Toxic

by Eve Langlais

  Toxic

  Eve Langlais

  Either you’re with me, or you’ll feed me.

  Humans are for eating and I am not one to play with my food, so I’m baffled as to why one geeky mortal doctor makes me wish our kind could be together without my brand of love being toxic. As if suffering from human emotions isn’t problem enough, our world is about to engage in a war where our chances of survival are slim at best. And no one wants to listen.

  But, I didn’t become the general of the vampire Queen’s army by being diplomatic. Everyone will fight in the upcoming battle, or they’ll feed my troops and I. Either way, all things living will do their part.

  I am after all the Blood Countess, toxic lover to humans, vicious bitch to my enemies, and my word is law.

  Eve Langlais

  Toxic

  Blood Countess series 1, 2011

  Blurb

  Humans are for eating and I am not one to play with my food, so I’m baffled as to why one geeky mortal doctor makes me wish our kind could be together without my brand of love being toxic. As if suffering from human emotions isn’t problem enough, our world is about to engage in a war where our chances of survival are slim at best. And no one wants to listen.

  But, I didn’t become the general of the vampire Queen’s army by being diplomatic. Everyone will fight in the upcoming battle, or they’ll feed my troops and me. Either way, all things living will do their part.

  I am, after all, the Blood Countess: toxic lover to humans, vicious bitch to my enemies, and my word is law.

  Chapter One

  I tapped the microphone and winced at the screeching feedback. I still couldn’t believe I’d ended up roped into doing a press conference-I would have preferred a visit to a sadistic dentist. But my wish for physical pain went unheeded and the moment of truth, so to speak, had arrived.

  “Um, hi there, thanks for coming.” Nervousness, an unfamiliar feeling, made me fidget in front of the sea of reporters watching with disinterested faces. At least they showed up. I hadn’t been sure they would when I’d had my minions contact the various media outlets. Of course, my forthcoming announcement was momentous even if they didn’t realize it yet. With my next words, I would change the world as they knew it. And probably create a decent amount of panic-an entertaining perk to the whole affair.

  I inhaled deep and said in a rush. “I’m a vampire.” My declaration made, I stood back and waited for their reaction-and even yummier, their fear. I’d actually prepared a speech, a long flowery thing with historic references to precede my coming out announcement. However, faced with humans who spent more time looking at their BlackBerries than me, I changed my mind. Besides, I preferred getting straight to the point.

  My admission definitely caused a reaction in the crowd. They tittered and shuffled in their seats, turning to grin and whisper at each other. I returned their mirth with a glacial stare. How dare they laugh at me!

  One smirking fellow called out, “Gee, I’m so scared. Please don’t eat me.” He laughed at his own weak joke. I didn’t. And the man-courting a death measured in heartbeats-decided to further his comedic career. “So, did you get your teeth filed at the same dentist as that other vampire charlatan?” Guffaws and high fives met his mediocre humor. I still wasn’t amused.

  I knew of the fake vampire he spoke of. He and the other charlatans of my kind would be dealt with. “I assure you that everything about me is real.” And the real me truly wanted rip his head off. The fact I couldn’t pissed me off, especially when I heard the jokes they bandied about with raucous laughter.

  I had a joke for them. What do you call a human who mocks a vampire? Dinner.

  My nails elongated and dug into the wood of the podium creating deep gouges. My eyes bled black, I couldn’t stop them as my ire grew, feeding my dark side. A few of the reporters squirmed under my gaze and went silent, but others met my eyes and instead of the flinching I’d grown accustomed to, roared louder.

  My face tightened and I pursed my lips. Don’t get mad. Don’t get mad. They’re just stupid sheep. But for someone as old and powerful as I, disrespect wasn’t something tolerated, from anyone.

  “I don’t usually give warnings but in this case, given what I’m trying to accomplish, I will. Cease this laughter before I make you all-” I paused seeking something suitably nasty without being harmful-I was well aware of the cameras trained on me, just waiting for a misstep they could broadcast to millions. “Um, if you don’t listen, I’ll make you cluck like chickens.”

  Wrong answer. Waves of fresh laughter erupted. I fumed as my plan for my grand come out was buried in a sea of mirth and disbelief. Courtesy be damned. Time to make them believe.

  Standing up, I felt my power, cultivated over centuries and made greater by an obscene amount of kills, race through my body. I drew upon it with my will, my indomitable will, and then used it.

  “Quiet,” I boomed, my voice echoing out like a sound wave and stunning them into abrupt silence. Wide eyes stared at me, they had no other choice. I’d frozen them in place with the esoteric force I wielded. I levitated up and over the podium because the time, it seemed, had arrived for a more up close and personal chat. I sank gracefully down to the ground directly in front of the first row of humans. I flicked at a piece of lint that dared mar the sleek black leather I wore. Cliché, but I enjoyed the suppleness and look of skin-tight leather. And the blood came off it nicely, too, for the times my dinner fought me.

