Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series)

by Beauman, Cate

  She smiled at Jack. “They’re little girls—busy, excited little girls at that. Better make that appointment right away.”

  He shrugged. “At least they’ll sleep good tonight.”

  “I’m coming right now. I have the veil in my hand,” a petite, gorgeous, and quite pregnant woman with huge green eyes said into her cell phone as she hurried to the stairs in her strapless, blue, thigh-length dress. “Hey, Jackson. Hello.” She smiled at Alexa. “Welcome to pandemonium,” she called behind her.

  “That’s Morgan. She’s Hunter’s wife. He and I work together.”

  “Oh. I wonder if I could be doing something to help?”

  “Let’s find out.”

  Mutt squirmed to get down.

  “Hold that thought.” He scratched Mutt behind the ears, then he opened a door, set the puppy on the floor, and closed it. “We’ll let Bear and Reece run the show for a couple hours.”

  Alexa bit her lip, worrying. “Do you think he’ll be okay? Bear and Reece are so big.”

  Jack smiled. “They’re beasts, but they’re sweet—unless you’re a bad guy. They’re going to help me train Mutt. Minus the shoe incident, the chewed up boxers and socks, and the piss on the living room rug, he’s a great dog. We might be able to use him for security.”

  “Oh.” She couldn’t picture the small bundle of fur barking and snarling at a criminal.

  “Let’s go meet everyone.” He took her hand, but she hesitated. Jack held her gaze, challenging, she knew. She’d been careful to keep her distance since the night he comforted her. Touching Jack brought back too many memories, too many raw emotions, but it didn’t have to. This was the perfect opportunity to show them both—but mostly herself—that a simple gesture didn’t have to be anything more than that.

  “Let’s go.” She pulled him toward the laughter and commotion in the living room. They stopped in the doorway, and Alexa blinked. She’d never seen so many gorgeous, muscular men in one space.

  “Matthews, glad you could make it.” The groom grinned.

  “Congratulations, man.” Jack let go of her hand and gave the tall, muscled giant with kind, dark green eyes a ‘guy’ hug, rough back slaps and all. Stepping away, Jack captured her hand again. “Everyone, this is Alex,” he shook his head. “Alexa Harris. Alex, that jerk over there is Hunter. You’ve already met Ethan. And the guy getting himself hitched is Austin.”

  She smiled. “Nice to meet—”

  Olivia rushed into the room. “Perfect timing.” Jack snagged her up. “And this is Olivia, our daughter.”

  Alexa studied each of the men, holding her breath, waiting to see the scolding judgment in their eyes. Surely word had made it down the grapevine that Jackson’s long-lost college girlfriend was back with the child she’d kept from him. She relaxed when Hunter, the golden God with the sexy dimple in his chin, stepped forward and tugged gently on one of Livy’s curls.

  “Nice to meet you, squirt.”

  Smiling, Olivia shied and turned her face into Jack’s neck.

  “Way to go, Matthews. She looks just like you.” Another slap to the back.

  “Morgan and Hunter are expecting their first baby in August—a little boy,” Jackson supplied.

  “Congratulations.” Alexa gave Hunter another smile. “We just watched your wife zoom upstairs. She’s stunning.”

  Hunter grinned, his eyes bright with pride. “She’s not bad. I’ll keep her around.”

  Alexa chuckled. “That’s very kind of you.”

  “Oh, good. Another set of hands.” Sarah rushed into the room, flushed and beautiful in her bold blue dress, identical to Morgan’s, holding a pretty, cooing infant. “Alexa, would you mind taking Emma?”

  “I can take her.” Ethan stepped forward.

  “No, you can’t. You’re due for pictures in—now. All of you, out on the deck. The photographer’s waiting.” She took two steps, shooing them out the door with her free hand.

  Alexa walked over and took Emma from her frazzled mother. “Hello, sweet girl.”

  Emma grinned and drooled.

  “Shoot, I forgot her burp cloth.” Sarah pressed her fingers to her temple.

  “It’s okay. I’ll find one.” Alexa snuggled Emma close, breathing in baby powder. “Oh, she’s so perfect.”

