by DC Renee
The answer was simple really – it was because you were scared. You hated her for no real reason, blamed her for things she had no control over, so you took it out on her, but when your heart realized what your stupid mind didn’t, it was too late. You had already ruined things between you two. It was better to have her hate you than to be rejected, and rightfully so. And that, of course, set you off even more. So then when did things change?
You had one last flashback to the night that opened the door to your feelings – the night you finally tasted true, unadulterated ecstasy, and suddenly, every other woman you had ever been with left a bad taste in your mouth. There was a reason why a playboy like you stopped desiring anyone but your wife. How long had you loved her? How long did you play a cat and mouse game with your own heart, closing it off in fear? Too long.
I had loved Paige for far too long without ever doing anything about it. I treated her poorly, I pushed her away, I took her for granted, and I didn’t celebrate any milestones with her or share in her joy when things mattered. I had been a useless excuse for a husband, and now, I wanted to be her everything. I wanted to give her everything she deserved and more. I just had to figure out how.
Twenty Seven
Paige
We were a couple. A real-life couple. It was odd that we were married, but hey, things didn’t always work out the way we planned. I was about to start graduate school, and we were about to celebrate our four-year anniversary, although “celebrate” was a loose term. We hadn’t celebrated anything together … well, I guess we celebrated my graduation together, but we hadn’t given birthdays or anniversaries a second thought since we had been married. I still hadn’t told him that I loved him. Although there was no use in denying it anymore, I was still afraid he didn’t feel the same way. Nora and even Chandra, who had called me several times, the latest to tell me she was engaged, told me I had nothing to worry about. They told me anyone with eyes could see Enzo was crazy about me. They weren’t with him on a daily basis. He had dramatically changed, but no one fell in love in a span of a few months, at least not someone like Enzo. Other than that, things were looking up. I should have been happy; full of hope that we’d finally maybe do something like a real couple did on their anniversary. I wasn’t. Instead, I was late. I mean really late. Not for a meeting, or with a bill, but with a bun in the oven kind of late.
I wasn’t opposed to having kids, not now or in the future. Other than school and work, I could handle it, I thought. Even if I were a single mother, I would need some help from my parents, maybe hire a nanny if I could afford it, but I was confident in my abilities. That wasn’t what I was worried about. It was Enzo.
I wondered how he would take this news. Would he hate me all over again? Would he think I was trapping him? That was kind of silly considering we were already married, but being married and being happily married were two different things. Our marriage was out of our hands, but our happiness wasn’t. And here I was, throwing a wrench into things. I was afraid this ruined everything, but I wasn’t giving up my child. I didn’t want to give up Enzo either, but I didn’t think I’d have a choice. Once he learned about this, he’d run fast and far and we’d be back at the beginning. Only this time, I would be gutted, not angry or scared. I didn’t know if I’d survive being married to someone who didn’t want to be married to me a second time, especially after having had a taste of what it was like to be with the side of Enzo who wanted me. It was like nothing I had ever experienced, and I would never be the same.
Two days later, I came home from work to find four dozen roses on the table with a card that said, “One for each year. I’m making up for lost time.” I cried. I wouldn’t survive Enzo shutting me out after this.
“No tears tonight,” I heard him say as he walked up behind me. “I have dinner reservations in an hour so go get ready. I’ll be waiting.” I turned and kissed him so he wouldn’t see my despair. He smelled wonderful and it was hard to pull away. An hour and a half later, we sat on the balcony of an upscale restaurant fifty stories up. Enzo had closed off the entire balcony for us. I didn’t think he could get any more romantic.
“Paige.” He spoke softly as he grabbed both my hands in his. I turned away from the skyline to look into his eyes. They were pools of emotion, and I choked up just looking at him. I had to tell him. I had to tell him; I just didn’t want to. “When I’m with you, you make me feel like I can reach the stars. I wanted to show you that, and this was the best I could do.” We both looked at the amazing skyline.
“It’s beautiful,” I told him. It truly was. I had never seen a sight like the one before me. The city was all around us. I could see far into the distance and below. Not many stars were in the sky, but the twinkling lights of the buildings in the distance made it look like we were staring straight into a galaxy far away.
“You’re beautiful,” he told me and I blushed. “I’m not good with this romantic kind of stuff. I’m trying for you, but I’m not really good at sharing my feelings and being a good boyfriend or husband, or any sort of partner.”
“You’re doing just fine,” I cut him off.
“Thanks, but that’s the point. I want to do all these mushy things with you and for you. You’ve changed me, Paige, and I’m very happy with who I am now.”
“Me too,” I teased and we both laughed.
