Forever Alexa (Book Four In The Bodyguards Of L.A. County Series)

by Beauman, Cate

  Alex peeked in. “I wasn’t sure if you would still be up. How did Livy do tonight?”

  “Fine. My mother said they went out for ice cream, fed some ducks, read a few stories.” He studied her stunning face. She’d taken off her wig and left her hair tied back. She still wore her sexy schoolgirl outfit. It was impossible not to want her with that tiny skirt showing off a sinful amount of leg and that tight yellow shirt accentuating hints of spectacular cleavage beneath the proper white blouse.

  She frowned. “You didn’t go with them?”

  “No, but Dougie Masterson did. He kept an eye on things around here.”

  Her frown deepened. “Where were you?”

  “In a surveillance van.”

  “You…” She shook her head. “I thought…”

  “I was there the whole time—heard everything, saw everything. Did you really think I would let you go through this alone?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. No.” She gave him a jerky shrug and sighed. “No. But you don’t approve of what I’m doing.”

  “Damn straight I don’t.” He pushed off the bed to stand. “I’m worried, Alex. This is incredibly dangerous.”

  Her eyes filled. “I know.”

  “Do you? Do you really understand what you’re getting yourself into?”

  “I know we’ve found two of the key players in the Mid-Atlantic sex ring, and they have no intention of letting me walk out of that house tomorrow night. I saw Renzo at the restaurant. He was sitting a few tables away.”

  “And you’re still planning to go.” He shoved his hands through his hair. “You’re walking into a losing situation. How am I supposed to be okay with that? I love you, Alex. You’re asking me to sit back and watch a disaster unfold.”

  “I imagine it seems that way, but Agent Terron assures me the house will be well monitored.”

  “Fuck Agent Terron.” He rushed to her and grabbed her arms. “He’ll tell you whatever you want to hear as long as you’ll risk your life to give him what he wants. Have you seen the size of Zachary Hartwell’s estate?”

  “No.”

  “It’s fucking enormous. This is no good, Alex. Ethan pays me big bucks to assess risks just like this one, and I’m telling you this is no good.”

  She sighed again, her eyes weary. “This is an opportunity to get closer to Abby. I have to take it.”

  He turned away as embers of anger burned bright in his chest. Her calmness was infuriating. “Are you listening to what I’m saying? You’re playing a deadly game here. Why can’t I make you see that?” He whirled back as the flames grew hotter. “There’s a huge chance none of this will lead to Abby. What if all of this is for nothing but now they have you both? You’re not thinking this through. This is madness.” He began to pace as fear overtook him. “This is stupid.”

  “This is not stupid.” She took a step toward the door. “I’m trying to save my sister’s life.”

  “And I’m trying to save yours. Fucking-A, Alex.”

  “Don’t speak to me that way. This conversation is over if you’re going to be unkind.”

  “Unkind,” he laughed as he advanced on her. “You think I’m being unkind? You have no idea what unkind is. I’m just fucking pissed, but I’m not cruel.” He took her arms again and backed her against the door, wanting to send his point home. “But Eric is—and Renzo. They don’t give two shits about you. Do you know what you’ll be doing tomorrow night when you walk through that door?” He pressed himself against her and yanked her white sleeveless blouse open, sending buttons flying.

  “Stop,” she shuddered.

  “Stop? Do you think they respect that word, Alex? Do you think they’ll back off and walk away just because you want them too?”

  “Why are you doing this?” She pushed at his chest. “Why are you acting like this?”

  “Because I’m giving you a little taste of what you’re in for. Do you think tomorrow will be anything like tonight? There won’t be cops just steps away ready to jump in and save you.” A tear trailed down her cheek, but he kept going. “What, can’t you handle it? It’ll be so much worse,” he fired at her. “Eric won’t be so gentle with his kisses if and when he decides he’ll have a few.”

  She stopped struggling against him. “You saw that? You saw him kiss me?”

  “I told you I saw everything.” The jealousy bubbled up, despite his best intentions to dismiss the whole thing, knowing that was the least of their troubles.

  “I’m sorry, Jack.” She took his face in her hands. “It didn’t mean anything.”

  “Just part of the gig, right?” He sent her a humorless smile.

  “Yes. Kissing Eric made me sick. I only want you.”

  “Lies. Kisses. Broken deals. But the end justifies the means, right?” He pressed himself closer. “What else will you do to get to your sister?”

  “Not what you think. I only want you, Jack.” Instead of pushing him away, she pulled him closer, and something changed. The urgency humming in the air no longer had anything to do with Eric Stevens or the sex ring. “I only want you,” she repeated.

  His breath heaved out, mingling with hers as they eyed each other.

  “Only you, Jack.”

  He nipped her lip as he glided his palms over the back of her thighs and under her skirt. “Show me.” He grabbed her ass and brought her against him.

  “Not like this,” she panted. “Not when you’re angry.” Despite her words, her fingers curled at the nape of his neck.

  “Does it really matter?” He crushed his mouth to hers, and tongue met tongue.

  “Jack—” her word ended on a strangled gasp when he pushed her panties aside and shoved his fingers in deep. Wanting to dominate, he worked her to a violent peak as he held her gaze.

