Finding Home

by Kelley, Aine

  “Oh, fuck that! No more talk of Bob. You’re not going to need him tonight.” Throwing her onto the bed, it’s hard not to notice the look of satisfaction she wears on her face. She just won this round. Score one for Sam. Damn, I’m going to have to drive like mad to get to practice on time. But it’s so worth it.

  “What’s got you all smiles? And please don’t tell me it has to do with my brother. Because ew!” I hadn’t even realized Jenny had come into the bottling room. My head is not in the game today. It keeps drifting off to my time with Ben yesterday afternoon. We made quick work of getting right down to it, but he made sure to make me come twice before he left. I only felt a little bad that he was running late. He called me later that night to tell me that he barely made it on time, but it was worth it.

  “Hey, Jenny. Sorry. Didn’t hear you, and yes, I am thinking about your brother.” I hand her the order sheets and labels so we can get ready to package them out. “Here are the invoices and packing slips. I’ve organized them by rush orders and promised delivery dates.”

  “Wow. Well, look at you go, Little Miss Organized.”

  “I don’t know about that. Just trying to stay busy. Working keeps me from missing Ben.” I head over to the desk in search of more labels.

  “You and Ben. I love it. I knew you would be a good match. You both deserve to be happy.” She comes over to me and pulls me into a hug. “I have to admit I’m a bit jealous though. I’d like to find someone that could have me daydreaming with a smile on my face.” Jenny’s face falls slightly, and I can see some of the hurt she carries inside. She never talks about it, but I know someone has burned her bad, someone she’s never gotten over.

  “Hey, come on now.” I bump her hip with mine. “It’s a good thing we’re going to a rugby game. There will be plenty of hot and sexy men who would love to help you daydream!”

  “Oh yeah, you’re right. Are you excited to go?”

  “Yes. It will be a lot of fun. Plus, Ben said he would take me to Ghirardelli’s for one of their ice cream sundaes! It’s sweet how he remembers little things that I like.”

  “Nice. But seriously though, have you guys talked things out?” Jenny’s keen sense of reading me can really be a pain in the ass sometimes.

  “Kind of. After the ball we … well … you know, took it to the next level. The next morning we sat in bed and tried to figure things out.”

  Jenny pulls out the bar stool and motions for me to sit. “So, what did you decide?”

  My stomach starts to do some mini flip-flops recalling our conversation. The way she’s staring at me tells me to cut the shit and start spilling. “We decided to give it a shot. If either one of us gets freaked out or scared, we agreed to talk about it and not run away” What I don’t tell her is that we both had so much fucked up shit happen to us that we only hope it hasn’t totally screwed us up, ruining any chance at a normal relationship.

  The truth of the matter is that I really don’t know what’s going to happen between us. It’s obvious we care for one another and feel a connection. I wonder if it’s enough. Can that sustain us through the many curveballs life throws? The best we can hope for is the strength to try. We both want that. Let’s just hope that our words match up with our actions.

  Two more days have passed, and my need to see Ben increases by the minute. Sure, there’s definitely the physical need, but the emotional need is there, too. Talking to him on the phone brings back memories of the conversations we used to have. However, the undercurrent of sexual tension adds a whole new layer. We talk about anything and everything. I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt so comfortable.

  He tells me he misses me and thinks about me at the strangest times of day. My walls have crumbled, and I’m nothing more than a pile of pebbles. My no-heartbreak rule I’ve mentally written is being erased. The reality is that I’ve fallen in love with Ben. I don’t know how he feels or if he even wants to love again. We have both been broken, and piece-by-piece we’re rebuilding each other.

  It’s early Friday morning when the familiar ring of my cell phone wakes me up. The loudness causes me to practically jump out of bed. I reach for it and glance at the caller ID. I recognize that it’s a Boston number, but no more than that. My hoarse voice attempts a hello, but there’s no way to disguise my sleepiness.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello. Um … yes … am I speaking with Ms. Samantha Cole?” My heart beats a mile a minute at the realization of whom I’m speaking with. In that moment, my past and present collide with my future. The only thing I can think of is Ben. We just cleared one hurdle, and here we go with another one. Are we both ready and willing to jump?

