Changing Gears

by Roseanne Beck

  “Uh, your face.” She wags her finger toward me. “That dopey look in your eyes.”

  I bat her finger away. “Shut up. I do not have a dopey look.”

  She snorts. “Yeah, you do. All the time, in fact. But this one’s different.” I scowl, but she just grins. “Come on. It’s sweet. And exciting. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to settle down and get married?”

  “Whoa! I hope you listen to your patients better than you listen to me. Because I did not say anything about marriage.”

  “Part of being a good psychologist is listening between the lines.”

  “That’s not a thing.” Is it?

  “And you can fight it all you want, but sooner or later...” She starts twitching her shoulders, then launches into the chorus of Gloria Estefan’s Rhythm Is Gonna Get You, singing ‘marriage’ instead of ‘rhythm.’

  “Oh, my God. I hate you so much.”

  “Love you, too.” She grins.

  Ugh. I seriously need to get my own place.

  And possibly a new sister.

  I SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE, stopping every now and then to check out potential apartments. Rent around here is more expensive than I’d anticipated, but if I go out of the city a little more, I think it’ll be doable.

  Might not be a bad idea to have Lauren take a look at my finances, though. Make sure I’m not missing anything. After all, what good is having a Mathlete for a girlfriend if you can’t ask for her help once in a while?

  I shake my head in wonder. I’m not sure which part is more surprising—the girlfriend part or the Mathlete part.

  My phone vibrates on the desk next to me. Hurley’s name flashes on the screen, and I answer. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

  “Dude. Don’t hate me, but I may have slipped a little about your whole maybe not coming back thing.”

  “Nah. It’s fine. And actually, it’s not a maybe anymore.”

  “Ah, man. You mean you’re done?”

  “Yep.” As much as saying the words still stings, I have to admit that it feels lighter to not have the comeback question lingering. To feel like I can finally focus on something else and move on. Even if I still don’t quite know what I’m moving on to.

  “Dude. That sucks.”

  “Yeah. I know. I’m gonna miss you guys.” My chest squeezes at the thought of not hanging out with them anymore on a regular basis. Shit. That might be the toughest part about retiring—missing the camaraderie.

  “Well... Maybe you don’t have to...”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Lauren

  I CRINGE WHEN I SEE Kylie’s name on my phone. I seriously need to tell her.

  Jake’s been spending a lot more time at my place, and while we’ve been lucky so far, we definitely don’t need a repeat of the whole Megan incident. Although, all things considered, Megan’s taken the whole me and Jake thing remarkably well. I mean, nobody died, so that’s a plus. Of course, that could be because Jake told her he’d get her a ticket to the next Supercross event so she can get up close and personal with Luca, and she’s just waiting to kill Jake until after that.

  Steeling myself, I swipe across the screen. “Hey, Kylie. What’s up?”

  “Oh, good. I’m glad you picked up. Is there any chance you can open the shop today? I just got summoned to City Hall, I can’t get a hold of Jake, and Aunt Sheila’s taking Uncle Pete to a doctor’s appointment.”

  “Oh. Is that good or bad? I mean, the City Hall thing, not Uncle Pete’s appointment.”

  “Not sure yet. I’m hoping good, but I’ll let you know. So... Can you do it? Please?”

  “Yeah. Sure. I’m not working at the college today, and I was planning to go into the shop a little later anyway.”

  “Thanks. You’re a lifesaver.” She hangs up before I can say anything else.

  Hmm... If I’m lucky, we’ll get good news about the program, and I can subtly slide my news in while she’s high on victory. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

  I’M PUTTING THE FINISHING touches on the latest updates to the website, noting our new one-on-one sessions, when Kylie bursts through the front door.

  Uh-oh. From the grim set of her mouth and the laser death eyes, I’m guessing she got some bad news about the program.

  She scans the shop. “Anyone else here?”

  I shake my head. “Kylie. I’m so sorry.”

  She barks out a laugh. “Yeah. I’ll bet.”

