by DC Renee
So I didn’t say anything. I think they were expecting me to, but when I didn’t respond for another few minutes, they walked away and started making some calls, presumably to postpone their trip.
“I’m so sorry, Paige,” my mom started about thirty minutes later. “We tried everything we could, but if we cancel now, they can only refund us twenty-five percent of the trip, and if we try to come back early, there are so many rescheduling fees that it’s cheaper to cancel. We just can’t afford to do that.”
“We’ll be there in spirit, kiddo. We’re very proud of you,” my dad added to try to soften the blow. I just nodded, told them I understood, and started packing to head back home the next day. The sad part was that I did understand why they couldn’t cancel, but it didn’t make the fact that they booked a trip during that time any less painful. Once again, I was second to something. This time, it was to a freaking vacation.
Enzo handled me as if I was a fragile piece of china all the way home, but once we got there, he told me he’d had enough of my spoiled child ways.
“Shit happens, Paige. So your family can’t be there when they call your name. What’s the big deal?”
“I don’t expect you to understand or to care, but it matters to me, okay? I wanted my family there to cheer me on. Now, when I walk, all anyone will hear will be crickets.”
“And your precious boyfriend?” he sneered.
I chose to ignore that comment. “All my friends are graduating on Friday, so they will be with their families.” It was true. I was sure we’d find each other after and congratulate one another and introduce ourselves to the families, but they weren’t there for me, and I wasn’t there for them.
“They’ll still yell when they call your name.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“Well, what can you do about it? Nothing, so stop moping and suck it up.”
“I’ll stop moping when I’m good and ready.”
“Then I guess I won’t be around until you are.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
Our fights had turned childish as of late. He said fine one more time and we both laughed.
“All right, I get it,” I told him. “There’s nothing I can do, but it still hurts that none of my family is going to be there to support me. I completely understand about Nora, not that it doesn’t hurt, but I’m not happy about my parents. I should come before a trip, money or not. But I get that they can’t afford to change plans, so I’m not complaining to them, but it doesn’t make it any less upsetting.”
“School was never a big deal to me, and I never really cared about my parents showing up at any of my things, so I’m not the best person to give you advice. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.”
*****
Friday rolled around and my mood wasn’t any better. My friends promised to yell louder than my family could have, and they said their families would incorporate me into theirs, but it wasn’t the same.
I started for the door when I heard Enzo call out, “Paige, wait.”
“What are you doing?” I asked him as he walked toward me.
“Why on earth is your graduation so damn early?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips.
“Uh … I don’t know?” I asked more than responded, clearly confused as to why he was even asking.
“Well, I guess we had better get going or you’re going to be late.”
“What do you mean we?”
“You said you have no one there to support you, right?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, well, you have me.”
“I … uh … what?”
“I feel like I say this all the time. Okay, here we go again. Like it or not, I’m your husband and that means I support you. If this means a lot to you, then I’m there. Now, pick up your jaw and let’s go.” He smirked.
I officially liked my husband. It was no longer a yin and yang thing where I liked him on certain days or in certain situations. Nope, I definitely liked him, even if there were more bad days than good. As long as the good outweighed the bad, then that was enough. And Enzo’s good days were far more significant than his bad ones.
The ceremony went by in a blur, my goofy high making everything look like some fantasy. When my name was called, I swore I heard a foghorn, and the cheering was much louder than I anticipated. I wondered briefly whether Enzo had hired people to cheer for me.
It was when everything was said and done that I more than officially liked my husband. When I went to go find him to thank him, to tell him how much I truly appreciated his support, I found my parents waiting with him.
“But … how?” I stuttered, not forming a complete sentence.
“Enzo flew us back,” my dad told me. “He knew how much it meant to you for us to be here. Whether you believe it or not, we wanted to be here, too. We just couldn’t afford it. So Enzo here pulled some strings.”
I turned to him, shock on my face. I swore he blushed. I stood frozen for what seemed like minutes before I launched myself at him and hugged him fiercely. He was probably as surprised by my reaction as I was because I felt him tense before he hugged me back.
“Thank you,” I told him as we broke apart.
“You’re welcome.”
We took some pictures and then I introduced my parents to my friends. When I found Luke, Enzo had magically disappeared but reappeared when it was time to go.
“I said it before and I meant it,” I told Enzo as we pulled up to the house. “Thank you so much for today, for coming to support me, and for flying my parents in. I don’t know how to ever truly show you how much it means to me. I feel like thank-you isn’t enough, but I’ll say it again. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Paige. It was something I could do easily, so don’t read too much into it, all right? Don’t sweat it. This doesn’t change anything. I was there for you because you’re my wife and I take care of what’s mine.”
It almost felt like he was trying to convince himself of that, but if that was what he needed, fine. I didn’t care at that point. I was too happy.
“I’m proud of you,” he told me so quietly as if he was afraid to say it out loud.
“Thank you.”
