Do-Over

by Christine Hurley Deriso

  Now everybody was laughing at me.

  Everybody but Martin.

  He stopped abruptly and stared down at me, looking concerned.

  “Sorry,” he said gently, extending his hand to help me up. “I wasn’t watching where I was going. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said, brushing myself off as I rose to my feet.

  “Watch where you’re going, idiot!” someone grumbled at Martin. It was Carter, coming to collect her own books.

  Do-over? Nah. I didn’t have time to undo the fall. Why hadn’t I just left well enough alone?

  “He is such a dweeb!” Carter moaned as Martin walked away, glancing quickly at me over his shoulder.

  “It was an accident,” I said. “Actually, it was my fault. I stepped in his way.”

  Carter grinned mischievously. “Hey…I’m beginning to think you really are in love with him.”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, Carter. I am not in love with him,” I said, accentuating each word. “I’ve known him for a week. I’m just clumsy. Got it?”

  She shrugged as she retrieved her books. Maybe this was a good time to sympathize with her about the way the girls had treated her in the lunchroom.

  “Hey, Carter…,” I said, trying to sound casual. “Those things Darcy and the others were saying Friday in the lunchroom…you know, about your lipstick and your coloring, or whatever…”

  Carter blushed. “What about it?” she asked, suddenly defensive.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly. “I just think you do a good job with your makeup. You always look really cute.” I paused. “I hope they didn’t upset you.”

  Carter’s mouth dropped open and she spun around to face me. “They’re, like, totally my friends, Elsa!” she said, then glanced nervously around the hallway. “Friends tell each other when they’re making fools of themselves. Darcy did me a favor.” She leaned close to me, as if to tell me a secret. “I threw that pink lipstick in the trash can as soon as lunch was over,” she whispered.

  She shut the locker door.

  “But if you like the lipstick, who cares what they think?” I persisted.

  She gazed down at her feet. “Sometimes I just get stuff wrong, okay?” she said quietly.

  Carter wasn’t evil. She was just desperate for Darcy’s friendship. I wondered what Carter was really like under all the superficial stuff.

  As we walked into Mr. Wright’s class, I reminded myself of my new secret identity: Knower of All Gossip. I had to be careful; I didn’t want to embarrass anyone or hurt their feelings. But as long as someone was going to spill the beans, it might as well be me.

  “How was L.A.?” Jade asked Darcy as they walked into class.

  “Totally awesome,” Darcy cooed. “The hot movie star and I had a milk shake together during a break in taping. Of course, Dad would never let anything come of it because of our age difference, but I think he is seriously crushing on me.”

  Jade gasped. “Please tell us who he is, Darcy. Please?”

  Darcy flung a manicured hand through the air. “I don’t go blabbing our business. God. You are so immature.”

  Jade blushed, then said, “Well, I don’t have any news that exciting, but I did hear that Jen barfed in dance class yesterday, all over the teacher’s shoes.”

  Hmmmm. I rubbed my locket.

  “Do-over.”

  Ten-second rewind.

  “Of course, Dad would never let anything come of it because of our age difference,” Darcy repeated, “but I think he is seriously crushing on me.”

  I elbowed my way in between the two of them. “So did you hear about Jen’s barf fest yesterday in dance class?” I said. “Totally gross. And right on the teacher’s shoes!”

  Jade did a double take. “How did you know?” she asked. “You’re not in her dance class.”

  I shrugged casually. “It’s no biggie. I just hear things…ya know?”

  Darcy glanced across the room at Jen with a sneaky smile.

  “I am gonna seriously rag on her about this,” she said. “But first, I’m gonna ask where she got those new shoes. She totally copies me. I saw those in Cosmo Girl last week and told her how much I liked them. I guess she looked all over town trying to find them when she realized they were cool.”

  I rubbed my locket. “Do-over.”

  Ten-second rewind.

  “I am gonna seriously rag on her about this,” Darcy repeated.

  “Hey,” I said, “look at Jen’s shoes. I saw them in Cosmo Girl last week and thought about getting a pair, but they’re way too young for me. I mean, they’re fine for her….”

  Darcy sneered. “Totally babyish,” she agreed.