  “We’ll figure something out.” Maybe. If we’re lucky. “I mean, I have a little money socked away in my 401K, and maybe the bank will refinance—”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “The shop. Since we didn’t get the bid—”

  “Oh, we got the bid, alright.”

  “Oh. That’s great.” But then why in the hell is she so pissed?

  Kylie narrows her eyes. “We got it with Spence.”

  “What?”

  “We tied. We’re co-winners.”

  “Oh. Wow. That’s...unexpected.” And explains a lot.

  Kylie snorts. “Yeah. You know what else was unexpected? Spence sidling up to me after they made the announcement and talking to me about his friend Hurley. And his friend Hurley meeting my sister. And her boyfriend. At an event last weekend. When you were ‘working.’” She air quotes the last word.

  My gut takes a nosedive toward my shoes. “Kylie, I can explain—"

  “Save it.” She holds up a hand and paces the floor. “I mean, it’s bad enough that you two are sneaking around behind my back, but the fact that I have to learn about it from him?”

  “Sorry I’m late, I was...” Jake pauses just inside the door, his eyes darting back and forth between me and Kylie. “Am I interrupting something?”

  I give my head a terse shake, telepathically trying to tell him to get out of here while he still can. It doesn’t work.

  Kylie spins to face him. “Yes! Apparently, you’re interrupting my sister’s brain waves.”

  “What?” Jake’s forehead crinkles in confusion.

  “That’s the only explanation I can think of for why she’d think this is a good idea.” She wags her finger back and forth between me and Jake. “Especially after we both decided the whole workplace romance thing was a bad idea.” She glares at me with her laser beam eyes.

  “You decided. I just didn’t argue with you.”

  “Do you know what kind of risk you’ve exposed us to?” Kylie asks.

  “What? Are you kidding me right now? You did the exact same thing!”

  “Yeah. And clearly I was an idiot.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Look. I just thought you’d be smarter than me.”

  “Oh, my God. You sound like Megan. Why can’t people accept that I am a grown woman who can make her own choices? Seriously! I mean, I do everything for everyone else. I gave up my promotion for you. For this.” I wave my hand around the shop. “You asked for my help, and I came running. Megan asks for help, and I come running. So I decide to do something for myself for a change. So what? I deserve to have a little fun every now and then.”

  “Is that what this is? Just a little fun?” Kylie asks.

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” I dart a glance at Jake, but he looks like he’s still trying to figure out what the hell’s going on.

  Kylie shrugs. “Well, don’t come crying to me when it blows up in your face.”

  “Wow. Way to be supportive.”

  “Oh. You mean like you were supportive of me and AJ?”

  “That was different. AJ’s a tool. He was clearly just using you.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe Jake’s using you.”

  “What? You’re crazy. If you’ll recall,” I say to her, “you’re the one who kept saying we weren’t taking full advantage of him. In fact, you’re the one who wanted to hire him in the first place. So if anything, we’re using him. On second thought, maybe I am using him. Maybe I’m using him to add some excitement to my life. Would that really be such a bad thing?�
��

  “Is that true?” Jake’s voice is flat. Dangerously calm. “Are you really just using me?”

  Shit. In the heat of the moment, I’d completely forgotten about him.

  He clenches and unclenches the handles of his crutches, and his jaw ticks as he watches us.

  “What? No. That’s not what I meant.” I replay my words. “Okay. Maybe that is what I meant. But I thought you were okay with it.”

  He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yeah. Sure. I did say that.”

  “Great!” Kylie says, sarcasm in her tone. “We’re all using each other. One big dysfunctional work family. This’ll go well,” she mutters.

  “Yeah... About that.” Jake shifts on his crutches. “I just got a job offer. With the tour. So maybe don’t go counting on me as part of the family.”

  His words punch me in the gut. “Oh. Uh...That’s great.”

  His eyes search mine. “Really?”

