by Elisabeth
“Neema,” I called her name out as though I was in a tunnel, and she was so far from me.
“Dragos?” she called out to me. “Look at me, Dragos. Please.” The worry in her voice made my vision clear.
I looked down at her. She was staring back at me with so much emotion in her eyes. I wondered how long I had spaced out this time. I cleared my throat.
“I’m fine,” I told her.
Neema sighed loudly, shaking her head.
“You know damn well that doesn’t work with me, Dragos Demir. I’ll give you space but know that as soon as we have a chance, you’re going to tell me why the hell you just had me panicking. I was calling your name, and you didn’t hear me,” she harshly whispered.
I glared at her.
“I said I’m fine, Neema,” I spat.
She narrowed her eyes.
“Keep telling yourself whatever you think will get you out of this, but that vein that pops up when you’re pissed off about something is a clear indicator that we need to have a conversation.”
I opened my mouth to say something else, but she put her hand up.
“Don’t play with me, Dragos. You brought me into this when you said you did it to protect me. You left me because you wanted to protect my family and me. Now, there’s no more running. Be a man and talk to me. I’m not a baby.”
I scoffed.
“I am a man, hayatim.”
She cocked a brow.
“Then, act like it and talk to me, Dragos. Like a man would. No more running.”
Before I could say another word, she walked out of the kitchen. I was left shaking my head. I forgot how stubborn she was.
“Be a man,” I mocked her, rolling my eyes.
****
Neema
After breakfast, Dragos said that Amir had to stick to a schedule so that he didn’t feel out of place with everything. That was good because now Dragos couldn’t run away from talking to me. This was new for me, especially because Dragos never had an issue talking to me about anything. Now, it was different. He knew there were things he needed to tell me about, including what the hell he was doing at my house early in the morning.
I walked out to the patio, meeting Dragos as he was in deep thought. His profile stood out to me now. It was much more pronounced. He had a coffee mug in his hand that looked to be decorated by a child. I guessed Amir did it. I watched him in shameless adornment as he slowly drank. He shut his eyes, making me wonder if he was savoring the taste of his drink or if he was in deep thought.
“The reason why I came to your house was that I wanted to see you. I could make up a thousand lies and say it was due to something else, but that wouldn’t be me. I just wanted to see you. I missed your face, the laugh lines that deepen and become more pronounced every time you laugh or smile. Hayatim…”
His voice invoked goosebumps, and a chill traveled through my spine.
“Yeah?”
He lightly chuckled as he opened his eyes, still staring out at the beautiful garden in the backyard.
“I need you to know what you’re asking me to tell you will change things, not just for me but for you too. You won’t look at anything the same. Hell, you won’t even look at me the same. Are you ready for that?”
As he asked me that, my heart began beating rapidly. Was I ready to know, or would I run away like I used to do when I didn’t want to know something?
I sighed. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to where he sat and took a seat. I stared out at the beautiful garden just like he was doing. We sat there in blissful silence for a minute or so, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me anything unless I confirmed that I was ready.
“Okay, I’m ready,” I let him know as I quickly glanced his way.
He sharply nodded as he placed his coffee on the patio table. He took a deep breath in and released a shaky one.
“When I went back home, there was just so much hierarchy and issues to have to deal with. My family, the Demirs, have a certain reputation back home, and I wasn’t going to be the one to change it or make it worse. Instead, I made it my mission to better it. My family, we’re part of the Turkish mafia.”
Before Dragos could continue, I widened my eyes. What did he just say?
“Mafia!” I stood, not sure if I was just surprised or terrified or both.
Dragos didn’t look my way. Instead, he just sat forward, placing his face in his hands.
“I can’t tell you everything if you keep overreacting. I know that you have every right to react, but right now, baby, I need you to let me say it all. If I don’t say it all, then I won’t say it at all. Lütfen, Hayatim…” he softly begged me.
I took another deep breath and decided to sit down so that I could hear it all.
“Okay, but I can’t promise I won’t react again. Just keep going, rip the whole Band-Aid off, once and for all.”
Dragos nodded but didn’t look up again.
“The Demirs have pull. Crazy pull, and honestly, it’s never bothered me before. My father wasn’t next in line to be don or anything crazy like that. But my uncle, Ahmet, called and threatened you, your family, plus everything that I worked hard for. I couldn’t take it. At first, it didn’t matter that he opened his mouth, but it was right after Baba passed, and I knew without Baba to stop him, he would do it. Not only that, he brought up my mother and Defne. He made it seem like I was giving up on them while being happy here. I knew how to keep a balance, but with him breathing down my neck, I caved. I shouldn’t have, but when I saw a package at our special place, I knew that I had to go back,” Dragos admitted as the tension grew between us.
“Wha— what do you mean, a package? What kind of package?”
Dragos ran a hand down his face.
“It was a necklace that I gave you. The diamond one that you lost a couple of weeks before we broke up. When I saw that, it shook me up. It made me realize I didn’t have any power where I was. I had no one behind me, and his men watched me as though they had a right to. So, I went back and put order to things that were out of order.”
My brows furrowed.
