Running with the Horde

by Joseph K. Richard

  It wasn’t an appropriate time for jokes. I thought she might come at me with the knife.

  “Fuck you! Fuck you! Asshole!” she shouted and stood to her feet.

  “Daisy, I’m kidding, I’m sorry, okay? Really sorry. I have no idea what’s going on with me or what’s wrong with me. I wish I did…it’s all new to me. I promise I’m just as scared as you are.”

  I wasn’t actually. I felt strangely at home with the undead. Which is fucking weird, I know, but there was no way I was telling Daisy that. I took a step toward her.

  “Don’t!” she said, “Just leave me alone. I need to be alone for a while,” she muttered something I couldn’t hear but it sounded like a bad word.

  “Fine,” I said, “But can I at least have the knife? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

  She made as if to throw it at me, I put my hands up and made for the stairway.

  “Whoa! I’m going. I’m going.”

  That was a tough day in the old homestead. Daisy didn’t know what to think of me anymore. She still slept in my bed. We still coexisted but the dancing zombies had caused some major trust issues for her.

  Looking back, I can’t say I blame her. Of all the possible things I could have made the zombies do, square dancing should have been near the bottom of the list.

  Chapter 27

  “Every Rose has Thorns”

  With our relationship seriously frayed, we both needed space. I continued to go out each day, under the guise of scavenging, to work my magic with whatever zombies I could scrounge up. Daisy continued to read a lot and be very emotional about everything.

  There was no denying it, I had something really strange in my head. It was part of something my father had done to me, something that connected me to the undead. My mind felt like some kind of elaborate computer program. Sometimes I closed my eyes and saw an actual three dimensional array of lights and data in my head. Other times it was just images I would send or receive.

  It was terrifying and exciting at the same time. I couldn’t explain how it worked but I was becoming very good at using it.

  I had zombies executing intricate instructions with split second images and changes. My skill at mental imagery improved daily. As much as I was testing their ability to be versatile and do precarious things, I was also putting myself through strenuous mental calisthenics trying to figure out to what extent I could control them.

  I stopped screwing around searching houses, when Daisy or I needed something I went to a shopping mall or large store and had the zombies carry and load whatever I needed.

  The next few evenings I came home were similar to the first. Zombies would be crowded around the porch trying to get at Daisy inside. Sometimes there were a lot and sometimes just a few but each time I turned the corner to drive up the street I sent them the go away message and they did.

  I tried to imprint the command permanently but I couldn’t tell if it worked. Most likely I had only succeeded in sending those particular zombies on a never ending journey to ‘away’ wherever that was.

  The first few times, Daisy was just as upset as she was that first night. But by the third day she must have accepted the zombies would come whenever I left but they couldn’t get in.

  One late afternoon I arrived on my street expecting more of the same. This time my porch was mysteriously empty. No zombies in the yard or street either. I was worried about Daisy and rushed inside. She was quietly making dinner on the grill on the back deck, bundled up against the cold December air. She seemed fine, even smiled sweetly at me but something was different for sure.

  She said she hadn’t noticed the zombie situation and wasn’t worried about it anymore. I accepted this even though it was out of character for her. She had, after all, made quite a few exceptions regarding my behavior. I owed her one.

  Time marched onward. I was at home with Daisy at night. During the days I was out exploring the city for eight to ten hours a day. The zombies never appeared after I left again and Daisy seemed unconcerned with my coming and going. She was present in body if not mind.

  I didn’t care as long as she seemed happy. I was preoccupied with my seemingly limitless power over the zombies and finding new ways to exploit it.

  One morning while I was out replenishing the propane for the grill and tracking down more water for our always dwindling supply, my stomach started cramping up badly. I recalled with regret the can of sardines I ate for breakfast. I could tell things were going to get ugly.

  When I am sick like that I always have to be in familiar surroundings or I can’t function. Sad this was true even after a zombie apocalypse but there it is.

