by Caitlin Sara
“You look so beautiful right now, the last thing I want to do is talk about this damn case.” Bothered, Lane moved between her legs as she sat on the side of his bed and leaned down, touching his forehead to hers. He remained there, forehead to forehead for a few moments, before planting his lips in her hair. “I can’t help you get past this if you don’t let me, baby.”
Ara fell back onto the bed and rolled on one side, pulling the comforter over her bare legs.
“It makes it real, Lane. I’ve never wanted this to be real, can’t you understand that? If I talk to someone, really talk to someone, it brings everything back, and then I have to relive it over and over again. Don’t you understand I just want to forget it, try to move on without rehashing it every damn day.”
Lane placed a hand to her lower back. “But it is real, babe. As real as it gets. You have to be in the best place mentally to deal with all of this. Both of our prints are on that gun. You know what that looks like for the police? We have to stay ahead of them and we can’t do that if you aren’t healthy.”
Ara shot up, forcing Lane to jump back in reaction to her sudden movement. “When did you speak to the police about me?”
“They called me in. I had to. Obviously, you forgot I’m a detective myself. Jesus, Ara, calm down!” Once again, they met face to face but this time with burning conviction.
“When were you going to tell me this?” she demanded, sweat forming at her brow, something he noticed happened when she was stressed. “I trusted you.”
“I think the real question is why the hell you’re this upset. You look like you’re gonna throw up. This is what I’m talking about, you can’t overreact like this over small things like me meeting with the police.”
“It may seem small to you, but I just don’t like people talking about me! And everyone around me seems to be talking, and I’m sick of it!” Ara darted to the front door, grabbing her cell phone from the bedside table on her way. “I already had one lying husband, I don’t need someone else in my life like that. Stay the hell away from me for now.” Lane opened his mouth to argue, but she was already out the door and clearly not interested in his apology.
***
Dr. Dan was thrilled to get Ara’s call. Of course he didn’t mind meeting her at his apartment; he would meet her anywhere. Plus she sounded stressed and was short-winded on the phone. So he picked up the essentials from his desk—phone, keys, and wallet—and locked his office door behind him. Maybe he was acting paranoid, but Harley seemed to be extremely interested in where he went these days, and after his outburst, the last thing he needed was her snooping around.
“I’m taking an early lunch,” he said, offering no further explanation.
But now he paced the apartment, his head flooded with possible scenarios. Already twenty minutes late, maybe, like last time, she wouldn’t show at all. All he could do was wait. Nervously he picked at minor details in his living room until a text flashed across his phone’s screen.
Downstairs.
He raced to the call button to notify the doorman. Moments later, Ara was standing in front of him, modestly dressed and stunning as ever.
Dr. Dan slowly crossed the room and reached out to her. She accepted his embrace and held onto him for a short while before backing out of his arms. “It’s been a while, Doctor.”
“Yes, too long, Ara. I’ve missed you.” He nervously fumbled with his hands before patting the cushion on his couch. “Sit, please. God, I can’t believe you’re here.”
Ara walked over to the sofa and sat next to him, retreating when he put a hand on her leg. Picking up on her signals, Dr. Dan quickly moved his hand back to his own lap. “How are you doing?”
“Better than you would think.”
“I’m so glad. You look wonderful.”
Sitting in an uncomfortable silence, they each kept their distance, feeling the other out for the first move. Ara’s phone buzzed, and she read quickly through a text message, then tucked her phone into her purse. “You said you had something I needed to know about the night Brad was killed. So here I am.”
“Well, first and foremost, I wanted to check up on you. I care for you, Ara, and obviously, you are going through some shit.”
“It’s been years, though.”
“Yes.” He swallowed, considering his next words wisely. “Doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of you. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you fondly. I still love and care for you a great deal.”
Her eyes held his, unmoved by the endearing phrase. “Don’t talk like that. Love is a very weighted word.”