  No. Not really. It’s awful. Especially if it means he’s leaving. But I can’t ask him to stay. Not if he wants to go. That wouldn’t be fair. “Yeah. Sure. You should do what makes you happy. This whole thing between us was moving too fast anyway.”

  “Yeah. Okay. Glad we’re on the same page.” His jaw ticks. “I, uh, think I need to get a little air.”

  “Yeah. Me, too,” Kylie says as Jake disappears out the front door. “I’ll be in the back. Trying to figure out what the hell just happened.”

  Yeah. That makes two of us.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Jake

  I GUESS THERE’S A REASON why workplace romances aren’t a good idea.

  Because when they go bad, it’s awkward as fuck.

  Thank God Lauren’s been keeping her distance. She’s only been in a handful of times since the blowup last week, and even then, she’s stayed up front. At least without her in the shop, it’s only slightly awkward as fuck.

  I am definitely on Kylie’s shit list, although less so since I agreed to stay on for a few more weeks. Give them some time to figure out what to do until Pete’s back regularly.

  After all, I’m not a total douche.

  Not about that, anyway.

  God, I should’ve seen it coming. Should’ve known Lauren was just in it for the thrill. After all, she’s right. We did have that conversation. I actually told her I’d be happy to help her expand her horizons. I just didn’t think she really meant it.

  Not like that.

  Dumbass.

  That’s why you do one-nighters. No attachments, no commitments, no feeling like you’re the biggest idiot ever.

  I check the chain stretch of the bike on the stand, pushing away the memory of our lesson. Her soft curves, her vanilla scent.

  My groin tightens.

  Dammit! Why does the thought of her still make me so crazy?

  Maybe it’s like when I was cooped up after my surgeries. Maybe I just need to get out. Get her out of my system. Hook up with someone else. Someone on my level. Someone who’s into the same thing I am—meaningless sex. Yeah. That totally makes sense. It’s just like wiping out during a race. You’ve just gotta pick yourself up and get back out there. And there’s no better time like the present.

  I glance at my clothes. Under normal circumstances, I’d go home and change. Put a little effort into how I look. But these aren’t normal circumstances. This is just a means to an end. A cleansing of the palate. Plus, my cargo shorts and T-shirt are about the only things that make sense. My jeans don’t fit over my cast.

  And it’s not like I think I’ll have any trouble finding a willing participant. Especially if I play the professional athlete card.

  Ex-athlete card.

  My gut clenches.

  Shit. Am I making the right choice?

  I thought I was. Last week I would’ve said hanging it up and moving on was definitely the right thing to do. No question. But things seem a little murkier now. I’m not quite so sure what I want.

  Except to get out of my head for a while.

  ‘Cause this overthinking thing really is a bitch.

  I PAY THE DRIVER AND work my way out of the car.

  “You gonna need a ride on the flip side?” he asks.

  “Not if I’m lucky.”

  Of course, I’ll have to do a little vetting. Make sure whoever I end up with has her own place. Preferably one without too many stairs.

  Damn. Seriously. Stop overthinking this.

  Right. Okay. Here we go. Go, Team.

  I bite back a curse. Yeah. I seriously need to get Lauren out of my head.

  I hobble through the front door and scan the bar. It’s busy. Noisy, but with a relaxed feel. Low lighting to either add to the ambience or to help make the meaningless hookups that much easier. Feels like any number of pickup bars I’ve frequented over the years.

  Settling at an empty spot at the bar, I order a beer, then scan the room.

  Yeah, I’ve missed this. The thrill of the hunt. The familiar surge of anticipation.

  Where is that familiar surge of anticipation?

  Damn. I really have been off my game for way too long. Good thing I’m here tonight. Get back to where I should be.

  But where is that exactly?

  Should I be on tour, even if I’m not competing? Or should I be here, with family?

  Guilt gnaws at my gut.

  I haven’t told Tracy yet. About what happened with Lauren or about the job offer. And Reece... I don’t even want to see the look on his face when I tell him. He was so happy when I said I’d be sticking around.