  Anyway, I aimed the minivan for home and drove as fast as the debris-filled road would safely allow. I didn’t think I would make it but fortune favors the bold and those with loose bowels so I did.

  I slammed on the brakes, nearly ramming into the garage. I took the front side walk and the steps at a run and nearly broke my arm pounding on the door. When Daisy didn’t answer I fished my key out and nearly broke it off in the door. I got lucky. Daisy had forgotten to place the big wooden bar in the slots behind the door. I busted in and made a beeline for the portable commode I’d installed in the bathroom.

  I won’t rehash what happened but it was awful. I will just note the cleanup process required some boiled water. I felt a little better but was still miserable. When I had put myself together as best I could, I called for Daisy.

  She didn’t answer. I tried to remember if she was mad at me. I didn’t think so but I was forgetful where she was concerned of late. I called her name again but there was still no answer. I began an agonizing search of the house which turned up empty.

  She was gone as were a good portion of the supplies.

  The last place to check was the garage.

  I tiptoed down the hall toward the garage with a growing lump of despair in my throat. I eased open the door. My car was gone! Daisy knew I loved that car. Hell, Daisy knew I loved her! There was no way she’d taken the car, a bunch of our stuff and bolted without me. This was a complete one eighty from the woman I’d come to know.

  I was angry and had every intention to go out looking for her in the minivan but I was really dizzy. I sat down on the floor in the cold garage feeling light headed and heartsick. The room was spinning. Another bout of bathroom fun was also about to have its way with me. I wouldn’t be going anyplace soon.

  The rest of that horrible afternoon passed in a methane haze. I was never far from the commode, choosing to sleep on the dirty living room carpet rather than climb the stairs to the bedroom. I was half asleep on the aforementioned carpet when I heard the low rumbling of my car roll up the street and stop in the driveway.

  I was rounding out the more poignant portions of what was to be my feedback speech to Daisy as I listened to her shut the door and walked up the front steps. I knew I looked like shit and was embarrassed to have her see me that way. She had warned me about the sardines but I didn’t listen.

  I propped myself up to a sitting position and ran a hand through my sweaty hair. I felt it stick up in place but had no time to fix it before Daisy walked in.

  She strode over and stood in front of me holding a wicked looking submachine gun I’d never seen before in both hands. She looked ridiculously angry gazing down at me and way more gaunt than I remembered. I really hadn’t been paying attention.

  “Where the hell did you go?” I stammered in a voice that sounded like a whiney, sick child.

  She just stared at me with contempt. A wide toothy grin that didn’t reach her eyes replaced her angry grimace.

  Oh hell…this wasn’t Daisy.

  “You smell like boiled shit,” was the first thing Rosie said to me.

  She was down on her haunches propping my chin up with the barrel of her gun. If she slipped I was wallpaper. I froze, fresh cramps doing the mamba in my lower intestines. A lone trickle of sweat dropped from my temple to my jaw.

  “I’ve been sick today,
food poisoning,” I said, “What did you do with Daisy?”

  She leaned in and grabbed my shirt collar in one gloved hand while she dug the gun barrel painfully into the skin under my jaw.

  “Don’t fucking ask about Daisy,” she hissed between clenched teeth, “You are done fucking around with my sister. Blink twice if you understand me, freak.”

  I blinked twice.

  “Good,” she eased off me and patted me gently on the check, “I’m glad that’s settled.

  “So you’re not going to kill me?” I asked.

  “Kill you? Why would I kill you? If I have a dog that shits golden turds, would I kill the dog because it bit me once or twice? No, dumbass, I wouldn’t kill the golden-turd shitting dog,” she let that soak in a little. “But I would beat the dog and definitely I would leash the dog. I would make the dog obey no matter what,” she said.

  So it was nice to know she was still crazy, certain constants can be a comfort and gosh if Rosie wasn’t one of them.

