“I know you aren’t destitute, Roberta,” Hallie said patiently. “And Janet and David knew it, too. But they loved you.” Hallie stole Greg’s line. “Accept their gift in the spirit it was given.”
That silenced Roberta.
Was Roberta hard to get along with? Yes. Was her personality abrasive? Definitely. But there was no doubt in Hallie’s mind that Roberta had always cared about her and Janet. She was always there for direction and for guidance—just not so much on an emotional level. She’d basically treated her stepdaughters the same way she’d treated her students. And while there was nothing wrong with that, secretly Hallie would have preferred a little less practical logic and a little more loving compassion.
“The nanny agency called to confirm your first interview appointment tomorrow,” Roberta said.
If Hallie heard the word nanny one more time today, she was going to scream. “Good. I can never thank you enough for taking care of Ahn these past three weeks, Roberta. But I know you’re ready to go home.”
Roberta didn’t deny it. “There’s no need to thank me for anything. That’s what families do in a crisis. They step in and do what needs to be done.”
With Deb’s dire warning echoing in her head, Hallie sought another opinion. “So you agree, then? Hiring a nanny is our best choice?”
“Of course I agree,” Roberta said. “Who would take care of Ahn if you didn’t hire a nanny? You?” Roberta had the nerve to laugh.
Hallie bristled, even though she felt the same way. “That’s what Ahn’s psychologist thinks we should do. She advises against hiring a nanny. She thinks Nate and I should be Ahn’s primary caregivers until the readoption so we will be able to choose the best parents for her.”
“And how is Nate supposed to do that from Afghanistan?” Her tone clearly said what she thought of the doctor’s recommendation.
“Nate isn’t going back. He’s staying here. Someone has to be available to check on his mother.”
“And what are you supposed to do? Take Ahn to work with you?”
Hallie sighed. “No. I’d have to ask for an indefinite leave of absence. Or turn in my resignation if they refuse to give me one.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Roberta said. “You can’t be expected to quit your job. And what kind of idiot would suggest that two people who have no experience taking care of a baby, let alone one who needs special attention, should act as the child’s primary caregivers?”
“Nate and I aren’t imbeciles, Roberta. We could learn to take care of a baby.”
Roberta shook her head in disgust. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, this doctor is the imbecile. That’s why I’ve never had any faith in psychologists. They’re all idealistic snobs completely out of touch with reality.”
Her words should have made Hallie feel better. Too bad they didn’t.
Hallie grabbed the notebook and held it up for Roberta to see. “Have you been following Janet’s copy of Ahn’s daily developmental exercises?”
Roberta straightened into her stern no-nonsense teacher pose. “Absolutely not. I told Janet from the be ginning what I thought about that hogwash. Parents today rely too much on so-called experts to tell them how to raise their children, without realizing that within five years the opinion will change, and everything they’ve been doing is now considered wrong. Parents know best what’s right for their children.”
There was truth in what Roberta said. But still Hallie was worried. Ahn’s situation was different. She’d been cheated out of a normal start in life. She hadn’t had parents in the beginning, following some expert’s guide lines or otherwise.
Roberta started to say something else but a slight noise from the monitor stopped her.
Hallie leaned past Roberta to look at the screen. Ahn was now sitting up in her crib. She wasn’t making any effort to get out nor was she making a sound. She remained in place, her thumb in her mouth, patiently waiting until someone noticed she was awake.
Roberta stood. “Time for a diaper change, then lunch.”
Basic needs, Hallie thought.
“Wait.” Hallie rose. “I’ll go with you. I think it’s time I learned to change a diaper.”
“You? Change a diaper?”
“Are you still a good teacher? Or have you lost your touch?” Hallie challenged.
Without a word Roberta led the way into the house. Hallie followed, notebook in hand. She’d told Nate earlier she wasn’t capable of making any decisions right now.
Obviously, she’d lied.
CHAPTER FIVE
HALLIE HAD CHANGED her first diaper.
Well, sort of. She’d started the process with Ahn lying on the changing table and Roberta looking over her shoulder telling her what to do. But the second Hallie actually saw—and smelled—the contents of the diaper, she’d made a mad dash for the bathroom down the hall from the nursery with her hand over her mouth.
Hallie still felt a little nauseous as she walked back into the nursery. Thankfully, Roberta had taken care of the problem. The mess was gone and Ahn awaited a fresh diaper.
“Sorry,” Hallie said, looking at Ahn. “Aunt Hallie has a weak stomach.”
Ahn didn’t look at her.
Why would Hallie expect anything else? This was the first time she’d ever interacted with Ahn personally. She’d always been in the background looking on—an observer, not a caregiver.
She hadn’t even been a good observer, not really.
Sure, she knew Janet was concerned about Ahn’s delayed speech and her other developmental problems. But Janet had been concerned about everything involving Ahn. Hallie had put those concerns down to new mommy syndrome.
If only she’d paid more attention. If only she’d been there for Janet. If only she’d been a concerned sister and a concerned aunt.
“The insert goes into the slot on her diaper panty,” Roberta instructed.
