Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series)

by Beauman, Cate

  He sighed as he returned her embrace and kissed the top of her head. “Come sit with me.” He tugged her to the couch, still holding her against him.

  She clutched at the arm of his t-shirt, listening to the steady beat of his heart, trying to hold back the worst of her pain. Jack already felt bad; she wasn’t about to make it worse.

  “Let it go, Alex.” He stroked her hair away from her cheek.

  She shook her head. “I’m fine.” She pressed her lips firm against the lie. “Really. I got my hopes up again, that’s all.” She tensed her grip on him as a sob snuck up and surprised her.

  He lifted her chin until she looked at him.

  A tear fell, and her lips trembled as he held her gaze. It was no use. “I—I needed her to be there, Jack.”

  “I know.” He kissed her forehead. “I know you did.”

  “I can’t stop wondering if the other night was the last time I’ll see her.” Another tear spilled, and she swiped it away, trying hard to keep herself together.

  “I won’t let it be.” He caught the next tear.

  “I’ve done the research. The odds aren’t working in our favor. Each day that passes…” Her breath rushed out again. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

  “Don’t apologize. This is hard. It’s killing me watching you suffer this way.” He skimmed his fingers along her temple. “I wish I could take it all away.” His hands found their way into her hair. “I wanted to take her with us, Alex. I did. I keep running the scenario over—”

  “Please don’t.” More tears tracked down her cheeks as she shook her head and pressed her hand to his cheek. “If you could’ve, you would’ve. I really do know that. You’ve been here for me. You’ve been nothing but honest and kind, yet you keep taking the brunt of my frustrations, and it’s not fair.”

  “I can handle—”

  “No. No,” she repeated and framed his face with both hands. “You shouldn’t have to. I can see how much this is hurting you, too. This isn’t just about me and Abby.”

  “But that’s all I care about.” He framed her face as she did his. “All I care about is you, Alex. You’re all I’ve ever cared about.”

  Her heart stuttered as they breathed each other’s breath.

  “I have to make this better. I need to make this okay for you. Every time you cry for your sister…it rips me up.”

  “I’m sorry—”

  “Don’t.” He moved in and captured her mouth with a light brush of lips. “Don’t,” he whispered again and eased in for more.

  Powerless to do anything but respond, she closed her eyes as he kissed her again. Gentle comfort turned hungry as his tongue sought hers and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Time spun out while she held Jack close and absorbed his familiar taste. There was no past, no future, only now, and she wanted nothing but him.

  “I can’t walk away,” he murmured against her lips as he played his fingers through her hair. “I need you.”

  “I don’t…” Her eyes fluttered closed as he skimmed her jaw. “I’m not...” She let loose a shuddering sigh, cutting off the last of her own uncertainties, as his tongue darted out to caress the sensitive spot just below her earlobe. She slid her hands along his strong shoulders while the heat of desire warmed her skin and he made his way back, retracing his steps with gentle kisses, stopping at her chin and nibbling.

  “I need you, Alex,” he repeated.

  Her stomach fluttered with tugs of yearning. She wanted this as much as he did. “Yes,” she heard herself murmur as she pulled him closer, waiting for his mouth to consume hers, sure she would never get enough of his flavor. Just this one time she would give in to what she’d craved for the last four years.

  “Alex, I—are you… God.” He gripped her against him and groaned as he dove in.

  A whimper escaped her throat as he tipped her head back, plundering, devouring until she was sure she would melt right then and there. She clutched at his arms, holding on, ready for what Jack would bring.

  He eased away, his breathing labored. “Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this?”

  She stared at the man she’d loved for years and nodded. “Yes.” Regrets would be for tomorrow. Tonight she wanted to feel. “Yes, I want to be with you.” She met his lips. “But we don’t have a bed. The headboard in your room is on the same wall as your parents’.”

  He smiled. “You noticed that too?” He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it to the floor. “Somehow we managed a time or two without one.”

  Their first time had been on a blanket by the lake on a cool October evening. “I guess we did.”

  “This is right.” He kissed her. “Being together this way seems right.”

  She nodded, knowing he remembered too.

  Jack moved to the floor and spread the blanket over the plush carpet. He took her hand and pulled her to him, thigh to thigh, breasts pressed to his chest, and sent her reeling with another searing kiss. Minutes passed, and his palms moved down her naked arms, over her back, leaving a trail of desire wherever he touched.

  Wanting her hands on him, she pulled his shirt free of his jeans and yanked it up and over his head. She held his gaze as she traced the smooth lines of his six-pack, making his muscles jump and quiver.

  Giving as good as he got, his eyes held hers as he pulled her sleeveless nightshirt up and off. “My God, Alex,” he groaned as he stared and brought her closer.

  Hot skin collided with hot skin, and her breath caught in her throat. “I never thought this would… I never thought we would be here again.”

  “We never should’ve been apart.” His rough palms traveled the sides of her waist, leaving goosebumps in their wake as he nibbled at her neck. “I’ve missed you, Alex. I’ve missed talking to you and touching you.” He nipped her shoulder. “I’ve craved you.”