  “Stop looking at me like I’m the freak,” she said as she poked me with the gun again. “Daisy told me about your secret little relationship with the deaders. She spilled her guts when I told her what we had planned for you. Which was, yes, to kill you and not quickly, poor girl believes anything I say to her. I don’t know why but poor old Daisy has it bad for you. She never did have good taste in men.”

  She sat down on her ass across from me as she spoke, gun still at the ready between her knees. I started to talk but she cut me off.

  “Don’t bother, freak, I know you were just playing at being a hero that night but it doesn’t matter, you’re still responsible for the kidnapping of my sister and what happened to my dad.” At the mention of her father she choked up.

  “I had nothing to do with that and I saved your sister’s life more than once,” I said.

  “Oh I know you did, she told us all about it. She told us how you did it too, freak,” she said.

  I was feeling worse and worse and it must have shown on my face.

  “Gotta take a break?” Rosie chortled, “Go ahead and go,” she flipped her head toward the bathroom hallway.

  I practically ran there with my hand on my ass. She was right behind me, there would be no privacy.

  “Are you serious?” I asked as I yanked my pants down.

  “Just fucking hurry up, I don’t have all day.”

  She leaned against the door frame and smiled at me gleefully as uncontrolled fireworks erupted from my butt. It was one of the more embarrassing few moments I have ever spent with a woman. Mercifully, the smell as so atrocious Rosie couldn’t stand it anymore and left me to clean myself up in a somewhat dignified manner.

  I sat there shivering and freezing in my own funk and sweat and wondered what Rosie and company had in store from me. I hoped Daisy was okay. I didn’t think her sister would hurt her but then Rosie was nuts so I couldn’t be certain.

  When I rejoined Rosie in the living room I was feeling better and thinking the worst was behind me.

  I didn’t know a whole lot about food poisoning.

  She was reclining lazily in my favorite chair with one leg thrown over the arm. I sat down near her on the floor with my back against the wall.

  “So what now, Rosie?” I asked as nicely as I could muster.

  “Now, freak, you and I are going to wait for my crew to get here. Then we’re going trade you in to a new friend of ours who is looking for you, in exchange for a place in the city,” she explained.

  “What the hell are you talking about? What city?” I asked.

  “As if you don’t fucking know, zombie lover,” she sneered, “Let’s just say the chickens have come home to roost. Your days on the run are over.”

  I had no idea what she was talking about but I was sure it was my dad’s fault.

  “And if I don’t come with you? What, you’ll kill me?” I asked.

  “No we already covered that didn’t we. But I will take Daisy away someplace you will never find them,” she said.

  “Them?” I asked.

  “Oh, you didn’t know? Daisy is pregnant, dumbass,” She retorted.

  The air seemed to leave the room for a moment. Pregnant? How could that be possible? That was a dumb question, Rosie was right in her assessment of my brain power. Daisy being pregnant was not only possible but highly probable given our proclivity for a certain activity.

  I was going to be a dad! That seemed like such an outrageous concept. Before the end of civilization I had thought of finding a girl and settling down from time to time just as everyone does. I had dated a lot, even had a serious girlfriend on occasion but my relationships always seemed to wither away eventually. It could have been my narcissistic tendencies but I wasn’t sure.

  I was going to be a dad, I thought again. I felt like smiling but didn’t because of Rosie. She was looking at me intently for some kind reaction to this revelation. I didn’t feel like giving her the satisfaction.

  I wondered why Daisy never said anything to me. She was probably nervous I would freak out. She had been acting out of sorts lately. I thought she was just being crabby because of the zombie thing, I hadn’t known her all that long after all.

  Then I remembered the sudden odd change in behavior from the zombies when they stopped coming to the house when I was out. It was like she changed from prey to…well, someone like me overnight. It must have been the baby. Maybe the kid would have my…uh, gift.

  “How did you find us?” I asked.

