Ember

by K. T Fisher

  “I knew it!” Lacey bounces up and down in her seat.

  I place a hand on her leg to try and calm her. “Shh!”

  “Why?” Lacey looks confused.

  “Nobody knows,” I confess.

  “Not even Mason?” She asks.

  I shake my head. “Especially not Mason.”

  Lacey’s smile fades. “Why? He’s the father.”

  I feel her stare and my gaze lowers to the floor. My shame is eating at me.

  “Have you taken any tests? How far along are you?” she asks.

  “I haven’t done anything. I just know that I’ve missed two periods, maybe three, but I wasn’t sober enough to take notice.”

  Lacey quickly stands. “Well, let’s go then.”

  “What?” I look up at her.

  Lacey crouches down in front of me and holds my hands. “First we need to get some pregnancy tests, and then we make a doctor’s appointment. We need to know for certain, and then make sure everything is ok.”

  “Why wouldn’t they be?” I start to panic.

  Lacey strokes my hair behind my ears and speaks softly. “Every pregnancy needs monitoring, but just in case you were pregnant while you were drinking, we need to make sure that the baby is ok.”

  Oh god!

  “Why didn’t I think of that?” I panic further.

  Lacey holds me and tries her best to calm me, but it’s no use. I’ve been so preoccupied to make sure I don’t drown in my sorrows again, and to make sure I don’t drink, that I didn’t think! I didn’t even think about the possible damage to my baby. What kind of mother does that make me? I’m failing before I’ve even started.

  “You’ve been preoccupied, honey. Come on.” Lacey holds her hand out and I take it and stand.

  When we re-enter the house, we run into the other girls sitting in the kitchen. They seem surprised to see us.

  “What’s the matter?” Crystal quickly stops from eating her breakfast.

  Lacey looks to me and then back to the girls. “We’re just popping out for a little bit.”

  “Where?” Paige asks.

  Lacey pulls me away, ignoring her question, but I fight against her. “No, they need to know, too. I’m sick of lying.”

  That gets their full attention. “What’s happening?” Ria asks, sounding a little anxious.

  I sit down at the table and motion for them to do the same. They follow, and once they are all seated, I tell them that I am pregnant and about my fears. Not the fears that this baby could be Joe’s, but that my drinking could have harmed my unborn baby. I don’t even worry about the possibility that Mason might not be my baby’s father, but I’m concerned about its health.

  They try to comfort me just like Lacey did, but it doesn’t help. I need proof that my baby is ok.

  We quickly get ready, and Lacey lets Cole know we’re leaving. He seems a little puzzled that we don’t want a driver, but agrees when Lacey whispers sweet nothings into his ear. He slaps her ass and tells her to hurry up and off we go.

  “You’re such a slut, Lace,” Crystal laughs as she starts the car, and we all leave.

  ***

  “Another positive,” Paige reads the fifth pregnancy test, and I smile back.

  “I already knew that. I just want to know it’s ok.” I look down at my stomach as my tears fall onto my lap.

  “Your baby will be fine, babe,” Crystal reassures me.

  “I’ll make you an appointment with the doctor, don’t worry.” Lacey kisses me on the cheek. “Everything will be alright.”

  “When are you going to tell Mason?” Ria smiles wide and everyone looks to me.

  “I’m not,” I admit.

  “What are you talking about?” Lacey asks. “You have to! It’s his baby, too.”

  “But that’s the thing,” I cry. “I don’t know if he is.”

  “Roxie, what are you saying?” Paige asks, and I know, from the sound of her voice, that she’s afraid of what I will say.

  I look them all in the eye. “This baby will either be Mason’s, who I know will be a great father to my baby and I’m really wishing it is, but I’m scared that this baby could be the result from Joe raping me.” I start to cry again. “As much as I love this baby already, this whole situation is a disaster! No matter what happens, Mason will never give me another chance whether the baby is his or not.”

  It’s just one thing after another with my life.

  “Oh, shit.” Crystal kneels next to me. “Honey, why have you kept this to yourself?”