  His words seduced her as he roamed, feathering his lips over her skin, trailing moist heat over the swells of her breasts. Fingertips traced and teased. His tongue circled her nipple until it grew hard. He suckled and flicked, and she exhaled with a quiet moan.

  How had she lived without this? How had she made it through years of her life without Jack touching her? “Jack,” she said as the familiar tug started low in her belly, a sensation she hadn’t felt since the last time they were together. She wanted nothing more than to be joined, to feel him deep inside her. “Jack,” she said again as he moved to her other breast, slowly, lazily, sending her closer to the edge.

  It had always been like this—every time since the beginning. Even when he’d unlocked this secret world to paradise for the first time, it had never occurred to her to be shy or afraid. All she thought of was him, and he simply made her want.

  He continued his exploration, stroking at her ribs in his languid pace. She clutched at his hips. How could he take his time when she was burning from the inside out? Needing, craving release, she rubbed at his jeans and discovered him ready below the barrier of denim. He steamed out a breath and moaned as she reached for his snap and pulled, found the zipper, and tugged.

  He clutched her ass, pushing her against him, making it impossible for her to reach in and grab him. “Easy, Alex.” He laced their fingers together and drew her hands behind her back. “One step at a time.”

  Her chest heaved with each breath. She was a volcano ready to erupt, and he wanted to take his time. “I don’t think I can. I haven’t been… I need to… It’s been so long. Take me right now.”

  He clutched her fingers and pressed kisses to her throat. “When you put it like that, I’m not sure I can argue.”

  She pushed her head back, giving him room to explore. “Don’t argue. Definitely don’t argue. Fast this time. I need you,” she begged.

  He set her hands free and skimmed her
hips before traveling up her front. “This time? Are you planning on another? I’m not twenty-four anymore.” Humor lit his hungry eyes.

  “Let’s just worry about now. My God, touch me. I really need you to touch me. I forgot how much you make me want—make me crazy the way you used to. Do that thing with your fingers.” She took his hand and shoved it into her pajama bottoms. “Please.”

  “I’m not sure I remember.”

  She was about to implode and he was teasing her. “Yes, you do. You did it all the time.”

  “It might take me a couple of minutes to get it right.”

  She gasped, ready to explode. “Then you better get started.”

  He grinned as he pulled his hand from her shorts and tugged them off along with her panties. “I don’t recall you being this aggressive. This is definitely new.”

  “Take advantage. Sometimes you should take advantage.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her breasts to his chest.

  “I guess maybe I should.”

  “You absolutely should,” she said and snagged his bottom lip between her teeth.

  His mouth went hot on hers as he dragged her onto his lap and she wrapped her legs around him. “What about Olivia?” he asked breathily. “She’s just in the next room.”

  “She’s a deep sleeper.” She reached up and turned off the dim light on the side table. “She’ll sleep ‘til morning.” Her whispered words were muffled against his neck as she plied him with kisses. She eased back and looked at his gorgeous face cast in moonlit shadows as she feathered her fingers through his thick hair and he stroked her inner thighs. “Hurry, Jack. Hurry and take me.”

  “I thought you wanted me to do this first.” He pushed two fingers deep inside her and moved in a rhythm that sent her flying.

  She jerked from the shocking pleasure and rocked her hips as she muffled her cry against his muscular shoulder. He eased her back, and she arched up as he continued on. “Oh my God, Jack. Oh my God.” Shuddering, whimpering, she gasped and bucked as he brought her to peak for the second time before he pulled her up and she sagged against him, resting her cheek on his damp chest, breathless and weak from the onslaught of powerful sensations.

  Jack’s heart pounded and he let out a heavy breath as he hooked his arm around her and settled his chin on top of her head. “So, was that right?” He kissed her hair. “Did I remember?”

  She smiled and met his gaze. “It must be like riding a bike.”

  He chuckled, but then his smile disappeared. “I want to be with you, Alex.” He stroked her back and kissed her sweetly. Tenderness replaced any sense of urgency, and the reality of their situation quickly cooled the heat of the moment.

  “Jack, wait.” She pressed her hand to his chest. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m not on birth control.”

  He brushed his hand down her arm. “I don’t have any rubbers.”

  “This isn’t very responsible.”

  His mouth moved to her shoulder. “We can still screw around a little.”

  “That’s true.” She closed her eyes as his teeth and tongue coaxed a moan from her throat. “Lean back.” She tugged at his jeans and boxers until he was free. She wrapped her fingers around him and smiled when he tensed.

  He kissed her as she continued to play him and his mouth heated on hers as he struggled with his shuddering breaths. They lay down and rolled, and he settled on top of her. Jack reached down and pulled his jeans the rest of the way off. “Better.”

  “Mmm. Much better.”

  He looked into her eyes and smoothed the hair from her forehead. “We never did spend much time just screwing around.”