“I wanted to wait until after dinner to tell you this, but I can’t wait any longer. I love you, Paige. I have loved you for a while, but I didn’t realize it until recently. I can’t believe how hard I fought myself just to acknowledge that, but I can’t believe how hard I fought what we had even more. I don’t just want to be your husband in name, Paige. I want to be your husband because you chose me.” I gasped as he let go, stood up, and walked to the two steps to stand in front of me before he dropped to one knee. “I’ve spent the past four years with an amazing woman as my wife, even if I didn’t realize it, but I never got to ask her properly to marry me. I don’t expect you to love me in return, at least not yet, but I will earn that love. In the meantime, let me love you enough for both of us because I will no matter what your answer is. I love you so much. I want to give you the wedding you deserve, I want to start a family with you, grow old with you, do everything with you. Please, Paige, renew our vows with me. Stand up before God and our family and tell the world you want to be married to me because I’d love nothing more than to do that with you.” He pulled out a box and opened it to reveal the most beautiful cushion cut diamond surrounded by tiny diamonds leading to two bands. “Paige, will you marry me for real this time next year as we renew our vows?”
I felt like my tears never shut off around Enzo, and this moment was no exception. The waterworks had been going since the minute he had gotten down on one knee. It took everything in me not to launch myself into his arms that instant and pepper his face with kisses, but I let him finish before I jumped into his lap. I kissed his lips with such fervor that we almost tumbled back.
“Is that a yes?” he laughed when he caught us.
“Oh God, yes, yes,” I told him between kisses. “You don’t have to love us for the both of us because I love you, too,” I practically shouted.
“You love me?” he asked with such surprise that it made my heart skip a beat. Couldn’t he see it plain as day? And then I remembered my news to share and the panic started to set it.
“I love you so much, Enzo,” I said as he pulled back just enough to slip the ring on my finger. Now this ring, this stunning declaration of his love and commitment, was never coming off, but I needed to speak to him first. “I’d love nothing more than to renew our vows, but I have to tell you something that might change everything.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know how this will affect you, or affect us, but I’m … I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m so sorry, Enzo. I’m sorry if this ruins things. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re pregnant?” His face was un
readable for just a second before a giant smile broke out across his lips. “I’m going to be a dad? My baby?” He touched my stomach with a feather light touch while staring into my eyes, still on one knee, balancing him and myself. The pure joy written in his eyes was enough to take away any fears I had.
“You’re not angry?” I asked, my panic gone but needing the confirmation of his words.
“You’ve just given me the two best presents in the world and made me the happiest man alive. I love you so much, and I’ll love our baby, too.” I didn’t know if I pulled him in or he pushed himself closer to me, but suddenly, our lips were working at a frenzied pace against one another. I couldn’t get enough of this man, and I never would.
“Say it again,” I begged between kisses.
He cupped my face in both hands and stared into my eyes. “I. Love. You.” He punctuated each word as its own sentence, forcing intensity into the very meaning of those words. Forget three loving words; those were the best three words. Ever. “I love you, Paige,” he repeated. Yep, I officially had three new loving words. “I’ll love you both and any other children we have for as long as I live and then some. I promise you I’ll do everything I can to make you happy for the rest of your days. You won’t regret this.”
I already knew I wouldn’t.
Twenty Eight
Enzo
I always figured that I’d be a bachelor for a very long time. If I ever found the one, it’d be a long time from now, and that was a big if. I figured settling down just wasn’t for my party lifestyle or my “playboy” ways. I certainly didn’t want it cramping my style. That was a small part of why I resented Paige when we first got married. I thought that it would ruin my life. It did hinder some aspects of my life, but not in the way I thought it would have. I still had my fun, and clearly disregarded Paige’s feelings, although I hadn’t truly known or realized at the time. I’d like to think I would have been a tad bit more considerate had I known what I was putting her through, but knowing me, I probably would have gloated.
Yet here I was, happier than I ever thought I’d be because of Paige. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. She loved me. No matter how I stressed it, it sounded like a crowd cheering wildly after a game-winning goal. I had scored a hat trick, and I didn’t even know I was playing the game. In hockey, a player who scored three goals in a game had a hat trick. My first goal was when I fell in love with an amazing woman who loved me back, my second was when she agreed to marry me, and the third was that she was carrying my child. It almost seemed too good to be true. I was waiting for the referee to watch a replay and yell, “No goal.”
Apparently, the universe loved me because, for the next month, things were spectacular. You could say we pretty much acted like a pair of honeymooners. We did all the things a loving couple usually did. We watched TV together, ate together, went out on dates, went to the theater, and we even cooked together. Well, Paige cooked, and I helped with whatever I could, like chopping vegetables. She even slept in my newly designed room. She refused to officially move her things in there and “share” a room together until after our vow renewal. I didn’t like it, but if it made her happy, I could live with it as long as we spent every night together whether it was in my bed or hers. And once she said, “I do,” without coercion, this time, she’d never have a separate room ever again. This was a possessive side of myself I never knew existed until Paige brought it out of me.
