Love-in-Idleness

by Christina Bell

  Cam shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not even sure she knows.”

  Grace shook her head. “How can you stand it?”

  Cameron smiled. “It’s not so bad. I do pretty much what I want as long as I stay out of trouble. He doesn’t ask for much. I was surprised that he asked me to take you to Theo’s wedding, but I just figured you were new and he didn’t want you to have to go alone. I didn’t know they were asking you not to take your boyfriend.”

  Grace’s mind raced back to Ryder. She had become so wrapped up in what Cameron was saying that she almost forgot why she had run out of dinner. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird for Dad’s boss to tell me who to date? I’m seventeen. Why does he care what I do? What could I possibly do that would affect Miles?”

  Cameron looked up at her, intensely, as if he was looking through her. “You have the strangest eyes,” he remarked. “In this light, they seem to have no color at all.” He let his gaze linger for another moment before he gave his head the slightest shake, as if he were trying to snap out of a trance. “Look,” he continued. “This is Manhattan. There’s a world of trouble for a teenager with money. You just haven’t discovered it yet. You’ll see when you start St. Helen’s. Those girls aren’t just lighting up in the park. They’re into all kinds of shit. They’ve got piles of money and no parental supervision whatsoever. Miles has seen how they operate and he has good reason to be concerned about a teenager with new money.”

  Grace considered this. She knew that what passed for cool in Brooklyn would not be the same as what she would see at St. Helens. She figured she would just keep her head down and finish the year as quietly as possible. Now that she thought about it, though, Cameron seemed like a decent guy. Maybe he could help her find friends who weren’t total losers or drama queens. He probably knew everyone on the Upper East Side.

  “So,” he asked. “What’s the deal with your boyfriend? Are you going to stay together when you go to college?”

  Grace smiled, picturing Ryder’s warm brown eyes and strong Italian features. His family had moved up to Park Slope from Bensonhurst in the late eighties. Bensonhurst was a big Italian neighborhood in Southern Brooklyn. At that time, there had been some racial tension and violence. Ryder’s parents worried about raising kids in that neighborhood. His father, an aspiring writer who had supported them doing freelance copy editing, took an office job in Manhattan so that they could afford to move to Park Slope, which was considered to be on the safe side of Prospect Park.

  “I don’t think we’ll stay together. We haven’t talked about it,” she lied. “We’ve been kind of preoccupied with me moving to the city.” Grace looked across the street at the row of buildings. Maybe some of the buildings were interesting after all. Each one had slightly different architectural nuances. Hers was definitely the ugliest one. “I see these couples who apply to the same schools, or promise to stay together long distance, and it just seems so, I don’t know, doomed.” She threw herself back onto the hillside dramatically, her arms over her head in the grass. Cameron lay down next to her, propping his head up with one hand, looking at Grace’s eyes again.

  “Will you think about letting me take you to this wedding?” He changed the subject abruptly. “I know you hate Gia and the whole day is going to basically suck for you. You don’t have to marry me, let’s just hang out and try to make the best of it.”

  Grace grinned up at Cameron mischievously. She giggled a little as she said, “Can you keep a secret?”

  “You’d be surprised.” Cam stared down at her so sincerely that she wanted to trust him.

  “I kind of want to ditch the wedding. Of course, I can’t do that to Theo, but…” Before she could finish her sentence, Cam leaned over her and brushed her still moving lips with his. Startled, she stopped talking, and when he touched his tongue lightly to her top lip, she completely melted. She surprised herself by reaching up to grab Cameron by the back of the head and pulling his mouth closer to hers. It didn’t take long for him to respond with the rest of his body, allowing himself to lean into her. She was clearly willing, but Cam kept his hands on either side of her face, which drove her even crazier. Then, Cameron lifted his mouth from hers and raised himself, back onto his elbow.

  “We should go.” He bent down to kiss her one more time and then stood up before he gently pulled her to her feet. “People will be wondering where we are.”

