Nic

by Dana Archer

  She laid a hand over his balled fist. “Which is why I’m telling you. I’m trying to stop you from making the worst mistake of your life.”

  “I already made the worst mistake of my life.” By walking away from Riley four years ago. He should’ve fought for her then. He crossed his arms over his chest. “And won’t you be making a mistake by looking for a mate among the depraved Tanner males? Do you really expect to fall in love with a male who thinks nothing of shooting premature shifters?”

  “They’re not all depraved.” She sighed. “Maria’s not. Neither is Ethan.”

  “Ethan? Who is Ethan?”

  She turned her hand over, unleashed her claws and studied her sharpened nails. “One of their dominants.”

  He studied his little sister. Born prematurely after a difficult pregnancy, nobody thought she’d live more than a few weeks. Even Nic had remembered fearing she’d stop breathing in her sleep. He hadn’t wanted his only sibling to die alone, so he’d watched over her every night.

  It wasn’t as if he would’ve known what to do even if she had needed help, but at five years old, he didn’t know how else to protect her. She’d proved everyone wrong, including him. She was stronger than she looked, but at the moment, he couldn’t help wonder if she wasn’t crazy.

  Or brave.

  “Is he that important to you that you’d risk going to their pack lands without protection? Haven’t you ever talked to Jenna about her old pack mates? Rape is common. They believe in the old ways. If a female can’t fight off her attacker, she deserves to be used.”

  “Yes, I’ve talked to Jenna.” Hannah retracted her claws and tucked her hair behind her ears before facing the yard. “And yes…Ethan is important to me.”

  “Important, how? Is he your true mate?”

  Hannah turned her back on him without answering. “I’m heading out. Be back in a few hours.”

  He tensed. “You’re leaving me?” Here, alone, with horny females?

  With the full moon days away, all shifters experienced the increased drives of their animals—to breed and fight. They’d be all over him.

  “You can handle them, Nic.” Hannah patted his arm. “And if you can’t, then go back to the woman you love before you lose her.”

  Nic laughed, but the bitter sound held no humor. He doubted it ever would again. What did he have to look forward to? Or be happy about? “Too late for that, little sister. I lost her the day I matured.”

  “No, you didn’t. You’re just being stubborn. Riley will forgive you for whatever you’ve done since leaving her.”

  She would. He’d seen that in her eyes. It didn’t change matters.

  “You want me to say it, don’t you?” The low growl to his words spoke of his growing anger. Hannah had been hounding him about the reason he refused to mate Riley. It was bad enough he had to admit it to Riley. He didn’t want to share his shame with anyone else.

  Hannah stood on her tiptoes. “Yes, dear brother, explain your reasoning to me, because then I’ll tell you what I really think of the Kagan pack’s next alpha.”

  He tensed. She’d led him into a trap, and the challenge she dropped on him was one he couldn’t ignore. “Fine, little sister, here it is—my wolf doesn’t want Riley. We can’t fill her with life. On top of that, my wolf views her as worthless. She’s simply a member of the pack it needs to protect.”

  Hannah smiled, but it never reached her eyes. Disdain filled them. “Then I was right about you. You’re weak, Nic, and not worthy of our pack’s spirit or Riley. You’re going to fail both of them.”

  “I won’t. I’ll protect them.” It was why he was still in Hollow’s Grove, preparing to meet with females he didn’t want.

  “How? By mating a woman you don’t love?”

  “Let it go Hannah. I have no other choice.”

  “What if I convince Ethan to—”

  “My wolf won’t hand over the spirit. End of story. My fate is sealed.”

  “So is Riley’s, then.” Hannah’s glare hardened. “I hope you’ll be able to live with the knowledge that you are the reason she’s going to die.”

  Nic dropped his elbows to the railing and studied the backyard. Anything to avoid looking into Hannah’s face. She’d see how her words chilled him. Riley’s death would destroy him, no matter when it happened. “Riley’s human. She’s going to die. Nothing I can do to stop it.”