Hallie placed an eco-friendly insert into the slot of Ahn’s pink reusable diaper panty as Roberta instructed, thinking the whole eco-thing was so Janet and David. They had been organic about everything. But her diet wasn’t the only aspect of Ahn’s life that had been carefully structured and monitored. There were the play groups with scheduled dates. And toddler music classes. And a million other progressive-parent babyisms that Hallie knew from listening to Janet rattle on for hours were part of the whole stay-at-home-mom regimen.
Could she really live that kind of lifestyle? Even temporarily?
“Well? What are you waiting for?” Roberta’s impatient question broke Hallie’s train of thought. And from the expression on her face Roberta was convinced Hallie couldn’t handle the demanding job of caring for Ahn.
“Pick the child up,” Roberta said. “Take her downstairs so you can fix her lunch.”
Hallie picked up Ahn, but she handed her to Roberta when Ahn went rigid in her arms. “I think I’d rather take one thing at a time.” Yeah, she hated that she was confirming Roberta’s worst opinion but it seemed easier to forestall a tantrum from Ahn than to go out of her way to prove Roberta wrong. Seemed both Hallie and Ahn needed to ease into this relationship.
“That’s too bad.” Roberta bent to place Ahn on the floor with a toy. When she straightened, she said, “Time is something you don’t have. I’m past ready to go home. And I’m too old to be taking care of a baby. I just don’t have the energy. I’ll stay the rest of this week and give you a crash course on how to take care of her. That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”
Hallie stared at her.
“What?” Roberta said. “You think I didn’t know the minute you decided to change a diaper that you had also decided to take that quack psychologist’s advice? My question is, how are you and Nate going to survive playing house without killing each other?”
Roberta wanted details? Hallie would give her details.
“Nate and I had a long talk this morning,” Hallie admitted. “We cleared the air between us. And we won’t be playing house. Nate will be living in the cott
age the same way he always has. And I’ll be living here in the house with Ahn.” And where had that decision come from? Especially without consulting Nate first? Was this her typical knee-jerk reaction to Roberta’s domination? While that factored, Hallie had to admit there was something more to this sudden change of heart. Ahn deserved more than Hallie had given her so far and this was her chance to do better.
“If you believe that arrangement will last,” Roberta said, “then you’ll believe I’m going to use Janet and David’s monetary gift to get a boob job.”
Hallie’s mouth dropped open.
“Oh, please,” Roberta said. “Do you really think it’s been a secret that you and Nate had a fling back in the day and that you’ve been mad at him all these years because he dumped you?”
Hallie’s mouth closed. “Whatever happened between us back in the day is over. And I intend for it to stay that way.”
Roberta laughed. “That’s the signal you think you’re sending Nate by quitting your job so the two of you can play mommy and daddy? I don’t think so.”
Hallie wasn’t only over the edge, she was the splat at the bottom of the cliff.
“I don’t want to talk about this any further, Roberta. I’m serious. I’m going to go lie down now and sleep off this headache. And yes, I am going to take you up on your offer to stay the rest of the week and show me how to take care of Ahn. I’ll sincerely appreciate it if you’ll do that. But whatever happened between Nate and I, or whatever might happen between us in the future, frankly is none of your business.”
Hallie pushed past her out of the nursery.
“What are you going to do when you have a head ache while you’re taking care of Ahn?” Roberta called after her. “You won’t be able to lie down and sleep it off then.”
“I’ll suck it up and deal.” Hallie headed for Janet and David’s bedroom, where she’d been staying since the accident.
Slamming the bedroom door definitely didn’t help the headache. But climbing onto Janet and David’s big four-poster bed, pulling the covers over her head and closing her eyes did.
At least two hours mental shutdown time. That was all she needed.
And when she got up, Hallie was going to suck it up and deal. She was going to take charge of the situation the same way she took charge at the station every day.
It had taken Roberta’s indifference to Ahn’s special needs to make Hallie realize she’d made the same mistake. She’d assumed all Ahn needed was a nanny to take care of her basic needs until they found new parents.
But Hallie couldn’t lie to herself anymore.
If she were going to be the type of aunt she wanted to be, she had to put Ahn’s needs above her own. And whether she was emotionally ready or not, she had no choice.
NATE STEPPED OUT of the shower and dried himself off, hoping Hallie had spent the afternoon thinking over their circumstances so they could talk about it after dinner tonight. The evening meal was the only one Nate ate at the main house and he did that because he knew if he didn’t, Roberta would be insulted. When she cooked, she expected people to eat. She was a hard woman to stand up to.
Now that he and Hallie were on speaking terms, Nate was relieved his plan to have a talk with Roberta wouldn’t be necessary. He never quite knew what to expect from her. She could be nice and friendly one minute, then could shred a person to pieces the next. As a result, he did his best to stay on Roberta’s good side.
Nate checked his watch. It was only 5:45 and Roberta served dinner promptly at six—being late wasn’t an option.
Nate walked out of the bathroom, grabbed the clean boxers he’d placed on the bed and stepped into them. Jeans and a T-shirt would have been his preference, but Roberta insisted everyone dress for dinner.
