River's Winter

by Leanne Davis

  “Oh, my God. Jacob, this is so… oh, my God!” she uttered before she groaned softly. Jacob watched her closely. He stopped moving to be sure they were engaged in every way, experiencing this intimate union one hundred percent and being present in the moment.

  They stared at each other as he slid in and out of her. Unlike before, the quick, desperate urges for kissing and exploring each other with their hands and mouths were subdued. But this was even more fantastic. Taking it long and slow, Luna was sure she’d never made love so enjoyably before. He was the reason. Starting with the affectionate way he held her hands while squeezing her fingers, and how he liked to stare into her eyes and hold her gaze. His soft, tender kisses enhanced his hardness, and the long, drawn-out strokes sent sparks throughout her entire body. She was awash in the fire and heat. Rainbows flashed in her brain, swirling in vivid colors that reflected the heat and joy and light.

  At the very end, he impaled her, and his body jerked when his hips hammered into hers for a full orgasm. He shut his eyes and allowed the overwhelming waves crash over him as he squeezed Luna in his arms.

  Nearly collapsing on her, he was very careful to avoid her injured foot. His body was balanced half on hers, and half to the side, and their combined warmth and sweat blended together. The cold air instantly dissipated along with the loneliness she felt in her soul.

  Jacob looked up and riveted his eyes on her again, indulging an intense gaze. “You okay?”

  “Gloriously so…” she smiled. Her eyes felt so sleepy and heavy. “That was… Oh, Jacob, there are no words.”

  “You are… so amazing, Luna. I… I really care about you.”

  Her heart skipped a beat and she opened her eyes wider.

  “Don’t get freaked out yet, because I’m not saying I’m falling in love with you… not yet,” Jacob continued “Nor am I reacting to those breathtaking orgasms. I’m just saying I care about you very deeply because it’s true. I’ve spent most of my life as a callous, rude asshole. I never told people what I really thought or felt, because I really didn’t do much thinking or feeling. I feel different now. More honest. I only want to be real with you.”

  “I’ve never had anyone say that to me, Jacob. And, yes, I care very much about you too. What you just did with me…”

  “Compensated for the first time?”

  “There was no need for any compensation. The first time was hot, explosive, and spontaneous. I loved it. But this time was so tender. It was incredible.” She lifted her head to kiss his lips. “Whatever you were before is over. I’m so glad to know you now.”

  He closed his eyes and let her words touch him. He became so choked up, he couldn’t reply so he lowered his head to kiss her. Burying his face between her breasts, he clutched her closely as if she had become his only lifeline.

  ****

  Jacob loved the week he spent with Luna. They slept a lot and resting did wonders to soothe Luna’s strung out nerves. They ate a lot, too. Luna kept complaining that she had to go on a strict diet after all the calories they ingested. Jacob’s response was to grab her into a tight hug and pepper her with kisses to let her know he didn’t care if she gained weight. He just wanted to grab, rub, kiss, lick, and so on. He was pretty sure she got the message. They experimented with sex in every conceivable position her injured leg could comfortably and safely allow. Several times, she was happy Jacob was so much taller than her. He was strong enough to hold them both and when he did, the thrill was something neither wanted to miss out on. They would bundle up in blankets and sit out on the back deck, looking out at a magnificent vista they couldn’t describe in words. The endless ridges of craggy peaks disappeared like the horizon at sunset, and the mountains faded into black night. The sky was a brilliant blue each day although the temperature never rose above ten degrees. The snow-laden pines decorated the mountainous landscape and it looked prettier than a Christmas card. Drinking mugs of hot chocolate, apple cider, tea or coffee, they adored stripping down and making love in front the fire. They did that a lot. For many hours.

  The first day, while Luna was dressing, Jacob said he’d be right back before pulling up to the front door on a snowmobile he rented. Luna emerged when she heard him revving it up. She clapped with surprise. “You didn’t.”