  As we walked toward Jen, Darcy suddenly clutched her stomach and began to make gagging noises.

  “I think…I think…I think I’m gonna be sick,” she moaned, then pretended to barf on Jen’s new shoes. Jen looked too startled to respond.

  “Elsa told us all about your barf fest,” Darcy said coolly as Jade stifled a giggle. “Actually, I’d be doing you a favor to barf all over your hideous new shoes.”

  Jen blushed, managing a weak smile to keep from looking “too sensitive” (a favorite put-down of Darcy’s), but she couldn’t hide the hurt in her expression. Her eyes locked with mine for just a second, but I quickly looked away. Suddenly, I felt like I was about to barf myself.

  But before I had too much time to dwell on it, I realized that Charlotte Channing had walked up to my desk.

  “Thanks for blabbing all over school that I like Eric,” she said with a steely expression.

  I gulped. But I didn’t blab it all over school, I wanted to say. I only blabbed it to a few girls in the bathroom. And if I hadn’t, Jen would have. Besides, what’s the big deal?

  But Charlotte walked away before I had a chance to blurt out the thoughts that were bouncing around inside my head. Do-over? What was the point? How could I convince Charlotte that I hadn’t done anything wrong when I didn’t even believe it myself?

  “All right, class, let’s get seated,” Mr. Wright said.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, I could concentrate on language arts rather than shoes, or barfing, or who liked who, which I really didn’t care about anyway…. Except that I couldn’t get too comfortable. I made a mental note that I had to keep up my brain-dead routine. I had nothing to show for the Albert Einstein impersonation except for a school full of glares and the threat of skipping eighth grade. Couldn’t risk that.

  “Let’s open To Kill a Mockingbird to chapter nine,” Mr. Wright was saying. “Elsa, what are you learning about Scout’s relationship with Atticus as the book progresses?”

  “Uh…” Actually, I was learning that her father’s opinion was the most important thing to Scout in the whole world because her father was a good person who cared only about doing the right thing and couldn’t care less whether anybody liked it or not.

  That’s what I thought. But it isn’t what I said.

  “Uh…,” I repeated. “Sorry, Mr. Wright. Can you repeat the question?”

  I managed to sound super-uninterested, which made Darcy snicker in appreciation. But it was Mr. Wright’s reaction that I noticed. He looked like he was giving up on me.

  My heart sank. (If my heart had sunk any further that morning, it would have been in my shoes.) Maybe I could be just a little bit smart, just kind of my actual self? But I wouldn’t get the chance…not that day, anyway. Mr. Wright didn’t call on me again a single time…until the bell rang.

  “Elsa, I’d like to see you after class,” he said as everyone started gathering up their books.

  Uh-oh. That wasn’t good. I took a deep breath and walked up to his desk.

  “Yes, Mr. Wright?”

  He tapped his pencil on his desk as if he was trying to decide what to say next. He looked me in the eye. I pulled my book tighter against my chest.

  “How’s it going, Elsa?” he asked, trying to sound casual. “How do you like your new school, your new town, your ne
w…friends?”

  Was this a trick question?

  “Fine, Mr. Wright,” I replied, sounding way too perky. “Everything’s great.”

  He nodded. “You are going to submit an essay for the contest, aren’t you?”

  Another trick question?

  I shrugged. “Sure…I guess. I mean, I haven’t really given it much thought.”

  Mr. Wright grimaced slightly. “That’s just it, Elsa. You’re a thinker. Where is the thinker inside you hiding?”

  I felt myself giving him a longing look. At that moment, what I wanted more than anything in the world was his approval, the approval of someone I genuinely liked and respected. I wanted him to like and respect me back. Fat chance. My eyes suddenly brimmed with tears. Could I really confide in him?

  “I’m so confused, Mr. Wright,” I blurted out, almost choking on the words as they tumbled rapid-fire out of my mouth. “I don’t know how to act or what to say in this school.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m trying so hard to get people to like me, but what makes me feel really lonely is that nobody knows me.”

  Mr. Wright softened. He looked so kind and caring…and that was when I realized that Darcy and her clique, still making their way out of the classroom, had overheard what I said. They jabbed each other with their elbows and stifled giggles. “Whatever, Elsa!” Darcy whispered.