Paige hadn’t started planning the renewal-vow wedding yet because her school had started. I asked her to quit working so we could spend more time together, but she said she liked being independent. She liked her coworkers, what she did, and feeling like her work was valued. She also said that she figured I’d go work for my father eventually, and then she’d be bored at home. That got me thinking. I didn’t want to work with my father, and no matter how much he pushed me to do so, I found excuses not to or, at least, bought myself some time. I knew he wanted me to be “responsible,” but I hated him and didn’t want to see him on a daily basis if I could help it. Yet I was going to be a dad, and I wanted my kid to be proud of me. When asked what his dad did, I wanted him to be able to give an actual profession instead of saying, “Nothing. He is a stay-at-home dad.” Having Paige work and feel accomplished made me feel inadequate. I’d have to bite the bullet and go work for my dad eventually; I was just holding out for as long as I could.
I had started calling the baby “he” while Paige insisted it was a “she.” Really, I didn’t care one way or the other as long as the baby was healthy and happy and looked like Paige. I just liked riling Paige up. Some things didn’t change. It still got me hot when Paige was feisty.
I visited with my mom often, mostly during the day when Paige was at work. I hadn’t told her that she was going to be a grandma yet. Paige and I had decided to wait until after the first trimester to tell everyone. I had to admit that it was getting really hard to keep it from my mom. That visit, one month after our “engagement,” was especially hard. She had been telling me that I was glowing. I didn’t particularly like that assessment. Guys didn’t glow, but it was my mom, so I let it slide. I did have an extra pep in my step, though; I’d give her that. I avoided my dad at all costs when I came over, and he didn’t seem to mind. He stayed in his office while my mom and I talked, sometimes ate dinner.
“When are you finally going to work with your father, dear?” my mom asked. She asked me that every time she saw me. I usually told her that I wanted to live life before I was forced to have a nine-to-five. That usually appeased her until the next visit.
I had just opened my mouth to tell her that I had actually started thinking about doing so sooner rather than later when we both heard the commotion in the foyer.
We both stood up and ran out of the room to come face to face with Paige’s mom and dad.
“You,” Emily, her mom, pointed an accusing finger at me. “Did you know about this?” Before I could open my mouth to ask, she pointed at my mom. “Were you in on it, too?”
“Emily, they didn’t know anything,” Paige’s dad, Ted, said from behind her.
“What’s going on here?” I asked at the same time my mom said, “Know about what?”
That was when my dad, the great Gerry Faust, came out of his office, his slow strides purposeful as if he was the commander in chief and he’d solve this issue with one flick of his wrist. “Ted, what’s going on?” he asked.
“You bastard!” Emily raged at him, her small fists colliding with his chest. My mom raised a hand to her mouth on a gasp while I enjoyed the show. It was about time someone stood up to my dad, even if Emily looked like a child hitting a giant.
“It slipped. I don’t even know how or why. I can’t remember what we were talking about.”
“All these years you didn’t say a word, and then it magically slips?” my dad asked him as he managed to wrestle both of Emily’s hands into one of his and hold her at arm’s length.
“You ruined Paige’s life! And for what?”
“Paige?” I asked, my ears finally perking up. “What about Paige?”
“Do you know why Paige married you?” Emily turned her eyes toward me.
“Because Ted owed my father money and this was the payment.”
“Right, that’s what I thought, too. You might think I’m callous and a bad mom, but I didn’t like it at first. I didn’t want her to go through with it. When I realized quickly there was nothing that could be done without harm, I decided I’d rather pretend life was happy than to know we forced this upon our daughter. She didn’t complain; she was a trooper. I should have stopped this to begin with, but I was selfish. I thought I’d lose Ted. Little did I know he was conspiring with your father for this scheme.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked while my mom looked toward my dad. “Gerry?” she asked, and he actually looked remorseful. I was sure it was because his wife, whom he claimed to love in his own twisted way, was about to find out something he didn’t want her
to. That had the hairs on the back of neck standing straight up. It had to have been something bad.
“I told you,” Ted tried to reason with Emily. “It wasn’t malicious. We wanted what was best for the kids. Paige needed someone to be there for her and only her, and Enzo needed someone who could be a positive influence. It was a win-win for them both.”
“Except the part where you played God with her life!” Emily shouted.
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” I demanded.
“Ted didn’t owe Gerry any money. They haven’t stopped being friends. They still consider themselves brothers, and even if Gerry gave Ted money, he’d never expect him to repay him.” Emily’s voice was hard.
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t, either. No, I still don’t.”
“With Paige going away to college, Ted was worried about her being on her own after depending on Nora for so long.”
“She didn’t depend on Nora!” I screamed. “She was overshadowed by her! She wanted to break free.”
Emily and my mom gasped. “That’s not true,” Emily spoke.