  The weather is perfect for a late summer rugby game. Jenny and I drive straight to the park. The whole ride turned into one long discussion about Jenny’s love life … or lack thereof. It’s always been a bit of a mystery to me. She’s dated several guys but never wanted anything serious, because they weren’t ‘the one,’ and she didn’t feel what her books described. She’s convinced there is someone out there she’s meant to be with, and it will happen ‘when it happens.’

  I did my best not to cast judgment and be the listener she needed. Every once in awhile, I would glance over at her and a grimace would briefly appear on her face. When I asked her if she was okay, she simply shrugged her shoulders and told me she was fine. As her best friend, I knew she wasn’t, but she clearly wasn’t ready to tell me. As we got closer to our destination, her body language changed, and I could feel the tension radiating off her.

  “Jenny. What’s going on? You did want to come to the game with me, right?”

  “Of course I did. I love seeing my brother play. And besides, the guys are friggin’ hot. Excellent eye candy.” She turns and blows a kiss at me as her tension dissipates. I know there’s more going on, but figuring out what it is will have to wait.

  “Well, I will get to the bottom of this. You’re being warned. We will talk … and soon.” Jenny only sighs and maintains focus on the road.

  The match is perfect. Ben waves and smiles at me while he warms up. He looks good enough to eat. Knowing what is underneath his uniform is enough to send jolts to my core. In rugby there are no helmets, pads, or cups. It’s straight on smashing and hitting—fighting for the ball and taking it down the field.

  As the game progresses, I’m in awe of the beating that they all take. Watching Ben play turns me on to the point that I need to cross my legs to gain some relief. When the ball is tossed to him, and he runs toward the try zone, I swear I might spontaneously combust. I quickly pull my hair up into a ponytail to let the breeze cool me off. Just when I think I’m getting my body under control, he fucking slides into the try zone, sending mud everywhere. When he stands up his smile lights up my insides.

  I look him over and drink him up as his stare penetrates me. His hair is messy and wet with sweat, and his face is smeared with mud. His shirt is drenched and hugs his sculpted body to perfection. His once clean white shorts—tight in all the right places—are now dirty. My mind instantly goes to where it did weeks ago, to me on my knees, taking him deep. Yep, Holy Mother of fucking God, I just had a mini orgasm.

  As the players exit the field, Jenny and I make are way to the clubhouse for the drink up. It’s a good thing the game is over because I’m in serious need of a beer to cool off.

  Jenny takes off into the clubhouse to save us a table and order some food. I decide to sit and wait for Ben to finish up his player meeting. My mind rewinds to my fantasy with him, and I wonder if I can make that happen.

  Seeing him play is a definite weakness for me. Looking off to the left, I spy a door off to the side. Making my way over to investigate, I turn the knob and it opens easily. Bingo!

  The meeting seems to take awhile. The coach is yelling at them about some blown play. Finally, the guys are sent in to hit the showers, and Ben walks over to me with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen. He stops right in front of me and doesn’t move to hug me. I
t kills me because my arms have been aching to touch him. He speaks first. “Hey babe. God, I missed you.”

  “Hi. I missed you, too.”

  “I really want to scoop you up right now, but I’m covered in mud.” He winks, as he famously does, and all is right in the world. “I’m so fucking happy right now! We won a huge game, I scored a try, and, best of all, you’re here.” He reaches behind my head and pulls on my ponytail.

  “I’m glad you’re so happy. You played a brilliant game. Oh, and I don’t mind.”

  “You don’t mind what?”

  I reach my hand out to cup his face. “You scooping me up—mud and all. ‘Cause honestly, I need your arms around me.”

  Ben smiles and doesn’t hesitate. He immediately reaches his arms around me and lifts me up off the ground. He nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck, whispering, “You’re amazing. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  He puts me down and kisses me on the lips. It’s a chaste kiss that sums up his sweetness. I grab onto his hand while looking around to see if anyone else is nearby. All the players and their families have moved inside, so the coast is clear. I lead him over to the door, reveling in his look of confusion. He squints his eyes and scrunches his forehead before finally asking where we’re going.

