by Starla Kaye
He scowled in disgust, remembering the man’s greed as he’d wanted more. Yet he’d settled for the horse and left. “He took the horse and gladly abandoned them both.” Now tears silently trickled down Elizabeth’s face. She nodded and said, “You know that he died shortly after leaving Montrose.”
The man’s death was the only one at his hands that didn’t haunt Thomas. “I knew.” Gavin gave him a simple nod. Thomas saw in his eyes that he knew what Thomas had done and approved.
“I do not think the boy knows for sure you are not his real father, though he might suspect. He is not a foolish lad.” Gavin looked at Thomas, frowned. “I imagine he realizes he has not your hair or your eyes. And I was there one day not too far back when he asked Elizabeth about his mother. She told him of Sarah’s dark hair and green eyes.”
Elizabeth looked miserable. “I never realized … I did not mean to hurt him.” She swallowed hard. “He has the blond hair of his true father and her green eyes.”
Thomas tried to speak calmly in face of his sister’s desolation. “What or who he looks like matters naught to me. James is my son. I will allow no one at either Montrose or Middlemound to question that.”
Gavin nodded approval. “I believe after all of these years, Thomas, that you have finally become the man you were destined to be. Not the great warrior known by your reputation. But a man who can now settle and have a family.”
He straightened, putting an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders to hold her to him. “I know of how you intend to train soldiers instead of going off to war. How Rowan will train them with you. These men will become the best in the land, I know this.”
Thomas saw the admiration in the other man’s face, but was surprised that Gavin knew of his plans. “How did—”
Gavin smiled. “I know many things. Another of which is that James deserves to have a man for a father who chooses him for a son.” He nodded acceptance. “Your son is at my cousin’s holding less than a day’s ride from here.” Thomas had hoped, certainly not expected, Abernon would meet him half way concerning either Rowan or James. He’d gone much farther. He stepped toward the man to shake his hand, but hesitated reaching out, uncertain because of his relationship with Rowan.
“Husband,” Elizabeth encouraged, stepping away from him.
In the next second, Gavin put his arm out and they clasped forearms. “Will Rowan ride with you?” “Nay. I wish him to stay here with Gloriana. If tis all right with you.”
He waited anxiously for his brother-in-law’s agreement.
“He is welcome here.”
***
Rowan had slept restlessly, still worried about Thomas for any number of reasons. He’d been here on the observation platform above the Abernon’s keep for hours now. Dawn was threading pink and yellow colors through the spattering of clouds. At least the rain had finally stopped. He blamed riding for nearly four days through hit and miss rain for Thomas’s illness. At least his friend had recovered well enough by last eve. Thank God. Yet he worried that Gloriana, too, might come down with whatever had felled her husband. She’d shown no signs of it, but he was in the mood to worry, he guessed. About Thomas. About Gloriana. About them.
He looked across the bailey and toward the miles of low, rolling hills beyond Abernon’s walls. The area was nice, excellent for guarding this ancient fortress, with no forests to hide enemies. Still, he liked both Montrose and Middlemound better and was anxious to go home. Odd thought, that. Home. He couldn’t remember when he’d actually thought about a “home.” Now that he was aging—though only eight and twenty— he kind of liked the idea of spending more nights sleeping on a mattress than on the hard ground somewhere. He’d given little thought to more than having a regular place to lay his body down at night. Maybe someday he would. One step at a time, as Thomas had said recently.
He leaned forward to brace his forearms on the stone wall of the platform. Thomas had much on his mind these days. He’d adjusted fairly well to being married again, but that had much to do with Gloriana. From the times Thomas had talked about Sarah, he knew she was nothing like Glori. Sarah had played games with Thomas. He’d not really cared because he hadn’t loved her and because he’d been gone so often from Montrose. Glori didn’t try to manipulate anyone, at least not that Rowan was aware of.