  My shoulders slumped and I rubbed my locket.

  “Do-over.”

  Ten-second rewind.

  “That’s just it, Elsa,” Mr. Wright said to me again. “You’re a thinker. Where is the thinker inside you hiding?”

  I scrunched my shoulders. “Ya got me, Mr. Wright,” I said blandly. Darcy looked impressed as she brushed past. Whew. Much better.

  Except that Mr. Wright looked disappointed. He tossed an annoyed glance at Darcy and Carter, then turned his gaze back to me.

  “I was hoping you would contribute more in class, Elsa,” he finally said. “I think you have a lot of interesting ideas and observations. I wish you would share them.”

  Right, Mr. Wright. I’ll just draw lots of attention to myself, saying all kinds of smarmy brainiac things that seal my fate as a total loser, and then I’ll have no friends, and everybody will be even snottier to me than they already are, and I’ll be alone and miserable, but the good news is you’ll be pleased that I’m sharing my interesting ideas and observations in class. Not.

  But if Mr. Wright was so totally clueless, why did his opinion matter so much to me?

  I shrugged and stared at my feet. “I guess I’m just trying to keep a low profile,” I said softly, then looked up.

  He nodded slowly, never shifting his gaze from my eyes. “Just don’t lose yourself in the process. Okay?”

  “Sorry about our collision this morning.” I glanced toward the sound of the voice. It was Martin, who had walked up to me in the lunch line as I took my tray.

  I smiled. “Totally my fault,” I said.

  “No, it wasn’t,” he said. “True, you did seem to just kind of…appear…out of nowhere, but I wasn’t watching where I was going. I really am sorry…and I’m sorry I ragged on you about your friends. Everybody’s entitled to pick their own friends.”

  I smiled. “At this point, any friends would do.”

  He pursed his lips.

  “Hey,” I continued, “sorry Carter was so nasty to you this morning when I fell.”

  “She’s always nasty,” Martin said matter-of-factly.

  I furrowed my brow. “She’s just insecure, I think,” I said, then leaned in closer. “She totally lets Darcy boss her around and cut her down. I don’t get it.”

  “It’s the price of admission,” he stated flatly.

  “Admission?”

  “Admission to popularity,” Martin said. “Too high a price, if you ask me.” He looked at me quizzically. “How about you?”

  I suddenly felt uncomfortable. “Meaning what? I’m not looking to be popular, thank you very much. I’m just looking to fit in.”

  Martin’s expression turned pensive. “What if that’s the same thing?”

  I stared down at the ground…anywhere but at his probing eyes.

  “Elsa! There you are!”

  Carter was coming toward me. She grabbed my arm and led me to a lunch table where Darcy, Jade and Jen were sitting.

  “Elsa, you have totally got to stop hanging around that dweeb,” Darcy scolded as I sat down. “If you want to hang around us, that is. Otherwise, you’re going to, like, pulverize our reputation.”

  “Right,” I said under my breath, then quickly changed the subject. “Hey, that essay contest. Is anybody else entering?”

  Darcy brightened at the topic. “Oh, right…the essay contest. Here’s the thing, Elsa…”

  She pursed her lips.

  “Writing is not my thing,” she explained, eliciting giggles from the other girls. “But you’re really good at it…right?”

  I shrugged. “I dunno…I’m okay, I guess.”

  “Right,” Darcy said, nodding earnestly. “The thing is, I really hate it”—more giggles—“and I really could use some help on my essay.”

  My stomach tightened. “So you are entering?”

  “Uh…duh!” she said, and the girls laughed on cue. “So, help me, Elsa, please? Won’t you please help me with my essay?”

  I decided to try to change the subject. “Hey, what’s that hottie really like? Spill the dirt.”

  Darcy’s expression turned dark. “Get over that, Elsa!” she snapped. “I told you, I have to be discreet about my dad’s job.” She lowered her voice and leaned closer. “It’s especially important now. I think one of the tabloids spotted the hottie and me together last weekend, and our picture will probably be splashed all over the papers.” She paused for effect. “Now, focus. Will you help me with my essay or not?”

