Rancher Daddy (Family Ties Book 2)

by Lois Richer

  “It’s not something I’m very proud of.” He forced a smile. “I want to make my mark, Holly. I want people to know I was here on this earth. I wanted to create a legacy for my child so that he would never have to feel as lost and alone as I did.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that,” she defended.

  “Maybe not but I got consumed by my goals. So every weekend off I headed to Calgary and took on another competitor. And every time I won. I was willing to risk any injury if it meant more money. I kept going to build my savings account no matter what.” Did she think that was silly? She who’d always belonged?

  “You were hurt?” she asked. Luc nodded.

  “Many times. Sometimes I almost didn’t make it to work. I didn’t care. I just kept punching my way to enough cash to finally leave the rigs and the fighting.” Luc looked away but somehow he needed to see Holly’s reaction so he lifted his head and stared at her. “I have a lot of scars from those years and a lot of bad memories. Like you with your baby, I don’t talk about it.”

  She nodded, her eyes brimming with understanding. Luc had never loved her more.

  “Now I have my ranch.” He couldn’t look at her now, not when he was going to refuse her love. “This is the only place I’ve felt secure since my parents died.”

  “And loving me puts that at risk?” She frowned at his nod. “How? We could combine our ranches, make something truly spectacular that we could both be proud of. If you could let go of your fear, we could trust God to give us a wonderful future.”

  Holly went on, listing opportunities Luc yearned to develop, suggesting ways that together made them stronger.

  “I love Henry as much as you do, Luc,” she said. “I think I could be a good mother.”

  “You would be a fantastic mother.” He said it without hesitation, a mental image of Holly and Henry laughing together filling his mind. For a moment he wavered. Maybe it was possible. Maybe they could…

  Luc’s cell phone rang. He glanced at Holly, who smiled.

  “Go ahead and answer it. I’ll wait.”

  “Thanks.” His heart sank at the sound of his buddy Andy’s voice. He’d just received divorce papers. “Can I call you right back?” Luc asked. He hung up, glanced at Holly. “I’m sorry, Holly. I wish I had it in me to take a chance on a future with you, but I just can’t jeopardize my future. What’s happened to him—” he inclined his head toward his phone “—could happen to us and it terrifies me. If I could marry anyone, Holly, it would be you. But I can’t risk it.”

  “You mean you won’t.” She rose, her back very straight.

  “Yes.”

  “If you really believe that placing our faith in God to help us keep a relationship together would be a risk then you shouldn’t do it,” she said, her voice cool and calm. “You’ve talked a lot about finding God’s will for your life. I’d never say I’m God’s will for you, but I do believe that you will never discover His plan for you until you free yourself of the fear that loving someone means your world will come crashing down around you.”

  Luc knew she was hurting. Because of him. He rose slowly, held out a hand. “Holly, I wish—”

  “Don’t wish anymore, Luc. You’ve been granted your wish in this ranch. Soon you’ll have Henry, too. I hope you enjoy both.” She walked away from him in a dignified stride, head held high.

  Luc watched her ride away, his hands clenched. Every cell in his body wanted to run after her, to gather her in his arms and hang on forever. But he couldn’t do that.

  He’d just have to learn how to be content with his life without Holly.

  Somehow.

  *

  “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I don’t know how to help you.” Three weeks later, Abby hugged Holly. “Luc has to find his security in God’s time. You can’t force it.”

  “I know. It’s just so hard, living so close. How am I going to go on seeing him every day, pretending we’re only friends?” Holly sipped the hot strong coffee Abby had served and tried not to envy her friend her happy marriage, darling twins and adopted son, Ivor. Abby’s life was full while Holly’s felt so empty.

  “You’re going to leave Luc to God. He’s the only one who can work it out.” Abby smiled. “Maybe it’s time to try something new.”

  Holly thought about Abby’s advice all the way home. There she surveyed her workroom with its shelves now stocked full of many sweet outfits, just waiting for online orders. Try something new, but what? All she wanted was Luc.