Dan wanted to pull her into him, tell her everything was going to be all right. Comfort her like he used to when the world stomped her down. He could see through her attempts at holding her shell together, and more than anything he wanted to let her fall apart. “I know you, Ara, and I know this must be very difficult for you.”
And he did know her. Dan may not have seen Ara since she’d left him feeling used and tossed away years earlier, but he’d had access to her innermost thoughts since she was a teenager. No man could ever compete with that—not even Brad. In Dan’s office, she’d revealed who she truly was: an abstract painting of competing emotions—adventurous and reserved, a touch psychotic but with a worldly intelligence. Ara Hopkins was a little bit of everything, and depending on the day, her character could reveal many traits. There was a time when he thought she was truly capable of anything. Maybe even murder, and that honestly turned him on.
“You knew a teenager, Doctor. Not the woman I am today. Our relationship was wrong on so many levels. It took me a long time to realize that you don’t know anything about me anymore.”
He tried not to look visibly hurt as he sank into the couch, holding his head in his hands before looking back up at her, his eyes begging for some indication that she still cared for him. “You've always been the brightest light in my very, very dark world. It may not have been right, but I’ve never regretted a moment of what I did with you.”
She raised her hand, slapping him hard across his right cheek before crumpling into a pile of free-flowing tears. “I don’t know why I came here,” she sobbed. “I promised myself I would never need you again. You were never any good for me.”
He brushed the loose hairs from her eyes. It killed him to see her flinch to his touch. “I've always needed you, Ara, don’t you get that?” He moved in to comfort her, placing his hands on her shoulders.
“No, you’ve always needed me behind closed doors! Even when I was old enough, I was never good enough for you in public. It always had to be in secret. Do you know what that felt like? Feeling everyday like I wasn’t good enough for you?”
“Please forgive me. For everything, Ara.” He took another move closer to her, almost unable to hold himself back from scooping her up in both arms.
“This was a huge mistake,” she said as she tried to brush him away to stand and leave, but he grabbed her arms, holding her close to him. Ara threw her weight against him, but he wouldn’t let go of her. She tried to slap him, but he held tight to her wrist as she kicked her legs, feverishly trying to break from his hold. He pulled her down and onto her back and tightly secured her wrists above her head.
“Shhhhh, baby, I'm not going to hurt you. You need to calm down.” His forearms were now pressed to her body holding her to the floor. Her face was soaked with tears. “Be a good girl, Ara. I'm not going to hurt you.” It was more difficult than he anticipated, to be this close to her. His mind raced back to all of the times he had made love to her, back when she welcomed him on top of her. Losing control, he kissed her lips, then her neck and chest, forcing himself onto her as she squirmed and fought against him underneath.
When she tried to yell, he quickly put his right hand over her mouth, his left still holding her wrists. She bit down hard on his hand.
“What the hell, Ara!” Dan yelled, not expecting that escalation. He jumped back, releasing her wrists. She rolled over to her stomach and g
ot to her feet, barely taking a step toward the door before he yelled, “I know who killed your husband!”
Ara stopped dead in her tracks, then crumpled to the floor. She was out cold. He leaned over and gathered her into his arms, holding he against him, delivering a single kiss to her cheek.
After moving her to his bed, he laid with one arm draped loosely over Ara’s waist, finally feeling what he had hoped for when she walked in the door. He knew there would be something raw between them, but hoped when she saw him the warmth would come back to push out the bad. He leaned in closer, kissing the bare skin at the base of her neck. With his eyes closed, he took it all in. For two years now he’d wanted to be back in this position and had used many unknowing women as space holders, desperately searching for the one who could distract him. But his infatuation for Ara Hopkins ran deep, and as he’d learned, it was insatiable. No other woman could ever quench his thirst.