  I beamed widely at the reporters, my fangs-all natural of course-flashing as I let them drop from my gums. “Now, as I was saying, I am a vampire, and not just any vampire. I am the Queen’s general, her most loyal servant and spokesperson.” And next in line for the throne if someone actually manages to get past her safeguards and kill her. Not that I wished her dead. On the contrary, I preferred my current queen keep the headaches and annoyance that came with being ruler. That, and I couldn’t stand the sycophants that surrounded people in power.

  I released my will and like puppets with their strings cut loose, several of the crowd slumped. One reporter, his eyes wild with fear-my favorite look after adoration-stumbled from his chair and raced out of the room. The rest of the reporters, though, gathered their resolve and leaned forward raptly, the scent of a story, the story, overriding fear and common sense. Stupid humans.

  Questions suddenly ambushed me from all sides. I frowned at them, my expression much like the one a parent bestows upon unruly children and they immediately silenced. One reporter, a petite female, raised her hand timidly.

  I inclined my head with a cool smile. “Go ahead.”

  “Who are you?”

  “I was known during my human life as Countess Elizabeth Báthory. But, isn’t the better question, why am I here announcing my existence and that of my brethren?”

  The humans leaned forward.

  “We are tired of hiding our nature. The introduction of blood banks and willing donors has made it unnecessary for us to conceal ourselves anymore.” What a crock of crap. The real truth I hid, for I didn’t think the humans were ready to hear of the coming war that would see their numbers decimated if my kind did not step in to help. Even as it galled me, I’d come to the realization-with the forceful prodding of my queen-that we didn’t have a choice but to team up with the humans to save them. We were talking, after all, about our food source here. If they died, I’d go hungry. A hungry vampire translated into a grumpy vampire, which, as any idiot could figure out, was not a good idea.

  The same brave woman who’d asked my name fluttered her hand again and I nodded at her to speak. “But aren’t you afraid that people will panic at the news of your existence and hunt your kind?”

  I smiled, not a very nice smile judging by the blanching faces and the way they leaned back from
me. I even heard a whimper-how sweet. “Might I suggest that any attempts to cull my kind will be considered an act of war. And trust me,” I said angling forward and lowering my voice. “You do not want us as your enemies.” The smell of fear radiating from them assured me they understood.

  An older gent at the back lifted a hand. “Are you the countess that history claims bathed in the blood of virgins?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Oh, bloody hell. First of all, it wasn’t exactly my fault. The vampire who turned me was accidentally killed, and with no one to guide me and my newly found hungers, yes I went a little wild. But that was hundreds of years ago and I’ve learned to control myself since.” And the reports that I’d killed over six hundred virgins, wrong. In those early days I was ravenous, and my body count went well into the thousands. Not that I’d admit that to the mortals. The fact we relegated them the same status as cows wasn’t something they needed to know.

  “Do you still kill people?” the same reporter queried with a tremor.

  “Of course not.” I lied. “In this day and age, blood is easily acquired via willing blood donors or purchased from blood banks.” The young ones with no control were forced to use the chilled blood-warmed in the microwave, ick. The older ones, like myself, fed off the vermin in the world, usually to the death. The inhalation of their last drop of blood imbued with their life force was a potent cocktail if you could handle the screams in your head as their essence fought joining a vampire’s psyche. But in the end, my will always won, and like the Borg on Star Trek, I assimilated them all. And my power grew.

  “How many vampires are there?”

  I inwardly smiled at the expected question. “Many, and we live among you without notice.”

  I could tell several in the crowd weren’t crazy about this knowledge. They’d dislike even more knowing the number of people from the ranks of our loyal servants we had close to the President. We even had a member of congress who was a vampire. We’d given that well placed political ally the gift of daywalking; achieved through the collaboration of several witches and great sacrifice. Personally, I preferred to stalk the night.

  More comfortable now that the reporters realized I wasn’t going to eat them-even if I was tempted-the questions started piling up on top of each other again. I raised my hand for silence and got it. “That is enough for now.” Then in a move meant to awe them, I drew shadows around my body, cloaking my presence. Invisible to their sight, I slipped out amidst their collective gasps of surprise and wonder.

  My limo waited for me on the street under a look-away cloak that caused mortal gazes to slide over its presence-although, in an odd twist, meter maids always seemed to notice and leave tickets. I slipped into the backseat and the car pulled away from the curb. Thank hell that’s over. I pulled out my phone and dialed.

  “Is it done?” the answering dulcet voice asked without greeting.

  “Yes, my queen.” My respectful tone was sincere. I loved my queen because she was the one who’d saved me so long ago from myself and the villagers who would have killed me.

  “Excellent. Follow the plan for the moment, and if there are any changes I will let you know.” The queen dropped her regal tone to say almost in a whisper, “And now the lines have been drawn. Let us hope our daring act is not met with chaos.”

  What she meant was hopefully the humans didn’t freak and start sharpening stakes. If we could somehow end up accepted by the humans for what we were, then perhaps the others who hid in shadows would come forth and join us. Death was coming, and to survive-much as it irritated me to admit-we’d need the help of every race on the planet.

  And if they refuse to join our army, then they’ll feed us as we fight to save the planet from extinction.

  * * * *

  My announcement made the eleven o’clock news, and by morning every broadcast and newspaper had a piece on me. The headlines were predictable.

