Under Her Clothes

by Louisa Edwards

  Colby didn’t bother to point out that she’d had to fight to get Dominic to let her expedite. There was no point to any of this. She rolled an onion on its side and slammed her knife through it—not the best way to chop an onion, but cathartic.

  “Shut up and find a job to do, Manning. I don’t have time for your lame insinuations.”

  “Oh, I’m not insinuating anything. I’m flat out saying it.” He stepped even closer, until she could feel his damp, excited breaths hitting the side of her face. “You’re cheating. You’re fucking Chef Fevre to get ahead, and I’m going to tell Eva Jansen what I know and get you kicked out of the running for this job.”

  With that bomb dropped, Manning stepped back, hands in his pockets and an unbearably smug expression on his face. Colby kept her knife moving on autopilot—it was damn lucky she didn’t chop off a finger—and worked to suppress her panic.

  Because the truth was, Manning didn’t need proof. All he needed to do was make the accusation, and Dominic Fevre would be dragged out of the closet whether he was ready or not. She could deny everything and keep him from being charged with sexual harassment, but his reputation would still be damaged. Her only real hope was that Eva Jansen would refuse to take Bryce Manning’s call.

  Colby stared down at her cutting board and let out a shuddering breath. This whole charade had gotten so out of control. She never meant to hurt anyone or ruin anyone’s life.

  And she certainly never intended to fall head over heels for a man who thought he was falling for another man. But Dom’s complex blend of confidence and vulnerability, his dedication to the job she also loved—and more than anything, the glimpses she’d gotten of a need for connection that rivaled her own secret desires—added up to make Dominic the most fascinating man she’d ever met.

  Too bad there was no way she could really expect to have a future with him.

  Holding in a whimper at how stupidly complicated her life had become, Colby shoveled her perfect, tiny cubes of onion into the bowl where Qui was collecting his diced carrots. She turned to check on Felix’s celery and her jaw dropped to the floor, along with her stomach.

  Eva Jansen—the Eva Jansen, head of Jansen Hospitality who’d graced the cover of the New York Times Magazine, Food & Wine, Délicieux, and freaking Cosmopolitan—was walking into the kitchen.

  Colby didn’t have time to do more than gawk for one heart-stopping second at Eva’s signature black bob, her supermodel cheekbones, scarlet lips and intimidatingly chic beige and cream outfit. Because it got worse.

  Right behind Eva was Dominic, his expression as smooth and hard as marble, and with him was his brother.

  Marc was laughing at something, flirting with Eva in that obvious, over the top way that somehow still managed to be charming because it was so damn French. Eva smiled back, clearly not immune, even though she was famously in love with her pastry chef husband.

  Dominic strode ahead of the other two and took up his post beside the pass—through window, where he could survey the entire kitchen. He stood like a man who was used to commanding attention, no need to wave his arms or shout to get everyone to pause what they were doing. He hadn’t glanced in her direction, and she had no idea what that meant.

  Was he embarrassed? Mad at her? Full of regrets?

  He might not regret what they’d done yet, but if everyone in the kitchen—including his boss and his brother—found out?

  Colby gulped, her gaze shooting to Bryce Manning, who looked like someone had just presented him with a winning lottery ticket. Her pulse leaped as Dominic said, “Chefs, take a quick break if you can. There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

  As if understanding he didn’t mean them, the regular Maison prep cooks went about their everyday tasks as the five contestants for the job glanced at one another and went to cluster loosely around Dominic and his guests. Colby’s mind raced, picking up and discarding ideas for how to shut Manning up faster than she could blink, but she hadn’t come up with anything by the time Dominic’s gaze landed on her.

  For just a moment, everything stopped. It was the first time they were face-to-face since she ran out on him, leaving him in that closet—and then he ran out on her. From his perspective, Colby knew, she was the one who had jumped up from the hottest blowjob in history and immediately ditched him. Regret tightened her chest until it was hard to breathe, but there was nothing else she could have done. No matter how much Dominic might have needed a minute to catch his breath and his balance after he’d given in to a longing he’d suppressed for a full decade...Colby hadn’t had a choice. She’d had to protect her secret.