  “Here.” I open the door to the private space.

  “Ah, but that’s not the way to go. I think that’s an electrical room.” I pull him into the darkened space. The only light comes from a small window across the room. I close and lock the door behind me. “Sam, what are you doing?”

  “I really missed you, Ben. Watching you play today is too much. I want you.”

  “You want me? Right here?” I move against the door, my hands holding him in place.

  “Right here, right now. Remember the first time I saw you play?” Ben nods his head. “You asked what was on my mind, and I told you nothing. Well, let me show you what I was thinking about.” I reach down and pull on his shorts. I can hear his breath hitch as I kneel on the floor in front of him. His growing length beckons my mouth to play with it, and I’m not one to ignore such play. I grab hold at the base and work my hand up. “I want you to watch me licking and sucking you.”

  “Oh God, Sam. Shit. Are you sure, babe?”

  “It’s time for my taste.”

  ‘It’s time for my taste.’ That all she says before she licks her lips. I keep my eyes locked on hers as her tongue slips out and teases my tip. It traces around it in a slow, sinful waltz. My knees feel weak as she grips me while her mouth begins its slow descent down my cock. She takes her time lowering her lips; the tip of her tongue accompanies them in a perfect union.

  My eyes close as I roll my head back, enjoying the sensations her mouth brings to me. Suddenly she stops sucking and her lips and tongue graze my tip. My head whips forward to find her eyes on mine. “Watch me, Ben. I want you to see me devouring you. Swallowing you.”

  My hand reaches out and grabs her hair to guide her back to me. “I want to watch you. It feels too damn good. Please, don’t stop.” My hand stays in place as her mouth consumes me again. Her once slow movements now increase in speed. Each time she slides back up, her tongue rolls around and plays with my tip. Her other hand moves to my balls, and she squeezes them gently, but firmly. As difficult as it is to keep my eyes open, I do it for her. I stumble slightly and use my other hand to balance myself.

  “Fuck, Sam. What you can do with your mouth. I’m not going to last much longer.” She looks up and smiles. She moans again, and the damn vibrations ignite the ripples that shoot off and urge me to let go. My hand has a mind of its own as it guides her to my impending release. “Sam, you better stop … ah … oh yeah … umm … I’m going to come.” I can barely get the words out. I resort to pulling on the fistful of hair in my hands to remove her. She only shakes her head and resumes her tongue assault. My release overpowers me as I watch her take me deep and swallow every last drop. “Babe. Holy shit. I … ah … yeah … Sam.”

  I listen to her laugh as she stands up. “You okay there? I take it you liked that?

  I shake my head to give her my answer. Words can’t describe how much I liked it.

  “Well, I’m glad you liked getting it as much as I liked giving it.” She smiles sweetly, and it’s a direct contradiction to her inner vixen.

  I can’t believe I’ve found this amazing girl, and she’s become everything to me in a matter of weeks. My lips find hers in the pale light and they greet her lovingly. We stay there, kissing, for several minutes before she pulls away. “Ben, as much as I’m enjoying this, we should probably get to the party.”

  “I know. I just need to make sure my legs work. You rendered them useless. Your mouth is a gift.” I chuckle as she helps me pull my shorts back up.

  “A gift that’s only for you.” God, she can cut me open with one sentence. I kiss her again and contemplate throwing her over my shoulder and taking her back to my place. My sister yelling out our names snaps me back to reality as we try to sneak out of the door unnoticed.

  The drink up is turning rowdy as we all have several beers in us. I’m standing at the table with Sam, Jenny, and Jack. We laugh about the game and the fact that Jack’s shorts got ripped in two, and everyone saw his bare ass as he walked off the field. Jack takes a sip of his beer, adjusting himself. “Well, at least I got a nice ass, and the ladies don’t seem to mind seeing what I have to offer.”

  Just as I’m about to give shit back to him, one of our rugby groupies grabs Jack from behind. “You got that right, Jack.” She strokes her hands up and down his chest a few times before he breaks free. I can’t tell if he welcomes the advances or wants her to back the hell off.