It still sickened him to think about how Stewart had abused her. She could have remained beaten down by what had happened to her, could have become bitter, but she had blossomed in her growing love of Thomas. Rowan understood how it could happen. He, too, had suffered many abuses over the years and become resentful at times, leery of trusting anyone. He’d had many lovers—men as well as women—but only Thomas had found a way into his soul. He loved Thomas and for far more than just his body or his skills at lovemaking.
His body began its familiar thrumming of excitement when he thought about Thomas and the way they came together. Fiery came to mind. And now that Gloriana had shown a desire to join them, at least occasionally, the experience had become much hotter. She wanted a babe. Rowan heaved a frustrated sigh. He’d gladly give her one, but that truly wouldn’t solve the problem. The problem was Thomas. And his fears. Those fears involved more than the possibility of her dying while giving birth. Thomas hadn’t really said as much, but
Rowan suspected they were more tied to James.
James. Thomas was obsessed with this need to get his son back. Rowan imagined it had to do with his life being more settled. He had a holding in which he was content to stay. He no longer wished to go off and battle in every war and siege. And he had Gloriana, who would make a great mother to any child, in particular to James. But first Thomas had to make peace with Abernon.
Rowan’s jaw hardened. Abernon, he knew by reputation, could be a loyal and tenacious warrior to have at your side. He could also be a formidable enemy. He saw things as right or wrong. Elizabeth had told them he didn’t approve of men loving men, of the idea of him being with Thomas.
He shoved away from the wall and headed into the keep. It was time to find Abernon and have a hard talk with him. He prayed he could make the man see reason. But if he did not and their being together would keep Thomas from gaining his son, then Rowan would be forced to end their relationship. He loved both Thomas and Gloriana enough to walk away. Although he damn well didn’t want to do so.
***
Rowan found Abernon breaking his fast with Elizabeth on the lord’s raised dais at the front of the great hall. The room was nearly filled with soldiers, both Abernon’s and Thomas’s. Maids scurried from table to table bringing baskets of fresh breads, cheeses, pastries, and jugs of mead. Loud, boisterous chatter mixed with men teasing one another. A number of heads turned in his direction as he strode directly toward the lord of the castle.
“I need to talk to you when you are done. In private.” Rowan had wanted to say “now,” but contained his growing sense of urgency.
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “You seem distressed, Sir Rowan.”
Abernon appeared to be studying him, although Rowan couldn’t tell what the man was thinking. He felt uncomfortable, defensive. “Nay distressed, but the matter is important.”
Surprising him, Abernon picked up a last bite of bread and pushed his chair back. He nodded toward the stairs. “We can talk in my solar.” “Husband,” Elizabeth said his name as if cautioning him about something. Worry creased her pretty face.
The hard warrior placed a big hand on his wife’s shoulder and said quietly, “I know. Listen well. Judge wisely.”
Rowan wondered at his words while he walked silently behind the man up to the solar on the second floor.
Abernon motioned Rowan into the large room containing a desk, a handful of wooden chairs near the scarred desk, and large tapestries of the castle itself and its heraldry. The room was lit by numerous torches. As Rowan walked across the room, Abernon asked, “What is so important this morn that you feel you must talk to me in private?” “Thomas. Me. Us.” Rowan bit out the words, i
rritated that this was even necessary.
The slightly older man walked slowly around his desk and sat down in the chair behind it. He again seemed to study Rowan before saying, “By us I assume you are referring to the fact that you and Thomas are lovers.”
Heat singed Rowan’s face beneath his night’s beard. He wasn’t used to discussing his sexual relationships, although they generally didn’t mean much to him. This one did. He’d been forewarned Abernon disapproved of men loving men. He’d been judged on the issue before. Before now, it hadn’t mattered.
He moved to stand directly in front of Abernon, rigid, grim. “I will not deny that we are. But we keep our relations private. Neither of us wants others to feel uncomfortable because of our arrangement, because of our need for one another.” Abernon raised an eyebrow. “Need?”
“Tis much the same fierce desire you feel for Elizabeth at times. Thomas and I are both very passionate men. Our needs are strong.”