I thought a part of my heart went from officially liking my husband to something more at that moment. Actually, I was sure it did. I had moved into unfamiliar territory, and it scared me. I more than liked my husband, but I wasn’t sure whether he still hated me.
*****
It was shortly after graduation that I had to say bye to Luke and Chandra, at least for the summer. They had both decided to stick around in the city after school. Chandra was going to go back to school while Luke had a job starting in the fall. They took a good chunk of their savings and booked a trip to Europe where they backpacked all summer. I had my money on Chandra surviving longer than Luke did, and it turned out I had been right. About a month into their trip, Luke had started complaining about the hostels. They pulled out more of their savings to start staying in crappy hotels.
I had already said my good-byes to both Chandra and Luke a few days after graduation, but I got to say good-bye to Luke again the next day. He was going to propose in Europe, and I had gone with him to pick out the ring.
“You’ll call me the minute she says yes?” I asked after he used the restroom at my place after dropping me off.
“You know we will.” He smiled.
“So I guess this is good-bye, huh?” I told him.
“Hey, no frowning. Time is going to fly.”
“I’m going to miss you,” I added sadly. I would miss him and Chandra more than they could know. They had become closer to me than my own family.
“Nope, not accepting that. You’re going to have a blast this summer, and you’re not going to have time to miss me.”
“You guys are the only ones I have,” I started, not able to hide the tears from streaming down my cheeks.
Luke pulled me into a hug. “You have plenty of people in your corner.”
“I’m sorry.” I wiped at my face as I pulled away. “I’m getting emotional for no reason. It’s just with Nora’s wedding and with you going away and getting engaged.”
“Hopefully.” He laughed, cutting me off.
I gave him a look that said he was crazy if he thought Chandra was going to say no. “It’s just that it makes me realize how alone I am.”
“You’re not alone.”
“I’m never going to have what you have,” I whispered.
“Maybe, maybe not,” he responded. “But you don’t have to be stuck here either way. Go out, have fun. Make some memories. Go crazy. Whatever you need to do. And if there is any fallout, just give us a ring. We’re going to get an international phone and we’ll give you the number once we have it.”
I laughed. “Yeah, like I’m going to ruin your trip with my drama. No way.”
“We love you, Paige. I speak for Chandra and me when I say we want to see you happy. And this, right here, is not happy. Cheer up, and like I said, go have fun this summer. We’ll be back in no time, and I’m sure Chandra will want all the stories. I’ll take the Cliff’s note version.”
We both chuckled and then embraced once more before Luke headed out.
I had just made my way into the kitchen when Enzo stepped in as well.
“I promise I wasn’t eavesdropping, and I really didn’t hear much, but I heard some good-byes, and then I saw lover boy leave, and here you are wiping tears away.”
“And?” I really liked Enzo, I had already admitted that, but I wasn’t in the mood for him to state the obvious and especially not for any snide comments about to come out of his mouth.
“And it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. That was good-bye?”
“Something like that,” I responded.
“I’m sorry,” he stated, but there was no tone or inflection in his voice.
“No, you’re not,” I retorted.
“No, I’m not.” He smiled, and I couldn’t help smiling either. “He wasn’t there for you when you needed him.”
“He was there for me more than you’ll ever understand.”
His smile turned into a scowl and his lighthearted mood went south. “Okay, whatever, little girl.” I reeled back. He hadn’t called me “little girl” in quite a while. “Either way, I’m glad he won’t be around. You should be, too.” With that, he stormed away.
I didn’t know what I said that was so bad. Luke had been there for me. He had been my pretend boyfriend for years, and he was a truly amazing friend. The way Enzo reacted; you’d have thought he was jealous.
When I heard, “Oh Enzo,” yet again that night, I realized Enzo hadn’t been jealous. I had been hearing the moaning from his room less frequently as time went on, but it hadn’t ever stopped completely. And every time I heard it, I wanted to make my way into his room and rip whichever bimbo he had brought home that night off him. At that point, I was torn between castrating him and proving I was better than the bimbo was. Sometimes, in my mind, I did both. Jealousy didn’t sit well with me apparently.
Between the talk with Luke and the “Oh Enzo,” that was the push I needed to decide I was going to have a great summer. Both Luke and Chandra had told me on several occasions that I didn’t have to be serious with anyone. I was young and I could date and have fun and that would be enough for now. And when the time was right, I’d find the person who I could spend my life with, and we’d figure out this whole Enzo marriage thing then.
I was going to start dating, not that I knew much about dating. I wished that Nora was there or Chandra. Heck, I even wanted to call Lynn, but I didn’t exactly want to admit to her that I was a novice in that department. And I wasn’t even sure what I was stressing about. It was not as if I had a date. I was sure it would be hard to be asked out.
That was why I practically skipped home two days later after I was at the market. I met Zack in the produce department. He had brown hair that made his green eyes stand out. I wasn’t sure how old he was, but he looked to be in his late twenties or early thirties. That was a bit old for me, but when he asked me out, I couldn’t say no. He was gorgeous and charming, and his lines, although clearly lines, were so smooth that I melted.