  “Hey, Lisa. Haven’t seen you for awhile?” Jack takes a step back, obviously trying to get some distance.

  Lisa proceeds to fill the space again. “Do you want to hang out later?” She glances around the table, pausing to scowl at the girls. “Or are you busy?”

  Jack looks back, and his eyes seem to go right to Jenny’s. “No, I’m cool. I’m keeping it low key tonight.”

  Shrugging her shoulders, she turns to leave. “Whatever. Call me later if you change your mind.”

  Jack only gives her a nod before once again facing the table. The tension in the air is thick, and he won’t make eye contact with us. The noise of Jenny’s hand across Jack’s shoulder breaks us out of the soupiness. “Bean! What the hell? What’s that for?”

  Jenny’s enjoyment turns to anger and disgust. “You’re gross, Jack. Trust me when I tell you that no one, and I mean no one, wants to see that.”

  “Oh?” He wraps his arm around my sister and her body locks. “Come on, Bean. Women can’t resist me.”

  The whole scene playing out before me is suddenly turning weird. Sam must sense it, too, because she shifts her body closer to Jenny.

  Jenny nudges herself away and looks hurt. Almost like what Jack says bothers her personally. “Whatever, Jack. I’m done for the night. I’m driving home.”

  Sam reaches for her. “Hey. Are you okay? Don’t let that ruin our time.”

  “I’m fine. I’m not feeling great, and I’m super tired. It’s best that I go home. You staying with Benny?” She gives me a slight smile, but her abrupt change in behavior bothers me.

  “Yeah, if that’s cool with you. Are you okay with me staying?”

  “Of course I want you to stay. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Her eyes appear a bit brighter as she pulls Sam into a hug.

  “Okay. I’ll see you then. Text me later.”

  “Sure, now go have some good, clean fun with my brother here.”

  I pull her into a hug, chuckling at her statement. “Oh, there will be nothing clean about tonight.”

  “Ew, gross! You guys are too much. I’m outta here.”

  Jack gets up and offers Jenny a hug, which she reluctantly returns. “Hey, let me walk you out. I’m going to head home, too.”

  “Not going to hang with Lisa?” The tone of her v
oice is icy.

  “Nope. Not tonight. I’m beat. So please let me walk you out.” She only nods as he leads her away from the table and out the door.

  Sam’s worried look concerns me. “What’s up, babe?”

  “Hmm, she’s acting strange. Something is up with her, and she won’t tell me. I hope she’s okay.”

  “I know what you mean. We’ll call her later to check in.” I slide my body closer to her now that we’re alone. She snuggles into me, burying her lips tenderly into my neck. “Mmm, that feels so good, baby.”

  Her eyes go dark, and a wicked look comes over her. “As good as my mouth on your dick?” She clamps her teeth down on my neck before sucking it.

  “Shit, babe, don’t talk like that. I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”

  Sam shifts her body so she’s standing slightly in front of me. Her hand reaches out and cups me over my shorts. “Yes, you are. What should we do about that?” Her gentle touch has me leaning one arm on the table for support.

  “Ah, we have to go. Like right fucking now.” She jumps slightly at my aggressive tone, but she’s not playing fair. Grabbing her hand, I yank her to the front door and out to my car. There are no words spoken between us, and she has no idea what she’s done to me or what she’s in for when we get to my place.

  Ben hasn’t said a word to me the entire ride back to his place. His body looks strained in his seat, and his hand clutches the wheel tightly. Every once in awhile, his jaw clenches as a pained look moves across his face. The only way I know he’s not pissed is that he hasn’t let go of my hand. His thumb strokes tiny circles over it, causing goose bumps. My nerves flare up as anticipation runs through me. He has no idea what he does to me.

  As we drive, my inner conscience is screaming to tell him about the phone call, but I don’t have the guts to do it. I’m being totally selfish. His behavior is so intense, and I crave him. I tell myself we’ll have time to talk later. Yeah right, you’re a total wimp.