Choosing Happy (Madison Square #2)

by Samatha Harris

  Sean: Football Grover park 2morrow.

  Sean: See you @ 11?

  I sank back against the seat and sighed, feeling like the truly awful person I was.

  ***

  The weather was nice, surprisingly warm for this time of year, when I arrived at Grover Park. The sun was bright and the air smelled clean and fresh. I took a deep breath as I made my way toward the field where the game was already in full swing.

  The park was full of activity. People were taking full advantage of the warmer weather. There were joggers along the paths that wound through the trees on the side of the open field and people lounged on blankets, their faces turned up toward the sun.

  The field was bright and open. The guys were tossing the ball around and running full force toward their goal, dodging each other as the opposing team threatened to take them down. A large tree sat off to my right, and I saw Alex and Millie lounging in the shade. A soft breeze carried their laughter toward me as I made my way to them.

  “Madison!” Millie exclaimed. Her smile brightened as she gestured for me to take a seat on the blanket beside her. “I’m glad you made it,” she said as she bounced her adorable little boy on her knee. He had a head full of David’s dark hair and Millie’s bright blue eyes.

  “Hey,” I said, taking a seat on the blanket beside Alex.

  “How are you?” Alex asked. Her smile never faltered, but I could see the concern in her eyes. Last time I saw her was during an internal mental break down, so the concern was valid.

  “I’m okay,” I said nervously, looking down at my fingers.

  “Are you sure?” She dipped her head to meet my eyes.

  “Yes.” I conjured up the brightest smile I could muster.

  Alex eyed me skeptically, then looked out onto the field, where the guys were lining up for the next play. I followed her line of sight as Drew gave her a little wink. He bent down and rested his hands on his knees.

  “You guys are really good together,” I said as I watched her blow him a kiss.

  Millie giggled. “It wasn’t always that way.” Alex playfully smacked her arm.

  “Haven’t you guys been together since college?” I asked, remembering Sean telling me how they had all gone to school together.

  “Not exactly,” Alex said. “We were friends in college, but we didn’t get together until about a year and a half ago.”

  I looked out onto the field as Drew tossed the ball to David, who took off running toward the goal. “Really? You seem like you’ve been together for years.”

  Alex shrugged. “I guess, in a way, we have. He’s my best friend, but for a long time that’s all he was.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  Alex took a deep breath and watched Drew clap David on the back as they headed back to the center of the field. “My head got in the way. I spent so much time convincing myself that it would never work that I missed all of the signs telling me that it would.”

  I looked down to the blanket and pulled at a loose thread, not wanting to admit that I was possibly doing the same thing with Sean. I looked up and met those cool gray eyes across the field. A smile lit up his entire face, and my lips twitched in response.

  “He likes you,” Alex said, breaking my attention away from Sean. “A lot.”

  “He’s a great guy.”

  “Yes, he is,” she said, her voice taking on a stern tone. She took off her sunglasses and sat up straighter, turning her body to face me. “Which is why I think we need to have a little chat.”

  “Alex,” Millie scolded.

  She held up her hand, dismissing Millie’s concern, her eyes never wavering from mine. “I like you, Madison. I really do, but Sean is family. I can see how much he cares about you. It may seem like things just roll off of his back, but he’s been through a lot more than you think.”

  I shifted on the blanket and looked out at the field as Sean threw the ball into Drew’s waiting arms. “I know.”

  “So then you know how big his heart really is. He’s incredibly sweet and generous, most of the time to his own detriment. He can be wild and a little reckless. Sean is the type of guy who is willing to risk everything to go after something he wants, and he wants you. He really is amazing, and to be loved by him is a privilege,” she said.

  I looked up at Millie, who was nodding her head in agreement. Alex spoke up again, drawing my attention back to her. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy. Relationships are hard, and I know you have your reservations. All I ask is if this thing between you two is not as real for you as it is to him, then let him down gently before he gets in any deeper.”

  We looked out onto the field as Sean ran toward the end zone, spiking the ball hard into the grass. He raised his arms in victory. I watched him jog back toward the huddle as Alex’s warning began to sink in. She was right. I was being unfair to him, but the thought of letting him go felt impossible.

  The game was wrapping up. The guys congratulated the other team with fist bumps and friendly slaps on the back before heading over to us. Sean jogged ahead of the other guys, reaching us first, and dropped to his knees in front of me. His shirt clung to his chest, drenched in sweat and dirt from the game. His lips crashed to mine, knocking me to my back.

  He broke the kiss with a grin spread wide across his face. “Hey there, beautiful,” he said.

  “H…hi,” I choked.

  He gave me a sexy half smile and leaned in, kissing me slow and deep. The feel of his lips and his hot, sweet tongue moving with mine chased away all worry and fear from Alex’s warning. My head clouded, and all rational thought scattered to the wind when he kissed me.

  “Get a room!”

  My eyes flew open at the sound of Drew’s voice. Sean chuckled and pulled away, bracing his arms on either side of my head but keeping me pinned to the blanket. I could feel my cheeks heating. I was mortified by our very public display. Sean didn’t seem to be bothered by anything. That heart stopping smile of his spread across his lips as he focused on me. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before moving away from me and reaching for my hand, pulling me to my feet along with him.