  “Because I’m ashamed,” I admit and trying badly to avoid eye contact.

  “Let me just make one thing clear: You have nothing to be ashamed of.” Crystal looks up at me, her bright green eyes boring into my brown ones. “Nothing.”

  “Are you keeping the baby?” Paige asks.

  I nod my head. “It doesn’t matter who the father is; even if Joe’s the father, this baby is half of me, and I love it already.”

  “Damn right,” Ria smiles.

  “We love your baby, too,” Lacey says and hugs me.

  The huge weight that was pulling me down lifts and I feel so much better now. I’m so glad the girls know everything because I don’t feel so alone anymore. All I have to worry about now is Mason.

  Chapter Twelve

  Mason

  I’m an idiot.

  I’m a dick.

  I’m a stupid fucking fool!

  I’m sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself. I have been for most of the day, ignoring every phone call and knock on the door. Me and Roxie are over, so why do I feel so guilty for sleeping with Natasha? I shouldn’t have done that in the first place, but I still wish Roxie hadn’t seen that. Everyone, especially me, knows how badly she shouldn’t have seen me with Natasha. But here we are.

  Everything’s in a fucking mess and I don’t know where to go from here. As much as I still love Roxie, I don’t think I could go there again. I fell fucking hard for her and she went and crushed the little heart I only had to begin with.

  My phone rings again and when I look down at the screen, I see it’s Natasha. For fuck’s sake!

  I hang up the call and throw my phone on the other couch when it starts to ring again. I know her game and I’m stupid for fucking even calling her in the first place. As soon as she gets the smallest bit of attention, she craves more. During the last tour, before I met Roxie, it took me a long fucking time until she finally got the hint that I wasn’t interested in her. I have a bad fucking feeling I’ve landed myself right back in it.

  Never again. I need to stay clear of Natasha.

  I guess seeing Roxie fucked with my head more than I thought it would. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have reached out to the leech that is Natasha.

  Fuck, but Roxie looked good. Her face, though, showed her hurt at seeing that I had slept with someone else, and it’s true what she said: I have no right to be angry with her when I’ve just slept with Natasha. We may not be together anymore, but we’re not exactly single, either. We are in the tricky middle part, and I fucking hate it.

  A knock on the door snaps me from my thoughts of Roxie. I don’t answer it. I have no interest in talking to anyone right now, but the door opens anyway.

  “What the fuck?” I shout as I quickly stand.

  Cole walks in, frowning at me, and he is followed by Tate and Booker. They don’t look very pleased, either, and I don’t have to guess why they all look angry with me. Hell, I’m fucking angry with myself.

  “Why aren’t you answering the door?” Cole asks.

  “Rather be alone.” I sit back down.

  “You could have fucking answered the phone!” Tate points over to the house phone that connects to the alarm system.

  When the gates are locked, you either have to know the code or have the keys. Seeing as I changed the code this morning so none of them could get in, I’m guessing they have Cole’s spare keys.

  “Like I said, I want to be alone,” I repeat.

 
Booker slams the door and takes place on the chair opposite me. “You feeling sorry for yourself?” he asks sarcastically.

  I don’t bother answering, and Cole sits down beside me. “Why wouldn’t you let Tate in?”

  “Didn’t want to see anyone,” I reply.

  “Is that because you know we were speaking the truth yesterday?” he asks.

  I just shrug my shoulders, not really answering, but we all know he’s right.

  “Come on, Mase, get up and go help your girl,” Tate adds.

  “We’re not together anymore,” I grind out.

  “So if Roxie were to find another man, you wouldn’t mind?” Booker asks.

  I quickly stand. “Why? You saying that man is you?” I shout.

  Booker scratches his chin. “Could be...I reckon I could take care of her.”

  I storm over to him, but just when I’m about to land a punch square in his face, Cole and Tate appear between us.

  “Watch yourself, Book,” Cole warns him.

  Booker stands, but Cole and Tate are still in the middle of us. Booker smiles widely at me, a kind of smug grin.