  Vampires are coming out of the coffin

  Lock up the virgins

  Garlic good for your health and against vampires, too

  One rag magazine had a simple, We told you so!

  At least I looked great in the pictures and videos; although, I did make a note to have my hairdresser lighten my hair a bit.

  In this age of technology, it didn’t take long for my announcement and everything else vampiric to go viral. Vampire movies and books made a rapid resurgence, selling out, while across the internet, vampire blogs and websites popped up all over. Every single fact-and fiction-about my kind cropped up for commentators and the public to dissect and analyze. Heck, even the Twilight actors had something to say-and to those who wondered, I was on team Volturi. Did I mention I liked rooting for the bad guys? Although, I wouldn’t have minded taking a bite from that Jacob fellow.

  Back to my new found popularity, as expected, along with the believers and hordes clamoring to meet us-and donate their blood-came the skeptics. “Camera tricks,” they claimed. Mass hypnosis. Telekinesis powers. The theories against my existence rolled out in staggering amounts, working against what I hoped to accomplish. Personally, I wondered if I grabbed one of those nonbelievers and ate them if I’d convert them? My queen forbade me from trying. Spoilsport.

  The humans, though, and their questioning nature made me wish I’d fought harder for my idea. Worldwide human subjugation. In other words, make them all blood thralls and thus automatically on our side. My queen didn’t like that idea either. Said free will was what made them into a more powerful dinner. She was probably right, but given the conflicting reports revolving around my state of being and that of my brethren, I had to admit the idea of food that didn’t talk back was gaining appeal.

  My initial coming out announcement required some repeat performances and even a few duo shows where I brought along another vamp. After the fourth media circus, I refused to do any more. Going on Larry King-who’d agreed to come out of retirement just to talk to me-and CNN wouldn’t make a difference because some people just would never believe.

  The expected crazies-those not locked in loony bins-showed up both denouncing our existence and calling for our death. A conundrum that once again my queen refused to let me address. We had strict orders to not eat the annoying humans-yet. But the morally indignant and religious fanatics would be the first to go when the war arrived and we needed to bring some snacks along for a quick pick-me-upper.

  When I realized the humans were still a ways off from accepting us as partners in the society we built-they just fooled themselves if they thought they’d created it-I went back to my regular job of keeping an eye on the vampires and the increasing danger to society as a whole.

  As the vampire queen’s general, I oversaw our safety whether from exposure by a careless vamp or a menace from an outside source. Under my strict rules, our society flourished without the power and mind games of the past. It’s funny how a couple of decapitations could encourage the majority to follow my laws.

  However, all my edicts were of no help to the coming menace. The one foretold in the Mayan calendar. The calamity predicted by Nostradamus himself. The precognitive nightmare I’d suffered-my first and only dream since my turning.

  Daemons were invading our world. In single digits so far, but if all the auspices were correct, that was just a prelude to the upcoming main event.

  Hell’s coming to earth, and unless I find a way to stop it, we’re all going to die.

  Chapter Two

  “No fucking way.” I ranted in my office as I read the email from the queen’s secretary.

  My minion and blood servant Annabelle stretched lazily on the couch and queried, “What’s got your panties in a knot?”

  I scowled at her, but she just grinned unrepentantly. Over forty, my age before I’d turned, she looked great-blonde, fit and tanned, the bitch. Her apparent youth and health were especially fascinating considering she’d fed me as one of my sheep for almost twenty years. Soon, I would bestow the gift of the change on her, not necessarily something she’
d survive. If she did live through her death and turned into a fledgling, I would miss her. Young vampires always ended up consumed by blood lust. It would take many years for her to regain her mind, if she found it again at all. I’d miss nibbling on her when that happened; her blood was quite tasty since she followed a strict diet. My version of chocolate. Mmm.

  I pushed aside my hunger as I returned my focus to the email currently pissing me off. “Read this,” I said, sweeping my hand towards the screen.

  Annabelle sat up and leaned forward. She read aloud, “As expected, our coming out has caused quite the furor, but so far no signs of mobbing humans or an increase in stake production. However, the call to understand us is great, thus in the spirit of openness and goodwill, the regency has decided to allow one of its loyal subjects to answer the questions of one highly regarded scientist and doctor. As general, I expect you to put yourself at the discretion of Doctor Raphael Angelus. Be candid and allow him to conduct his tests. We already know what he will find. Oh, and Elizabeth, don’t eat him, please. By order of your queen.”

  Annabelle laughed.

  I glared at her. “It’s not funny.”

  Annabelle tittered louder. “Oh, please, she signed it with a happy face. Like how can you say no?”

  I growled. “I’ve just been ordered to be a guinea pig for some human.” I said the word human with distaste. The queen seemed determined to test my loyalty and this latest harebrained idea was really pushing it. I didn’t submit to the pawings of humans. They submitted to me.

  “Hey, it could be worse,” she said with mischief glinting in her eyes.

  I arched a brow at her. “How could this get any worse?”

  “He could be old and ugly.”

  “I take it he’s not,” I replied dryly.