  Right?

  In the clear light of day, with every cell in her body yearning to be as close to Dominic as possible and Dominic staring at her as though he was a dying man and she was the last meal that would save his life, Colby wasn’t so sure. She dropped her eyes, guiltily aware of Manning’s sly attention focused on picking up any clue that his gossip was true. Her heart pummeled her rib cage like a heavyweight champ, every muscle in her body straining with tension.

  Don’t say anything, she begged silently. Just keep your mouth shut. Don’t, don’t, don’t...

  Eva cleared her throat delicately, breaking the short silence. “I don’t suppose I really need an introduction. I expect you all know that I’m the one who will be putting up the money and helping to design the concept for the new restaurant, which one of you will helm. I’m here today to check in on the halfway point of the interview process and get a sense of who my top contenders are.”

  Sickness roiled in Colby’s gut as Dominic sent her a secret half smile and beckoned her forward.

  She was the top contender. It was everything she’d hoped for. Her knees locked, her feet glued to the floor and Colby wished with all her heart that this could all be easy—that she could meet Eva Jansen and hear what Dominic would say about her work, and take her place among the elite chefs cooking in one of the hottest food cities in the world.

  But as Bryce Manning cleared his throat nervously and Dominic’s dark brows drew down in a scowl of confusion because Colby’s feet were fused to the floor, she knew that nothing about this was going to be easy.

  “Actually,” Manning said, chin sticking out stubbornly, “I’ve got something to say about that. Something I think you might be interested to know, Ms. Jansen.”

  “Oh?” Eva faced him, polite inquiry lilting through her tone. “Interesting, I was expecting to hear my new vice president’s opinion on the subject, but if you have something to say, by all means...”

  Vice president. So Dominic had been promoted—and if the look on his face was any indication, this was the first he was hearing about it. Emotion clogged Colby’s airway. She could only pray the promotion would take some of the sting out of what was about to happen.

  “I hate to do this.” Manning clasped his hands piously, shaking his head in a deeply disappointed manner. He was enjoying this moment in the spotlight a little too much. “But this is so scandalous, so wrong—I can’t, in good conscience, keep silent.”

  Eva’s sharp brows lifted. “Gracious. Well, don’t keep us in suspense. It’s been a while since I indulged in a good scandal.”

  This was all Colby’s fault. She couldn’t let this happen to Dom—especially after he’d opened up the night before, sharing his deepest fears and darkest memories. He deserved better than to be outed in front of his boss and his brother. He deserved the truth.

  And Colby? After what she’d pulled here, maybe she deserved what she was about to get, too.

  She took a deep breath and made her choice. “I know what Manning wants to tell you, but since it’s my secret, I’d rather be the one to spill it.”

  All eyes turned to her, but Colby couldn’t look at anyone but Dominic. Regret was a physical presence in her chest, weighing her down, but she couldn’t stop now
.

  “I presented myself for this job under false pretenses,” she said as clearly and steadily as she could in the face of the wide eyes and slack jaws all around her. “I wanted to show that I could get hired for a top-level job if the people doing the hiring didn’t realize I was a woman.”

  Squaring her shoulders, she reached for the hem of her chef coat and pulled the bulky garment off over her head, leaving her standing in front of the whole kitchen in a white tank top that clung to her slim waist and the meager curves of her small—but undeniably there—breasts. In case that wasn’t enough, she jammed her hand down the front of her pants, shutting her eyes against the memory of the last time she did that in front of Dominic, and pulled out a roll of athletic socks.

  And then she waited for all hell to break loose.

  Chapter Ten

  Pandemonium broke out, gasps and chatter and the click of a phone camera rising like white noise in the background of Dominic’s complete and utter shock.

