She waited until he’d taken a few bites of lasagna and even waited until he’d enjoyed a few sips of wine, before diving into their discussion.
“I want you to hear me out before you say a word. Agreed?” She knew extracting the promise was probably the fastest way for him to put his guard up, but she needed him to listen to her rationale before jumping in to tell her why it wouldn’t work.
He nodded, but he reached for his wineglass again.
“Everything Dr. Langston said this morning pissed me off. I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to hold on to my righteous indignation that she would expect me to quit my job and put my career on hold when an experienced nanny could take far better care of Ahn than I could.”
Hallie leaned back. “Then you offered me the perfect solution. And God, you have no idea how much I want to take you up on that offer. But I can’t.”
Nate started to say something.
Hallie held her hand up to stop him.
“So,” she said. “Now I’m going to propose something to you. And surprisingly, it’s the exact thing Dr. Langston said we should do. We forget the nanny, and we both take care of Ahn. Could you agree to that?”
ALL THE REASONS not to agree flooded Nate’s mind.
Sadly they had very little to do with Ahn and everything to do with him and Hallie ending up in bed.
He wanted Hallie desperately. Sitting across from her now he wanted her as much as he had ten years ago. And with the misunderstanding of the past cleared up, his desire for her had been given a green light. But if they slept together, then what? A brief affair was all Nate had ever had to offer her—he didn’t do commitment. So they’d have their fun and what if they crashed and burned before finding suitable parents for Ahn? How could a return to hostility between him and Hallie benefit Ahn if they were joint caregivers? Sure, if he was a better man, he’d keep his urges to himself. But he was honest enough to admit he didn’t have it in him to resist an agreeable, let’s-get-along Hallie.
She was waiting for his answer. “You’re worried we’ll end up in bed.”
Nate didn’t lie. “Yes. Aren’t you?”
“Of course I am. We’re sitting here now, discussing the most serious decision we’ve had to make in our lives, and all I can think about is that we’re only steps away from the bedroom.”
That was a match to his libido. “Don’t say things like that.”
“You think it’s better to pretend that I don’t know what you’re thinking, and that you don’t know what I’m thinking? You think maybe it’ll go away?”
“Yes. No.” He paused. “Hell, Hallie, I don’t know, okay? All I do know is this isn’t the right time to have an affair. For either of us.”
“Just like ten years ago wasn’t the right time?”
She was trying to piss him off. It worked.
“Yeah,” Nate said. “Just like ten years ago.”
She shrugged. “Okay. We’ve established the fact that this the wrong time for an affair. But you still haven’t answered my question. Are you willing to help me take care of Ahn?”
This is why women should come with a warning label. Blows hot one minute, ice-cold the next.
“I’m not sure we’re capable of taking care of Ahn without a nanny.”
“Roberta’s agreed to stay the rest of the week and show me what I need to know,” she said. “But I know my limitations. My cooking sucks. I hate doing laundry. And the thought of trying to keep a two-story house clean makes me want to put a gun to my head. We won’t need a nanny if you help me take care of Ahn. But I do want to hire a housekeeper. Just during the week. I can manage on weekends.”
Since he wasn’t into domestic duty any more than she was, that made sense. “And you really think we can do this?”
She smiled. “Take care of Ahn? Or stay out of bed?”
“Both,” Nate said.
Her expression turned serious. “Yes, Nate. We can do both. We have to do this for Ahn. And we can’t risk the fallout of an affair gone bad. We don’t have anyone but each other to rely on. And I don’t want to lose that.”
“I agree,” Nate said. Could he do this—care for Ahn and ignore any lustful thoughts Hallie might inspire? It would be a test. But maybe if they kept a buffer between them and Hallie didn’t turn on the charm, he could. He owed it to David to try. “Count me in then.”
“Thank you,” she said. “We’re doing the right thing.”
Nate expected her to finish eating with him but she slid from the booth and headed for the door. Nate didn’t try to stop her and Hallie didn’t look back as she closed the door behind her.