  He wrapped an arm around my waist and held me tight against his body. His smile beamed as he looked at his friends, who were laughing and shaking their heads. All except Alex, who watched me. When I met her eyes, she raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, reminding me of her warning. I bit my lip and looked up at Sean as he kissed my cheek.

  He was so happy. The joy that radiated from him that I had come to crave so much was making me sick to my stomach. Standing there wrapped in his arms, I couldn’t tell if ending things was what was best for him, or what was best for me.

  ***

  Later that night Sean and I cuddled up on the couch with a pizza and an old black and white movie. I wasn’t paying much attention to the storyline as my conversation with Alex kept running on a loop in my head.

  “Where are you?” he asked, his voice breaking through the fog of guilt that had settled over me.

  I blinked, looked up at him, and forced a smile to my face. “I’m here.”

  “You seem distracted. Everything okay?”

  I sat up straight and cleared my throat. “I’m fine. It was just a rough week.”

  “I can do something about that.”

  He quickly jumped up off the couch. I watched him, curious as to what his plan was. Before I could protest, he slipped one arm under my knees and the other around my back, lifting me quickly into the air. I let out a squeal and wrapped my arms around his neck, afraid he would drop me. He walked quickly to his bedroom and set me down on the edge of the bed.

  “Arms up,” he said as he reached for the hem of my shirt.

  “Wha…” I started but he bent, silencing my protest with a kiss.

  “Trust me, beautiful.”

  I kept my eyes locked on his and slowly raised my arms into the air, allowing him to slip my shirt over my head.

  “Lay down on your stomach.”

  I turned and craw
led across the bed, sinking down onto my stomach. I could feel the bed dip as he came to join me. His knees dug into the mattress beside my hips as he straddled my back but kept his weight off of me. He ran his fingers softly up the length of my spine to my bra and made quick work of the clasp. He slipped the straps down my arms, reaching behind him for something on the nightstand. I could hear the drawer open and close and then he was back. I turned to look at him, raising myself up on my elbows.

  “Relax,” he said, gently pushing my shoulders back down to the bed.

  I stared at the window next to the bed. It was too high for me to see the street below, but I could make out a little of the dark sky between the buildings across the street. I heard the popping sound of a cap as he opened a bottle and rubbed his hands together. He rubbed the bottle’s contents slowly up my back, starting just above the top of my jeans. His touch was firm but gentle, and it felt amazing. His fingers glided across my back, kneaded my tense muscles, and eased the worry out of my body and my head.

  A soft moan slipped from my lips, and Sean chuckled. “Feel good?”

  I answered his question with another moan.

  My god, he had magic hands. After twenty minutes, my entire body was completely relaxed and close to sleep. I felt his hand slip down across my ribs. His fingertips brushed across the soft flesh of my breast. He leaned down, pressing a kiss between my shoulder blades. I let out an involuntary sigh as his lips traveled up my neck, his tongue flicking out to taste my skin.

  “Better?” he whispered, kissing the soft skin behind my ear.

  I nodded, too relaxed to string a sentence together. I turned over to my back and was greeted with that heart stopping smile of his. I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling him down into a deep kiss. I loved the feel of his lips, the taste, how every move, every touch, was synchronized like a dance. Sean knew what I wanted, what I needed. I pulled him down, needing to feel his bare skin against mine. My breasts pressed into the hard plains of his chest.

  He broke the kiss, trailing small kisses down my jaw and my collarbone before taking my nipple into his hot mouth, his tongue flicking and teasing the sensitive peak before he moved back up my neck.

  I gripped his shoulders, needing him closer as my body writhed beneath him. He kissed his way up my neck, then sucked my earlobe into his mouth. I was overcome with his smell, with the woodsy scent of his soap and the salty tang of his sweat.

  He kissed his way across my neck, and I arched my back when he nipped at the skin in the hollow of my throat.

  “So beautiful,” he whispered. “The way you respond to my kiss, my touch. I can’t hold back any more, baby,” he said against my throat. Good I didn’t want him to hold back. I wanted him to take me, to fuck the insecurities and worry right out of me, but he was taking it painfully slow, torturing me with his lips and the gentle touch of his fingers.

  He made his way to my ear, and I turned my head to give him better access. I felt his lips against my ear as he whispered, “I’m falling in love with you.”

  My entire body tightened. He felt the change and lifted his head to meet my wide eyes. He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled.

  What have I done? I shook my head and pushed his chest away from me, reaching for my bra and my shirt. I got dressed, shaking my head. It was all I could do. The shock of his words had been too much, and I had no idea what to say or what to do other than to run.

  “Madison, don’t go. Come here,” he said, trying to pull me back into his arms. I jerked away from him and got to my feet as panic rose in my throat. I swallowed hard and ran a hand over my face, trying to regain control of myself.

  The hurt in Sean’s eyes was my breaking point. I needed out of there. How could I do this to him? My chest ached and tears welled in my eyes. I turned and walked quickly to the living room, grabbing my shoes and purse with Sean hot on my heels.