  Grace brushed herself off and smiled, still a little overcome by lust, but grateful that Cameron had stopped things. She didn’t really want to betray Ryder any more than she already had, and was already scripting her confession in her head. But that was later, she told herself. “Walk me home?” She laughed and held out her hand, which he took. Together, they dodged the evening traffic as they jaywalked across the street and back to the apartment.

  Julius was ready to hold the door for them. Grace searched her mind for something pithy to say, something that would make her sound strong and smart, and a little less like a schoolgirl who could be so easily seduced in the park. Tomorrow, she would have to admit all of this to her boyfriend and it would become tainted. Tonight, she felt as though some force outside herself was pulling her hand into his.

  “Okay, I need to go up there alone,” she declared. “I’m going to lose major ground if they see me with you.”

  Cameron became serious. “So what does that mean for me? Are you considering being my wedding date?”

  Grace regretted the position she had put herself in. She looked at Cam and thought about the attraction she felt toward him tonight. Then she thought about Ryder, who deserved better than this. “You know, Cam. I really need to see my boyfriend. I’ve only known you for a few hours. Sane people don’t change their whole lives for someone they just met.”

  Cameron glanced up toward the luxury apartment where they both knew Theo and Gianni were waiting for Grace. His eyes were full of innuendo. “It seems to be working for the rest of your family.” He grinned, and for just a moment, Grace saw a slightly wry expression that reminded her of Miles. She shuddered deeply.

  “Good night, Cam,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.” In a moment of impulse, she stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. He seemed to be a decent guy. The circumstances were just too bizarre for her tastes.

  Just as Grace’s lips touched Cam’s cheek, a high-pitched shriek cut through the air. Grace and Cam turned toward the sound, their faces still almost touching, just in time to see a horizontal blur of white whipping past Cam’s temple, a metallic glint catching Grace’s eye as she realized what it was. It hit the building with a crash and fell to the pavement. They both looked down to see a shattered phone, the screen cracked and the white case lying on the ground next to it. When Grace lifted her eyes from the mess to the point of the projectile’s origin, she saw nearly six feet of sleek, blond-haired, couture-wearing fury. She wore tall white boots with deadly heels and a matching short leather trench. Judging by the rage on the girl’s face, Grace assumed that she knew Cameron.

  “Someone you know?” Grace asked Cam. They continued to stare at the blonde girl for a moment before Cam stepped forward.

  “You should go in,” he said, looking back at Grace. It occurred to her that this girl didn’t know that Grace lived in the building and probably thought that Grace was headed up to Cam’s apartment. So far, Grace didn’t even know who this girl was and everything about the situation was bad for her. She hurried past Julius and into the lobby of the building. As she moved away, she could hear Cam address the blonde girl. “Chloe, calm down,” he said quietly. Grace didn’t hear the rest of it, but when she was safely ensconced in the lobby of the building, she peeked out from behind the curtained window.

  Chloe was enraged, gesticulating wildly to punctuate her rant. Her thin arms flew dangerously close to Cam’s face until he managed to get hold of them and brace them to her sides. Chloe was so skinny that it looked as though Cam could have circled his hands around her arms and her waist at the same tim
e. Once she was restrained and began to catch her breath, Grace could see just how beautiful this girl was. She had a long face with a thin, perfectly straight nose and enormous blue eyes, which were red-rimmed and full of tears. Cam looked directly into those beautiful eyes and talked for what seemed like an eternity. Gradually, Chloe’s face relaxed a bit. Cam moved his arms from her waist into what was meant to be a kind embrace, but looked more like a consolation or a sad farewell. He looked up, kissed Chloe gently on the forehead, and pulled away.

  Sensing that he was heading into the building, Grace ducked behind a velvet couch. In her haste, she fell a bit too hard on her wrist and gave a little yelp of pain. Huddled in her hiding spot, she only then realized that Julius, who had retreated indoors in all the excitement, was watching her spy. The front door opened and Julius yelled in a comically loud voice, “Good night, Mr. Oberon.” The sound of quick footsteps was followed by the opening and closing of the penthouse elevator.