  “And she’s due to eat soon. She’s going to get fussy. I put some breast milk in the fridge. I hate to do this to you.”

  “I’ve done it before.” Smiling, Alexa nudged her head toward Livy, who was still giggling in Jack’s arms.

  “Of course you have. I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “Things are a little hectic right now. We’re thirty minutes from the official ‘I-dos.’”

  “Come on, Olivia,” Kylee called from the hall. “I’m getting my dress on.”

  Livy’s eyes widened, and she scrambled out of her father’s arms. “Kylee’s princess wedding dress!” She dashed off.

  “I need to help with that.” Sarah hurried from the room.

  “Is Livy in the way?” Alexa called.

  Sarah stopped and whirled. “No, she’s actually a help. I might keep Kylee in one place with Olivia here.” Sarah disappeared around the corner.

  On cue, Emma’s grins turned to tears as soon as Sarah vanished.

  “Are you hungry, honey? Should we get you a bottle? Kitchen’s that way, right?”

  “Yeah. I’ll show you.” Jack started to follow.

  “Oh, you don’t have to. I’m pretty sure I remember. Emma’s going to have a little snack, maybe a little nap.” She kissed the baby’s soft forehead.

  “I don’t mind.”

  She’d done everything in her power to avoid spending time alone with him. Over the last two weeks, she’d made sure Livy was never far away. When Livy went to bed at night, Alexa stayed in the guest room with her, perched at the small writing desk, typing away on her laptop, researching missing person’s cases similar to her sister’s. Perhaps her retreat was cowardly, but she would do what she had to do to make it out of this situation whole.

  They stepped in the kitchen as Emma’s fussing turned in to lusty cries. “It’s okay, sweetie.” At ease with the baby in her arm, she filled a bowl with hot water, pulled the bottle from the fridge, and set it in the water to heat.

  “Why don’t you just put it in the microwave? It’ll be faster.”

  “Because the microwave destroys the nutrients in the milk.” Alexa smiled down at Emma, cooing to the pretty baby with the black hair and soft blue eyes.

  “Ah, well, you learn something new every day.”

  Alexa pulled the bottle from the bowl, shook the liquid, and tested it on her wrist. “Just right. Here you go, beautiful girl.”

  Emma’s cries turned to noisy swallows.

  “Much better, huh, sweetie?” She played with Emma’s tiny fingers. “I miss this. I miss this so much. Livy used to…” Her smile vanished, and her gaze whipped to Jack’s as she realized her mistake. “I’m sorry.”

  He stared into her eyes as he brushed his fingers over Emma’s hair. “Let’s bring her up to the nursery.”

  She nodded and cursed herself a thousand times for being so careless as she followed Jack up the stairs to Emma’s gorgeous room. Pale greens and pinks accented sweet little chicks and beautiful pine furniture. “Look at this. It’s amazing.”

  “Wren, Ethan’s sister, decorated it. She fixed up my house too. Hell, she’s played with all of our places. She’s an interior designer.”

  “She does an excellent job. Emma, you’re a very lucky little girl. And look at this view.” She stepped to the window and sighed, studying the waves crashing against the cliffs in the distance. “It’s breathtaking. I love the ocean. I love watching Livy dance and play in the waves. We don’t get to the water as much as I would
like back in Maryland. We’re always so busy with Livy’s tumbling classes and my lesson plans. Groceries and laundry. Time gets away from me.”

  “We can go more often if you want. The beach is just a couple miles down the road.”

  She’d forgotten herself in her pleasure. “That’s okay. You have a lot going on with work.”

  “Forgot to be careful and keep it all bottled up.”

  Surprised, Alexa turned. He still knew her so well.

  He leaned his shoulder against the frame of the crib, the picture of relaxation, until she focused on his eyes.

  “I’m not sure—”

  “Yeah, you are. We both are. You tell me what I want or need to know about Olivia and Abby, but you’re off limits—a closed book.”

  Her back went up. “That’s right.”

  “Can I hold her?”

