Dr. Langston was bold enough to say, “Really? That surprises me since you’re so determined to have a nanny.”
“I may not be the mommy type, but Ahn is my niece. The adoption isn’t going to change that as far as I’m concerned.”
Dr. Langston finished making her notations on the form. “That concludes the questionnaire,” she said, handing the form across the desk. “And for what it’s worth, I think Ahn is a lucky little girl to have you for an aunt, Hallie.”
“Thank you.” Hallie stood and stuck out her hand. “And thanks for your help today.”
Deb stood and shook Hallie’s hand.
Hallie put the form in her purse and stuck the notebook under her arm then followed as Dr. Langston walked them to her office door.
“I’ve made an appointment for Ahn in two weeks,” Deb said. “With the drastic changes going on in her life right now, it’s important that you keep the appointment.”
“She’ll be here,” Nate said.
Hallie knew there were questions she should probably ask—behaviors to watch out for, or strategies to deal with Ahn’s grief—but her mind was spinning from too much information, and her head was pounding from a stress-induced headache. All Hallie wanted was out of here.
And maybe after a few hours of solitude this insane reality she was living would make sense.
CHAPTER FOUR
NATE HAD NEVER CLAIMED to be a genius. But he was smart enough to stay out of the middle of a disagreement between two strong and independent women. Only a fool would get involved once the claws came out.
So when Deb and Hallie had come down on opposite sides of the nanny debate, he’d kept his mouth shut.
Just as he was keeping his mouth shut now.
Hallie had not said a word when he’d caught up with her at the elevator. Not after she popped two aspirin into her mouth from the bottle she dropped back into her purse. Not when they’d stopped at Greg’s office to drop off the information for the adoption agency. Not during the three-block walk to the parking garage. And not when he’d opened the passenger-side door so she could climb into his Range Rover.
They were driving out of downtown Boston now, heading back to Wedge Pond. And Hallie had yet to say a word.
But Nate didn’t have to glance over at her sitting in the seat beside him to know she was chewing on her lower lip. He’d seen her do it a thousand times. Hallie always chewed on her lower lip when she was worried about something.
Nate also didn’t have to wonder what that something was. Dr. Langston’s advice about the nanny had been shocking and eye-opening—for both of them.
The question was what to do about it.
Nate tried to picture him and Hallie taking care of Ahn. He couldn’t. His inability to see it had nothing against Hallie and definitely nothing against Ahn. It was him and his decision never to have kids. He didn’t have it in him to be daddy to anyone—even on a temporary basis. But instinct told him not to discuss the issue until Hallie was ready.
Nate had no intention of doing or saying anything that might damage the truce he and Hallie had finally found. That ground was still too shaky, too new to both of them.
Besides, they weren’t used to talking to each other at all. One conversation in a bathroom wasn’t going to instantly change that. They’d have to gradually ease into a comfort zone with each other. He’d give Hallie all the space and all the time she needed until she could begin to feel comfortable around him.
Unfortunately, feeling comfortable around each other could lead to another problem. From what Greg and Deb had told them, finding new parents wasn’t going to be easy. And that meant he and Hallie could be spending far more time together than Nate ever imagined.
He was concerned about that.
Gravely concerned.
Nate almost wished he had lied to Hallie when she’d confronted him about their past. That he’d allowed her to keep thinking he was an egotistical bastard. Her disdain toward him had cancelled out his attraction to her all these years, the same as her age had stopped him from acting when they first met.
Only Hallie wasn’t a kid anymore.
She was a beautiful, desirable woman who was extremely vulnerable at the moment.
Fate had forced them together at the worst possible time. Losing David and Janet had turned their lives upside down. Thrown them completely off-kilter. Left them both floundering, uncertain what they should do first or which way they should turn next.
An affair right now would only end in disaster. They were both too unstable.
The question was, did he have the same strength he’d had ten years ago? Could he really resist Hallie if they were together day and night? Nate wasn’t sure that he could again do what was best for Hallie under the circumstances.
Nate glanced over at her.
He was surprised to see she was staring right at him.
“So?” she said. “What do you think about the nanny situation?”
He wondered if she’d be shocked to know he hadn’t been thinking about the nanny situation at all. That he’d been thinking about the things they’d done to each other in the back of that taxi.
“I don’t think we have any choice but to hire a nanny. But I can also understand Deb’s reasons for why we shouldn’t.”
“Really?” she said. “I’m amazed you heard a word she said with the amount of cleavage she was showing.”
“Is that a hint of meow in your voice?” Nate asked.
“Of course it is,” she admitted. “From a woman’s point of view, the only thing worse than another woman being so gorgeous is if she’s smart and gorgeous.”
“If that’s true,” Nate said, “then I’m sure she was thinking the same thing about you.”
She snorted. “Have you looked at me today?”
Much more often than I should have.
But Nate wisely chose not to answer. “Does your question mean you’re having second thoughts about the nanny?”
“No,” she said. “I’m having terrifying thoughts about not hiring a nanny and taking up the role as Ahn’s primary caregiver.” She waved the notebook at him. “I don’t even have to open this notebook to know how doomed Ahn would be if she had to rely on me to help progress those developmental skills Deb kept talking about. I’m not even capable of fulfilling the child’s basic needs. I don’t do diapers.”
“I don’t do diapers, either. But maybe we could compromise. We could hire a nanny to take care of Ahn’s basic needs. And one of us could take responsibility for working with Ahn on a personal level.”
“One of us meaning me,” Hallie said, “since you’ll be heading back to Afghanistan.”
Nate kept his eyes straight ahead when he said, “I’m not going back to Afghanistan, Hallie. I arranged for my replacement before I left.”
She gasped. “But why?”
Nate still didn’t look at her. “My mother. With David gone, I need to be able to check on her.”
Instantly, Hallie’s hand was on his arm.
Instantly, her touch left Nate rattled.
“Oh, God, Nate. I’m sorry. I haven’t thought about your mother.”
“No need to apologize,” Nate said, relieved when she withdrew her hand. But he did glance over at her. “My mother isn’t going to realize I’m there, of course. Just like she didn’t realize David came to see her every week. But I’ll know.”
Nate looked back at the highway.
“Do you get that’s the same way I feel about Ahn? I need to know I didn’t turn my back on her.”
“When you put it that way, yes. I do understand how you feel.”
“Look at us,” she said. “We’re actually agreeing on something.”
“And I hope you’ll agree with something else,” Nate told her. “Since I’m not going back to Afghanistan, I should be the one to stay with Ahn and the nanny. That will leave you free to go home and back to work.”
Hallie sent him a wary look.
“When you’re ready
to go back to work, of course,” Nate added quickly.
“I never considered you wouldn’t go back. But you’re right. The fact that you’re staying changes everything.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean, of course you’ll stay at the house, Nate. You live there.”
She was referring to the guest cottage on David and Janet’s property. It wasn’t feasible to maintain a stateside apartment when he was out of the country most of the time, so he’d been using the cottage as his residence.
“Did you really think if I stayed at Janet and David’s I would expect you to leave?” she asked.
“Before we had our conversation in the bathroom this morning, yes.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” she said. “Even if we’d never talked, I wouldn’t have expected you to leave just because I was staying there.”
“And your thoughts on my proposal about the nanny?”
“You can really see yourself being a world-renowned photojournalist turned verbal, cognitive and physical child therapist?”
“No,” Nate admitted. “But I also can’t see you resigning and putting your career on hold when I’m free to stay with Ahn.”
“So I get a pass,” she said, “and you get stuck with all the responsibility.”
“I prefer to think of it as making a logical decision under the circumstances.”
She looked over at him. “I can’t go to work and not feel guilty about it.”
“Then stay on the weekends if that will make you feel less guilty.” That arrangement was still potentially dangerous by putting them in proximity and giving them the opportunity to act on what was going on between them. He wasn’t so naive as to think they’d be able to resist—truly only her animosity toward him all these years had accomplished that. But if he could restrict her time in the house to weekends he might be able to forestall them landing in bed.
So he had to convince her to return to work. And he’d figure out how to step into Ahn’s daily learning regimen.
Hallie’s silence stretched out. When he glanced at her she was rubbing her temples with her fingertips. Was that because she found his suggestion so outrageous she was pissed at him? Or did she think it had merit? He latched on to the fact she hadn’t said no yet. He didn’t intend to lose his momentum.
“You heard what Deb said about Ahn being more likely to bond with her new father if I stepped in. That’s another reason I should be the one to stay.”
She let out a long sigh. “And I also heard what she said about me not being able to properly evaluate the applicants if I’ve never played the parent role.” She looked over at him. “Admit it. I’m obviously not a very good judge of character, or I wouldn’t have been so wrong about you all these years.”
He couldn’t let her take responsibility for reacting to a situation he’d created. “That was my fault.”
“Truthfully, Nate, I’m not capable of making any decisions right now. Okay?”
“Absolutely.” He could commiserate. The only thing that kept him choosing one thing over another these days was experience—once upon a time he’d been in similar circumstances with far fewer resources and less maturity. “Think about it and we’ll discuss it later.”
As Nate focused on the highway, he was relieved she hadn’t immediately shot down his solution to the problem. The fact that they’d had a rational discussion rein forced the rightness of his impulse to tell her the truth about his attraction all those years ago. He’d thought that information would go to the grave with him. But he was glad she knew—she didn’t deserve to think less of herself because of his sense of self-preservation.
Sure, he’d have to keep a check on his attraction to her—something that would be much easier if she weren’t living at the house. But the most important thing now was for them to be able to look at the situation in a logical manner.
Hopefully Hallie would see his suggestion made the most sense.
Surely, she would realize that.
HALLIE WAS RELIEVED when Nate headed for the guest cottage once they arrived at the house. As strained as it had been not talking to each other for the past few weeks, Hallie found it as difficult now that they were talking.
Or maybe it was only what they were talking about.
It would take days to completely wrap her mind around everything that had happened this morning. Her mind-blowing inheritance. Her big showdown with Nate. The reality check she’d gotten about the nanny. Then Nate’s suggestion that she return to work and let him take care of Ahn with a nanny’s help.
Hallie was too confused to process anything, her mind jammed with information overload.
As she walked to the main house, her thoughts travelled back four years to when she, Janet and David had driven out here to Winchester, an upscale little town north of Boston. Once Janet and David made the decision to adopt, they’d started house hunting immediately. Winchester had been at the top of their short list because it was one hundred percent family-focused.
Hallie hadn’t been surprised when Janet instantly fell in love with this two-story contemporary, all stone and glass, that was situated on three acres of waterfront property facing Wedge Pond. The house had Janet’s name written all over it. But Hallie knew the guest cottage adjacent to the main house was what had sold David on the place.
She’d been invited to dinner shortly after Janet and David moved in, as had Nate, home for a quick stay between assignments. It was one of the few times she hadn’t dragged a date along. Hallie would never forget the proud look on David’s face when he’d handed Nate the keys to the cottage.
“Welcome home, brother,” David had said. “Your keys. Your cottage. My thanks for all you’ve done for me.”
Because of their mother’s chronic depression, David had always given Nate credit for making sure he had a home when they were growing up. The cottage finally provided David with a way to pay Nate back.
Now, David and Janet had left the property to both of them. But as far as Hallie was concerned, the place belonged to Nate. After the readoption, she would sign over her half and give it to Nate free and clear.
And she wasn’t going to argue with Nate about it.
She had no use for a rambling two-story house. Especially not out in the suburbs. She was a city girl through and through, and she loved her downtown Boston apartment.
It made her wonder if Nate had any idea how tempting his offer was. She would give anything to go home. To sleep in her own bed. To try to re-create some normalcy in her life.
As if her life ever would be normal again.
Hallie took a deep breath and started up the steps that led to the back deck overlooking Wedge Pond. The French doors off the den had always been the entryway everyone used into the house.
With any luck, Roberta would be in the kitchen, too busy with Ahn to pay much attention when Hallie snuck upstairs to lie down. Words like tired, stressed or headache were a sign of weakness to Roberta. She expected everyone to do as she did—suck it up and move on. After hearing every excuse possible during her forty years of teaching, Roberta had zero tolerance for excuses and held the opinion that whining shouldn’t be tolerated.
Hallie’s late father and Janet had always done exactly what Roberta wanted in order to keep the peace. Hallie had been the only one who ever stood up to her—the main reason they had trouble getting along.
After the morning she’d had, Hallie knew a run-in with Roberta might really push her over the edge. She was tired. She was stressed. And yes, she had a monster of a headache.
Unfortunately, when Hallie reached the top step, there sat Roberta, a book on her lap, the baby monitor on the table beside her.
Hallie walked in her direction.
A glance at the video screen on the monitor showed Ahn was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Roberta’s expression, however, was anything but peaceful. The strain of the tragedy still showed plainly on her face.
For the first time ever Hallie thought she look
ed old.
Old was not an adjective anyone used to describe Roberta Weston. At sixty-seven, she was still trim, still full of energy, and she could have easily passed for fifty-seven if she covered up the gray at her temples, which she absolutely refused to do.
“God gives you gray hair for a reason,” she always declared. “It reminds you to be thankful for every day you have left on this Earth.”
But Hallie couldn’t think about God right now. She was much too angry.
Roberta closed her book and placed it on the table by the monitor as Hallie approached. She flopped into the adjacent deck chair, set down her purse and the notebook, then kicked off her high heels.
“Don’t get too comfortable. I made tuna salad for lunch. You need to eat something.”
“Thanks,” Hallie said. “But I’ll eat later.”
“You always say that,” Roberta countered. “But you never follow through.”
Hallie refused to argue. Wasn’t that her goal? To try to get along better?
“Starving yourself doesn’t solve anything, Hallie.”
Teetering close to the edge, Hallie said, “I’m not starving myself. I just don’t have an appetite.”
“Then either force yourself to eat, or get a new wardrobe,” Roberta said. “That dress looks awful on you.”
What could Hallie say to that? It was true.
So rather than fight Hallie changed the subject. “Greg’s going to call you this afternoon.”
Roberta’s head jerked in her direction. “Me?”
“Janet and David named you in the will,” Hallie said. “Greg said they left you a monetary gift and he wants to discuss it with you.”
Roberta pursed her lips. “There was absolutely no reason for Janet and David to do that. I’m hardly destitute.”
After Hallie’s father died five years ago, Roberta retired from teaching, sold the house and bought a condo in a retirement community for active seniors. She played tennis twice a week, worked out in the gym every morning, in addition to her busy social life. And recently, she’d met a retired Air Force colonel who lived in the same complex. The Colonel, as Roberta fondly called him, had come to the funeral to lend his support—support Roberta was going to need in the long, hard days that still lay ahead.
Adopted Parents Page 4
