  I finished with her back and started on her chest, dragging the cloth down between her breasts, then across her nipple. The fabric snagged on the hard peak of her nipple, and she moaned as I pulled the rough cloth across her skin. I swallowed at her reaction, trying to keep myself in check and keep it about what she needed.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said earlier. Make me happy. She was stressed and hurting, I could see it, but I was at a loss for what she wanted from me. How could I make her happy when she kept pushing me away?

  “Madison,” I said. Her eyes lifted to mine. “What did you mean by make you happy?”

  She sat up and drew her knees to her chest. I could see her hesitation as she tried to come up with the right answer, but there was no right answer. I needed her to be honest.

  “I don’t know, exactly. You just have this joy about you. It’s the first thing I noticed when we met. It radiates to everyone around you, and I just wanted to feel some of that again,” she said, looking down into the water.

  I wanted to pull her into my arms and keep her there, where I could protect her, where she could be warm and safe, and…fuck, I just…I didn’t know what else to do to make her see how much I wanted to be there for her.

  I brought my hand to her cheek. She leaned into my touch, a tear slipping from her eyes. “Baby,” I whispered, not sure what else to say.

  She tensed and shifted in the tub. Water splashed up my arm as she pulled away from me. “I’m so sorry,” she said with panic in her eyes.

  I frowned at the sudden change. “For what?” I asked, my head snapping up.

  “For everything,” she said. “For showing up here, for what I said at Gran’s party, the awful way I treated you. You deserve better.” She dropped her head in her hands, the tips of her ears turning that beautiful pink color.

  I laughed, unable to keep the smile from my face. She looked up at me, her brows drawn tight together, causing little worry lines to form between them. I got to my knees and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at me.

  “You are a mess,” I said. She closed her eyes and sighed in defeat. I smiled and pulled her face closer to mine. “Look at me, beautiful. Open your eyes.” She did as I asked, and I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb. “You are a mess,” I repeated, “but so am I. Life is messy.” I pressed my forehead against hers and exhaled. “The mess isn’t the problem. I can deal with messy. The problem is you won’t let me.”

  I took a deep breath and released her, sitting back on my heels. “You are so convinced that this thing between us is just a passing fling that you refuse to give us a real chance.” She turned away, and I turned her chin to face me again. “You can be happy, Madison. You just have to choose to be.”

  I brushed my lips against her temple. “I’m not asking for the moon, babe. I just wish I could be a part of your world.”

  She giggled and I pulled away, confused. I looked down at her as she bit her lip to contain her laughter. I couldn’t help but smile. “What?”

  “Did you just quote The Little Mermaid?”

  I laughed and flicked my fingers into the water, splashing her in the face. “Smartass,” I said. “We were having a moment.”

  “Don’t let me stop you if you feel the need to break out into song,” she said, splashing me back.

  “Oh, so now you’re funny.” I got to my feet and dragged my arm across the surface of the tub, sending a wall of water and bubbles over her head and onto the floor. She spat and sputtered, laughing as she wiped the water from her eyes.

  I smiled as I watched her recover. I was crazy about her, all of her. The silly, sarcastic side of her and all the broken, sad parts too. It was fast, really fast, but she was amazing and unexpected. She’d been through a lot in her life and so had I, but if she could just give us a chance we just might be able to heal together.

  She reached for my hand, threading her fingers with mine, that shy sweet smile spread wide across her face. I smiled at her and she tugged hard on my hand, throwing me off balance. I fell into the tub, and warm water soaked its way through my clothes as more water splashed onto the floor.

  I wiped the water from my face and growled, narrowing my eyes in a playful glare. “You’re in for it now,” I said. I pulled her toward me, attacking her sides as she shrieked and kicked with laughter.

  I was thoroughly soaked, and there was more water out of the tub then there was in it. I pulled her close, pressing her hard against my chest. I leaned in and kissed her as she snaked her arms around my neck, pulling me closer and kissing me harder, her tongue pushing into my mouth. I felt my cock begin to lengthen again against my thigh, and I groaned, pulling her bottom lip between my teeth before breaking the kiss.

  I climbed out of the tub and she watched
me, her eyelids heavy with lust as her eyes focused on my erection that was on full display through my soaked shorts. I pulled my soaking wet shirt over my head, letting it drop with a heavy slap to the soaked tile floor.

  Her eyes roamed my chest and stomach, sliding further down to where my shorts hung low on my hips, weighed down by the weight of the water. I let her look for a bit before holding out my hand to help her out of the tub. She stepped out and I reached for a dry towel from the shelf, wrapping it around her and rubbing her shoulders to keep her warm.

  “Why don’t you get dried off and climb into bed?” I said against her lips. “I’m gonna get out of these wet clothes and clean this up.”

  “I can help,” she said, looking around at the water puddling around the bath tub.

  “I got it, babe. Go lay down. You seem a little more clear-headed, but something tells me tomorrow morning might be kind of rough.”

  She nodded, and I gave her one more quick kiss before heading back into the bedroom.

  I changed into some dry clothes and soaked up the water with some towels from the hamper. I tossed our wet clothes and the dirty towels into the washer and went back to the bedroom.

  Madison was curled up on the bed, eyes closed. I climbed in beside her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she snuggled against my chest.

  I closed my eyes as my phone started buzzing on the night stand. I grabbed it, the screen lighting up Madison’s sleepy face. She squinted at the offending light as I read the screen.

  It was Dad, again. He seemed to be getting more persistent; he must want something from me. He didn’t call for any other reason.

  “Do you need to get that?” Madison said, starting to get up from the bed.

  I pulled her back down and hit ignore on my phone. “No,” I said. “It’s not important.”