  He smiled to see her happy, shining grin, only realizing that until they came up here, he’d never seen her grin so wide. “Oh, yes, I totally did. You can’t sit inside the cabin all week nursing your damn foot, so this is the next best thing.”

  All bundled up in winter clothes, they spent several hours every afternoon exploring the many miles of groomed backcountry trails maintained by the resort. Another one of the perks they offered. Since it was January, not too many people were around. Jacob and Luna felt like they owned the whole chain of mountains. Clad in their snow gear, hats, goggles, and helmets, no one could recognize them. Jacob was careful not to injure her foot and he loved that she trusted him so unconditionally to keep her safe. He’d ridden snowmobiles all over the ranch many years ago and was very proficient.

  They stopped one afternoon at a frozen river. The center of the river consisted of a giant chunk of ice, so it could only flow in a small trickle. The afternoon sun caught the ice, lighting up the snow and water with its brilliance. Jacob stopped the machine and ripped off his helmet before he did hers. Then he started kissing her passionately. He wouldn’t stop kissing her. Laughing with surprise, she happily wrapped her arms around his neck. “What was that for?”

  “The most beautiful spot I’ve ever come upon had to be celebrated with the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.”

  She smiled softly, touching his cheek with her puffy Gortex mitten. “Seriously?”

  “Not only the most beautiful personality, but you are a goddess in appearance.” He touched her long, dark hair and smoothed it from the helmet impression. It was pressed around the bottom of her neck. Her eyes were so dark and luminous, and her sweet face was perfectly proportioned. Jacob adored her small smile and perfectly shaped teeth. There was a gentleness in her looks as well as her demeanor, but underneath, she had the strength of steel. The stuff of heroes. “I’ve never been around anyone like you before. I can’t…”

  His breath hitched as he felt the weight of his feelings for Luna. His lungs felt like a vise was squeezing them, suffocating him. He’d never experienced anything so wonderful and powerful until he met Luna.

  Well, fuck. Maybe the heroin was the closest comparison. It was like the dragon he chased after the first high, although he never got close to it again. Luna made him smile and laugh and listen, things he was never successful at before. He felt so healthy. Strong. Sure. Confident. But was it too soon? He realized that a future with Luna could be so much brighter than anything he’d imagined. His future. He never considered having one until now. Never as an adult. Looking around at the scenery, he thought, what a great spot to visit in the summer. They could have a picnic there in July. And swim in the Columbia River in August. And next year, after Luna’s foot was healed, they could come back and hang out at the ski resort, which was just ten miles away. They could do all kinds of things together, and his brain was suddenly awash with ideas.

  Being with Luna made him care more about tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. For many years, Jacob didn’t care if he lived another hour. It was way too early to lay that pile of crap on her. Her emotions were still too fragile, and he did not want her anxiety from the shooting to cross her mind again.

  Jacob was pretty sure he was falling in love with Luna.

  And intelligent enough to realize it wasn’t fair to her. Or to expect her love in return.

  She had no clue about the best and worst parts of his recent history. Fear slithered down his spine, and he shut his eyes and leaned his forehead on hers. He savored how her warm breath on his cold face felt for several long moments. Finally, he said, “I don’t expect you to reciprocate, Luna. I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart that I really like
you.”

  She lifted her arms around his neck. He wanted to stay like that forever, wrapped up against her warm body. But tomorrow they were heading back to River’s End. Back on the grid. The stories about them would be out, so he had to tell her his whole truth. He knew he risked losing her. He feared she would be angry or disgusted or would ultimately reject him. He secretly hoped, however, that she’d give him another chance.

  Their last night in bed had her tossing and turning back and forth. He groggily turned over to wrap his arms around her. “Is your foot aching?” She got restless whenever that happened and sometimes her cast drove her nuts.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Maybe we did too much today. Did you take a pain pill?”

  “Yes, to both.” Her butt snuggled into his crotch. They were both naked, so it instantly made his dick aware of her.