  “She’s not your woman, right?” he asks. “But you were about to lay me down for even thinking about making her mine.”

  My jaw tenses as I realize I fell for his trick.

  Booker laughs. “She’s still yours, Mason, everyone fucking knows it, and if you were honest with yourself, you would as well.”

  Cole and Tate move away when they realize what Booker is actually doing.

  “You still love her,” Booker carries on.

  “That doesn’t solve everything,” I spit out.

  “It’s a start,” Tate offers.

  “Why is everyone so interested in my love life?” I ask them.

  “Come on, Mase!” Cole shouts. “Since she left, you haven’t been yourself!”

  “You really think I can just forget everything?” I shout back.

  Tate shakes his head, a sad look on his face. “You might not see it, but we all do.”

  “See what?” I ask.

  “Have you not looked at her properly?” Booker asks.

  “What are you talking about? Of course I’ve looked at her!” I shout.

  “No.” Cole shakes his head. “Really looked at her? If you did, you would be able to tell she regrets everything she has done. She carries the weight of that around with her. It’s fucking obvious to see.”

  “So why haven’t I seen it?” I ask.

  They don’t say anything, and as they avoid looking at me, I realize why. I have seen it. From the first time I saw Roxie in Cole’s living room window, I saw that she was sorry and feeling guilt. I just probably chose not to acknowledge it.

  “You need to man up,” Cole demands.

  I nod my head and sit back down on the sofa. The guys are right. I don’t know what’s going to happen between Roxie and me in the future, but what I do know is that I’m not going to upset her again. I will do my best by her. Of course I still love her, I just don’t know where we stand. Loving her isn’t the answer to everything in this situation. I will watch over her. Make sure she doesn’t fall back into the same old dark path.

  With a new set of balls, I come to my senses. I might not be certain if we are still a couple, but she needs me right now, and I will be here for her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Roxie

  I can tell I am not alone and pretend to still be asleep. Last night I slept really badly. I kept wishing I could fall back to sleep, but with the weight of guilt troubling me, I was finding it a little hard.

  “I know you’re awake,” I hear Crystal giggle from beside me.

  “No I’m not,” I grumble, which only makes her laugh again.

  I roll over and crack my eyes open to see Crystal smiling down at me. God, why does she have to look so pretty first thing in the morning when I feel like crap? I’ve never been the girl who would wake up and immediately look presentable, however Crystal is just like that. Which is probably the reason why she doesn’t wear a lot of make-up: she doesn’t need it. But it’s completely different for me: I have to make sure I have concealer on to hide my dark circles and my trusty mascara. I do not like people seeing me without mascara and maybe some blusher too. Fuck it, I do not like people seeing me without my full face of make-up on, period.

  “How’re you doing?” she asks.

  “That’s a dumb question.” Ria says, appearing in the doorway.

  “Shit, it is. I’m sorry.” Crystal’s face scrunches up with worry.

  “No, it’s fine,” I reassure her. I look between the both of them. “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but can I have some privacy?”

  I feel a little bad by asking for some alone time as they look let down, but I need it. Especially first thing in the morning.

  “Sure.” Crystal climbs off the bed and slowly makes her way out. Ria gives me a small smile before she turns around and joins her in leaving.

  I shut the door behind them and breathe in a deep and calming breath. My skin feels itchy and sweaty from the craving for alcohol. I just want to drown my worries away by drinking them far from me, but when I look down at my stomach the feeling lessons and together with my breathing the craving lessons. Soon my belly won’t be so flat, and my baby will grow. I will do my best by my child and stay away from the drinking. Not just for the baby’s health, but for mine, too, because when this baby is born, he or she will need a healthy mother to care for them.

  I decide a hot shower to calm my shaking will help. While I’m under the comforting hot water, I stare down at my belly and softly trail my fingers across it. I wonder about the life under my fingertips as I lightly stroke it, and about how much my life is going to change. I think of the things I need to confront before my baby arrives, and I become nervous. The thought of telling Mason scares me. I don’t like secrets. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place.