  “You can come out, now, Gracie,” Julius yelled. He insisted on calling her Gracie. He said his niece’s name was Gracie and it made work feel a little more like home to say it. Grace could appreciate the sentiment.

  She tried to look casual as she stood up. She straightened her clothes and pulled wisps of hair out of her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night. “Who the hell was that girl, Julius?"

  “Who?” Julius asked, pointing out through the window and to the street. “That? That’s Chloe, Cameron’s girl, or at least she was.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t begin to tell you what’s happening now.”

  Chloe was still standing out on the street, looking up toward the penthouse, one hand on her hip and the other pressed to her head as if she was pained by her confusion. She was exquisite, but her eyes were miserable.

  Without thinking twice, Grace pushed through the front doors on the building and back out to the street. As she approached Chloe, she could see those fabulous eyes begin to squint with anger.

  “Who the hell are you?” Chloe demanded. “Where did you come from?” Chloe’s arms were starting to wind up for some major gesticulating. “You weren’t a problem yesterday and now I’m being dumped for you?” Chloe looked Grace up and down from her messy hair that probably had leaves in it to the worn Timberland sneaks she had worn to dinner as a gesture of hostility. “For you…” Chloe shook her head as if to jostle the pieces of this puzzle into place. It was clear that girls like Chloe did not get dumped for girls like Grace.

  “Look, I don’t know what Cam said,” Grace explained, “but we just met tonight. Our dads work together. I just moved into the building. There’s no way Cam is dumping anyone for me.”

  Chloe continued to stare down at Grace as if she were a bug. “Clearly,” she muttered. She reached over, and between the shiny red fingernails of her thumb and forefinger, pinched Grace’s blouse and led her toward their reflections in the building’s windows.

  “It’s Furstenburg, you won’t catch anything,” Grace joked. She had never so thoroughly repulsed another human and was finding the experience to be more amusing than embarrassing.

  “Hmph,” Chloe murmured in acknowledgement, but nonetheless wiped her hands on each other quickly when she let go, as if she were wiping the feel of inferior fabric off her hand.

  The girls stood for a moment, studying their reflections. Grace had been right about the leaves in her hair and reached up to extract a couple. Chloe twirled her diamond stud earring between the same thumb and finger she had used to touch Grace’s shirt.

  “I don’t understand this,” Chloe mused. “I’m clearly fabulous, but he told me all about how beautiful you are. Are you a witch? Did you cast some spell on him?”

  Grace was stunned. “Chloe, despite some personality limitations, you are the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen.”

  “Yet, he seems to prefer you.”

  “I didn’t ask for that.”

  “Maybe, maybe not,” Chloe began to walk a narrow circle around Grace. She seemed to be studying every nuance of the newcomer’s appearance “You say you don’t care, yet here you are. Why didn’t you just go inside when Cam told you to?” Chloe stopped in front of Grace and looked directly into her face.

  “I was curious. It’s been a weird day.”

  “Yes, everyone is curious about us. You don’t even exist in the same world as Cam and me. Maybe you thought Cam would be your guide? Maybe you were thinking he could protect you from those of us who will decide your fate in this neighborhood.”

  “Not at all,” Grace lied. She had, indeed, thought that less than ten minutes ago, almost in those exact words. Grace had already predicted that it would be the Chloes of the world who would decide exactly how miserable the next year of her life would be. School hadn’t even started and she was already on Chloe’s radar.

  Chloe continued as if Grace hadn’t spoken. “Whatever he shows you, however he helps you, you’ll never belong here. He’ll get tired of you and he’ll come back to me because we understand this life. We were born into it.”