  Moaning, breathless, she sagged against the door, but he wasn’t finished. Sex seemed to be their only connection these days, the only place where they made any sense. He sent his fingers to work again, and her eyes widened as she let loose a strangled cry. “I hated him touching you. I hated him tasting you. I hate that you won’t listen to me,” he said, then he took her mouth again.

  Tongues danced to the rhythm of his plunging fingers and she clutched at his shoulders and groaned loud and long. “Jack. Jack, come lie down with me. I want you to lie down with me.”

  “No.” He didn’t want tenderness right now, or to be soothed. He wanted to show her he was the only one. He tossed her blouse aside and yanked her clinging yellow top up over her head. Her bra followed with a flick of the wrist. He played his palms over her hardened nipples and nibbled her lips until she whimpered and her hands started a frantic journey of their own.

  She threw his shirt aside and her long, cool fingers moved over his chest, his stomach, sending him into overdrive as he sent her flossy panties to the rug.

  “Jack, come to the bed,” she muffled against his neck in between gasps.

  “Right here.” He freed himself, lifted her skirt, and rammed into her hot wetness. Frozen, stunned from the indescribable pleasure, he groaned when her muscles pulsed around him.

  “Oh, God, God…” She clutched at his shoulders as her body went rigid.

  He swallowed her cries and gripped her hips, desperate to bring her even higher. Holding on, he shoved himself deeper with each violent thrust, never letting up when she bowed back, tensing, and came yet again. He followed seconds later on a primal grunt as he emptied himself inside her.

  They stared at each other as their breath heaved. Alex’s face was damp and flushed, her eyes glassy, her lips swollen. “What—what was that?”

  They had never been like that before and never would be again. There had been no kindness, no affection. He shrugged, trying to dismiss the shame swamping him as Alex’s confused gaze continued to hold his. “I d
on’t know.” He freed himself from her, stepped back, and pulled up his pants.

  “Are you punishing me? Are you showing us both that I’m still yours?”

  He clenched his jaw, saying nothing as she hit the mark.

  “I won’t let you use us like this. Don’t ever do that again.” She reached down for his t-shirt and yanked it over her head.

  “You didn’t exactly stop me, but you didn’t exactly stop him either.” What the hell was he doing?

  Her rosy cheeks paled, and her eyes widened as she whirled and twisted the doorknob.

  He reached out and took her arm. “I’m sorry.” He pulled her back against him and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m sorry.”

  She sniffled.

  He nuzzled his face in her hair. “That was below the belt, and I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry,” he repeated.

  “I don’t want it to be like this, Jack. I don’t want us to be like this.”

  “I don’t either.” He turned her to face him. “Cancel tomorrow night,” he pleaded. “Let me take you and Olivia back to LA where it’s safe. We need to fix us before it’s too late.”

  “I want to, but it’s not that easy.”

  “Yes, it is. You’re the only one who can stop this now.”

  “And what about Abby?”

  “We’ll find another way.”

  “No, we won’t.”

  “Alex, please.” He pressed his hands against her skin.

  “I don’t want to go tomorrow night. I’m scared—terrified—but there’s no other way. Do you think I needed your…demonstration to understand what might happen to me?”

  He clenched his jaw as he absorbed her verbal sucker punch. “Low blow, and I deserve it.” He closed his eyes. “You’re desperate to get Abby back. I know that, but this isn’t the way. Sending you into a no-win situation isn’t the solution.”

  “From any angle you look at this, it’s a no-win situation. It has been all along. I have to do this, Jack. Why can’t you understand?”

  “Because every instinct in my body is telling me this is wrong. My gut is screaming that something bad is going to happen. You’re their next target.”

  “That doesn’t help me.”

  “I don’t know what else you want me to say.” He tossed his hands up in the air and let them fall. “The woman I love is walking in to a trap, and I’m just supposed to pat you on the head and say, ‘Go get ‘em tiger’? What do you want from me?”

  “To be here. To support me.”

  “I am. I’m right here.” He pulled her to him and rested his forehead against hers. “I’m right here, Alex, but I can’t tell you what you want to hear. I don’t think this is the right approach. I don’t think this is what’s best for you or Olivia or Abby.”

  “Then what is?” she snapped and pulled away. “What is, Jack?”

  “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

  “That’s so helpful.” She burst into tears. “God.” She swiped her wet cheeks. “We’ve exhausted every other effort. This is the only one getting us results.”

  “And when does it stop?”

  “When Abby’s home. I can do this, Jack. I believe I can do this. Why don’t you?”

  “This has nothing to do with a lack of faith in you; it’s a matter of not being able to ensure your safety. That’s all I care about. I want you safe.”

  “What about my sister?”

  “What about Olivia? What about your daughter, Alex? What if they take you tomorrow night? What if I can’t get you back? What do I tell our little girl?”

  Alex sat on the edge of the bed and covered her face as her tears streamed faster. “Don’t use Livy that way, Jack.”

  He crouched in front of her. “I’ll use anything I can to put a stop to this. I can’t lose you again, Alex. I love you. I need you.”