  She stared at him, frowning, unable to keep up with the abrupt change in conversation. “Of course.” She walked to him and handed off Emma.

  Jack sat in the rocking chair, setting an easy rhythm with his legs. “She’s getting so big. She’s such a pretty thing.”

  Apparently the tense moment had passed. “Yes, she is.” She continued to study Jack. He was so handsome, so tough and masculine, yet gentle and attentive as he smiled down at the baby in his arms. Alexa clutched the edge of the crib, drowning in waves of regret. “I stole a million moments like this from you and Livy.”

  He stopped rocking and looked at her.

  “How can you stand it? How can you be so kind to me when I took that from you?”

  He held out his hand. “Come here.”

  She shook her head and stayed where she was. “You didn’t want me, but that didn’t mean you didn’t want her. I was wrong, Jack. I was so wrong.”

  He settled Emma at his shoulder and burped her. “Come here, Alex.”

  Giving in to her heart, she walked to him and took his outstretched hand.

  “I messed up our relationship, Alex. I did this.”

  “No.” She couldn’t let him take all the blame.

  “Give me some of it back. Tell me what it was like. What was Olivia like?”

  “Perfect. Amazing. She was amazing.” Alexa smiled, getting lost in her memories. “She was such a peanut when she was born. I remember the first time I held her. I was terrified but so in love. I stared at her perfect little face and saw so much of you.”

  Jack clutched her hand tighter. “You used our names.”

  She nodded, stunned that he remembered. “Yes, I used the names we picked out on those silly occasions we would dream. I wasn’t going to. It hurt too much, but then I saw her and I knew she had to be Olivia Grace.”

  “Alex.”

  She shook her head in defense against the gentleness in his voice and the pain in his eyes. “Every moment was beautiful—has been beautiful,” she went on before he could say anything more. “Even the days and nights when I was so tired and scared and had so many plates spinning in the air… She’s been my joy.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry you went through it alone.”

  “I wasn’t alone. I had Gran and Abby. They were great. Abby came home on the weekends. Gran helped as much as she could, but she was in so much pain.”

  “You were taking care of Gran and Olivia and working full-time.”

  Alexa shrugged. “I did what I had to. She gave up so much for me and Abby.”

  “When did she die?”

  “A couple years ago. She passed mercifully quickly. I made it to the hospital with just enough time to tell her I loved her and to promise her I would take care of Abby. She told me I should find you. That was the last thing she said.” Alexa dropped his hand and walked to the window. Touching him was too much right now when her defenses were down.

  Jack laid Emma in her crib and stepped up behind her. “Alex.” He turned her to face him. “Alex, I…” He frowned and snagged his finger against the chain of her necklace, tugging at the charm half hidden under her top.

  “Jack, don’t.” She took a step away and stared into his eyes as she clutched her hand around the small piece of gold.

  “Stop.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “Let me see.”

  She pressed her lips firm and tightened her grip. “Leave it alone.”

  “You—you kept it.” He removed her fingers curled around the chain and toyed with the triangular charm. “Alex, you kept it.”

  She turned and stared out at the rough waters. She had no choice but to tell him the truth. “I couldn’t take it off.”

  “Do you… Do you always wear it?” He brushed his hands down her arms.

  “Yes.” She closed her eyes, struggling to remain unaffected by the warmth of his touch. “Please don’t.”

  He pulled her against him. “All this time… The last two weeks… I didn’t notice.” The heat of his breath feathered her neck.

  “I didn’t want you to,” she whispered.

  “All this time,” he repeated next to her ear as he clasped their fingers.

  This was a mistake—a huge mistake, but she couldn’t pull away.

  The door opened. “We’re starting… Oh, excuse me.” Sarah stepped back out and shut the door.

  Coming to her senses, Alexa freed herself and hurried to the crib.

  “Wait.”

  “No.” She gently picked up the sleeping baby. “You don’t want this.”

  “Don’t tell me what I want, Alex.”

  “Okay, I don’t want this. You’re caught up.”

  “Damn straight I’m caught up.”