  “Madison, talk to me,” he pleaded. “I know it was fast, but I can’t help how I feel about you.” He reached for my arm, his eyes searching mine for any glimpse of hope.

  “I can’t do this, Sean,” I said, pulling away from his grasp. “I’m sorry if I made you think this was more than it was, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s over.”

  I hurried toward the door and started to pull it open. Sean pushed it closed and pressed his back against mine, bracing his hands on the door beside my head. I refused to look at him. Tears streamed down my face as I choked back a sob. He leaned in close, his lips brushing my ear as he spoke. “Don’t do this,” he said, his voice cracking. “Don’t walk away from us.”

  I cleared my throat and lifted my head, reaching for the knob again. “There never was an us.” I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. “This was about sex, Sean. Nothing more.”

  I yanked on the door again and he took a step back, letting me go. I stepped out into the hall and hit the button for the elevator. The sound of glass shattering behind his apartment door made me flinch. The elevator doors opened and I stepped in, jabbing at the button to get it to move faster. When the doors were closed, I lost it. I slid down the wall of the elevator, heavy sobs wracking my body.

  I had to do it. Breaking up with him was for the best. He deserved someone far better than me. Someone who wasn’t broken. Someone who could love him the way he deserved to be loved. Someone he could grow old with. Someone who could give him a life, children, someone to make him happy.

  I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing. What I couldn’t figure out was that if it was the right thing to do, then why did it hurt so much?

  Chapter 18

  Sean

  I pounded on the door. “Open up,” I yelled.

  The door flew open and Drew stood there, looking half asleep and more than a little confused as to why I was banging on his door at two o’clock in the morning.

  I pushed past him and stormed into the apartment. “Alex!”

  “Dude, what’s going on?” Drew asked.

  “I need to talk to Alex,” I said, heading for the bedroom.

  Drew stepped into my path and grabbed ahold of my shoulders. “Sean, calm the fuck down.” He gave me a shove, and I dropped heavily onto the couch. “Relax. You’ve been drinking.”

  I nodded and stayed down. “Okay.”

  Alex came out of the bedroom, her wild red hair piled on top of her head, Drew’s pink Floyd t-shirt hanging off one shoulder and her legs bare. “Sean?”

  “Yeah,”

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “I need you to explain women to me,” I said, dropping my head to the back of the couch and focusing on the ceiling.

  “Okay, but I’m gonna need some coffee first,” she said.

  “I got it, Red,” Drew said, heading for the kitchen.

  “She took off,” I said, raking my fingers through my hair. I gripped it so hard my scalp burned from the tension. I was beyond frustrated.

  “Uh, Drew. We’re gonna need something stronger than coffee,” Alex said.

  “She fucking left. I told her I was falling in love with her and she bolted.”

  “Who left? Madison?” Alex asked as Drew came back with a bottle of wine and three glasses.

  “Yes. Madison. She left me.” I reached for the glass Drew just poured and I dumped the contents down my throat without bothering to taste it. I held it out to him for a refill, and he reluctantly filled it again.

  Drew and Alex shared a confused look. Drew shrugged and took a seat beside her as I finished off my second round.

  “Don’t you have anything stronger?” I asked.

  “Sorry, man, that’s all I got,” he said, handing me his glass.

  Alex turned to face me on the couch. “What happened?”

  “She left me,” I whispered, swirling the dark red liquid in my glass before tossing it down my throat.

  “You said that,” she said. “What happened before she left?”

  I got to my feet and paced the length of the room, tugging at my hair an
d trying to get a hold of myself.

  “I don’t know. Things were fine. Then, after football, she seemed a little off. When I asked her about it, she said she had a rough week. I figured a massage would help her relax. One thing led to another and we started fooling around, then I don’t know. She felt so good, looking up at me with those gorgeous eyes, and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

  I turned to face them. “You should’ve seen her face. It was pure fucking horror. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. She pushed me away and just bolted for the door. I tried to stop her. I begged her to stay, to talk to me, but she wouldn’t even look at me. She just said it was over and walked out.” I dropped back down on the couch and reached for Alex’s glass, downing the wine in one gulp, then reached for the bottle to refill my glass.

  “She said it’s over, that’s it?” Alex asked.

  “No,” I said. “She said it was just about sex, that there wasn’t anything real between us. She might as well have just kicked me in the balls on her way out the door.”

  “Do you really love her?” Drew asked.

  “Look at me, man!”

  Alex looked at Drew and raised her eyebrow, giving him a look that said he wasn’t helping.

  “Jesus. I’m acting like a chick,” I said as the realization hit me.

  “What?” Alex asked.

  “I’m sitting here on my best friend’s couch, drinking wine and bitching about how she was using me for sex while I was falling in love with her. God dammit, next you’re going to be painting my toe nails while I cry into a pint of rocky road.”

  “Well, it’s not rocky road, but I have a pint of…” Alex said. I shot her a glare and she clammed up. “Right, not the point.”

  I took a sip. The dry wine tasted like acid in my mouth. “Get this shit away from me,” I said, thrusting the wine glass at Alex. “This is ridiculous. I need a scotch and an action movie with lots of shit blowing up. Maybe some half naked women, and I need to punch something really fucking hard.”