CHAPTER 33
Desperate to find Ara, Lane paced her apartment, thinking of who she would run to or if she would run to anyone at all. Thank God he’d traced the mystery friend Danielle’s number he had seen in Ara’s phone weeks ago. His gut feeling that the tone was off in the messages had been spot on. Danielle was in fact Dr. Daniel DaVedere, an unconventional therapist on the Upper East Side who had a practice in the building he picked her up at a week ago. He wasn’t pleased that Ara felt she had to lie to him about seeing a therapist, but he wasn’t angry either. With everything his poor girl had been through in the past months, living in such a public turmoil, he felt she deserved a few secrets. Especially if they were as harmless as seeing a shrink.
He typed the doctor’s name into the search bar on his phone and clicked the call option. A bubbly, young receptionist answered.
“I’d like to speak with Doctor DaVedere, it’s important,” Lane said, hoping it was common practice to hold back on the details.
“Dr. Dan is out for lunch at the moment. Can I take a message?” Lane may have been digging, but he thought he noticed a slight tremor in the receptionist’s voice.
“Do you know when he will be back?”
“Unfortunately, he was called into an emergency situation. If you leave your name, I can have him return your call when he is back in the office.” Under the woman’s well-practiced receptionist voice, Lane sensed something amiss.
“I’ll call back tomorrow, thanks.” He hung up the phone and grabbed his keys. He hoped he’d be able to get more out of Dr. Dan’s receptionist in person than over the phone.
CHAPTER 34
Ara woke on her back, pillows propping her head and knees, a cold washcloth covering her eyes, and a familiar body next to her breathing ever so slightly. For a minute or so she kept still, recalling the security Dr. Dan had once provided. Unfortunately, he now offered nothing she wished to indulge in. At one point of her life she wanted nothing more than to feel the full extent of his love, but here, laying in his bed as a grown woman, she wanted to blame him for everything he truly was. The first man in her life to be full of words whose actions never reciprocated. Who professed feelings disguised as passion and a man who robbed her of her youth by allowing her to grow up too quickly. Her buzzing cell phone transported her back to reality. Lane.
“I need to get that.”
“I’ll grab it for you,” Dan said, swinging his legs to stand on the opposite side. “Seems like your friend Lane really needs to reach you. Your phone has been going off non-stop.”
“I walked out on him, he’s just worried,” she said, slowly bringing herself to sit up, her head spinning.
“Seems a little controlling to me.” Dr. Dan handed her the phone and she scrolled through the messages and missed calls. Seconds later, there was pounding on the door.
Wiping her face down with the wet washcloth, Ara exhaled, giving herself a moment before dealing with the escalating situation.”
“Where is she?” she heard Lane insist as he forced himself inside when Dan opened the door. Knowing that Lane was losing his temper, she rushed to the bedroom doorway. Dan and Lane were face-to-face, flirting with making it physical.
“Lane! Stop it,” she yelled.
“Are you kidding me right now?” Lane backed up, jolted to see Ara emerging from the doctor’s bedroom.
“It’s not what you think,” Ara explained rushing over to him. “Please, Lane, don’t be upset with me.” Dr. Dan’s eyes dropped as she rushed past him to comfort Lane. Standing on the tips of her toes, she brushed his hair back and kissed him, holding his two-day stubble in her hands.
“You’re seeing your therapist in his bedroom now?” Lane demanded, looking crushed.
“I’m sorry I ran out, I really am, I’m so sorry.” Ara kissed Lane again, releasing some of the anger from his body. Tears stung her eyes before becoming too much to hold in, staining her cheeks. Despite being angry at him for his lies earlier in the day, she realized she cared much more about hurting him than she’d thought she would. If he ever told her he loved her again, she knew she now had a response.
Lane drew her in, his left arm around her waist, his right holding the back of her head. Surrendering, he said, “Me, too, Ara. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you right away when they called.” Quietly, she allowed a few more tears to fall on his shoulder. “You know I only want what’s best for you. I just can’t figure out what the hell that is right now, but I’m trying, I really am, Ara.”
Dan cleared his throat before saying, “We can continue our conversation another time.” Lane shot him a threatening glance. “At the office, of course.”