“What did you do, Dragos? What exactly did you put in order?” I asked, running out of patience. There was something he was holding back. “Just say it already!” I didn’t mean to lash out, but I did.
Dragos abruptly stood. He glared at me, a side of him I had never seen. His blue eyes were intense, and his nostrils flared, reminding me of a bull that was ready to charge. He narrowed those same eyes at me.
“I told you, I did what I had to do,” he gritted through his teeth.
I scoffed, and this seemed to anger him some more.
“You don’t know what it’s like, Neema. To have blood on your hands.” He looked down at his open palms. “I killed men with these hands. I did it with no remorse. They messed with my family. They thought that they could go against me and mine. Someone was around you, close enough to take that necklace from your bedroom, and you scoff as if I’m joking. Let me tell you something, hayatim. My uncle made a mistake. Now, he lives, yes. But do you know where he is watching me prosper from? He’s in a wheelchair in a retirement home, terrified and out of his own head, because I messed with his psyche so good. He still can’t comprehend how I did it.”
I stood, backing away from Dragos.
“Yo—, Dragos, you’re scaring me,” I admitted.
“I should scare you, but to be honest, Neema, I don’t want to scare you. I just want you to know one simple thing. No matter what, if someone threatens the people I love, I will finish whatever they think they’ve started.”
My eyes widened at his confession.
“What exactly are you saying, Dragos?”
He cocked a brow.
“I’m saying, I did it before, and I’d do it again. I’d kill for my anne, for your family, for you, and I want you to know now that I will kill for Amir. That adi herif is still going to die.”
I didn’t know what to do. I stood there, not sure what to say to Dr
agos. I didn’t know this man who glared at me as though I was an enemy, nor did I know the hurt man that I saw just now. He may have thought he still looked angry, but right now, all that I saw was that hurt. He was so hurt that he didn’t know what to do with it.
What was I going to do?
Chapter Five
Dragos
My intentions. Those were the only things Neema needed to know would never change towards her. I didn’t want her to feel like I wasn’t the man she once fell in love with. I was him, but now, I couldn’t only be him. This was a constant battle for me.
“Dragos?” Neema called my name out, and I zoned back into the present.
She stood in front of me much calmer than I believed her to be. When I first told her what I had to do, I thought she would’ve stormed off. Now, I realized Neema was no longer as young as before. There was that uncertainty in her eyes, but I appreciated that she hadn’t left. That she was willing to inquire about everything that was happening.
“I know what I’ve revealed to you is a lot. I’m well aware that I told you I wasn’t done until my brother-in-law is buried six feet under. I can’t make any excuses, Neema. You don’t know what it’s like to watch Amir cry and search for his mother in his sleep. He’s traumatized, and there’s only so much I can do to help him and to reassure him that everything will be fine.”
I was spilling my guts, and I knew once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I backed up a couple steps until I hit the wood pillar behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know it was there. I slid to the ground, sitting on it. I slid my fingers through my hair, unable to stop those hand tremors from starting again.
“You don’t understand, at all, Neema,” I shook my head, clearing my throat a couple times because I was unraveling. “I’m drowning, and there’s no lifeboat for me. I can’t see the surface anymore. I’m so lost, and I fear that I will never find anything ever again. My internal compass can’t even begin to comprehend the turmoil it’s in.”
I shut my eyes, thinking of all the times I wished I could get some sort of break in this life that I was served. I didn’t hate my life or anything, but I did wish for more bliss than pain. My thoughts paused, becoming silent the moment I felt Neema’s hand as she began stroking my hair.
“Shhh,” she soothed me as she pulled me into her arms. “You’re not allowed to drown without me, Dragos. I won’t let you, not then, not now, and not ever. “Breathe, benim ayim, breathe…” She hugged me, holding me in her arms.
I would never be able to walk away from this ever again. I knew this, and I would convince and show Neema that I would never walk out of these arms, even if this time I had to take a bullet to the head.
****
I didn’t expect everything to be all well with the world the moment I told her about who the Demirs really were, nor when I confessed to her of having blood on my hands, but I was grateful for the fact that she didn’t run. Neema didn’t leave me; instead, she sat with me, telling me she would drown with me. I could never ask that of her, so when she said it herself, I was relieved.
I didn’t know how long we were sitting outside, but I started to daydream. The things I’d done came back to haunt me sometimes, or rather, made me feel some type of way about it being done. I tried shaking my head to get out of it, but the more I shook my head, the clearer the vision became. It was as though it happened yesterday.
I found myself sitting in my uncle’s office, waiting for him. I already knew how I appeared. Unhinged, crazy looking even, with two of my guns on his desk while I leaned back in that expensive leather chair.
My uncle walked in. He was my baba’s younger brother. Even if he tried to play it off like he wasn’t surprised, I caught that look of fear in his eyes right before he masked it with the look he’d always given me as a child. I scowled as he walked in. It hurt to look at him because he looked just like baba from the salt and pepper beard, the wavy hair that he kept shoulder length, and even the build. He was lean, almost as tall as me, but that smug look made me hurt less. He definitely wasn’t my father.