  Grace made an effort to pull herself up to her full height. Even on her tiptoes, she was a full head shorter than Chloe. “First of all, you are welcome to Cam and this whole bizarre, cloistered world. I just spent dinner being told that I need to forget about my boyfriend, and now I have you telling me I don’t belong here.” She could feel her face flushing as she grew angry. “Listen, I was fine where I was. I didn’t want to move here. Whatever deranged idea you have that I want to be part of this, that I’m hoping to fit in, is so far off base, I can’t even explain it in a way that’s simple enough for you to understand. My life was perfect and now I suddenly have strangers telling me what I want and what to do. All I want is what I had.” She realized that she hadn’t even stopped for a breath. Her rage had taken over, and when she took a moment to reflect, standing there on the street with a girl who despised her for no reason, all she could think was that this wasn’t healthy. “I’m going to Brooklyn. My boyfriend’s parents will let me stay until I figure this out.”

  “How fitting,” Chloe smirked. “You have a boyfriend in Brooklyn. Good. Go to him. That sounds like a better choice than stealing my boyfriend.”

  Grace exhaled and shook her head slowly, wishing someone besides her could hear this conversation. No one would ever believe her if she tried to describe the absolute self-absorption of this girl. Even with money and beauty, Chloe seemed surprisingly unhappy, as if her entire world revolved around envy and bitterness. “Okay, then,” was all she could muster. “It was very interesting meeting you. Enjoy your privileged life. I am going back to people who make sense, before I become as oddly delusional as you are.”

  She turned and walked past Julius, who held the door wide for her with one hand and tipped his funny hat a little with the other. She gave him only a faint smile of gratitude, longing for the seclusion of the elevator. Even a minute alone would be enough to try to calm down before she got upstairs. She pushed the elevator button and watched the lighted numbers above the doors indicate the lift’s approach until the doors finally parted.

  Alone in the gilded, wood-paneled elevator, she leaned against the wall and raked her hair off her face with her hands and let them linger on her head. Why was it that strangers seemed to feel personally invested in her choices today? A few weeks ago, she could have jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge and about three people in the world would have noticed. Now she was in the center of a world she hated. If only Chloe was right. If only they would tire of her and leave her alone.

  Theo was still awake when she walked into the apartment. The apartment showed no signs that there had been a formal dinner.

  “Are you all right?” Theo asked, looking at her with concern that reminded her of the days before Gianni. There were several years between the death of her mother and the appearance of her soon-to-be stepmother when it was just the two of them. They had developed a quiet rhythm, a complete understanding of how the other operated. In those days, despite t
he fact that Grace was only twelve when her mother died, Theo had given her the trust one might give a much older child. Due to Theo’s long work hours, she came and went without being questioned, but never abused the privilege. It was up to her to get to school and do her homework. When she got a little older, she wrote checks from Theo’s account for the bills and made their meals on weeknights. They were a team. When Grace turned fifteen and started dating Ryder, she wasn’t around as much. Theo tried not to show how much he missed her, but she could see it in his eyes when she came home late, not having seen him all day. He looked distraught, lonely, and fatigued, much like he did this night, greeting Grace as she came in late. That was about the time he found Gianni. Was it possible that Grace had traded her father for her boyfriend? If Grace hadn’t stopped being around so much, would Theo have ended up with Gianni? It was entirely possible that Theo fell for her out of loneliness.

  “I’m fine, Theo,” Grace lied for the second time in one night. “I’m just a little overwhelmed.”

  “I know, Grace. I also know that you’ve been making your own rules ever since your mother died. You’ve handled more responsibility than a lot of girls your age and you’ve made good choices,” he said. “It can’t be easy to have someone suddenly telling you what to do.”

  “It would be easier if you were the one trying to give me advice. Theo, you haven’t told me what to do in years, but you’re willing to let your new boss plan my life?”

  Theo walked toward the bar and poured himself a glass of water. “He’s done a lot for us, and he knows the subtleties of making this change successful.”

  “Why do you need all of this, Theo?”

  “You’re leaving, Grace. You’re going to college and then grad school, and I’m going to pay for it with all of this. You won’t have to take out loans or work during the summer. You can travel during your vacations, see more than I’ve been able to show you, working out of my little Brooklyn office.”