  She made herself a salad then later took Melody for a short ride, careful to avoid areas where she thought Luc might be. Though August’s wane and the shift to September’s autumn was her favorite season, Holly found little solace in the ride. All she could think of was that now the freedom she’d always found on Cool Springs Ranch was gone. From this point on it would be very uncomfortable to work with Luc as her foreman.

  His declaration still haunted her. Gentle Luc a fighter? She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. It had been so unexpected. So had his rejection. Now she felt exposed and on edge whenever she was in town, worried she’d run into Luc. When she didn’t get that glimpse she craved, she was certain her feelings for him were obvious to everyone. Her situation became more untenable when Mayor Marsha and others asked questions about their relationship.

  “Luc and I are friends, Mayor.” Holly laughed in her most carefree voice. “Always have been. You know that.”

  She didn’t want friendship. Holly wanted his love, which he wouldn’t give. Day after day she champed at the bit, increasingly unsatisfied by a job she’d always loved. For weeks she prayed for a way to find peace until one night she sat on the deck studying September’s full moon and relinquished her dreams.

  “Okay, God,” she huffed at last. “I give up. I can’t do anything about Luc. You are the only one who can heal his past. I love him but I’m leaving him up to You. I can’t change my mistakes but with Your help I’m letting go of the guilt and my struggle to be perfect Holly. Please show me Your plan for my future.”

  It felt good to say those words, to stop striving to be what she was not. It also hurt beyond belief to accept that God’s will might not include a relationship with Luc.

  Chilled by the night air, Holly returned inside the house to clean up the kitchen. Maybe that would keep her mind busy. While wiping the counters a piece of paper fell on the floor. Holly bent to pick it up. Her eyes widened.

  Suddenly she knew what to do. She made the call that would change her life and take her away from Luc Cramer.

  Though he was a wonderful man, he just wasn’t for her.

  *

  Feeling dog-tired, Luc slid off his horse, onto a stone by the creek and exhaled. These past weeks he’d thrown himself into work from the earliest morning hours to far beyond midnight, trying to chase away the memory of Holly’s shattered face. It didn’t work.

  Every waking moment he saw again her disappointment in him. In between, he remembered the sad looks she gave him when she thought he wasn’t watching. If they occasionally met, she thrust out her chin and held his gaze, but Luc saw the pain lurking in those beautiful blue eyes.

  Henry was their buffer. With Henry, Holly almost returned to the smiling woman Luc had always admired. With Luc, Holly was cool and businesslike.

  “Why doesn’t Holly like you?” Henry kept asking.

  She loves me. But I’m afraid to love her.

  Since Luc couldn’t say that, he changed the subject. But often Henry’s dark eyes rested on him, brimming with questions. All Luc wanted was the old Holly back, the one who carried her heart on her sleeve.

  The one he’d hurt.

  “Luc?”

  He startled, almost dropped the soda he’d pulled from his saddle pack. Holly stood in front of him, eyes shadowed by her white Stetson.

  “Holly.” His voice came out hoarse. Luc cleared his throat before asking, “How are you?”

  “I need to talk to you.” She looked so lovely with the sun blazing
down on a shirt that perfectly matched her eyes. He wanted to—

  “Go ahead.” He waved to a nearby stone but Holly shook her head.

  “Are you still interested in buying Cool Springs Ranch?” she asked in a chilly not-like-Holly voice.

  Luc’s jaw dropped. Never in a million scenarios had he envisioned this.

  “I’m moving to Calgary,” she said, filling the gap his lack of speech left. “I’ve accepted a position at the hospital there. I’ll be leaving next week.”

  Luc couldn’t take it in. It didn’t make sense. Holly loved the ranch, treasured every square mile of the place her father had cared for.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because I’ve spent too many years trying to be something I’m not. Because I’ve let guilt for giving away my baby steal years of my life.” Her voice, which had started out strong and defiant, gave way to a wobble. She cleared her throat. “Because I won’t waste any more time wishing you would take a chance with me on love.”

  “Holly—”

  “I’m starting fresh in Calgary. I intend to find new ways for God to use me. I refuse to be anyone’s role model or pretend to be anyone but who God created.” Finally, she added, “I can’t stay in Buffalo Gap anymore.”