  “I didn’t find this place if that’s what you mean. I found Daisy at the drug store up the street of all places. The place is mostly trashed and empty of anything useful but I found her there. Turns out she was looking for pregnancy tests. Anyway, my sister didn’t see me and I didn’t want to scare her so I just hung back in the shadows until she got what she needed. We followed your monster car back here. That thing is hard to miss by the way. Real subtle. A good way to stay under the radar,” she said.

  I rolled my eyes at her and she laughed. The sound made her sound like Daisy but like a bizarro Daisy that didn’t have a soul.

  “We scoped the place out to make sure she was alone and then knocked on the door. She must have thought it was you because she opened right up. She had one of the pregnancy tests in her hand and a big smile on her face. Of course she’d also been crying. Looks like she was going to make the big announcement today. You really missed out on a precious moment. Anyway, at first she was super happy to see me, she is my twin after all. That’s kind of a special bond, FYI. She got nervous when my boys began cleaning this place out and then angry when I explained how things were going to be going forward,” she explained.

  I was incredulous, “She is your sister!”

  “Thanks. I fucking know who she is, freak!” she shouted. “I will take care of her and my little niece or nephew the way only family can. You don’t need to worry about it. You have a legacy to consider now, right? If you really care about her, you’ll be a good boy and go along with this trade off. As far as Daisy is concerned, she will see how things have changed. She’ll adapt. She’s always been good with change. Since daddy died someone had to step up. That someone was me. That’s just how it is, freak.”

  “How do you know you can trust these people to give you what you want?” I asked out of concern for Daisy. My experience in the new world so far was that trusting people or helping people you didn’t know only resulted in trouble. Evidently my question touched a sore spot for Rosie.

  “Fuck off and keep your mouth shut until they get here,” she said with a scowl.

  There wasn’t much to discuss after that. We sat there and waited, her humming and me brooding. Eventually the sound of a truck could be heard chugging up the street. The grinding of its breaks told me it was stopping in front of my house.

  “The gangs all here!” Rosie said with pep as she hopped out of the chair and opened the door.

  I followed her out to the front porch. There was not only a truck but a sm
all convoy of vehicles. A black SUV held the lead position, behind that was a very large RV that looked like it could possibly be used on a moon landing if necessary. There were also two other cars and a pickup truck. This caravan would require frequent stops at the gas station that much was clear.

  The man that emerged from the SUV carrying a machine gun was the man I’d seen execute one of his colleagues for urinating on zombies. I remembered he’d seemed to be a serious, scary sort of fellow and I wasn’t looking forward to officially making his acquaintance.

  Daisy appeared in the doorway of the RV looking stricken. I smiled at her and mouthed that I was okay. She took a step down the metal staircase before someone inside called her back in.

  My stomach dropped when the guy from the SUV walked over and stood in front of me

  “This is him, huh?” he asked Rosie.

  “Yep, this is the freak that got my daddy killed and knocked my sister up,” she replied in a reproachful tone.

  He gave me the hard case stare that tough guys always can do so perfectly but I didn’t look away until he spit in my face. Then I wished I had looked away.

  As I wiped the spit away with my sleeve he drove the butt of his rifle into my gut. I went down to my knees and knew instantly that I’d shit myself. He kneed me in the face and I flew backward on the porch landing on my back.

  “Get him, Tegan!” Rosie shouted and laughed.

  The pain in my nose was shocking and I was sure he broke it. My vision wavered but I didn’t pass out.

  I recall hearing two things, the laughter of cruel people mocking a man who’d just shit his pants and Daisy screaming.

  I had a feeling shit was about to get real for these folks.

  Then I did pass out.

  Chapter 28

  “Transportation Issues”

  I awoke in intense pain like I had so often since Rosie and company had entered my life. My head was throbbing, my stomach was sore and of course I had shit in my pants.

  Shit on your ass actually kind of burns if you leave it on there a while. Like say during a period of unconsciousness. I had a new appreciation for the fortitude of babies.