Ara held tight to his hand, thankful he was willing to forgive her, remembering how stubborn Brad could be. “We can all talk. Right here, right now. You said you knew who killed Brad,” she said with a challenging stare toward Dan. “Anything you were going to tell me about that night, you can do so in front of Lane.”
She walked Lane over to the couch, sitting with her hand still in his. She wanted him to know that no matter what was said, she needed him. Dr. Dan hesitantly followed and sat on the edge of a single adjacent Victorian-style armchair.
“As I said, I called you here first and foremost to check up on you, Ara. Being a past patient and all,” Dr. Dan began as Lane placed his hand on Ara’s thigh. Dr. Dan continued, “Secondly, because I have reason to believe I know who murdered your husband, Brad.” Ara felt Lane flinch at the mention of Brad from Dan’s lips.
Lane jumped in before Ara could speak, “And what reason would you have to say something like this?” Ara was happy he did, remembering why she had passed out in the first place. What did Dan think he knew? Every scenario she could come up with was damaging.
“Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Clearly angry and unsatisfied with the response, Lane stood. “You drag Ara over here with false promises, just to back out and pull this?!”
The two men began yelling and pushing each other, caught up in their own argument. Lane was the first to notice Ara had covered her ears and was rocking back and forth with tears pouring down her face.
“Stay the hell away from her!” Lane yelled to Dr. Dan as he lifted Ara from the couch and lead her toward the door.
“Ara, don’t you want to know?” Dan called out, but Ara buried herself further into Lane’s shoulder. Did she want to know?
Brushing the outline of her face, Lane kissed her. “The man’s a freaking lunatic, you understand me?” he said as he set her down outside the apartment. “He doesn’t know anything, he’s just trying to get involved, who knows why. I don’t think you should ever speak to him again. I’m sorry, but never.”
Ara paused slightly and adjusted her tank top to better cover her chest, feeling exposed. “He tried to rape me, Lane. I didn’t want to tell you . . .” But she couldn’t finish, the damage had been done. Lane looked down at her, his eyes swelling with agony before he turned back to the apartment. Bursting through the door and grabbing Dr. Dan by the shirt, Lane lifted him from the groun
d before delivering a final blow.
CHAPTER 35
Ara gave Lane just enough information to keep him from prying further. They were now safely lying on her sofa, her head in his lap as he raked through her hair with his fingers. The TV hummed Netflix favorites in the background, filling the silence she knew he wanted to break so badly. She didn’t blame him for having more questions. She had not been honest, to say the least, about her relationship with the doctor. Lane deserved so much better than that. And then to drop the rape bomb on him. The last thing she wanted to do was bring him down with her as her life spiraled out of control.
“He brought everything I did to him on himself. I need to know that you know that,” Lane said, dancing his fingertips across her scalp. “I don’t want you to think I’m a monster who has no control over his actions. I’m not going to let anyone do that to you ever. I would kill him first, you understand me? No matter the cost.”
It was exactly what she was afraid of, Lane throwing away his life and his career for her.
“I could never think that. He is the monster, Lane. Not you. He could only hope to be as good of a man as you are.” Ara rolled over onto her back to look up at him. His tortured expression focused ahead, looking through the television.
“I hate that after having a professional relationship with you for all of those years, he would even think to take advantage of you like that. And worse, at a time in your life when you need people to hold onto that you could trust. He’s a coward, Ara. A no-good coward. You need to let me call it in. This is not going unpunished. He needs to pay.”
If only he knew everything.
Ara sat up, gathering her hair over one shoulder. “Absolutely not. I’m not strong enough right now. Not to mention you have your own career to worry about and you are not jeopardizing everything you built for yourself over me.” Knowing he needed more convincing she added, “You said it yourself. You can’t protect me if your reputation is not intact at work. You need to remain detached from me, at least in the eyes of the law and your job. Dan isn’t going to say anything, and we don’t need to either.”