  I wrap myself in a white, fluffy towel and when I exit the bathroom I see all the girls sitting on the bed. I can’t say I’m surprised. I sigh loudly and walk over to the wardrobe, deciding on what to wear while ignoring their stares.

  “Morning, mummy,” Paige smiles and the word makes me tense. “Crap, I’m sorry,” she quickly adds.

  “No, it’s ok,” I reply.

  “Listen,” Lacey begins. “I think we should go to the doctor, get your dates confirmed.”

  “Dates?” I turn around to look at her.

  “Yeah.” She slowly nods. “I thought that if you know the dates, you would be able to tell if Mason is the father or not.”

  Her words hit me hard. Not because I think she’s being cruel, but because this fucked up situation is suddenly very real. Tears fall straight away and when the sob escapes my throat, Lacey and Ria come running up to me.

  “Shit, sorry honey,” Lacey says as she rocks me.

  “I just don’t know what I’m doing!” I cry into Lacey and let her kindness comfort me.

  Lacey lifts my head and keeps hold as she speaks clearly. “Let us know what you want, and we will support you all the way. No matter what you choose, you have us all, do you understand?”

  I continue to cry, my tears spilling onto Lacey’s hands.

  Paige steps closer to me. “Are you listening, Rox?”

  I look at them each and my crying slows. I finally nod my head and try to control the sobs.

  “Thanks, girls.”

  “There’s no need to thank us, darling,” Crystal says and smiles.

  This whole situation is so fucked up. My troubles are once again affecting everyone else. How am I supposed to come clean to Mason, when he can’t even stand to be around me, yet he has no trouble calling his blonde slut?

  The fact that I can’t be one hundred percent sure that this baby is Mason’s makes everything so much worse. When I tell him that I am pregnant, I will have to tell him that there’s a chance this baby isn’t his. That will break him. But this baby is also mine, and I will not erase
the problem. I want this baby. I just hope it’s created out of love and not terror.

  “I’ve made the doctor’s appointment,” Lacey tells me. “It’s for tomorrow.”

  I smile and nod, but inside I’m nervous as hell. I know I’m pregnant, but this is a step forward, a step I need to take. I just hope this will all work out for the best. At least I have my girls beside me all the way.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Roxie

  That afternoon I continually think about going to the doctor’s tomorrow. I have no idea what’s going to happen, and why should I? I’ve never been in this situation before. It’s a scary thing, but I’m also a little excited. This is the next step into motherhood. I just hope I’m not going to turn out like my mom. Then the realization that I haven’t told my parents that I’m pregnant yet hits me. Oh fuck!

  I can only imagine what my mom is going to say! Lacey sees the panic on my face and asks me what’s wrong.

  “I have to tell my parents.”

  Hearing this Lacey laughs. “Good luck with that.”

  “Bitch.” I say, glaring at her.

  She knows how bad my mom is. God, I am not looking forward to this conversation. I feel like a naughty child.

  “When are you going to tell them?” she asks and smirks.

  “Not yet,” I quickly answer.

  “I’ve heard that you don’t tell anyone until you have gone past the three months stage,” Paige adds from across the room.

  “Why is that?” I ask.

  “They’re the most risky months,” Ria adds.

  “Risky?” I ask, a little worried. I place my hands protectively on my stomach.

  “Don’t worry.” Crystal cuddles up to me. “Nothing will happen to our little seed.”

  “Seed?” Lacey asks. “That sounds wrong.”

  “Yeah, it does,” I agree laughing.

  “Well, what else shall we call the baby?” Crystal asks.

  “How about baby?” Paige says sarcastically.

  “That’s boring.” Crystal frowns.

  ***

  I can’t believe that I have to wee into this cup!

  I’m at the doctor’s, and as soon as I sat my ass down on the chair, she told me the first thing we need to do is a pregnancy test. I told her that I had taken a lot already, but she wasn’t swayed. Apparently, they have to have it on their records, so here I am in the toilet holding a cup that I have to pee in. Eww.