by DC Renee
The past few conversations I’d had with Nora had turned into cry fests on her part. My parents didn’t have money to pay for a wedding, Nora and Damien didn’t have money to pay for a wedding, and Damien’s parents had only a bit saved up they could offer up.
“Just enough for a nice wedding dress, on sale maybe,” Nora had whined.
“Nora, you don’t want to get married until next summer anyway. You have time to save up.”
“And how much can I truly save up in a year?”
“A year and a few months,” I countered, but the exasperated sigh on the other end told me that I wasn’t helping.
“How about a small wedding?”
“That still costs money, P. There are basic costs associated with a wedding no matter how big or small. Music, flowers, food.” She ticked off a list of things that were mandatory as if I didn’t know that already.
“But fewer guests equal less food, and there you go, you saved money.”
“This is my day, Paige.” I knew she was being serious when she said my full name. “You of all people should understand how important that day is to me. You get exactly why I want it to be perfect when I marry the love of my life.”
She hit a soft spot … a nerve … hell, she hit five jackpots in a row followed by the lottery, the Super Bowl, and the Stanley Cup Finals. I wanted to strangle her for reminding me, for rubbing it in, but I also felt compassion for her. I knew realistically that none of the materialistic things mattered as long as you married the person you were meant to be with. Yet I believed in that whole “this is how you start your lives together” thing and that meant a big, grand, fantastic wedding filled with love, happiness, laughter, and joy.
“Okay, Nora, I get it. What can I do to help? I don’t have much savings, but whatever I have and whatever I earn from now until then is yours.”
“Thanks, P. That means a lot, but I don’t think that will cover it.”
“Yeah, probably not, but whatever I can do, you know I will.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
“Oh?”
“You have access to Enzo’s money, right?”
“Yes,” I answered hesitantly, not liking where I knew this was going, but holding out hope that she wasn’t going to ask.
“I know you hate taking it, I know you want to be independent and not rely on them, which is why I really hate to ask you this.”
“So don’t,” I cut her off, knowing what she was about to ask.
“Just a loan, P. I swear I’ll pay it back. I just don’t have that kind of cash up front.”
“Nora, no.” My voice was low but stern.
“Paige, please. I don’t have any other options.”
“You can’t ask me to do that. You know how I feel about using their money.”
“I get it, I do, but I’m not asking you to take their money for your own gain. And I really do mean it when I say that I hate asking you. You don’t know how much it’s taking me to ask you this because I know what it means to you. I wouldn’t ask you if I had any other choice, but I don’t. I swear to you it’ll be just a loan. I’ll pay it back in installments over the next few months.” Her voice was cracking, her words so hesitant that I could physically feel her regret in having to utter them.
“Nora,” I said her name as if it was a plea. I’d do it if I had to, especially when I could feel her own warring heart through the phone, asking me for something she knew I’d hate.
“Maybe Enzo won’t even notice the money was ever gone if we pay it back quickly.”
“It’s not about Enzo!” I yelled, not because of her words but because I hated that everything always circled back to him.
“Everything is about him, P,” she whispered. “Your whole life is about him and this sham marriage you’re in. But I’m asking you to help me get my dreams going at the expense of yours. I know how horrible that is, but I’m still asking.”
“I don’t know, Nora. I just don’t know,” I answered, completely torn.
“I’ll give it to her.” I heard the smooth baritone of his voice behind me. Suddenly, I could feel how close he was to me. I hadn’t heard him come into my room. He hardly ever did, and usually, it was if we were heading to a family function and he needed assistance with a tie or something along those lines.
“Paige?” I heard Nora’s question in my ear.
“I’ll give it to her,” Enzo repeated. “No loan, no taking it out from the account so that I won’t know. She can take all the money she needs.”
I whirled around, the phone still pressed to my ear, my heart racing, blood boiling. He had no right to barge in on the conversation, no right to take away my choice, and even less right to dictate my life through my sister. And I bet he thought he was so clever in undermining me this way.
I expected a smug look on his face when I turned around, something like satisfaction that he was going to be the hero when I couldn’t be. Instead, he was earnest, like maybe he was truly trying to help. It didn’t make sense. Why on earth would he give Nora money for a wedding? He didn’t care about Nora. Heck, he didn’t even like Nora. The contradicting emotions made me so angry.
“Stay out of this,” I said as I pointed a finger at him.
“Your sister needs money, and I have more than I need. I’ll give it to her and problem solved.”
“I don’t want your blood money and neither does my family! It’ll be a loan if anything,” I said, my words sounding a bit stupid even to my own ears.
“Blood money?” He chuckled. “What the heck does that mean?”
“Blood money …” I started, trying to find a way to explain what I meant when I truly didn’t understand it myself. “Like hush money for being in this marriage. I didn’t want this, and I still don’t, so I sure as hell am not going to use your family for things I can take care of myself.”
“So you’re going to pay for your sister’s wedding?”
“That’s beside the point. You’re just doing this to get under my skin.”
“How is this getting under your skin?”
“You’re eavesdropping on my conversation, you’re ignoring what I say, and you’re doing this to get my sister on your side.”