  “But your dad worked years to build up Cool Springs just for you.” Luc shook his head. “How can you just walk away?”

  “That was his dream. Besides, he’d understand my decision.” Her voice softened as she looked across the land. “He only ever wanted me to be the best I can.” Her gaze shifted to Luc. “Dad’s in my heart, meshed in my memories.”

  Luc marveled at the determined undertone in her voice.

  “The ranch is just a thing. It’s the people in my life who are important.” She waved a hand. “I’m offering a lease with the possibility of a sale. I want to concentrate on where God’s taking me. I won’t have time to fret about this place.”

  Holly said the words but Luc could see the effort it cost her.

  “I’m not the town mascot or its ambassador or any of those other silly things I’ve tried to live up to. I’m Holly Janzen and I love you, Luc Cramer.” Her blue gaze met his with unblinking directness. “But I refuse to hang around here pining over what will never be. This is your chance to complete your empire. You’ll finally have your dream.”

  Luc struggled for words and failed. Holly smiled as if she understood.

  “All I ask is that you keep the sale quiet until I’ve left town. You can talk to my lawyer about the details.” She waited for him to respond, but Luc was still processing. Holly stepped forward, brushed her lips against his cheek and said, “Goodbye, Luc.”

  Then she swung onto Melody and rode away.

  And took Luc’s heart with her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Holly shoved her dad’s beloved trunk into her vehicle then surveyed the ranch one last time. She’d already said goodbye to her horses, her friends, Henry, her life. There was nothing left to do but leave.

  “You would have understood, wouldn’t you, Dad?” she said as she drove the familiar road away from what had always been home. “Just as you wouldn’t have been ashamed or hurt by my baby. You would have forgiven me and welcomed my child into our family. I should have known that.”

  She should have known her friends would have done the same. She should have trusted them enough. Regrets that she’d lost her baby still stung. They probably always would. But thanks to her father Holly had the precious baby pictures to help her heal. She’d also found ammunition against her guilt. The knowledge that her baby was in God’s hands and He was the best father any child could have. Her job was to walk the new path He’d set her on.

  And yet the future looked bittersweet to Holly. Until she remembered the promises she’d read this morning from Isaiah’s fifty-eighth chapter:

  The Lord will always lead you. He will satisfy your needs in dry lands and give strength to your bones. You will be like a garden that has much water, like a spring that never runs dry.

  “Yes, I will, God,” she said firmly.

  There was the old maple tree in whose crook Luc had found her the day Ron dumped her. And there was the paddock where he’d helped her rescue Henry from Ornery Joe. There was the hill where Luc had lit fireworks last New Year’s Eve because her father was too sick to do it and the meadow where she’d hoped they would both teach Henry barrel racing and gymkhana. Holly drove slowly, savoring every detail.

  This was where she’d found love and lost it.

  “Thank You for these precious memories,” she whispered. They were dear—that’s why she couldn’t stay here, couldn’t see Luc every day and know he didn’t love her enough to overcome his fears. “My heart hurts, God, but I trust You to work all things to Your good.”

  This was the hardest day of trust she’d ever had.

  *

  “I don’t want to go to the creek,” Henry said, a mutinous look in his eyes. “It’s not fun without Holly.”

  No, it wasn’t. Nothing was, Luc freely admitted. Nothing had been fun since Holly had left two weeks ago.

  “What do you want to do today?” he asked, regretting his own grumpy tone.

  “Nothin’.” Henry slumped down, not even interested in Sheba’s puppies.

  Luc’s fingers itched to call Holly and ask her advice. In fact, he even pulled out his phone but never dialed, fear stopping him. A second later it rang.

  “Is it Holly?” Henry asked eagerly when Luc answered.

  Luc shook his head then told Abby to continue. What she said made his blood run cold.

  “I don’t know how but Shelly has managed to convince her supervisors that Henry is not thriving here. They have rescinded his case from me back to Shelly,” Abby said, obviously disgruntled. “Shelly advised them that Henry will be better off in a family with two parents rather than with a single dad. She’s already found an interested couple.”