“I do not wish to know about your passions or your desires for one another.” Abernon frowned, appeared almost angry and then he calmed. “I am well aware of your legends as a lover, Sir Rowan. With women as well as with men. A situation which puzzles me, since I thought ... well, that men who … who…”
Blowing out a breath of impatience, Rowan said, “Some of us who enjoy being with a man also enjoy being with a woman.” Then he narrowed his eyes. “Thomas has only ever been with women. Until me. He does not have a fondness for admiring other men on occasion, as do I. Although I am no longer interested in other men, only in Thomas.”
Abernon was quiet a minute, looked thoughtful. “How does Gloriana fit in your … your situation?” The man was clearly curious. “He appears to have strong feelings for her. As does she, for him.”
This whole discussion was an uneasy one, though not as hard as he’d feared. It was difficult to stand and be judged by this stranger, by this man so important in Thomas’s life at the moment. Rowan’s stomach tightened from the stress of not miss-speaking. He wasn’t sure what to say and decided to go with honesty. “Our Lady Gloriana was verbally and physically abused by her first husband. Both Thomas and I would gladly kill the man ourselves, if he were not already dead and, hopefully, rotting in Hell.” Surprise and then anger flashed over Abernon’s face. “Tis a sad matter. I’d heard Stewart was a vile man, knew he’d been her husband. But I … Anyway, I understand your feelings on the issue.”
The man’s words calmed Rowan a bit. Still, he thought it important for Abernon to learn more of the situation between Thomas and Gloriana. He sighed in resignation and proceeded. “Gloriana no sooner learned that Stewart had died in the last battle of the Crusades than she learned King Edward demanded she marry Thomas.”
“Middlemound is an important holding for the crown.
“Aye, and Thomas wanted it, even though he also holds Montrose. But he was resistant to the idea of marrying again. Even with the horrors of her past, Gloriana is a rare woman. Beautiful. Strong of heart and loving. Stubborn now and then as well.” He smiled. “Still, it hasn’t taken my friend long to become very fond of Glori. In fact, I think he is in love with her.”
He took a second before adding, “As am I. In truth, if I had met her before Thomas … and he was not part of my life … I might have pursued marriage to her myself.”
Abernon’s eyes widened. “You are in love with her?”
“I am in love with them both. Each of them satisfies needs I had not known I had; someone whom I trusted to guard my back, someone who did not judge me by my past, someone whose passions run as deep as mine. There are more reasons I value their friendships as much as their acceptance of me.”
“I do not wish to know if the three of you have had relations together, though I suspect as much.”
Although Abernon denied wanting to know, Rowan saw the interest in his eyes. But he was glad not to have to talk about that very private situation.
“Just how much are you willing to sacrifice for those you profess to love?” Abernon looked at Rowan pointedly. “Should I decide to keep James from Thomas unless you were out of their lives, would you leave?” He sat back, watching Rowan, studying him…judging him.
Rowan stiffened, fisted his hands at his sides. This was what he’d feared. And yet Abernon had not actually made a demand, he’d only proposed it as a question. Something seemed odd now. He’d expected more hostility from the man. He’d expected he might even have to physically defend himself, which had happened other times.
He looked Abernon straight in the eye. “If necessary, I would walk away from them both. Thomas needs his son in his life. Gloriana needs to act a mother, and James may be her only chance at that.”
Abernon looked curious about that statement, but left it alone. Instead, he leaned forward and spoke even more seriously. “James is not Thomas’s son.” Again, the man seemed to study him, intent on how Rowan reacted.
Rowan hadn’t known for sure that James had another father, but he’d suspected as much. It mattered naught to Thomas, so it mattered naught to Rowan. “In all ways that matter, he is.”
He was a bastard himself, even if the Duke had claimed him. James was lucky to have been claimed by a good man such as Thomas. “A father is more than a man who spills his seed in a woman to get her with child.”
To his surprise, Abernon nodded. “I know your father.” The tightness in his expression said the man did not like the Duke of Remington.
Neither said more on the subject.
“As I have already told Thomas, what you and he, and Gloriana, have together is none of my concern.”