“She’s already on my side.” He smiled. “And even if the last part were true, what would I gain by doing that?”
It vaguely occurred to me that this was one of the most civil arguments we ever had. It was more like a discussion actually. “Because you hate me and you want to take away whatever I have left of that’s mine, including my sister.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Then why would you give her money for a wedding.”
“I already told you – to help her out. Like it or not, you’re my wife and she’s your sister. That makes her family. I take care of what’s mine.”
“Funny way of showing it,” I mumbled.
Something passed over his eyes, something that looked an awful lot like regret, but before I could process it, he seemed to get the last word. “Look, Paige, there is no sinister motive behind this; there is no rhyme or reason. It’s just money. Tell Nora that I’ll be in touch.” He turned and strode out before I could understand what just happened.
“He likes you.” Nora’s voice broke me out of my daze.
“What are you talking about?”
“‘Like it or not, you’re my wife. I take care of what’s mine.’” She repeated his words. “Sounds to me like a possessive guy, and guys are only possessive if it’s something worth being possessive over. In other words, he likes you.”
“He tolerates me, and only barely.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“Don’t think this means I’m not upset about all this.”
“I know, and if it means that much to you, I won’t take Enzo’s money, P.” The defeat in her voice crushed me. She meant it. She hadn’t always been a good sister, as proven moments earlier, but when she was there, she was great. I couldn’t stand in her way and
be the bad one.
“I love you, Nora. You deserve a grand wedding, and if I have to suffer in this sham of a marriage, at least there are perks. One of which is being able to give you the perfect wedding. Take his money and don’t think twice.”
“I love you, P.”
Enzo kept his word and forked out money every time Nora needed it. It stung every time I knew he did because I couldn’t tell if he had truly done something selfless just because Nora was my family or for some ulterior motive I’d never know about. Nora swore it was because he was a good guy. I hated to admit it, but I was leaning toward that, too. I just couldn’t merge the two Enzos I knew into one.
*****
The next year flew by in a hurry. Between helping Nora plan her big day, work, school, and Enzo, time seemed to think it was a racecar trying to get first place and I was the car stuck in the back trying to catch up. It was no easy feat to try to keep bridezilla calm from a different state, but I managed okay. Being the overachiever I was in high school, I had enough college credit that I didn’t have to stress too much to try to graduate on time. I had shaved off almost a semester thanks to my credits, but working and going to school full time was no walk in the park. And lastly, it was hard work trying to figure out what was going on with Enzo. Okay, that was a lie. It was hard work trying to figure out my reactions and my feelings toward Enzo. They shifted from day to day, but I swear he was getting nicer. Either that or I was becoming immune to his crap attitude.
There were days when I’d want to punch him, scream at him, roll my eyes, and mock his three loving words – hey, what did you know, there were days I actually did some of those things. It was not as if he was going for sainthood. Yet those days were starting to grow farther and farther apart. There were days where we shared a laugh, when he actually asked how my day was or when he’d answer my mundane questions. I loved those days, but I actually didn’t mind the days when we argued. I hated to admit it, but those days felt like verbal foreplay. I was officially insane; I knew this because no one would think having a fight with her husband was more feisty and less frustrating. But that was how I felt. I knew it in part had to do with the fact that I was just used to that behavior, but I think I actually liked seeing Enzo riled up … well, to a degree. When his eyes would just go from bright to blazing, when the muscles in his neck started pulsing, when he curled his hands into fists – but didn’t make a move, as if he was physically restraining himself – it was kind of hot. He was all male in those moments … correction, all alpha male, not that he wasn’t most of the time, either. I had probably read too many books and had an unrealistic expectation that the bad guy would change some of his ways. In a way, though, he did.
The only times I didn’t find this sexy was when I pushed him too far and he’d stalk toward me or throw something. There was this fine line between strong sexy and strong scary, and I seemed to stand with one foot on either side at all times, and I kind of liked seeing how far I could push the boundaries. It somehow made me feel powerful. Yep, I was definitely insane.
To say when Nora’s wedding finally rolled around that I was one hundred percent thrilled would be a bald-faced lie. I was truly happy for her, and I wanted nothing but the day to go smoothly, and for her and Damien to start their lives together in perfect harmony. That didn’t mean I wasn’t mourning the loss of my perfect life. I knew that in reality, there could have been a million reasons why I’d never get my happily ever after. I talked the big talk about what I was missing, and truthfully, I might not be missing anything at all, but that was the thing about dreams – they were what you strived for, not necessarily what you attained. So I knew that whining about Enzo ruining my dream wedding and fantastic marriage was growing old. And in all honesty, it wasn’t technically his fault. I could have blamed myself; I could have blamed my parents or Nora; I could have blamed Gerry, but I got tired of blaming period. So I accepted my life as an “it is what it is,” but that didn’t mean I was content.