He knew what she was thinking.
She knew what he was thinking.
And they both knew what they were thinking would never simply go away.
CHAPTER SIX
IF HALLIE HAD KNOWN how hard Roberta’s crash course in child care was going to be, she would have taken Nate’s offer and run to the TV studio without a backward glance. Nothing seemed as arduous as baby boot camp with Roberta as the drill sergeant. But by the end of the week, Hallie had semimastered the changing, the feeding and the bathing. The damn hair-fixing still gave her a fit.
Hallie had always worn her curly hair short so all she had to do was blow her hair dry and let it fall where it wanted. Janet had always complained about that. Just as she’d always complained that Hallie got their mother’s dark hair and olive complexion, while Janet was cursed with the red hair, fair skin and the pale eyebrows and lashes of the Weston side of the family.
“Look at you,” Janet would say. “All you have to do is run a comb through your hair and dab on some lip gloss and you look like a fashion model. If I didn’t love you so much, I would hate you for that.”
Lucky for Hallie, Janet had loved her unconditionally.
Just as Janet had loved the child Hallie was grooming now, almost ready to go downstairs for breakfast. If, that was, Hallie could ever get the blasted ponytail thingy fastened around Ahn’s extra fine long, black hair.
“Sorry,” Hallie told Ahn for the tenth time.
She had the pigtail on the right side secured. But the one on the left was having none of it.
“Maybe we should just leave one side up and one side down,” Hallie said, watching Ahn for her reaction. “Wouldn’t Roberta just love that.”
As usual, Ahn’s reaction was the same: blank stare, no response.
Finally, the ponytail holder stayed. “Yay,” Hallie said, making direct eye contact with Ahn again. “Say good job, Aunt Hallie. You finally did it.”
Ahn, of course, said none of that.
Hallie picked her up and hugged her anyway.
“Ready for breakfast?” Hallie chirped as she carried Ahn toward the stairs. “Can you say breakfast?”
Over the past week, Hallie had studied Deb’s notebook until she had it memorized page by page. Hallie was determined to follow what Roberta called hogwash to the letter.
Hallie now knew how important it was to maintain direct eye contact with Ahn when talking to her. And how she needed to talk to her as much as possible to encourage her to repeat the words she heard.
She knew to always applaud and praise Ahn for even the simplest things she tried to do for herself. Which, sadly, Hallie had learned were very few.
She knew that Ahn needed to be held, hugged, kissed and cuddled as much as possible to help her overcome being so withdrawn and detached. She knew Ahn needed at least one hour of outside playtime every day to get her over her fear of being outdoors. And that Ahn needed to be read to at least once a day, not only as a bonding opportunity, but to stimulate Ahn’s cognitive skills by associating pictures with words.
The most challenging thing for Hallie, however, had been the stretching exercises that needed to be performed three times a day so her arm and leg muscles—underdeveloped from being confined to a crib—would continue to strengthen. Ahn hated those exercises. She would jerk away from Hallie when they hurt, but not once had she cried. She’d only look a
way with that same distant expression.
“Say good morning, Roberta,” Hallie instructed when they reached the kitchen. She placed Ahn into her high chair.
“Her pasta is ready,” Roberta said.
Hallie walked over and picked up the bowl containing the one thing Ahn would eat without a fight. And by herself. Was mac and cheese a normal breakfast food? No. But getting her to eat was an ongoing battle. Her mainstay at the orphanage had been a bottle. According to the pediatrician, if she would eat pasta, they were to let her have pasta whenever she wanted.
Hallie placed the bowl on the chair tray and pushed it closer to her. Ahn picked up a shell and popped it into her mouth.
“What a smart girl,” Hallie said.
“You should be teaching her to eat with her spoon,” Roberta commented. “She has a spoon right there. If you don’t make her use it, she never will.”