  Hannah rested a hand against his cheek. “Any dominant who wants to take you out will be able to sense what Riley is to you, whether you take a mate or not. You’re different around Riley. Protective. Possessive. They’ll figure out Riley is your weakness, and they’ll go after her in order to hurt you. She might not be soul-bonded to you, but she owns your heart, doesn’t she?”

  He inclined his head. “Yeah, I love her.”

  “And when Riley dies, whether it’s at the hands of a shifter or because of old age, you will be lost too.” Hannah grabbed his biceps, her fingertips digging into his flesh. “Think about it, Nic. You’ve survived four years without her only because you knew she was alive and well. How many times did you call me to simply ask if Riley was okay?”

  At least once a week, sometimes more. Actually, in the beginning he’d called a couple of times a day. Hannah had given him details every time, nothing that would set him off, just little things to appease him: what she’d been wearing the last time Hannah saw her, how Riley had sounded when they’d last spoken, or what movies they’d watched together.

  Nic turned away. “The past is over. I’ll have a new female to worry about soon. It’ll be fine.”

  “It will not be fine. When Riley dies, you’ll snap.” Hannah laid her hand over his. “And if you’ve fathered a child by then, you’ll have no reason to stay in a world without her. You’ll be driven to reunite with her in heaven, and that’s not something your wolf has any say over. You’ll kill yourself, knowing as soon as you die, you’ll see her again. Am I right?”

  Hannah’s words quickened his pulse. A sick hope surged, one he hated latching on to, but he was unable to stop himself. He was guaranteed one kid, the night he accepted the pack spirit. One kid was all he needed. If Riley lived out a normal human life, his child would be old enough to either accept the pack spirit or mate someone who could. He’d be able to end his living hell. Finally find happiness. Finally be with Riley. His mate could keep the piece of his soul he gave her. Without Riley, it was worthless anyway.

  Hannah’s expression dropped. Tears filled her eyes, a sight he’d never seen. “Oh, Nic, please, please tell me that’s not what you’re planning.”

  The sound of a car approaching saved him from lying. He shoved the door open and stepped around Hannah. “Looks like my first candidate has arrived. Did you narrow down my selections?”

  A single tear slipped down Hannah’s cheek. She scrubbed it away. “Yes, you’re meeting with three females, but if you don’t like any of them, there are others willing to tie themselves to your sorry ass. I still don’t understand why either, not after the list of conditions you made me give them.”

  “Sure you do, little sister.” Nic brushed another droplet of moisture from her eyelashes. “It’s the curse of the alpha. Shifters like us will always make the best choice for the pack, no matter how hard it is to make. It’s the same reason you’re sniffing around Ethan. You want to save the Tanner pack. Do what’s right for them. Don’t bother denying it either. Or I’ll call you on the lie and demand you admit that Ethan isn’t really your true mate, just your best shot of becoming alpha female.”

  She glared at him for a long moment, her nostrils flaring on her rough breaths, before she pivoted and stormed away. Nic chuckled, knowing he’d guessed right, but he didn’t have time to worry about her choices. He had his own to torment him.

  He shoved Riley’s image away and made his way to the front door. Each step he took tightened his body. Not in fear or anticipation, but control. His wolf had risen. The female shifter’s scent drifted to him through the open
windows, despite the wind wailing outside. The woman was nearing her fertile period, and his wolf was horny. Nic was not.

  He snorted. At least he could still keep one promise to Riley.

  His mate would never take her place in his bed, but she had to, at least for one night. No! Not a night, just long enough to get off.

  A twisted sound escaped him. He was a bastard. Nic couldn’t work up the energy to care either. He must’ve left his empathy with Riley along with his heart. She’d hold both for him until they could be reunited. He couldn’t wait.

  Chapter 15

  Nic sat on the couch in his living room, his seventh shot of whiskey in his hand. None had made the afternoon any more bearable. He was ready to let Hannah pick someone for him and be done with the whole situation. Candidate number one hadn’t lasted five minutes before demanding to renegotiate the conditions he’d stipulated. And number two stood before him, hands on her hips and a smile on her face he suspected was supposed to be sultry. Or maybe wicked. All Nic saw was a woman who hoped for more than he could give her.