  He stared at Colby St. James as if he’d never seen him—her—before. And in a very real way, he hadn’t. Everything he thought he knew about Colby was a lie.

  Betrayal and anger cracked open his chest as he questioned everything Colby ever said to him, everything they’d done together...

  Reading his mind as easily as she’d done when she was still playing the part of the smart-mouthed boy chef, Colby stared directly into Dom’s eyes and said, “I swear, I never lied to you, except for that one...big lie. But the rest of it was all true. Please believe me.”

  “Chef Fevre, did you know about this?” Eva asked.

  Gut burning with rage, Dominic rasped, “I didn’t have a clue.”

  “Wait a minute,” whined the annoying man who’d started it all. Dominic threw Manning a look that must have been terrifying, if the way his pointed face paled was any indication, but it was Colby’s furious snarl that actually shut him up.

  “Enough, Manning! You got what you wanted. I’m taking myself out of the running.” Colby looked desperate, as if she was ready to physically manhandle the guy out of the kitchen before she let him keep talking. She cast a single, surreptitious glance over her shoulder at Marc, concern clear as the perfect sky blue of her eyes, and Dom felt as though he’d been struck by lightning.

  In a flash, Dominic understood what had happened. Manning had found out about their affair. And rather than let Dominic be outed in front of the brother she knew he wanted to reconcile with, Colby had dodged in and taken the hit for him.

  Part of him wanted to stay mad, to carry his righteous fury like a shield...but as he stared at Colby, Dominic felt the anger melt away.

  She stood there, upright and alone in the midst of the crowd as the cooks who’d followed her lead kept their distance now—and the man whom she’d saved stood by and let her take all the blame. The sheer courage it must be taking to let them all stare at her, dissect her face and body and every interaction over the past few days, to judge and condemn her...

  But no hint of recrimination creased her face. She made no protestations of innocence or extenuating circumstances, beyond insisting to Dominic that what they’d had between them was real.

  And it had been. The most real thing he’d experienced in his life. Nothing he found out today had changed that.

  Dominic’s tongue stuck to the roof of his suddenly dry mouth, but he knew he had to speak. This was his chance. If he took the coward’s way out again, he might never find it in himself to reach for anything more.

  “I didn’t know Colby was a woman,” he repeated, the words a husk of pure emotion. “But it didn’t matter. Not in the kitchen, where she showed true leadership and incredible potential.”

  His throat clicked as he swallowed, hyperconscious of his brother at his side, silent attention riveted on Dom’s face.

  “And it didn’t matter to me when I held Colby in my arms, either,” Dominic forced out, the words welling up from deep inside him like an underground spring geysering into the air. “I fell for Colby St. James when I thought he was a man. And my feelings haven’t changed now that I know the truth. Because boy or girl doesn’t matter. Only the heart matters.”

  He’d braced himself for shame, humiliation, embarrassment at opening his most private, most secret self to the view of the world. To the family who had rejected him for it once already. But all Dom felt was relief.

  Relief and hope when he saw the glitter of tears trembling in Colby’s lower lashes—until the tears spilled over as Colby gave a broken sob and ran out of the kitchen.

  * * *

  “I don’t understand why you have to leave right this instant.” Grant planted himself on the futon Colby had been sleeping on and glared up at her, arms crossed.

  “I just have to,” Colby bit out, stuffing her clothes into the single duffel she’d brought on this ridiculous trip. After that scene at Maison, she’d rushed straight to Grant’s apartment and started packing. “There’s nothing for me here. I made damn sure of that.”

  “Bitter is not a good look on you, sweetie.”

  The downstairs intercom buzzed, signaling someone wanting to come upstairs, and Grant hopped off the futon. “To be continued! I ordered matzo ball soup from the corner deli. Best comfort food in the world—it’s basically magic—and you’re not going to find that in Washington, DC”

  “I’m pretty sure there are Jewish delis in DC,” Colby shouted after him, crouching to peer under the futon in search of her battered copy of M. F. K. Fisher.