“She’ll get there,” Hallie said. “The important thing right now is that she’s eating and that she’s feeding herself—even with her fingers.”
Roberta snorted. “Says the sudden child expert.”
Hallie ignored that comment.
They were both watching Ahn when she suddenly picked up her bowl and placed it upside down on top of her head. Roberta gasped. Hallie clapped her hands.
Finally, a reaction other than a blank stare. Finally, she’d done something a normal kid would do.
“Don’t encourage that kind of behavior,” Roberta scolded. “She’ll only repeat it.”
Roberta took the bowl off Ahn’s head and began picking gooey pieces of pasta from her hair. Hallie stood back and let her. Gooey was right up there with poopy in Hallie’s book. Ew.
When Roberta finished the task, she looked over at Hallie with a satisfied smile. “Your turn,” she said. “She just messed her diaper.”
Hallie’s stomach rolled over.
But she took a deep breath and held it, grabbed Ahn out of her high chair and headed for the laundry room that served as the downstairs change area. After placing Ahn on the counter, Hallie took another deep breath and commenced with the necessary—and expedient—diaper switch.
“You need to start thinking about potty training,” Roberta called from the kitchen. “Maybe you can pick up some tips from the women in Janet’s play group. Did you ever call Janet’s friend Liz back like I told you to?”
“No,” Hallie replied, “but I will.”
“See that you do. It’s rude not to respond to an invitation.”
As if Hallie didn’t know that.
Roberta was definitely trying to push Hallie’s buttons this morning. Roberta knew attending a play group held as much appeal for Hallie as having a root canal. Thank God she was leaving today. Hallie would miss the extra set of hands, but she wouldn’t the provocative commentary.
“I hope this housekeeper you’ve hired doesn’t rob you blind,” Roberta said when Hallie returned to the kitchen and placed Ahn in her high chair. “It doesn’t pay to trust too easily, you know. I’d keep a close eye on her.”
“Mrs. Wilson comes with excellent references,” Hallie said. “I checked every one of them personally.” The woman was Roberta’s age, for God’s sake. Highly doubtful she was a thief.
Hallie fixed Ahn a second bowl of pasta, then placed it in front of Ahn. She immediately reached out and popped a piece in her mouth.
“Of course, Janet was so efficient and organized she didn’t need a housekeeper,” Roberta said. “She always planned her days right down to the most minute detail and kept everything under control.”
Meaning that Hallie had neither of those skills. It simply wasn’t true. She couldn’t hold down the job she had without being organized and efficient. But there was no reason to point out that she and Janet had simply focused their skills in separate areas. Roberta had always praised Janet over her—that habit was unlikely to change because Janet wasn’t here.
A cold shiver ran straight through Hallie as the details of that fateful day replayed in her mind. How, after dropping off Ahn at her play date, David and Janet had driven separately to the Mercedes dealership to drop off her car for regular maintenance. And it was on their way back to the house together that David’s BMW was hit head-on by a drunk driver. Any other day Ahn would have been with them—a sobering thought.
Hallie’s heart warmed now when she looked over at Ahn. As long as she had this little girl in her life she would still have a bit of Janet and David in her life, too.
“Well,” Roberta said. “I’ve cooked all week, and I’ve left you every kind of casserole imaginable in the freezer in case you don’t care for the new housekeeper’s cooking.”
“You don’t know how much I appreciate you doing that, Roberta. It will keep me from having to cook on the weekends.”
“You’re going to have your hands full, there’s no doubt about that.”
They both glanced at Ahn, who was playing with her pasta again. The action was Hallie’s hint that Ahn was full.
“One more thing.”
There was always one more thing with Roberta, but she sounded so serious, Hallie paid attention.
“I know we have our differences, Hallie. And I know I’ve always been harder on you than I was on Janet. But I’ve worried about you more. You give off this impression that you don’t need anyone but yourself, and we both know that’s a lie. Be careful and don’t get too attached to Ahn or to Nate. If you do, you’ll only end up hurt when you do find new parents.”