So naturally, when I walked down the aisle as matron of honor rather than a true bride, I cried. I told everyone I was crying tears of joy, which to a tiny degree, I was, but mostly, I was grieving. I didn’t know how or why he did it, but Enzo seemed to understand that I wasn’t all there that day. He was attentive because we were in public, so that was a given, but there was something extra in the way he treated me. It was as if he knew when to treat me with kid gloves, as if I was on the verge of a breakdown, and when to treat me like I was normal and needed to suck it up. I liked my husband just a little more that day.
Other than my personal issues, Nora’s wedding went off without a hitch. She was a stunning bride, and we did a bang-up job of planning her wedding. Yes, I did say we. I managed to put in a lot of time and effort into all the details.
Gerry flew us all in for the wedding. I hated taking anything from him, but I reasoned that his private, yes, private, plane was going that way anyway, so it wasn’t any trouble to hitch a ride. Otherwise, I would have probably driven all the way there, and I wasn’t sure how well that would have worked, especially since I only had a few days between my last final and Nora’s wedding.
It was at the brunch after the wedding that things kind of came crashing down.
“When are you leaving on your honeymoon again? Next Wednesday, right?” I asked Nora as we sipped some champagne, which was surprisingly helping our hangovers.
“This Wednesday,” she responded.
“What do you mean this Wednesday? I thought you said it was a week after the wedding.”
“I said it was the week after the wedding.” I must have had some kind of look cross over my face although I tried to hide the disappointment. “Why? What’s the big deal?” she asked.
“You’re missing my graduation,” I whispered.
“What do you mean?” she asked, completely confused. “You started school a semester late, so you’re only walking next year.” She stated it as if it was fact. Had I been any other student, I probably would be a year late at least, but I had pushed myself not to truly lose any time, especially since I had planned to go to graduate school. I had just gotten the acceptance in the mail to the one and only school I had applied to a few days before. I hadn’t told anyone yet. I was waiting until after the wedding.
“I’m finishing on time, Nora. I had enough credits to save a semester, and with my course load, I’m done.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her upset tone clearly obvious.
“I did. I told you a few times. You even said you’d be there.”
“I thought you meant next year!” she cried. “Oh God, P, I’m so sorry! I haven’t really been all there since I started planning this wedding, and it didn’t register properly.” Her eyes were watery and the sincerity in her voice made me realize she was truly sad that she was missing my graduation. “Wait, don’t worry, we’ll fix this. Damien,” she called to her new husband.
“What are you doing?” I asked just as Damien walked up.
“What’s up, babe?” he asked.
“We have to change our honeymoon dates.”
“What? Why?” he asked incredulously.
“Because my baby sister is graduating this, what, Friday?” she asked me.
“Yes, but you’re not changing anything!” I practically screamed. This was a big deal for me, but her honeymoon was a bigger deal. “Damien, don’t listen to her. I’ve had a few graduations already, elementary, junior high, high school, and she’ll be at my grad school one. But you only have one honeymoon.”
“I want to be at this one, too,” Nora whined.
“I’m sorry, babe, but everything is already paid for and scheduled. It’s not going to be easy to reschedule, and it certainly won’t be cheap.”
“There,” I announced. “It’s a sign that you are meant to go and enjoy your honeymoon. I’ll send you pictures.”
“I’ll photoshop myself in.” Nora laughed, but I could tell she wasn’t one hundred percent thrilled, which m
ore than made up for the fact that she wouldn’t be there. At least, my parents would be.
“Oh God, P,” Nora cried out, her face going white. “Mom and Dad are going to miss it, too.”
“What do you mean?”
She called over our parents as I continued to watch her with a puzzled expression. My parents walked over, and somehow, Enzo appeared by my side as well.
“Paige is graduating on Friday,” Nora announced the minute my parents appeared.
“What?” my dad asked just as my mom said, “A year early? That’s wonderful!”
“Does no one listen to me?” I mumbled out loud.
“What do you mean?” my mom asked.
“I’m not early. I’m on time. And I told you guys this months ago. You said you wouldn’t miss my graduation.” I was starting to sound like both a broken record and a whiny child, but I had the right to sound that way.
“You did?” my mom asked.
“Yeah, I did,” I responded flatly.
“It doesn’t matter, honey, we’ll be there this year or next year.”
“No, you’re not,” Nora chimed in.
“No, we’re not,” my dad added as if some realization passed over him.
“Oh no,” my mom finally cried out.
“Can someone please fill me in?” I asked.
“Oh God, with all the stress of this wedding, your mom and I decided that we needed a little break. So we saved up some money and we’re going on a small vacation.”
“When?” I asked, my heart breaking.
“Tomorrow. We leave from here.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“I’m so sorry, honey. I thought we did. It must have fallen through the cracks,” my mom told me. “We’ll just cancel our trip, or we’ll come back early. We’ll be there.”
I really wanted to say, “No, it’s fine, don’t cancel,” but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I really wanted my family there. I couldn’t admit it out loud, but I still needed their approval, and this was part of it. It also kind of pissed me off that they hadn’t listened to me again. Nora, I could understand. She truly was under pressure, but my parents hadn’t put in a single hand toward the wedding, so what stress they referred to was beyond me. Also, if they were so broke, how the heck did they even have money for a vacation? Yep, I was bitter.