  “I’m sorry, Cindy. I don’t think I’m the right man for you.”

  She rolled her eyes as if he’d told her something ridiculous, and his disdain grew. He sat forward. “Leave. Now.”

  “I understand how you feel, Nic. My older brother was in the same position you are several years ago. He hated the idea of being forced to assume control of our pack and take a mate. I watched him struggle with his instincts. He finally accepted his role and couldn’t be happier with the female he chose.” She stepped closer, her legs brushing against his knees. “It’s all about instincts. Let me prove to you I can trigger yours.”

  Could she? His wolf wanted her. Then again, it had wanted candidate number one too. Still, if she could excite him, he might have some hope of a future; not the one he wanted, of course. At the moment, he needed some kind of draw to the woman, because he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to bite her, let alone have sex with her. The very idea of being intimate with her churned his gut.

  He downed the shot, put the glass on the table beside him, and motioned her closer. “Okay, Cindy, work your magic.”

  Her grin spread. She straddled him. A little wiggle of her rear, and she settled on top of him. He waited for his body to react. Nothing. He sighed, and she tipped up his chin. “Relax, Nic. Let me pleasure you. I want this.”

  Her words echoed Riley’s, and guilt hit him hard. What was he doing? He didn’t want Cindy’s lips on his mouth or his body. He wrapped his hands around her waist, ready to lift her off him, but she kissed him, pushing her tongue between his lips before he could stop her. She twined her tongue with his and ran her hands over his sides, across his stomach, and between their bodies.

  His gut squeezed, and he choked on bile. He turned his head, breaking their kiss. “I don’t—”

  She popped the button on his jeans and reached inside, determined to get a rise out of him. With her other hand, she turned his head back to hers and took his mouth once more.

  The distant sound of a door opening reached his ears. He tensed, not wanting Hannah to see him sickened by a female, but the sound of Riley’s gasp stabbed him right in his heart.

  He froze. Don’t react. Don’t react.

  He hated it, but he couldn’t let the woman kissing him know what Riley meant to him. He couldn’t even allow Cindy to suspect it. Hannah’s words echoed in his head, and he knew she was right. Nobody could learn about Riley. He’d already risked Riley’s life once, and all he could do was pray Ben had taken the knowledge he learned to the grave.

  For the second time, he turned his head, ending his torture, and collided with Riley’s stricken face. A deep breath, and she shoved her emotions deep, her practiced mask hiding her hurt, saving them both.

  “Riley.” He held her gaze, hoping she understood what he couldn’t say.

  Cindy rested her head on his shoulder. He couldn’t see her face, but the tic that formed on Riley’s jaw warned it was probably mocking.

  Riley dropped her gaze. “I’m sorry to disturb you. Hannah had asked me to come over.”

  Hannah set him up, probably hoping Riley would walk in on him. He cleared his throat. “She went out for a run. I’ll tell her you stopped by.”

  “A human?” Cindy faced him, a question in her eyes.

  “Riley is an honorary member of the pack. She’s also our pack doctor, and if I choose you to be my mate”—he glanced at Riley, hating what he was about to say—“she’ll deliver our baby.”

  Riley flinched. A tremor shook her hands. She linked them behind her back. And guilt landed hard in his gut. His attempt to protect her by treating her as if she was merely a member of the pack had hurt her.

  “How wonderful. It’s nice to meet you, Riley.” Cindy slid to the cushion beside him, exposing his open pants. Riley’s gaze flicked to his groin, then his face before turning away. It was enough to see the betrayal in her eyes.

  Pain whipped through him. Even his wolf sat up, ears perked. For the first time, it seemed concerned about Riley’s mood. Nic didn’t delude himself into thinking anything had changed, but he took some comfort in knowing even his baser half felt bad for causing Riley more heartache.

  “Riley, I…” His words trailed off. What was he supposed to say? Nothing would make what she’d walked in on right.

  “Again, my apologies for disturbing you.” Riley coughed into her arm. “I’ll see myself out.”

  With that, Riley left.