  She smiled again. “For the first couple of months we did. You were so patient and sweet. But then you took me to the lake and showed me how it could be. We never stopped at third base after that.”

  “I prefer a home run.”

  She chuckled. “Who doesn’t?”

  “I like this. Being with you like this. Seeing you smile. Touching you. Feeling your body under mine.” He pressed his lips to hers. “I never got over you.”

  She looked away, wanting the serious moment to pass, hoping to keep things light.

  “I want you back, Alex.” He skimmed her jaw with his thumb. “I want you and Olivia the way we should have been all along.”

  His words shocked her as she stared into the intensity of Jack’s blue eyes. Her heart pounded as fear and want left her paralyzed. For years she’d dreamed of hearing Jack say those words. Now that he had, she was terrified. “This is too much.” She pushed at his chest, trying to free herself. “I can’t think about this right now. We can’t go back, Jack.” She pushed again, but he held her still.

  “I don’t want to go back. I want to move forward.”

  She closed her eyes and fisted her hands tight. “Please stop.”

  “I can’t.”

  She shoved again. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “We need to. I wasn’t going to push. I was going to give you time, but now that we’re here. Now that we’re laying here like this—”

  “No.”

  He took her hands and pulled them over her head, trapping her more fully against him. “Maybe this isn’t fair—”

  “When was it ever fair?” she hissed, struggling to free her hands. “You left me. Without any warning you just up and walked away from everything.”

  “I came back for you,” he said in a rush.

  She froze. “What?”

  “I came back, but you had already moved on.”

  “I never—what are you talking about?”

  “I was miserable without you. I missed you. I needed you. I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, so I went back to try to fix it. I’d assured myself that if I could make you understand that I was freaked out about the big, bad real world you would forgive me. I wasn’t going to leave until I had you back. I pulled into the parking lot across from your dorm and was getting out to find you when you came out from the lobby. You were in your blue coat. You had a white scarf tucked around your neck. You were so fucking beautiful, and I couldn’t get my breath. I was about to yell to you when some guy—I think it was Pete—came up behind you and said something close to your ear. You laughed, your big, loud, throaty laugh it took me months to tease from you, and he grabbed your hand. All I could do was stare. I knew then that we were finished, and I wanted to die right there. I didn’t know how I was going to live the rest of my life without you.”

  He’d come back for her. She squeezed her hands tight against his as she absorbed the heartbreaking truth. If she had looked toward the parking lot or if Jack had hollered before Pete walked up to surprise her, everything could have been different. “Why—why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I need you to know.”

  “There was never anything between Pete and me. He was there for me when I needed a friend. There’s never been—there’s never been anyone but you.”

  He frowned. “But I saw—you two were—”

  “Friends.”

  He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on hers, sighing. “All this time. We’ve wasted so much time. I messed everything up. I ruined us and missed out on my daughter’s first years. My God.” He released her hands and pulled away.

  She couldn’t stand the agony radiating in his voice and from his eyes or the cool emptiness he left behind as he lifted his body from hers. “Stay here.” She looped her arms around him. “Lay here with me, Jack.”

  “I can’t.”

  She kissed him, wanting to take away his pain. “Stay here.” Her heart thudded in time with his as their mouths met again. His tongue entwined with hers, and his hands found their way to her hair like they always did. Tender moments passed as they offered each other comfort,
and he eased back and stared down.

  “Stay,” she whispered.

  Nodding, his breath heated her skin and he moved to her neck, then her collarbone, before he came back for a searing kiss that left her melting.

  She skimmed her fingers down his muscular waist, settling them there, reveling in his powerful body covering hers.

  Urgent touches replaced gentle caresses as he took her breast in his mouth, and she moaned, clutching at his shoulders. The throb in her center spread through her belly with a liquid pull, and her skin tingled. She knew she should stop him as he moved to feast at her other breast, but she closed her eyes and surrendered to the pleasure he brought her instead.

  “I love the way you feel, Alex. I love the way you taste.” He reached down, teasing aroused skin, and groaned as she whimpered. “God, you’re so wet. I have to have you. I have to be with you,” he shuddered out through quaking breaths.

  She did nothing to stop him as he pushed himself into her. She gripped his shoulders, crying out. Finally. Finally… Her body moved with his in a dance they’d mastered long ago. This was all she wanted—Jack moving with her, inside of her, making her feel what she hadn’t since the last time. They were playing with fire with their lack of precautions, but she no longer cared about responsibility as they both climbed higher and higher. He moved faster, and his breathing grew shallow as he teetered on the edge.

  She arched her hips higher, taking him deeper as he held her gaze, shuddering with his powerful movements. He thrust once, twice more, and came with a deep groan. Alexa followed, clutching at Jack’s shoulders, stunned by the currents of pleasure coursing through her center as he held her captive with his bold blue eyes.

  Moments passed. They continued to stare as their heart rates steadied. “I’ve wanted this,” he whispered while he combed his fingers through her hair. “I’ve wanted you just like this for too damn long.”