  She shook her head vehemently. “You don’t get to be. You don’t get to do this. We can’t go back. We can’t make mistakes because of old emotions and memories.” Although she spoke to Jack, she was reminding herself. She’d melted under his touch. This couldn’t happen again. She yanked the door open and stepped out, almost crashing into the bride. “Oh, oh, I’m so sorry.” She clutched Emma closer.

  The bride smiled, fully, beautifully. She was stunning in her simple A-line organza gown. The empire bodice matched her bridesmaids’ dresses. Los Angeles was definitely home to ‘the beautiful people.’ Alexa hadn’t seen anything different yet.

  “No, problem.” The bride’s honey-colored eyes twinkled with excitement.

  “You look wonderful.” She adjusted Emma in her arms as the baby nuzzled closer.

  “Thanks. I’m Hailey.” The bride held out a well-manicured hand.

  “Alexa.” She took it and shook.

  “There’s the bride.”

  Hailey’s smile grew impossibly wider when Jack enveloped her in a hug.

  “You’re stunning.” He kissed Hailey’s cheek. “I think you might just knock Austin on his ass.”

  “I already did.” Hailey chuckled and poked him in the stomach.

  “You got me there.” Jack winked and hugged her again. “Congratulations, beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” She held him a moment. “Thank you so much for everything,” she whispered as her tone grew serious and she looked at him.

  He nodded and skimmed a finger over her cheek.

  There was an unmistakable bond between Hailey and Jack.

  Hailey drew away, and her eyes brightened once more. “Alexa, I want to spend some time with you later, but first, there’s something I have to do.”

  Hailey’s sweet excitement was infectious, and Alexa grinned. “Don’t let me stand in your way.”

  “Nothing could. I’m getting married.” She did a little boogie. “I still can’t believe it. I’m actually marrying Austin Casey.”

  “Not a nerve out of place in this one,” Morgan joked as she came up behind Hailey. “Come on, Bride. Let’s do this before baby Phil
lips arrives. For someone who’s so excited, you’re sure taking forever.” She pulled Hailey toward the stairs. “Ethan’s waiting to walk you down the aisle.”

  The hall was silent again as the wedding party headed downstairs. Alexa followed in her attempt to avoid Jack.

  “Alex, wait.”

  She stopped, blew out a breath, bit her lip, and turned. “We need to get Livy and find our seats.”

  He stared at her, nodded, and they went downstairs.

  Dusk darkened the cliffs beyond as the DJ rolled into his next song. Jackson smiled as he watched Olivia and Kylee laugh and dance about in their pretty dresses. Their cheeks were flushed and their cute hairdos long since tangled by the blowing Pacific winds. They were having a hell of a time. Olivia would always have a friend when she came to visit.

  His smile dimmed as the thought depressed him. Now that he had his daughter with him, how could he let her go? He didn’t want to share her on vacations and every other holiday; he wanted her living in LA every day. He loved having Olivia in his home, loved being surrounded by her energy, clutter, and noise. She had only been in his life for a couple of weeks, but she was by far one of the two best things that had ever happened to him.

  Scanning the bustling crowd, he searched for the other. He spotted Alex across the tent, standing in the glow of several candles. She too seemed to be hitting it off as she talked and laughed with Hailey, Sarah, and Morgan. This was the first time she’d appeared remotely happy since he woke her on Sarah and Ethan’s living room couch. It was good to see a bit of sparkle in her eyes again. The last two weeks had been hell for her. He’d heard her quiet crying and endless pacing late into the nights but kept his distance, because that’s what he knew she wanted.

  He hated that he wasn’t able to make her laugh the way Hailey was now, the way he used to. When they’d first started dating, he’d had to coax her into relaxing and letting herself have a little fun. The burden of too many responsibilities had taken their toll. Helping her ill grandmother raise a teenager while trying to work and maintain her scholarships had been more than any twenty-year-old should have to deal with. Every smile he’d teased from her in the beginning had been a small victory. It wasn’t all that different now. He’d seen a few of her stellar grins, but not nearly enough. She was too weary around him, too stiff and guarded. It was going to take more than two weeks to move past the damage he’d caused in their relationship.