He slid his arms into the sleeves of a dress shirt, and pulled on a pair of pants. As he looked around for his shoes, Nate thought of how Janet had also preferred dressing for dinner. Made sense. She had, after all, grown up with that tradition.
Instead of being commanding like Roberta, and jerking the plates right out from under you the minute you finished eating, Janet had been the nurturing type. You could tell Janet enjoyed making the evening meal special, eating in the dining room, putting out the good china, serving after-dinner coffee and encouraging everyone to linger for after-dinner conversation.
Not once had Nate sat at Janet’s table and not been thankful she was David’s wife. After David met Janet, everything his brother had always wanted seemed to click into place. He had a beautiful wife who loved him. A beautiful home. They’d finally adopted the child they’d always wanted.
Deb Langston didn’t have to tell Nate what a committed father David was. David’s entire life had revolved around Janet and Ahn. They were the center of his world. His reason for existing.
All the things Nate didn’t want. He’d learned a long time ago that what you wanted most was what life didn’t let you keep.
Weren’t David and Janet proof of that?
They’d had everything they wanted most, then a drunk driver had taken their lives in the blink of an eye. As cynical and coldhearted and as guilty as Nate felt about the thought, he was still glad David and Janet died together.
Neither of them would have survived without the other.
Just like his mother hadn’t been able to survive without his dad.
That was why he lived in the moment. No personal attachments. And no promises life wouldn’t let him keep.
Too bad his own convictions didn’t excuse him from the promises other people made, however. And too bad that even though he’d been successful in shutting down his heart, he’d been less successful in turning off his conscience.
In truth, Nate’s conscience was all he had left.
That was why he was fully committed to making sure Ahn did have the type of future David and Janet had promised to give her. Whatever it took, Nate intended to make that happen.
As he entered the main room of the cottage, socks in hand, still looking for his shoes, a knock at the door jerked his head around. Nate’s first thought was that something was wrong. Hallie and Roberta never came down to the cottage. They always used the intercom that connected the cottage to the house if they wanted to communicate with him.
Nate tossed the socks onto the sofa and, his shirt still unbuttoned, hurried to open the door. Hallie was on the other side.
But not the unkempt and frazzled Hallie he’d been seeing for the past three weeks. Her hair was clean and shiny, her makeup was on and the off-the-shoulder green sweater she wore was just revealing enough to take Nate’s thoughts to the night she had taken her shirt off on the dance floor.
“I thought we’d eat alone tonight,” she said. “So we could talk in private.”
Nate looked down at the tray she was holding.
There were two covered plates along with silverware wrapped in linen napkins, wineglasses turned upside down and one bottle of red wine already uncorked. All the requisite pieces for a dinner for two. Alone. Just the two of them.
Damn. He really didn’t want alone time with her.
“Is that a problem?” she asked when he didn’t respond.
“No. Of course not,” Nate said, stepping aside.
She walked past him heading for the banquette built into the kitchen’s breakfast nook. Nate’s gaze fell to the back of her jeans—a little loose from the weight she’d lost but not loose enough to keep his pulse from kicking up a notch. Yep. This could go very wrong.
She looked over her shoulder as she placed the tray on the table. “Go put on something comfortable. I’m not Roberta. You don’t have to dress for dinner with me.”
Nate obeyed, partly because he needed a minute to put together his game plan. No matter what his libido wanted there would be no seduction tonight. He’d listen to her, answer appropriately and hold on to whatever gruesome images necessary to keep from picturing the two of them getting tangled in the sheets.
Belatedly he registered her words. She w
anted to talk in private, making Nate wonder what they had to talk about that was so private. It wasn’t as if Roberta didn’t know everything about the situation they were in.
Not another rendition of what had happened ten years ago, he hoped. Hopefully, they’d put that issue to rest forever. But you never knew with women. Sometimes women had to talk an issue to death before they could move on.
Nate groaned at that thought.
He walked to the dresser in his bedroom and grabbed a T-shirt from the drawer, then took a pair of jeans from the drawer directly below it.
Or, Nate decided as he changed clothes, maybe Hallie had spent the afternoon thinking over his proposal. Maybe she’d decided that she would go back to work. That would certainly explain the sudden transformation—in her appearance and in her attitude.
She seemed more confident. Not so rattled and on edge. And she didn’t look as if she were ready to cry at any minute. By the time he finished changing Nate had convinced himself that whatever Hallie had to tell him was good news. Why else would she show up unexpectedly with food and wine?
HALLIE HAD ARRANGED everything while Nate changed. She’d even poured the wine. But Nate’s comfort had little to do with why she’d told him to go change.
Her own comfort was her concern.
She’d almost dropped the tray when he’d opened the door, his shirt unbuttoned, his tanned six-pack abs staring her in the face. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until Nate emerged from the bedroom that Hallie realized asking him to change was a big mistake.
He would have eventually buttoned his shirt. But the black T-shirt he now wore hugged every muscle. And he looked so good in his faded jeans Hallie took a long swallow from her wineglass to hide her gulp.
He slid onto the bench seat across from her.
“Roberta’s lasagna,” he said, examining his plate. He looked at her and smiled. “My favorite.”
Adopted Parents Page 5