I was sure it also helped that I wasn’t hit on a lot. Chandra and Lynn said it was because I was standoffish and a bit oblivious even when some guy hit on me. I thought it was just that guys didn’t find me attractive.
I probably had seemed too eager, but I had a date with Zack the following night. I spent the entire day dreaming about all the possible date scenarios. I was well and truly excited, but whenever I closed my eyes, I didn’t see Zack leading me by the hand; it was Enzo. I hated that, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts from drifting to him.
I primped and changed, then changed again, at least, a dozen times before Zack picked me up. The date had started out really well. He took me to a little bistro where we ate, drank, and talked. I wasn’t sure what dates were supposed to be like, but I had been enjoying myself. He had even made sure that my glass was always full and encouraged me to drink and “loosen up.” I thought that had been sweet of him.
After dinner, he said he had to wake up early so he would drive me home. I was actually kind of sad the date was going to end so soon. He probably noticed my pout because about a few blocks from my house, he said, “I can stop inside for a bit if you’d like.”
“Yeah … yeah, that would be nice,” I responded.
The next thing I knew, his hand was on my thigh. It was a bit forward to me, but I figured that was what guys did on first dates. I was in my twenties, but I was a baby about dating. And then his hand started traveling higher on my leg.
I pushed it down with my own hand, but he shrugged me off and moved his hand again.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Checking to see if you’re ready for me,” he responded, a smug smile playing on his lips.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated flatly, still trying to prevent his hand from groping me.
“Come on, baby, this is just foreplay for what’s going to happen when I come inside.” He wiggled his eyebrows as if he’d made some grand joke.
“That’s not happening,” I stated sternly. There was no way this guy was taking advantage of me. That had happened once before and I wouldn’t survive it happening again.
“Listen, bitch, I bought you dinner, I paid for your drinks, I picked you up, and I’m taking you home, and when we get there, I’m taking my payment. Stop playing hard to get. It’s not nice.” The sinister smile on his face deformed his near-perfect features.
I panicked momentarily, images assaulting my brain, and it was enough for his hand to find my core. I screamed and pushed him away and opened the door.
“What the fuck?” he yelled as he was forced to slow down with the door now open. Before he even stopped, I jumped out and ran for my home. It took Zack a minute to register what was happening, but he got out of the car and I could hear the slap of his shoes against the concrete behind me.
I reached my door, but I didn’t have time to look for my key in my purse.
“God, Enzo, please be home,” I spoke out loud as I started pounding on the door. “Enzo, Enzo, please open the door,” I chanted as I continued to beat on the door. The irony that I ran from one attacker only to pray for the other one to save me wasn’t entirely lost on me. Yet I knew I would be safe with Enzo.
“Oh, God, no,” I screamed as I felt Zack grab me from behind.
“I believe she said no.” Enzo’s stern voice was laced with menace as he opened the door.
“Who the fuck are you?” Zack asked, still holding on to me.
“I’m her husband. Now, get off my property before I beat the fucking shit out of you.” He didn’t yell, but he didn’t need to. His tone said it all. He meant business.
I didn’t know whether it was the fact t
here was a witness or the look on Enzo’s face, but Zack pushed me away as if I had been the one to attack him. “You’re not worth it, bitch,” he sneered.
I saw Enzo’s hands ball into fists and he took a step toward Zack. “What the fuck did you call her?”
Zack had already taken off, but it looked like Enzo was about to go after him.
“Enzo,” I whispered, and his face whipped to mine. It took a moment for the look of pure rage to soften into concern. Once it did, he grabbed me and pulled me to him. He walked us inside and shut the door behind me.
The tears started pouring as if a dam had broken once we got inside. I broke away from Enzo and bumped into the door behind me. I leaned against it, allowing the tears to drown my face, but before long, I didn’t have the strength to stand up. I slid down the door until I was sitting on the floor. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I buried my face in my arms and cried, feeling everything crash around me. I didn’t know how long I stayed that way, but when I looked up, Enzo hadn’t moved. He stood watching me as if he was afraid of what I might do.
“I just want to be loved,” I whispered, as if that was both the reason and the solution to everything. Enzo still didn’t move, but I could see his pulse in his throat. “I just want to be loved,” I repeated. “I want what my sister has. I want what some of my friends have. I’ll even take what my parents have. I just want someone to love me, worship me, be there for me, be my partner in life. I want someone to carry my burdens and trust me with theirs. I want the good and the bad; I want the fights and the making up. I want a real marriage.” All those wants were what got me to this place. It really was the reason and the solution for everything, and I was never going to get it. “I can’t take it anymore,” I screamed. “I want my fairy tale. I want my fairy tale,” I repeated. “I want my fairy tale,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from my pain. I opened my mouth to say it again, my thoughts turning into a pin stuck on the record machine, but I felt his arms wrap around me. Enzo had dropped to his knees and pulled me into a hug.