  She giggled, and he smiled when she did it again. He pushed on her nipple and she twitched in response. “You’re such a brat. And two can play at that.” Flipping onto her back, Jacob assumed her foot was really bothering her since she didn’t often end their games once they started feeling each other.

  “It’s a lot more than that. I mean, my foot.”

  He smoothed the tangles in her hair. “Is it because we’re going back tomorrow?”

  “Yeah. I want to stay here forever. Just you and me. No public intrusion. No people. What if I return only to freak out in a public place again? I can’t go around avoiding all the normal places people have to frequent. My heart races when I try to imagine myself doing those normal things.”

  “We’ll deal with it. I swear we’ll find a way, and I’ll be with you every step. You might just need more time, or counseling or medicine. Whatever it ends up being, I promise I’ll be with you, that is, if you want me by your side.” He hoped she still wanted him. He ignored his own anxiety when his chest hurt and his head felt dizzy.

  “I have to walk into my place of business…”

  “Well, forcing yourself only makes it worse.” He rubbed her hair. “Don’t worry about it so much. It will happen when you’re good and ready.”

  “Is that before or after I go broke?”

  He hesitated before he replied. “You know, between Brianna and me, we could probably help you reopen it and get it back up and running. I can guarantee that my family and the ranch residents would gladly help, just like before.”

  She pressed her face against his chest. “Oh, Jacob. I really want that. But I know it’s wrong if I don’t do it. I have to be the one. And besides, when would any of you guys find the time?”

  He chuckled at her thoughts which kept overlapping before he answered, “When we get back, we’ll pool all your information about the café and decide what to do? Okay? We can help you at every step of the way and maybe with our help, you can do it.”

  Luna nodded. “Jacob?”

  “Yeah?” he replied, kissing the top of her head. His fingers combed through the feather-soft strands of her thick hair. He never liked touching anyone as much as he did Luna. He loved to show his affection although it had never been that way before.

  Sighing, he realized that.

  “I like you a lot too.”

  He smiled and held her tighter, not missing the tremble in her voice. What would tomorrow bring? Whatever brought them together also gave each of them a new awareness of each other’s lives, and now they had to return to the real world and all of its problems.

  Worse still, Jacob had no idea how to go back to that world without having Luna beside him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “…THE HERO FROM THE recent small-town shooting by Lester Zandinsky has quite an extensive history of not so heroic behavior. Jacob Starr, best known for tackling and disarming a violent mass shooter, Lester Zandinsky, in the hometown café located in the small hamlet of River’s End, spent the majority of the last few years as a heroin addict. He was also an inmate of a Seattle area correctional center. According to multiple sources…”

  Luna stopped dead from unpacking her bag as she stared at the TV. She blinked at the newscaster and his stupid, vile gossip, repeating unimportant facts but she listened all the same. Slowly setting her pile of socks down, she sat on the edge of her bed to stare at the TV that hung on her bedroom wall. She tilted her head. What? Grabbing the remote, she increased the volume.

  The newscaster continued. “Mr. Starr was arrested for burglary twice and once convicted on felony charges. Of particular note, he also suffered a nearly fatal overdose and received emergency medical services…”

  She blinked when Jacob’s picture appeared right in front of her. The TV flashed his photo… Oh, GOD! She had doubts it was him when she saw his mug shot. Similar to any other junkie she’d ever seen. Like any other bum who passed out on the street corner or in the back alley. His hair was unwashed, and it looked like he hacked it off with a knife. His face was creased with dirt. But when she saw his eyes, she wondered if it was even Jacob’s photo. They were flat, red, and worst of all, icy cold. They made him look dead and his gaze was empty.

  She glanced up to find him in person looming over her. He slowly leaned in and she stared at him in disbelief. Watching the TV again, her eyes widened into a silent scream. Jacob clicked the TV off, plunging her room into deafening silence.