  Shit. Enough of that. No chick’s gonna wanna take you home if you’re all mopey.

  Okay. Some chicks will. But those chicks have issues. And I’m strictly issue-free tonight.

  Right. Showtime.

  Years of experience allow me to quickly sort through my options. The redhead in the corner is giving me the eye, but she’s got too many friends with her. The platinum-blonde across the room could work, although she’s already clinging to that guy like she might not let go. And I definitely don’t want a clinger. Neither does he, from the panicked look in his eye.

  “Almost makes you feel sorry for him, doesn’t it?” A brunette slides into the seat next to me and nods toward the couple. “Haven’t seen you in here before. You new to the area? Or just passing through?”

  “Not sure yet.”

  She arches an eyebrow.

  “Kind of in recuperation mode right now.” I swivel a bit, revealing my cast.

  “Ah.” She sips her drink, ruby lips curling around her straw as her eyes stay locked on me.

  Oh, yeah. We’ve got a live one.

  “So,” she says, nodding to my leg, “do I get to hear the story? I’m Beth, by the way.”

  “Hi, Beth. I’m Jake. Let me freshen up that drink for you.”

  “FOR REAL?” WELL-MANICURED nails give my arm a light squeeze. “Motocross? Like, on the tour and everything?”

  “Yep.” At least for now. I haven’t officially said anything about retirement. Besides, she seems pretty excited. Wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my chances of sealing the deal.

  “Can I get your autograph? And maybe a picture?”

  Crap. She’s not gonna be one of those women who keep mementos of her conquests, is she?

  Does it really matter?

  A familiar voice tells me it does, but I push it away. I don’t want to hear her voice anymore. Definitely not tonight. And definitely not right now.

  I nod. “Sure. Why not?”

  “Oh, great. My cousin’s kid is huge into Motocross. He’s gonna freak.” I must look as relieved as I feel, because she wrinkles her nose. “You didn’t think I was one of those weirdo fame-bangers, did you?”

  I run a hand across the back of my neck. “Actually...”

  She grimaces. “I promise. This is legit.” She pulls out her phone and scrolls through several pictures before holding it out to me. A boy twice the size of Reece is suited up in typical Motocross gear sta
nding next to a bike. He’s covered head to toe in dirt and looks like he enjoyed every minute of how it got there. “This is Marcus. He’s nine and probably going to give his mother a heart attack before he’s ten. Total daredevil.”

  I grin. “I can relate.”

  She hands her phone to the bartender, who snaps a couple of pictures of us mugging for the camera. “You got any tips I can take back to her?” she asks when we’re done.

  “Invest in good insurance.”

  “For her or him?”

  “Both.”

  Her lips twitch. “You’re funny.”

  “I try.”

  Huh. This might be easier than I think. She’s nice. And attractive. But maybe it would be easier if she wasn’t so nice. If she was actually in it for the fame-bang.

  After all, this is supposed to be string-free.

  Beth licks her lips. “You wouldn’t by any chance want to get out of here, would you?”

  I open my mouth to say yes, more than a little shocked to hear myself say “No” instead.

  Her eyebrows dart to her hairline. “Oh, uh...”

  “Shit. What I meant to say was I’d love to, but, uh, I don’t think I can.”

  What? Why the hell not? What the hell is wrong with you? This is exactly why you came out tonight.

  “My leg’s not feeling so great. I think I’m gonna head home.” I give Beth a weak smile as I slide off my stool and get my crutches in place. “Sorry. Say hi to Marcus for me.”

  “Yeah. Okay.” Bewilderment clouds her features.

  I kick myself all the way out the door.

  What the hell, man? You had a perfectly good opportunity. An opportunity you would’ve jumped at just a couple of months ago.

  A thought bolts through my head leaving a trail of discomfort and confusion in its wake.

  Maybe I turned Beth down tonight because I don’t actually want to be that same guy from a couple months ago.

  But if I don’t wanna be that guy, who do I want to be?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN