Sin's Haven

by Carlene Love Flores

  He left her for a moment to find her top and when he had it, he sat down at her side and handed it to her. “Hazel, here. Put this on. I won’t lie, I don’t like what you did but I won’t leave you like this.”

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  Well, hell no, he didn’t. That’s why they should talk. He hated feeling anger towards her but she wasn’t making any sense and damn, she’d broken his heart. Never mind the fact he’d been so close to her and now they may as well have been on opposite coasts. “You’re right, I don’t,” he said back flatly.

  Before he could say he was willing to change that, maybe offer up a truce or a do-over, he offered her blouse one more time. She refused it, stood up and still only wearing her jeans, muttered words that chilled him to his bones.

  “I couldn’t keep him alive. Didn’t want to hurt you, too.”

  After those chopped up words stunned him still and silent, he heard her bathroom door shut. The lock clicked a second later.

  His phone couldn’t have rung at a worse time so he ignored it and stared at the slit of light coming from under the bathroom door, ready to rip it from its hinges.

  She hadn’t asked him to leave. So where did he go?

  He walked to her bathroom and tried the doorknob just in case. Locked.

  “Hazel, please come out.”

  Nothing.

  “Come on, please. You have me worried out here.” He thought for sure that would work since she’d admitted she didn’t want to hurt him.

  “Just go,” she said, barely loud enough for him to hear.

  Unsure of what else to do, but knowing he wouldn’t leave her right now, Ben made his way around her small apartment. Maybe he was looking for clues or just an understanding of the woman who had lied to protect his feelings.

  The place was simple and tidy and there wasn’t much to it, besides music in all its forms, neatly stacked on end tables, under the coffee table, and on every available inch of her entertainment center. On the kitchen counter she had a red cd player with a few discs stacked at its side. He flipped through them and found some indie groups even he’d never heard of and one movie soundtrack that explained how she’d known about “Cling” on his birthday night disaster.

  Quietly, he opened her one and only other room with a door, aside from the bathroom. He flipped on the light to what should be Hazel’s bedroom.

  Stepping inside, Ben noticed a few things. A tall dresser topped with a lamp and a framed photo, a closet, and an empty clothes hamper. Some of Hazel’s work aprons hung on the back of the door. No frills. But it was the thing that was missing which tripped him up the most.

  There was no bed.

  He knew all about making do, getting by with what you had. But Hazel had the space and worked so many shifts, she should have been able to afford at least a mattress and box springs. At the very least, an air mattress. He didn’t sleep much either because he was always working, but the few hours he did get to lie down, his bed was like heaven. She didn’t have that.

  Saddened at how empty and plain this little place felt when it should be celebrating all Hazel’s vibrancy, he lingered inside the room an extra minute, not satisfied with all the questions popping into his head.

  Ben backtracked to the dresser that came to his mid-chest level. His first thought was that it was way too tall for Hazel. But that didn’t stick around for long because of who he saw in the framed photo.

  Hazel’s face was lit up like someone had been tickling her and she was trying not to bust up laughing. Her grin made him swallow. Standing just behind her was a guy who looked to be about Ben’s height because Hazel only came to his chest. He wore a black and white striped shirt that barely contained linebacker sized biceps. The guy was smiling with a microphone in his hand while he hugged Hazel from behind. Ben squinted to see closer and recognized that they were on a dark stage in a dark room. And it looked like the guy was trying to get the microphone to Hazel’s mouth, which she was doing her best to avoid. But they looked happy.

  Was this the guy she was so hung up on? What had she said? She couldn’t keep him alive?

  Now he noticed the frame. It had been customized in a way he appreciated. It looked like Hazel had inscribed all along the silver with a black marker. He read in his head, Jay and Hazel…The Club…Love You Forever… The date she’d written was one year old exactly. He had to turn it upside down to read the very last sentence. I will always know you, my brave beautiful man.

  Oh shit. This was the guy she hadn’t been enough for. And Ben was pretty sure he’d died.

  He made his way back out to her kitchen, found what he needed to brew a pot of coffee, and then sat down to wait. No matter how long it took her to come back out, he’d be there waiting.

  Chapter Eleven

  It was quiet when she lowered her hands to her lap.

  Hazel’s ears hurt the way they did when she slept on them for too long, mashing them against the couch arm. She eased her hands away from the sides of her head, hearing for the first time something other than the pulse at her wrists.

  Was he still out there?

  How could he be?

  She didn’t know what time it was but it had to have been an hour she’d been in here now. Who waited that long? After what she’d done to him?

  A new sob nearly made her choke. She’d let her body go through the convulsions of crying but had kept the sound in check. This one came out before she could hold it back.

  “Hazel?” she heard him say from the other side of the door. His feet made shadows at the crack near the floor. “Hazel, are you okay?” He sounded sleepy.

  Thank God he sounded alright. His voice was even and mostly clear. She pressed her sore ear to the door to hear better.

  “Please come out. I’d like to see you before I have to go. I want to make sure you’re okay.” He waited. She waited. “I’m not mad. Please, I only have a few more minutes until I have to go.”

  A few more minutes wasn’t long enough to explain why she’d lied to him or even begin to try and talk about Jay. But with her luck, it was plenty to inadvertently hurt him again. Without meaning to, it was apparently all she was capable of when it came to Ben. Hazel scrubbed her face with her hands. Frustration didn’t come close to what held her.

  She would not beg him to stay so she could explain. She would not do that to him.

  He sounded well enough. The best thing, if she really cared about this man, was to let the universe have its way and carry him out her front door. Back to his work and his friends and his home with all his perfect white tees. His stripes and cheeseburgers. Her eyebrows crinkled, threatening new tears. Quietly, she let them fall down her cheeks. He had something to do. She would not interfere.

  “Please leave, Ben. Just go.”

  It wasn’t what she wanted.

  Realizing that didn’t matter was what dropped her to the floor with a thud.

  ****

  “Hazel?”

  Ben stared at his watch. If he left now, he’d still make it to the studio with enough time to finish the new site designs before Jaxon and the guys crawled out of bed for their morning meeting about it. It was five a.m. The possibility existed that Jaxon might actually not have gone to bed yet.

  He dialed his friend’s number.

  “Yeah?”

  “Hey Jaxon, sorry I woke you up,” Ben said.

  “What’s up, Benny?” Jaxon sounded gruff.

  “So I’m sorry I woke you up but I’m not gonna have the new designs complete for the meeting this morning with the guys.”

  “Everything okay?”

  That wasn’t surprising as Ben hadn’t missed an assignment since his tenure with Sin Pointe. A scratching sound against the bathroom door made him look up but when it stayed closed and no Hazel came out, it appeared he was imagining things. He returned to his call.

  “Yeah, sort of. I’m with a friend and I wouldn’t bail on you unless this was important.”

  Jaxon yawned
. “Anyway I can help with this friend?”

  He hadn’t told Jaxon because basically, his birthday night had been permanently removed from any topics he ever planned to discuss with his boss. He’d even managed to keep Hazel’s note to himself. Back when it had meant something else to him.

  “No, it’s something I need to deal with.”

  “Well, I hate to be a dick, but you have to be there, mate. Vance flew in late last night with the new cover artist. They’re only in town this morning and you’re the only guy who has cover art to show him. We’ll make it as quick a meeting as possible. I’m sorry but that’s the best I can do. Where are you, anyway?”

  “Nashville.”

  “Well, at least you’re not that far from the studio. I’ll see you there in an hour.” Jaxon yawned and then the call ended.

  “Dammit,” Ben said and shoved his phone into his pants pocket when it proceeded to aggravate the crap out of him by ringing again.

  “Yeah?”

  “Hey um, is this Ben, Hazel’s friend?”

  Ben cleared his throat, totally unprepared for that one. “This is Ben. Can I help you?”

  “Hey man, this is Mark. From the club.”

  “Mark, the owner. Yeah um, can I help you?”

  Ben couldn’t think of any way Hazel’s boss would have gotten his number besides her sharing it with him. Which meant more than he had time to sort out right now.

  “I hope so. I just noticed that Hazel’s truck was still in the parking lot when I pulled in a few minutes ago and I wanted to make sure she’s okay. I called her phone but there’s no answer. Have you by chance heard from her?”

  Ben considered taking a few steps away from the bathroom door in case she had really awesome hearing like Trista and Lily. Those girls heard everything. On second thought, he looked for another room. The only one available was the bed-less bedroom and he got a feeling he didn’t belong in there. If he stepped outside the apartment, he risked not being able to get back in.

  Maybe those thick curtains were hiding a balcony on the other side of the couch, something he’d missed because he’d been lost in being so close to her earlier. He pulled them back. Nope. Just a window.

  Time was ticking by and Ben would have to leave soon anyway. Did it really matter if Hazel heard what he was about to say to Mark? Probably not.

  “Hey Mark, Hazel caught a ride back to her place with me last night. I uh, I kept her up late talking so I don’t know if you’re expecting her in early this morning, but that might not be happening. And I’m sorry, it was my fault.”

  Mark was quiet at first but then he said, “Ben, you know what last night was?”

  He knew the date was significant because Hazel had written it on the frame of her and Jay’s picture. But Ben was clueless otherwise. “She didn’t want to talk about that.”

  “Yeah, well losing your fiancé the way she did is a pretty devastating thing. I’m not surprised. Last night was one year since it happened.”

  “Oh shit,” Ben said, rubbing his forehead as too many thoughts bombarded him. He doubted Mark would divulge any more information about that out of respect to Hazel’s privacy. “I’m about out of time, Mark. But uh, to answer the reason you called. I think she’s okay. Just needs some rest. That being said, you might stop by if you don’t hear from her after a bit.” If she wouldn’t come out for Ben, he’d be sure and have someone there who she would answer.

  “All right man, take it easy,” said Mark.

  Ben ended that call.

  He was officially out of time and so he walked directly to the bathroom door and patted his hand against it a few times.

  “Hazel, I have to go. If you’re not going to say goodbye—that hurts.” Not at all what he planned to say, but sometimes the truth had a way of sneaking out. “I at least would like to know that you’re going to be okay when I leave here right now.”

  At that, the bathroom door opened.

  Red rimmed eyes and nostrils told him she’d been crying some serious tears. Her breaths were hitching on each inhale and exhale. She looked like she had enough in her to make it to the couch, maybe.

  “Come with me, Hazel.”

  Lucky for Ben, she didn’t have the energy it would have taken to say no. He made sure to fix her top so that it hung correctly over her body. The one he still craved. Apparently he was more like the guys than he realized. He had to ignore the insane need to make love to her. This was not the time and they were not in the same place as they’d started the night.

  Once she was covered up, he took her by the hand and led her outside. She looked up at him.

  “Where are we going?”

  “My office.”

  She nodded but it didn’t look like she had the energy to make the short walk to his car. Ben, tired and drained as well, scooped her up and carried her. They’d have thirty minutes in the car to figure this out.

  He punched in the studio address to his GPS and they were off.

  The guys were gonna love that he was showing up to an official meeting in nothing but a vest and pants and with his date in tow. Not.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Ben, I can’t go with you. Please, drop me off at the club. I need to be there to open up.”

  “Yeah, about that. Mark called and said he was there so I don’t think you have to worry about going in. You’ve barely had any sleep, have you?”

  “Neither have you. But you’re still going in. Same way I need to.”

  “Hey, Hazel. I know we’re new at this, whatever this is. I don’t pretend to like being lied to about being with you, but I realized tonight that’s because I actually care about you. And I know last night was a tough night. I’m sorry about Jay…”

  It had been an exceptionally rough night, one she’d never forget but couldn’t stand to think about too much. She’d needed Ben and she’d had him only to ruin it. Once again. Her words just shot out.

  “We were engaged to be married, but he killed himself one year ago. And now I need my truck. Please just drop me off and then you can go to your meeting.” Her damn hands were shaking so she tucked them into her armpits. She needed to breathe. Counting in for four and out for four, she tried to get a grip on herself.

  “We can talk. Hazel, you can talk about him with me.”

  “You have a meeting to get to.”

  “I didn’t say I had a meeting.”

  “I overheard your phone call, Ben. Sorry, my apartment has thin walls.”

  “Well did you hear the part where I told Mark I’d take care of you? And you can just take my word for it, he agreed. The studio has a sleeping room. It’s sound proof. You can lay down in there, get some rest. And after my meeting, I’ll come get you. Then maybe we can talk like we should have before I let things get out of hand last night.”

  “Did you say studio?”

  “Uh yeah.”

  “No. Take me to the club.” Her hands weren’t trembling now because she planted them on his dash. No way in hell was she going to a recording studio, not even one where Ben had some place to stash her. “Ben, there will be people there and I’m just not ready to be around. Please understand that.”

  The club’s parking lot snuck up on him before he was ready to have to make the decision of taking her there or keeping her with him. She could tell. Ben’s mouth was tight and his lips bunched together. He let out a loud huff then pulled into the parking lot, taking the spot beside her truck. The engine died and he turned to look at her. She was sure he eyeballed the clock on his console before manually killing the power to his radio.

  “Come with me. We need to talk. Then I’ll bring you back here. I promise.”

  There was definite pleading in his voice and she knew he had to get to his meeting. But no way did she want to be around Jaxon James or any other person in the industry. Her heart squeezed at the look on Ben’s face. They needed to talk. But he could come back this way after his meeting. Unless he was trying to tell her that refusing him now meant refusing
him forever. He checked his phone and then set it down. His knee bobbed against the steering wheel.

  “When you say studio, you mean the Sin Pointe studio?”

  “Yeah, Jaxon had one built just outside of town. It’s on Berry Hill, not too far from here but with traffic…I need to get there Hazel. I don’t want to rush you. I have to go. I really don’t want to leave you here.”

  Negative thoughts lashed at her, telling her that if she went, it would only get worse. She could already feel her animosity and blame for the cold, dark music world clouding her mind. More tears came pouring out as she unbuckled her seat belt and tried opening her door. It wouldn’t open of course.

  “Hey, Hazel, please talk to me.” Ben’s hand was on her knee, his face confused but caring.

  “I can’t.” She struggled with the door again until she heard the automatic locks pop open. Ben was letting her go.

  In one fast move, she reached back to touch Ben—somewhere, anywhere—her hand brushed against his chest, then she hopped out of his car and without looking back, made her way past her truck and inside to the café.

  She saw Mark, who stopped her before she escaped back to the bathroom to freshen up and find a spare apron.

  “Hey, what are you doing here? Are you okay?” he asked, his face crinkled up and his hands full of coffee beans.

  Unable to hide her red, wet face from him, she said, “I have no idea, Mark. No idea. I just need to work.”

  Mark shook his head. Maybe he knew she was making a mistake. But it wasn’t his fiancé who’d strangled himself using one of her scarves from their bedpost. It wasn’t Mark who lived with that vision every second of every day, no matter how much time had passed. And it wasn’t Mark who had fallen in love with a sweet man who came from a world she couldn’t be a part of. One who had been hurt each and every time they’d been together the past week. Mark was wrong if he thought she was making a mistake because this was the only way she knew of keeping Ben safe and maintaining what little sanity she had left. She shoved past him to the bathroom and prepared for her shift.