“Already told Thomas?” Rowan asked in confusion. Had the man gone to Thomas’s chamber and discussed this with his friend while he was still recovering from illness? “Nay, I did not go to him on the matter, if that is what you are thinking.” Abernon sat back in his chair. “He came to my bedchamber early this morning, demanding we talk, which we did. He is gone now. Thomas left over an hour ago for my cousin’s holding, to get James, with my approval.”
Rowan blinked in surprise and then grumbled under his breath, “I should have gone with him.” Abernon shook his head. “Thomas wanted you to stay here to watch after Gloriana. I do not think he totally trusts me. But he did take two of his men with him. They should be back on the morrow, if James gives him no problems.”
Something worried Rowan, something he felt deep in his gut. Trouble of some kind. It had been a long time since he hadn’t guarded Thomas’s back. He didn’t like the situation at all.
“I would feel better being at his side.” Gloriana would be all right here. His gut knew that as well. “I trust you will watch after our lady.”
“Your lady?” Abernon asked with a raised eyebrow, though he gave a nod of agreement.
“Aye, our lady. Thomas knows my feelings are strong for her. He also knows I would never overstep what boundaries we set for one another.” He felt an urgency that was driving him from the keep. “Watch after her.”
He strode out of the room, heading for the paddocks.
***
Gloriana sat in the middle of the rumpled bed where she’d been sitting, thinking, and crying ever since Thomas had left in anger. She was more than tired of acting this way. Yet she couldn’t seem to make herself get up and dress.
She heard a tap on the closed chamber door and started. Thomas would surely not knock, even if he knew she was angry with him. Rowan might, but she didn’t think it was him there either. Who else could it be?
Elizabeth’s worried voice called out, “Gloriana? May I speak with you?”
“A moment,” Gloriana said. She scrambled off the bed and quickly pulled the gown she’d worn yesterday over her head. She’d get the other woman to fasten up the back. “Come in.”
As Elizabeth walked in and seemed to try not to look at the bed,
Gloriana felt embarrassed. The scent of lovemaking was still in the air. Her gown was rumpled, and she awkwardly clasped it together behind her back with
one hand. Her cheeks flamed.
Before she could say anything, Elizabeth walked behind her and began lacing up the back of her dress. “I was worried about you. But I suspected you were sleeping in after so many long hours tending to Thomas.”
As soon as her dress was laced up, Gloriana walked to her trunk and pulled out the brush. Elizabeth looked as perfectly groomed as the lady of the manor should. A fact that made Gloriana feel incompetent as this lady’s sister-in-law. She was a disaster, from not having been properly dressed, to no doubt having red blotches from crying on her face. Which, thankfully, Elizabeth had not commented upon.
She turned away, hoping her face would clear while she brushed at her long hair. “Aye, I am slow in getting around this morn.” Then trying to keep her tone casual, she asked, “Have you spoken to Thomas already? I really should go down to speak with him as well.” She lowered her voice and said awkwardly, “We had some words.”
“He said as much when he came to our chamber early this morn. He seemed very distressed about it.”
Gloriana heard the concern in Elizabeth’s tone and turned, no longer caring if the other woman saw the results of her bout with crying. She watched Elizabeth sit on the side of the bed and fidget to smooth her skirt. “You will forgive him, will you not? Thomas loves you,” Elizabeth said, her expression worried.
The brush stilled in Gloriana’s hair. “He has never actually said that.” She knew it, though, in her heart.
“Men can be foolish sometimes.” Elizabeth lightly laughed. “All right, more than sometimes. Quite often actually.”
The door was still open and Gavin walked inside. “Watch what you say, wife,” he chided, yet Gloriana saw tenderness in his eyes.
“Do you follow me, my lord?”
“All the rest of the days of my life.” He blushed and seemed to realize they weren’t alone. He straightened and looked to Gloriana. “I need to speak with you.”
Gloriana’s heart fluttered. The man really was rather intimidating, even when he wasn’t frowning. “About what, Lord Abernon?”