“I have a question for you, amcam.”
He eyed me for a moment.
“You can ask me once you get the hell out of my seat,” he growled back at me.
I cocked a brow.
“Am I supposed to be intimidated by that? You do realize that I’m not a child, right? You don’t scare me. You never have.”
My uncle chuckled.
“So then, why did you come back after my warning to you? Hmm? Dragos, the mighty.”
I curled my upper lip in disgust.
“I should just kill you where you stand. Be done with filth like you, but there’s something you seem to not have noticed when you walked in here all smug like…”
My uncle narrowed his eyes at me as I saw him reaching for his piece on the side. I didn’t move an inch, not even when he aimed it at me.
“What did you do, Dragos? What kind of fool are you to toy with me? Do you know how powerful I am?”
I scoffed.
“You. The man who sent my girlfriend something, threatened your own family, powerful? You’re as weak as every other Demir that I’ve put down who decided to agree with your methods. Your weak ways are what got you to this stage, you bastard.”
“I’ll kill you!” He shouted with so much anger laced in his voice. That, I guess, was supposed to scare me.
“Pull the trigger, amcam,” I taunted him.
I smiled as if I was out of my mind when he pulled the trigger. I began laughing because the gun was empty.
“Guess who emptied your piece while you slept in bed with one of your whores? I did. While you slept like a baby that just finished sucking on their mother’s breast, I emptied your clip, but guess whose skull your bullets ended up buried in?”
Before he could answer, I pressed a button that opened up a specific part of the ceiling. It opened up, and his son fell right on the desk. My uncle flinched, shaking and trying to regain composure as I simply stood, kicking his son off the desk.
“How dare you?!” he screamed like a lunatic.
I shrugged.
“I don’t like dirty things on my desk. Emphasis on mine.” I walked over to him as he crouched down, staring at his dead son. I crouched to meet him at eye level. “How would you like to die, amcam? With respect or without like a dog left in the street.”
“You’re a disgrace to this family!” my uncle shouted.
I nodded, standing and walking to sit on the leather loveseat on his left. I reached in the loveseat pulling a gun out that I had stashed there.
“Like a dog in the street then?” I nodded once more.
I aimed at him and shot him right in his temple. He fell on his side, and I walked back to crouch down to where he was bleeding out.
I sighed.
“Did you know that it depends on the size of the rounds that someone uses on you in order to determine if you die or have brain injuries. Like right now, I shot you with a .22 round. Not from a far distance, but far away so that all it will probably do is damage some brain tissue. It might get lodged in somewhere in there and never come out.” My uncle was breathing heavily as he stared right at me. “The longer it takes for assistance to come, the harder it will be for your brain to not endure damage. You will never be able to function like a normal citizen in this country. You threatened me, sent men close to my family, my fiancée’s family, and ruined my life as the cherry on top? Just remember this. I will rebuild the Demir name from the bottom up, change what you’ve given, and make sure that whoever crosses me their don knows of this day. Knows that I am not above taking a life.”
I watched my uncle struggle a little bit. Then, I reached in his pocket for his cell. I stood, placing it on the desk.
“If you’re a man, you’ll get it and call for help yourself. Consider that my parting gift.”
With that, I left.
“Dragos…” I heard Neema calling my name. “Baby,” she called out
to me again.
“I need you to take me away from here, Neema. I can’t be around my family right now like this. I need to be somewhere. Take me anywhere.”
And so, she did… She took me to her sanctuary, her place.
****
Neema
Weeks went by, and we were falling into place with each other. Dragos spent more nights at my place than I did at his. I watched as he withdrew even more. Something happened that day, and I didn’t know what I could do to fix it or to help him. Even with Amir, he was there for him but not as much as before. Dragos was losing himself.
We were laying back watching TV when Dragos got another call that triggered him in more ways than one. Dragos stood as he placed the phone on speakerphone.
“He’s my son!” the voice on the other side yelled. I looked at the name on the phone; it was Ehren, Dragos’s brother-in-law. “You can’t keep him from me!”
Dragos growled like a crazed animal as he dressed. He didn’t even respond to the outburst coming from Ehren. Dragos peered up at me as he bent down to tie his boots. He placed one knee on the bed as he took my chin in his hand.
“I need you to know that I’m about to go do something that will forever change our future. I need to know that you’re going to be here when I come back.” His statement held such heaviness to it.
I gasped. There was nowhere for me to go. I had already made up my mind. I told him I would drown with him, and he didn’t need to do this alone. I smirked at him.
“It’s my house. Where would I even go?” I teased.
Dragos kissed me hard and quick. The moment he pulled away, I grabbed the front of his shirt, forming a fist as I dragged him back to me. I kissed him like I was starving, and he was the only key to me being full. The satisfaction of him sighing into my kiss drove me over the top. Dragos fell on top of me as I locked him in with my legs and my arms. He wasn’t allowed to go anywhere anymore. He was mine, and this was it. I wouldn’t deny that Dragos was a don—a man of few words depending on the situation and a killer. Nonetheless, he was my man. Point. Blank. Period.
