Delicate Scars

by Alta Hensley

  “Nothing much to say,” I said. “I’m trying not to overthink the whole thing. It is what it is.”

  Felicity rolled her eyes. “Please. Don’t give me that line of crap. I know you well enough to know when you’re withholding the full truth,” she said.

  “We hung out one night. There’s nothing to this.”

  “I’m telling you, there is. You’re in uncharted territory. Does he know you’re working on the book?”

  “No. I don’t see why that matters. We just hung out.” I could feel myself getting defensive.

  “I think you haven’t said anything because you’re interested in Axel, and you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t go for it.” She smiled. “I don’t blame you.”

  I shrugged and took a sip of coffee. “Well, like I said, this is no big deal—”

  “Yet,” Felicity interrupted. “We’ll see how quickly you guys get serious.”

  “What makes you so sure we’ll be getting serious? You yourself said he’s never had a girlfriend. And have you forgotten about his lifestyle? I can’t exactly get serious with a fucking drug dealer now can I?”

  It was almost a rhetorical question. I didn’t really want to hear the answer. Felicity made this too stressful. It was way too soon to start worrying about what Axel really wanted out of all of this.

  Felicity leaned back in the kitchen chair and crossed her legs. “We’ll see. Mark my words, you guys will be a full-blown couple soon. You’ll be fucking by the end of the week.”

  I almost choked on my coffee. “Felicity! Jesus!”

  “I’m just saying.” She laughed.

  Axel

  I pulled up to the house and was getting out of the car when I saw Quinn come out the door. Immediately, I smiled like a silly schoolboy. She was having that continued effect on me. I couldn’t hide my excitement to see her. She was dressed casually, so different from all the other women I had ever been interested in. Everything about her seemed natural and pure. I liked the simplicity in her beauty.

  Her eyes were a brighter brown in the sunlight, so brown that I couldn’t take my gaze off them as she walked down the porch to the sidewalk. I rushed to meet her and took her hands in mine. I loved the feel of her soft and delicate hand intertwined with my more masculine one. I wanted to kiss her, but I worried it would be too forward and too quick if I kept kissing her all the time like I wanted to. Something about Quinn made me want to take my time. My control, however, wasn’t strong enough to fight off the urge to at least hug her, so I did, closely, intimately. I almost moaned, feeling her hair tickle my face, breathing in everything about her.

  Grudgingly, I finally pulled away and let her go. I kept my hand still fastened to hers as I walked her to the car and opened the door for her.

  Once I started the car and drove off, I found it impossible to keep my hands off her. We made small talk, but every chance I got, I caressed her leg, her arm, her face. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she belonged to me. That I belonged to her. The connection and the bond pulled at me with a full-strength intensity. I couldn’t fight the urge to bring Quinn’s hand to my mouth and kiss it. I had no idea what was happening. This was unlike me to be so affectionate and so attentive. Could she possibly feel the same? I tried to control myself before I freaked her the fuck out by acting too intense, but I couldn’t help my actions. The only saving grace was it didn’t seem like Quinn minded, and at times, she even caressed my hand in return. She seemed to welcome my touch.

  I was excited to take her someplace quiet and private, somewhere different than the clubs and bars. I wanted to talk to her, get to know more about her, more about this woman who overpowered my entire being. I wanted to get closer. I wanted more. For the first time in my life, I wanted Quinn and only Quinn. It was fast, impulsive, and downright crazy, but I knew she was special, and I didn’t want to play around with the typical games. I knew it was risky acting too fast and pushing too much, but not riskier than denying the way I felt and letting her walk away.

  I had packed a picnic lunch and planned to take her to a grassy park area overlooking the city skyline. I hoped she enjoyed the place as much as I did. I smiled when I looked over at her gazing out the window, admiring the amazing views.

  “My God, this place is remarkable! You can see the entire city from here,” she gushed.

  I liked seeing her enthusiasm. No matter how many times I came up here, I always found it as awe-inspiring as the first time. I took a moment to admire the view before turning to her. The view didn’t measure up to the beauty sitting next to me. She truly was the most attractive woman I had ever seen.

  “I have a picnic for us. I thought we’d enjoy the peace and quiet.”

  Quinn’s eyes widened a bit, but she smiled and got out of the car. We laid out the blanket and put down the basket. We both sat in silence, taking in the scenery. The silence didn’t feel awkward at all, but rather calm and relaxing. Everything seemed so natural and comfortable that I couldn’t hold back any longer. I leaned in for a small but sensual kiss. A kiss that was soft and sweet, but passionate at the same time. Pressing her back gently, laying her down on the blanket, I propped myself up on my elbow next to her. I positioned her body closer to mine while my hand caressed her body over her clothes. Every touch slow, making sure I didn’t overstep.

  I nibbled her lower lip softly, then worked my way down to her neck and the tip of her ear. I tasted, I licked, I relished the delightful scent of Quinn. Everything about her intoxicated my senses. I ran my hand over her stomach and then down her outer thigh. I had never felt more aroused, nor had any other woman ever made me want to take it further so badly.

  “Axel,” Quinn whispered, hoarsely.

  I moaned softly as I continued to kiss and suckle her neck, wishing now we were somewhere where we could get more intimate. There was no one around, but I wasn’t sure what Quinn’s thoughts were on sex in public. But fuck I wanted her so bad!

  “Axel.” I could feel how hard she was breathing and was excited to see that she possibly wanted the same.

  I kissed her with more fervor, dancing my tongue with hers. I kissed until our breaths united as one, merging a combined passion. Loving every moment, I pulled away so I could gaze into the depths of her eyes. Satisfied with the lust I saw swirling amongst the brown, I smiled.

  “You’re beautiful, Quinn.” I ran small circles with my fingertip on her stomach as I spoke.

  “Axel, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m… well, I’ve never been…” Quinn took a deep breath and looked away from my locked stare. “I don’t usually move this fast with men. I’m not the type that hooks up. I… fuck… I’m a virgin.”

  I stared at her blankly for a second, not sure how to respond. It felt as if the air had been knocked out of me. The idea of being Quinn’s first experience rattled every nerve in my body. Confusion mixed with shock kept all the words locked inside. I wasn’t sure what to say. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what I thought. When I didn’t respond immediately, Quinn sat up and pulled away from me.

  “Wait, hold on…” I reached for her.

  She turned to face me with tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve said something.”

  I reached for her hands, my head spinning. “I’m confused. Have I been reading you wrong this whole time? I would never pressure you into something against your will. I would never make you have sex until you were ready. I had no idea you were saving yourself.”

  She looked embarrassed and bit her bottom lip, not making eye contact. “No, you haven’t. I’ve been enjoying this. Enjoying you.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not waiting for marriage or anything like that.”

  “So, you aren’t saving yourself?”

  Quinn shook her head. “No. I just usually go really slow. And then by the time I feel I’m ready for sex, the relationship has already crumbled. I guess I wait too long.” She paused and reluctantly looked up to meet my eyes. “But with you… with you, I question my feelings abou
t waiting. Maybe I’d like to try? I don’t know. I’m confused.”

  “I thought you were more experienced. I’ve never met a virgin, especially in the club scene—”

  “Felicity got me the job,” she interrupted. “And yes, I know we are a rare breed. A fucked up breed.” A tear escaped her eye. “I’m so sorry. I’m not leading you on, or messing with you. I swear. I’m just really god damn naïve. It’s embarrassing.”

  “It’s okay. Just relax.” I caressed her cheek, wiping away the tear. “I’m sorry I came on so strong. I should have been more of a gentleman. I hope I’m not scaring you away.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should. I want you. I do. But then, I’m freaking the fuck out too.”

  I put my arm around her and kissed her head. “We don’t have to figure this out overnight. Do you want to explore this? See where this goes? Take the time that is needed?”

  “Do you?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, very much.”

  “What if I’m just fucked up? What if I drag this out until it takes too long and you get tired of waiting? What if I overthink this shit like I did every other time?”

  I frowned against the soft hair of her head. I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head again. “Do you want to stop what’s happening between us? Is this too much for you?” My body tensed as I waited for the answer.

  “No. I don’t want this to stop at all.” Quinn snuggled her head under my chin, wrapping her arms around my chest. “Can you be patient with me? Help me through all of this?”

  I squeezed her tight. “Yes, I can. I will.”

  She looked up at me and smiled. “All I know is, this feels right. You feel right.”

  I loved seeing her smile. “I agree. I’ll be here for you every step of the way. I want there to be an ‘us.’ But if this ever feels wrong—”

  “I can’t imagine that,” she interrupted again.

  “Then we’ll figure this out. We’ll make it work.”

  Quinn

  I sat across from Axel, eating my sandwich and admiring every move he made. Even the way he ate was sexy. I still couldn’t believe how understanding he was about the whole virgin issue. He wasn’t acting like I was some freak of nature. His calm demeanor, sensitivity, and compassion caused me to care about him even more. I was falling for him, falling like I had never done before.

  The sound of my ringing phone interrupted my thoughts. “Oh, sorry,” I said as I scrambled to find my phone to dismiss the call.

  Axel shook his head, wiping off his mouth. “No worries. Go ahead and answer it.”

  I looked down at the caller ID. “It’s my friend, Harrison. I’ll just let it go to voicemail.”

  Axel shrugged. “Go ahead and talk to him.” He smiled. “He could be calling for something important. I don’t mind at all.”

  I felt my stomach stir. For some reason, I didn’t like the idea of talking to my editor in front of him. I knew Axel had no idea who Harrison really was, but it felt wrong. My head still spun from the conversation we’d just had and my feelings about Axel. I’d never been a liar in my life, and leading Axel to believe Harrison was only a friend was technically lying. Although I could also reason with myself that I’d never actually said Harrison wasn’t an editor and I wasn’t a writer. I should tell Axel; it really wasn’t a big deal. I really should—but I couldn’t. I had already just dropped a bombshell. The virgin bombshell should be enough. One confession at a time.

  “No,” I said, a little too hastily. “I can call when I get home.” I leaned in and gave a quick peck to his lips. “I want to spend time with you. No interruptions.”

  “Come closer.” Axel opened his arms, smiling. “Let me hold you.”

  I moved into his embrace, cozying up to his warmth.

  “Quinn, I hope this doesn’t sound too insane, but I really like you.” He reached for one of my hands and started to kiss my fingertips, one at a time. “I know I just met you, but I feel like I could spend every day and every moment with you… if you’d let me.”

  I gazed up into his eyes, swallowing the lump in the back of my throat. My heart pounded and butterflies danced in my stomach. “I know what you mean,” I whispered.

  “I know you said you’re only going to be here a short while. And I know the fact that I live a pretty fucked up life is an issue. But I was hoping... I was hoping we could continue to spend time together.”

  “Really?” I giggled. I felt like I was a love-struck teenager. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I teased. I joked, but there was a wishful thinking element to my comment.

  Axel cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable. “Well, yes. I mean, if the idea doesn’t scare you off.” He pulled me in closer. “I’m not good at stuff like this. There really is no easy way to broach this subject without sounding so cheesy. All I know is that I want you and me to be together... solely. At least while you’re here.”

  I sat in silence, overwhelmed by the realization that I was about to become the girlfriend of Axel Rye, the man I had come to secretly get information on for my book. My stomach did flips as I tried to take it all in. Could I have a boyfriend and a book deal?

  My emotions jumbled: I was happy, ecstatic, scared, shocked, and timid. I turned to him with a serious expression. “What if I can’t buy into this whole drug thing? I still haven’t wrapped my head around working in a club every night let alone dating someone who represents it. I mean, what do I tell my parents? What do I tell them about you? If you are my boyfriend, I sort of have to tell them about you.” Oh my God, I sounded like a little girl.

  I saw his eyes narrow while he looked at me skeptically. “Well, the fact of the matter is I am what I am. You have to be comfortable with that. One Google search and everyone will know—including your parents—what I do for a living. I don’t believe in keeping secrets.” He paused. “But why don’t we agree to not make this about defining. Let’s make this about two people who have feelings for each other, and take it from there.” He chuckled. “No need getting the parental figures involved on either end. Trust me, you do not want to meet mine.”

  “They can’t be that bad.”

  “Oh they are. Really bad. Dear old Dad is in Europe someplace banging girls half his age while he tries to hold onto his youth. My mother… hell, I have no idea what she is up to. I haven’t spoken to either in a couple of years.”

  I tilted my head in confusion. “But your court case. Weren’t they there?”

  “Oh hell no. Are you kidding me? They didn’t want the shame to wreak havoc on their perfect little worlds.” He sighed. “Enough talk about my parents. That is the most I have thought about them in ages, and I feel I need to pop a Valium and pay for therapy sessions by just doing so.”

  “I’m sorry to bring it up. Nothing for killing the mood like talking about parents,” I said with a giggle.

  “I don’t mind. Some day we will have to deal with them. But not today. Today, I want to talk only about you and me and us.”

  “Us,” I mimicked.

  He nodded. “Us.”

  “And your lifestyle? Do I really fit in with that? You’re famous, and every woman at these hot spots would die to be with you. I’m not exactly the exciting girlfriend type. I may kill your vibe.”

  “It’s a job. I would never betray you because of a paycheck.” He was firm. “My friends will love you because you’re an amazing person. As for the fame, we’ll muddle through it. It’s a pain. I’m not going to lie. But I want you to be with me.”

  Grinning from ear to ear, I wrapped my arms around Axel’s neck. “I would love to be your girlfriend!” I kissed him and pulled away quickly. “I love it!”

  Axel stared at me, expressionless, for an instant. Then, as if he suddenly comprehended what I just agreed to, his grin matched mine. He put his hand behind my neck, pulling me closer, pressing my lips hard against his own. Our lips brushed and tested as we explored the growing connection between us. The touch of our li
ps was soft, unsure of what was to come. This kiss seemed as if our souls combined. I took in Axel’s breath, as he took in mine. We paused and took a moment to look into each other’s eyes. I could feel the kiss in the depths of my heart. I could feel the most wonderful moment of my life.

  Axel groaned. I muffled the sound and tangled my tongue with his, kissing him with all the passion that exploded from within, until I panted for more, until our bodies strained together and everything disappeared but the ravenous quest of our mouths. The hard, warm weight of Axel pressed against me, one hand slipping inside my loose blouse and behind me to trace the low curve of my spine, then ever so gently lower, to the top of my bottom, where his caress slid the material of my skirt in sinuous circles against my hyper-sensitive flesh.

  Panting, struggling for breath, I broke the kiss to stare into his perfect face. I had to touch him, to feel him. I spread my fingers over the rugged surface of his cheek, moving them down to the firmness of his moistened lips. Axel was the most handsome man I had ever seen.

  Not quite brave enough, suddenly, to meet his eyes, I leaned my forehead against his throat, tugged the white shirt from his jeans and slipped my hand under its hem to find Axel’s firm abdomen and the softness of his bare skin. I felt a sense of triumph at the quiver of his stomach muscles and the near-silent sound of desperation that escaped his lips.

  Axel sucked in a breath as my touch moved around his waist to his spine, where I flattened my palm against the smoothness of his back and let my fingertips slip over every muscled hill and valley.

  With a moan, Axel jerked my hand from beneath his shirt and drew it to his lips, kissing each finger before he released a shaky sigh. “Don’t get me wrong, I love what you’re doing. But if we don’t stop…”

  “If we don’t stop…” I echoed in a haze, watching Axel’s lips move against my hand and wanting them on my mouth instead.