  And took another piece of him with her.

  Impossible, but at the moment, he felt as if his reason for living had walked out the door. Cindy skimmed her fingers over his groin, redirecting him to the life that awaited him, and he felt…

  Nothing, not even disgust.

  Riley left her car running and walked the short distance to the ceremonial circle behind Nic’s house. A lull in the storm offered her the chance to sneak into the ring. She knew she shouldn’t have come. Humans weren’t allowed in the shifter’s meeting place, but nothing would’ve kept her away.

  The circle of soft grass called to her. Not in the same way it did to the shifters. It helped chase away the loneliness she’d often experienced after Nic left. She felt connected to him whenever she visited. It wasn’t hard to guess why.

  Riley associated the spot with Nic. In the center of the field, she and Nic had lost their virginity together. He’d insisted on making love to her under the stars, saying he wanted their first time together to be special. It was too. Beautiful, unforgettable…

  Life-altering.

  She’d walked away feeling claimed, not just loved.

  She stood in nearly the same spot they’d loved each other, but comfort didn’t settle over her. Sadness and despair did. Riley dropped to her knees just as the first fat drops of rain fell. Thunder boomed and lightning flashed, but she didn’t rush back to her car, despite the danger the open hill offered. She let the wildness of the moment seize her.

  Head tipped back and arms outstretched, she cried. Her tears mixed with the rain pummeling her. The evidence of the pain from seeing Nic with another woman washed away, but the wound on her heart bled. She dropped her arms and curled over her bent legs. Her sobs shook her body, and she rocked while the rain beat against her back.

  Four years ago, he told her they were over minutes after professing his love for her. She knew he’d gone on to be with other women just as she had moved on. Physically, at least. Emotionally, she’d held his profession of love close, never allowing it to fade.

  It hadn’t done any good. The visual of Nic kissing another woman drove home the truth he’d tried to make her accept—she had no place in his life.

  Yet… He hadn’t been aroused. Not even a little. When that woman pillowed her head on his shoulder, a pained look had spread over his rough features. Lines had formed by his eyes, and his lips had thinned. Guilt might’ve caused the reaction.

  Or disgust.

  Hope rose. She grabbed hold of th
e tiny spark and breathed her love into it. Two days. She had two more days to break through Nic’s stubbornness and his wolf’s indifference. If she gave up, she’d regret her weakness for the rest of her life. After a lifetime of loving Nic, she owed it to herself and Nic to fight for them. If he still chose to toss their love away, at least she’d know she’d tried.

  Determination gave her strength. She buried the pain deep, stood, and made her way to her SUV. A car approached. Common sense told her to get in her vehicle and leave. She wasn’t supposed to be on the hill. She couldn’t make herself move, however. She recognized the woman behind the wheel, and if Riley had been able to growl, she would’ve.

  Maria Tanner was beautiful by human standards, but by shifter ideals, she was the epitome of perfection. Her full breasts, tiny waist, rounded hips, and legs that went on forever turned every guy’s head. For shifters, though, one look at her platinum hair and icy blue eyes and they’d know she held the second rarest wolf within her body—the arctic wolf. A mating between Maria and Nic would guarantee strong kids, rare wolves, and power.

  All the things Riley couldn’t give him.

  Frustration settled over Riley along with desperation. There was only one reason Maria would be on Kagan pack lands—she was one of Nic’s potential mates. How would Riley ever compete with Maria? On top of her gorgeous body, she was generally nice.

  Riley choked on a sob and turned away, praying Maria hadn’t noticed Riley’s pain. Once more, she tipped her head back, the deluge pelting her with water droplets.

  “Riley, what are you doing here?”

  Husky, deep, and sultry—Maria had a bedroom voice.

  Riley dragged up her practiced mask, minus the welcoming smile, and faced the female shifter. Maria stood a couple of feet away, a large golf umbrella keeping her dry, and her attention focused on Riley’s shoulder.

  The thin white cotton clung to her body, drawing attention to her curves and pebbled nipples from the cold rain. Would it show the raised scar Nic had left on her? Why wouldn’t it?