  I laughed. “As if,” I said, mimicking their jargon. “I want to win that laptop for myself.”

  Darcy’s jaw dropped. “How selfish!” she spat. “And after I offered to help you buy makeup!”

  The other girls shot me icy glares.

  Well…Darcy had a point. She did offer to help me buy makeup. Now that I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t exactly asked her for help, but I guess that was beside the point….

  Here goes:

  I rubbed my locket. “Do-over.”

  Ten-second rewind.

  “Now, focus,” Darcy repeated. “Will you help me with my essay or not?”

  “Sure,” I said quietly. “I’ll help you.”

  FIFTEEN

  Do-Over Day Ten

  “Dad. You’re not listening to your big-band CD.”

  “I’m not?”

  “Please, Dad. My new friends aren’t Benny Goodman fans. Go figure.”

  Dad smiled as he backed out of Grandma’s driveway.

  “Well,” he said, “far be it from me to broaden their horizons. What do they want to listen to?”

  “I think Top Forty is a safe bet,” I said, ejecting his CD and punching buttons on the radio until a familiar pop tune started blaring from the speakers.

  “So these friends of yours are the cutting-edge type, huh?” Dad said, cruising down the street past the blankets of pink and purple azaleas. He followed my directions and we pulled into Carter’s driveway. He tooted the horn and out they streamed…Darcy, then Jade, then Jen, then Carter, wearing identical low-cut jeans and skimpy little tops that exposed their midriffs. Their hair was parted down the middle and ironed sleekly straight.

  “Are they quadruplets?” Dad asked, and I wasn’t sure if he was kidding.

  They piled into the backseat. “Hi,” I said, leaning around to face them. “Darcy, Jen, Jade, Carter…this is my dad.”

  “Your dad,” Carter said with a little sneer. “Isn’t driving your daughter to the mall a mom thing?”

  I guess now was as good a time as any. “My mom died last year,” I said, aiming for a neutral tone. The girls drew quick breaths.

&nbs
p; “Bummer,” Jade said, and the others murmured in agreement.

  “Yeah…bummer,” I said.

  “You know, it just so happens that the mall is my favorite place to hang out,” Dad teased, trying to lighten the mood. I groaned. No jokes, Dad, I said in my head, hoping he was picking up on my vibes. Please?

  “You hang out at the mall?” Darcy asked.

  “Oh, all the time,” Dad said, finding his rhythm. “The scented-candle store is my favorite. I could spend all day in there, just sniffing away.”

  Darcy tossed sideways glances at the others. “O…kay,” she said.

  “He’s kidding,” I explained. “Dad, can you save it for Star Search?”

  “Your dad’s gonna be on Star Search?” Carter asked, leaning forward.

  Darcy rolled her eyes. “Carter,” she scolded. “You are, like, so naïve. It was a joke.”

  “Oh.” Carter settled back into her own seat. “So how did your mom die, Elsa?”

  “Aneurysm,” I replied, staring straight ahead.

  “What’s that?”

  “A blood vessel burst in her brain.”

  “God!” Jen gasped. “I can’t imagine my mom being dead, even though she’s, like, so annoying.”

  “I wish I’d appreciated mine more when I had the chance,” I said a little too sharply.

  “Okay, everybody, this conversation is, like, totally bringing me down,” Darcy said decisively. “Makeup. This trip is about makeup, remember?”

  Right. Makeup.

  “Elsa, your dad isn’t gonna stay with us while we’re shopping, is he?” Darcy asked, as if Dad was invisible.

  “Oh, no,” Dad volunteered cheerfully. “I’ll be in the scented-candle store, sniffing away…remember?”

  I shot him a stern glance and he shrugged apologetically.

  “Not that we wouldn’t enjoy having you around, Mr. Alden,” Darcy said in a fake-sweet tone. “It’s just that we have serious work to do on Elsa.”

  Dad looked a little nervous. “Don’t work too hard,” he said. “I kinda like her the way she is.”

  “Hey, did you hear about April Newsome?” Jade said. “Mrs. Stiffle caught her smoking under the basement stairs. April was so surprised, she stuck the cigarette in her ear and her hair caught on fire! I hear she’s going to an alternative school.”