  They had just returned from their trip. It had been the best thing for both of them, helping them process their anxiety and grief. Now it was all turned around. As they returned to River’s End, the night was falling, and Luna stared at the café as her stomach churned with repressed anger and hurt. The awful images also returned, but she was able to keep looking, whereas before, she had to turn away when the negative feelings overwhelmed her.

  Jacob brought all of her confusion into a focused direction and provided a new path for her. Something she far too quickly got used to. She had just started to unpack a load of laundry to wash while Jacob ran over to his mom’s house to let them know he was back. He said he wanted to check in with his family. Although he was anxious to leave, Luna didn’t question it until now. He must have gone there to see what had been most recently aired about him.

  Heroin. Addict. Overdose. Jail.

  Luna could only stare up at him as the room was eerily quiet. He stood there big-eyed, and his gorgeous mouth was bracketed with stress lines. He was obviously worried and maybe even scared.

  She dropped her gaze and stared hard at her clasped hands. “Was any of that true?”

  Jacob didn’t answer at first, but of course it was all true. No journalist could get away with that without clear evidence, right? They’d be in court on slander charges, right? She stared hard at Jacob and thought, please let that be wrong.

  “Yes. It’s true.”

  She sucked in a short breath and bit her lower lip but kept staring at her hands.

  “Luna?” His tone was so soft, it cracked and contracted when he repeated her name, “Luna?”

  “Is this why you took me away to the mountains?”

  “Yes.”

  She didn’t dare look up yet but licked her lips. Then he added, “I was hoping to know you better, so you’d see another side of me.”

  “You mean, rather than knowing you for being a heroin addict? And other criminal behavior? Is this just the tip of a really huge iceberg?”

  She glanced at his arm, but his sleeves were long and owing to the weather, she couldn’t remember if she studied either arm before.

  “Near the end of my addiction, I was injecting it between my toes. There’s nothing to see there.” She jerked at his personal comment and shuddered at the imagery. It forced her to look up at him. Standing before her, as he had so many times before, his golden hair shone in the lamp light, and his extra height and posture were that of a model. His skin was flawlessly clear, and his eyes were bright with undeniable intelligence. At least that’s what she had believed until now. He was clearly not using anymore. Not tonight.

  “Heroin? You injected a street drug into
your own body?” She couldn’t get her head around it.

  “Yes. That’s what heroin addicts do.”

  “For how long?”

  “Four… maybe five years. I can’t remember exactly. I mean, I shot up, but I lived at home for the first few years, so it wasn’t a constant activity.”

  “And then what happened?”

  “Then I hit the streets and couch-surfed.”

  Dropping down into a chair, he took her hand in his. “Please don’t let it ruin us. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I know, Luna. I know what you are thinking and what it makes me. I have been sober and clean for a full two years. Honestly. I refused to come home until I was. Until November.”

  She gaped at him in astonishment. “All that stuff you said about being back and seeking a new life… you meant you were rebuilding it after heroin?”

  “Yes. My mom and sister even thought I was dead for the last three years. After I did time in prison, I never contacted them until I was good and sober.”

  “Why? What were you in there for?”

  “I ransacked a place. Burglary.”

  “Was that the only time it happened?”

  “No, it was the only time I got caught. I never worked before. It’s a pretty desperate, time-consuming, fucking habit. I couldn’t work and honestly, I didn’t want to. I needed the fix, so I needed money.”

  “I can’t believe I thought you were so modest about being called heroic and saying you never did anything important or selfless. I just assumed it was about not working at a higher paying job or because you flunked out of college… not… never anything like this.”

  “I know, Luna. Please don’t say we’re done. I know it’s a lot to take in. I understand how shocking this is, but I promise you… I’m not an addict or a criminal anymore.” He used his hand to indicate the now black TV.

  She slipped her hand away from his.

  “How can I be sure that if we have a fight, or I say the wrong thing, that you won’t run back to your old habits and start up again? I always heard the sobriety rates long term are pretty slim.”