  Grant appeared in the doorway of the tiny study with a strange look on his face.

  “Where’s this magic soup?” she asked wearily, making an effort to smile. None of this was Grant’s fault, after all. In fact, he’d tried to talk her out of it.

  “Um. It wasn’t the delivery guy.”

  Colby’s lungs cramped with a sudden premonition. “No...”

  Dominic Fevre loomed over Grant’s shoulder, blocking out all the light from the living room with his broad shoulders. Colby stared, hungry just for the sight of him, before it hit her all at once that she was on her knees in front of him—again—and she scrambled to her feet.

  “So. I’ll just run down to the deli and pick up the soup,” Grant said brightly, backing out of the doorway. “Delivery takes too long, anyway. Not that I’ll be fast. In fact, I might run a few other errands while I’m out. Tootles!”

  And with that, he was gone, and Colby was alone, face-to-face with the one man she’d screwed over worse than any other.

  “How did you find me?” she asked through numb lips, then immediately closed her eyes at her own stupidity. “Never mind. Eva knows where Grant lives.”

  “She sends her regards, by the way,” Dominic said, unbearably casual as he leaned against the doorjamb. “She said she likes your...what was the word? Moxie.”

  Disbelief stole Colby’s breath. “This isn’t happening.”

  His jaw twitched. He was either fighting a smile or grinding his back molars. “She wants you to call her. Apparently your point was made and well taken by at least one restaurateur.”

  Colby’s knees wanted to fold and dump her back on the floor but she forced them straight and went back to packing. If her hands shook, that was no one’s business but her own. “That’s great. But there’s a train leaving for Union Station in an hour, and I’m going to be on it.”

  “Why are you running away?”

  He said it calmly, mildly, but the words flicked her on the raw anyway. Colby whirled to confront him. “Why did you say all that stuff about kissing me when I was a boy? I fixed it for you, so Marc would never have to know. You could’ve been safe; you could’ve gotten your family back.”

  Terrible sympathy moved in those warm gray eyes—how could she ever have thought they were icy?

  “Marc and I talked a lot, these la
st few days. I began to think it was a mistake, to let my relationship with our father spill over onto my relationship with my brother. He told me this morning, when I called to invite him to tour the restaurant with Eva, that he’d always understood why I left. And that he didn’t blame me for any part of it. That was enough to make me believe that if I showed my brother who I really am, he wouldn’t reject me. And if he had?” Dom shook his head. “Better to know it now. I would think you, who left home at sixteen to keep from giving up your essential self, would understand that. Unless that story, too, was a lie.”

  The tears she thought she’d conquered seized her voice box, shaking through her breath and fracturing her words. “It wasn’t a lie. I ran away. My parents were very conservative. My dad is the head of the house, no question. I mean, literally—no questions. Ever. You fell in line or you got the strap.”

  The empathy in Dom’s eyes destroyed her. “What about your mother?”

  “My mom was—is—so talented. She won every pie contest at the county fair, since I was a kid. She wanted to start her own bakery.” Colby twisted her hands in her lap. “She would cut out clippings, reviews of local bakeries in our area, pages from baking supply magazines, pictures of ovens, stuff like that. She hid them in a shoebox under her bed. When I found them and asked her why she didn’t just go for it...”

  Colby paused, her breath caught in her throat as she remembered her mother’s painful, quiet resignation. “She told me Dad would never allow it. She wouldn’t even ask him, said it would have seemed like she didn’t think he could take care of her. But it wasn’t just about sparing Dad’s feelings. I looked at her, the way she shoved that box back under the bed, and for the first time I knew she was afraid of him. She was afraid of everything. And I knew if I stayed there, I’d learn to be afraid of everything too.”

  “I’m sorry they hurt you,” Dominic said, his eyes watchful on her face.