  “Meaning?” Luc needed Abby to spell it out.

  “At this point, your adoption of Henry is off.”

  Luc listened blankly to her reassurances, said the right things and eventually hung up.

  No, God, his soul cried, but he could say nothing. Shelly had insisted Henry was not to know until she told him.

  “What’s wrong, Luc?” Henry asked as if sensing his world had just shifted. His small hand slipped inside Luc’s. He whispered, “I won’t be cranky anymore.”

  “Oh, Henry. I love you.” Luc hunched down and gathered this beloved child into his arms while his heart screamed “Why?”

  “I love you, too, Luc.” Henry hugged him back but after a moment wiggled free. “Too tight.”

  Luc laughed though his heart was breaking.

  “Let’s roast some hot dogs for lunch,” he said, knowing that would please Henry. “Then we’ll have to get you home. Ms. Hilda’s going to get you some new clothes for school.”

  “’Cause I’m getting big,” Henry boasted, his chest puffed out. “I wish Holly could see me growing.”

  “I do, too, son.” The endearment stung. Henry was never going to be his son.

  Luc did his best to make the meal fun for Henry but as he drove home from Hilda’s later a pall settled over him.

  Hoping to shake it, he saddled his horse and rode the ranch hills. All this would be his. It was the legacy he’d worked for but now it was meaningless. It was just land, a house, a ranch. There was no security here. Life had side-swiped him and he was alone. There was no way to protect himself.

  This is your chance to complete your empire. You’ll finally have your dreams.

  Holly’s words rang in his ears. But his dream hadn’t been to own land. That was just the path he’d chosen to attain what he most wanted—to belong, to love and be loved.

  For the second time that day Luc’s phone rang.

  “Hey, buddy,” said his friend Andy. “I’m at your ranch. You said we’d have a steak barbecue tonight, remember? Where are you?”

  “On the way.” Luc t
urned his horse and headed for home, dreading the thought of entertaining tonight. He had nothing to offer Andy or anyone else.

  As it turned out, Andy was good company. He talked a lot about his kids and though that hurt Luc because he couldn’t stop thinking of Henry, it didn’t seem to bother Andy.

  When dark had fallen they sat outside by the fire pit, coffee mugs in hand as they stared into the coals. The fire encouraged intimacy so Luc finally asked the question that had plagued him for months.

  “Are you ever sorry you got married?”

  “Are you kidding?” Andy showed his astonishment. “I’d have missed everything. Being a husband, loving a good woman, being a dad. I could never regret that.”

  “But you’ve been so hurt,” Luc pointed out.

  “So? I was hurt when you fought me, remember? But I never regretted the pain when I made that hefty house payment.” Andy leaned back, a tiny smile lifting his lips.

  “Which you’ve now lost,” Luc pointed out.

  “Nope. It’s still protecting my family. Besides, I’m not sure all’s lost. I believe God’s working since I stopped trying to force things and let Him be in control. Finally figured out all I have to do is take the opportunities He gives me.”

  “Things are better for you, then?”

  “We’re talking is all. But that’s a big step from two months ago.” Andy glanced around. “Hey, where’s Holly? I thought for sure she’d stop by.”

  “She moved to Calgary.” Suddenly, without meaning to, Luc was pouring out the whole sad story. When he finished, he waited, hoping for some sympathy, maybe a little advice. He didn’t expect derision.

  “Are you nuts?” Andy gaped at him. “This gorgeous, smart, funny woman tells you she loves you and you chicken out from life?’

  “You only met her once,” Luc reminded. “In passing.”

  “So? I recognize quality when I see it,” Andy shot back. “Do you love her?”

  “Of course, but—”

  “There are no buts, buddy. My marital problems have taught me one thing. Love is what life’s about. People die, disappoint or leave. Love is the only thing that endures.” Andy waved a hand. “One day this place will be gone and you’ll be forgotten by everyone but the ones who loved you. Who will that be if you don’t reach out and accept when love is offered you?”