Hallie didn’t know what to say.
So she did the unthinkable. Hallie put her arms around Roberta and hugged her.
Surprisingly, Roberta hugged her back.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” Hallie said when she stepped out of their embrace. “I’ll be careful.”
“See that you do.” Roberta’s tone was back to its usual authoritative note. She looked at her watch. “It’s nine o’clock so I guess I’ll call Nate on the intercom and let him know I’m ready. You know what traffic in downtown Boston is like. It’ll take him at least two hours round trip to my condominium. There’s no need to tie up his entire Saturday waiting around on me.”
Hallie was surprised when Roberta made the first move this time and reached out and squeezed Hallie’s hand. “Just remember, I’m always only a phone call away.”
“Same here,” Hallie told her. “Always.”
NATE HAD REMAINED in the background during Roberta’s last week—Hallie’s idea, not his. She’d explained that Roberta was not pleased with the idea of them practically living together.
Nate wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, either. He wisely didn’t point that out to Hallie, however.
The less friction between them, the better.
The less anything between them, the better.
The excuse he gave Roberta for staying out of their way had actually been the truth. He’d recently been approached by Dirk Gentry, a filmmaker who wanted to collaborate on a documentary covering the first decade of the new millennium. For many of the headline news events over the past ten years, Nate had been there. And he had more than one award-winning photo to prove it. Dirk had earned a good reputation in documentary filmmaking already. He’d insisted together they would make an unstoppable team. And now that he was on board, Nate hoped Dirk’s prediction was as good as his filmmaking.
Earlier, he’d put Dirk off because of his assignment in Afghanistan, not to mention the time it would take to go through his catalog of photos and his film footage. But now that his evenings were free, Nate could devote the time the project required.
When he’d told Hallie about the documentary, she’d seemed as relieved as he was that he had something to occupy his night. As stupid as it sounded, the fact that Hallie did seem relieved actually hurt Nate’s ego a little.
Maybe men should also come with a warning label. Not good at dealing with emotions. Ever.
He certainly didn’t like dealing with his emotions. Probably the reason he felt the most comfor
table hanging out behind the lens of the camera. He liked the distance it gave him, liked that he was part of events without having to personally engage. No surprise then that Hallie’s indifference toward him in the past had provided him that same opportunity—to watch her from a safe distance.
Now, however, he had no choice but to interact with Hallie. Was this changed dynamic what had him so confused? He panicked when she plainly let him know she wanted him. Yet he panicked when it appeared that she didn’t.
Nate shook his head, his mind too boggled to figure it out. Better to focus on sorting his catalogs and not over-analyze this. He had just picked up another photo album to go through when he heard the intercom click.
“Nate? I’m ready to go now.”
He rose and walked over to the box on the wall. “I’ll be there in a minute, Roberta.”
He wasn’t looking forward to the ride. Roberta was a lot like Hallie when it came to saying what was on her mind. He’d already prepared himself to get an earful.
As he approached his SUV where it was parked in the driveway, he found Roberta already seated inside and Hallie standing at the passenger door holding Ahn. The look Hallie shot him seemed to say, “Can’t you move any faster?”
He felt like asking her if she wanted to trade places.
Hallie helped Ahn wave goodbye as he reversed out of the driveway. They hadn’t even reached the main road when Roberta said, “I don’t want Hallie hurt, Nate. There’s no use in pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“I have no intention of doing anything but helping Hallie take care of Ahn, Roberta.”
“Good,” she said. “Because you aren’t a forever kind of guy, are you, Nate?”
Nate kept his eyes straight ahead. “No. I’m not.”
“And you understand you have to leave Hallie alone.”
“Yes,” Nate said. “I know that.”
“Good,” Roberta said again. “Hallie is going to need your help. She thinks she’s prepared because she made it through this week, but she isn’t. Taking care of a toddler is a never-ending responsibility that Hallie isn’t expecting.”
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