  She dropped her hands and looked at him. “That’s what this is about: you. Somehow it always comes back to what you need. You can’t lose me. You need me.” She rushed to her feet. “This isn’t about Livy or my sister rotting in hell. You’re afraid.”

  “Damn right I’m afraid.” He stood, growing more pissed by the second.

  “You’re selfish.” She pushed at him.

  “What?” He captured her wrists. “How is worrying about you selfish?”

  “Because you’re more concerned with how this affects you than anyone else.”

  “Bullshit.” Her accusation hurt him as much as it angered. “You’re the one with a one-track mind. It’s Abby or nothing and damn the rest.”

  “How dare you.” She yanked free of his hold.

  “You’ve put our daughter and my parents in danger. You’ve been advised to leave by not one but three security experts, yet you choose to stay. I think you should take a second and reevaluate who the selfish one is in this scenario.”

  “Bastard,” she hissed. “How can you look at me and say that? Abby and Livy are all I have.”

  “They’re all you have? Do I enter the equation here, or is that too selfish a question?”

  “I promised I would always take care of her. She has stood by me through everything. She’s never left me, Jack, and I refuse to leave her.”

  “So, it’s going to keep coming around to the past? I left you, Alex. I sure as hell did and regretted it every day after. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked away from you. How many ways do I have to apologize?”

  “This has nothing to do with the past and everything to do with giving my sister her life back.”

  “Sister Alexa to the rescue, no matter what.” He laughed and turned away.

  “That’s it. That’s enough.” She rushed to the door and grabbed the knob.

  He whirled and stopped her with a hand against the wood. “We’re not finished here.”

  “Oh, we’re long past finished. All this time. I’ve wasted so much time on you.”

  His heart stuttered as he measured the ice-cold blue of her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Whatever you want it to.” She reached up and yanked hard on the charm of her necklace, snapping the chain in two. She threw the gold to the floor, elbowed him in the stomach, and rushed from the room when he lost his breath.

  Fighting for air, Jackson stared at the ruined piece of glimmering gold as he tried to absorb the shock of Alex’s actions and words. With a gasping cough, he scooped down and picked up the jewelry; it was still warm from her skin. She’d worn it for years, and now she was done. Even when he’d broken her heart, she’d kept it. Dread slammed into his gut as he digested what this meant. He’d just lost Alex, and it had nothing to do with the traffickers. He rushed to the hall as her door closed and the lock clicked into place.

  He stared at the wood for several minutes, then raised his hand to knock but dropped it. His first instinct was to barge in and demand they talk until they’d fixed everything, but instead he walked away. They were at an impasse. She wanted him to sit back and tell her that tomorrow night was going to be okay, but he couldn’t. Every fiber of his being warned him that Zachary Hartwell’s birthday bash was going to end in doom.

  Alexa pressed her back to the door and closed her eyes as Jack’s footsteps faded down the hall. She swiped at her cheeks as unstoppable tears rained down from her eyes. What were they doing to each other? She walked to Livy, sniffling back her sobs, and stared at her beautiful girl. She pressed a finger to her lips and touched Livy’s nose, then she smoothed the covers over her restless sleeper.

  She lowered herself to the edge of the bed and picked up Livy’s stuffed frog from the floor. The laughter from a night long ago echoed through her mind as she remembered Jack winning the mournful looking creature for her. She wanted that moment back, or any of the other thousand times they had made
each other smile.

  It had never been like this between them—the harsh words, the cruelty. The angry sex of moments before had been a shock. Jack’s eyes had been so cold while he rammed himself inside of her. They’d had urgent sex, hungry sex, many times before, but what they just shared was dramatically different and nothing she ever wanted to repeat.

  Alexa rested her forehead in her hands and closed her eyes, wishing she could take the last few minutes back. She didn’t mean to call Jack selfish. Jack was many things, but selfish wasn’t one of them. He’d put his life on hold to help her. He loved her, of that she had no doubt, and she him, but maybe love wasn’t enough when the complications were so big.

  So where did that leave them? Was this it? Was this really the end? They had come so far over the last month and a half. She had finally lowered her guard enough to let herself believe in the possibility of them being together forever. Everything she ever wanted was at her fingertips and quickly slipping away—and it was all her doing this time. Her obsession with Abby’s case and seeing her sister again was destroying other facets of her life. Jack was so mad—as furious as she’d ever seen him. A huge part of her couldn’t blame him. She’d lied, broken their agreement, kissed another man, and was taking major risks, despite his pleadings.

  Tomorrow night was it—the last time she would help the authorities. It had to be. The wiretaps couldn’t go on indefinitely. Jack’s warnings weren’t going unheeded. She understood the danger, but she had to give this one last shot. Saturday night was for Abby—her final attempt to bring her sister home. She couldn’t turn her back when they were so close; she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she did.

  She hated that she had to choose. It didn’t seem fair that she had to pick between two of the people she loved most in the world. But since when had life been fair? She wanted it all—her sister safe and thriving, the family she’d stopped believing in so many years before, the man she loved desperately—but to have one she lost the others.