Strum Me

by Daisy Allen

The lack of air is from the twisting of my lungs from pure jealousy.

  I kick the bus’s front tire before I go inside, my insecurity simmering like poison inside me.

  ***

  “So, Brad. Can you tell us a little about the two songs we’re going to hear from you guys today?” asks Felicia, the radio talk show host, after a few minutes of small talk. We’re on a show based on discovering new talent, and it was one of the programs that supported us the most in our earlier years.

  “Well, Felicia…why don’t you tell me what you want to hear and I’ll see if we can sort something out just for you?”

  Her laugh fills the earphones and even out the corner of my eye I can see Dennis practically beaming, enjoying my rare display of extroversion.

  “Now, now, Brad, don’t be monopolizing our hostess today,” Jez cuts in. “Why don’t you go back to being your usual grumpy self?”

  “I can’t help it, Jeremy. Felicia here just brings out the talkative in me, I guess.” I grin at her, and she smiles back, her tongue running along the length of her bottom lip, flirting with me.

  “Boys…there’s plenty of me, and your fans to go around, I’m sure. But back to your performance...?”

  “How ‘bout something a little sexy?” I suggest, my wink getting another sly smile from her.

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Nothing I can say on air without being beeped.”

  “Ah. You are bad,” she giggles, her chair spinning to face me.

  “You have no idea,” I drawl, leaning back in my chair, my eyes locked on her.

  Sebastian kicks me hard in the shin and I ignore him. They wanted a flirt, they’re going to get one.

  “Back to the sexy...song. I think I have something you’re going to love. Boys?” I turn to them and mouth the title.

  We hop off our seats and get into position, giving Felicia a nod to let her know we’re ready.

  “Ladies and gentleman…the Rock Chamber Boys, coming to you live from the studio,” Felicia announces.

  There’s a short pause as we take a long, deep breath, then Sebastian starts with a soft, crescendo beat. Dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum. Jez joins in, his cello’s low, pit of the stomach bass filling my ears, setting the mood. I count myself in, three, three, one, and then my violin soars into the opening to Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.” I can’t help but hum along. Da da da daaaa, da da da da da daaaaa. Not for the first time it amazes me how different combinations of notes and pauses can have such varying effects on your mood.

  The song is mysterious, sexy.

  Just like her.

  I force myself to keep my eyes closed. I don’t want to look through the studio window to see what effect my music is having on Emily. Because it would kill me if it had no effect at all.

  At least give me that. At least let my music speak to her if my words can’t.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Emily

  Present Day

  I can’t breathe.

  I look around to see if everyone is having the same problem. Hailey’s standing next to me and Cadence is pressed against the glass, her eyes fixed on her fiancé. But they seem fine.

  So, it’s just me. It’s just me, struggling for breath as I stand here, the music catching me spellbound.

  This song, this dark and sexy brooding song that gets me in the gut every time. If he wanted to get to me, he chose the perfect song. But of course he would. He knows me.

  I close my eyes and I see darkness and red lips and bare skin and hot hands and sweat droplets falling.

  And I see the scene switching, and I see them, him and...and that radio host, writhing against each other to the rhythm of the song.

  And I can’t breathe again.

  It’s been hellish watching him flirt and tease her the last fifteen minutes, but this, this...dirty lust letter to her is what really hurts. This is how Brad communicates, how he’s always communicated. Through his violin. And right now, he’s communicating how he wants to fuck her.

  He always was a good performer. And he’s only grown into a confident, stage-commanding presence.

  It’s no wonder the women want him.

  I want him.

  What is wrong with me? Did I really think I was going to be able to spend all this time close to him and not have the past come crashing back? That old wounds would not rise to the surface?

  “Emily, are you okay?” Hailey’s hand on my arm jolts me out of my thoughts.

  “Oh, um, yeah, I’m fine.” I nod.

  “You were just breathing a little heavy.”

  “It’s a little hot in here, that’s all. I’m just going to go out and grab some air,” I tell her, patting her hand to reassure her.

  “Do you want me to come?” Her genuine concern is touching, and I almost wish I could talk to her. But of course, I can’t.

  “No, but thanks. You stay and enjoy the rest of the interview.”

  I push the door out to the parking lot. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have done this. I thought I could be near him, that I had moved on, but I haven’t. And now I’m stuck for the next six weeks, traveling 24/7 with the man who broke my heart beyond repair.

  ***

  “Feeling any better?” Cadence asks me when I return inside.

  “Yeah, just needed some air. What’s going on now?” I look around and see everyone scattered, packing up the equipment and standing around talking.

  “We’re about ready to go. Any idea on what you want to do tonight?” Hailey says, her eyes hopeful.

  “You know what? I want to have some fun,” I tell them. And I mean it. I need to blast the dark cloud away.

  “Whoot!” Hailey punches the air and winks at me. “That’s my kinda girl!”

  Cadence slings her bag over her shoulder and takes my hand. “We’re thinking of going to a bar and grill just across the street. They have some great live entertainment.”

  “I’m in!” I nod my agreement, excited at the prospect of some time out with my new friends.

  “Let’s go! Let the guys pack up. We should get a head start on some shots anyway.”

  We file out into the parking lot and the girls loop their arms with mine. They sing a popular song we just heard playing on the radio and it’s not long before I’m joining in. Their perkiness is infectious, and for the first time since accepting this assignment, I feel relaxed.

  “Last one there pays for first round!” I scream and make a run for it, the girls hot on my heels.

  ***

  “And then, I open the door and she’s just standing there, buck naked! Waiting...for my fiancé!” Cadence says, emphasizing the words, enjoying our reactions.

  “OH MY GOD! So, what did you do?” I ask her, my drink hovering near my mouth, forgotten in the process of hearing the story.

  “Well, I felt bad for her, I mean...she’d gotten a spray tan and everything. So I just said, ‘I’m sorry dear, but I’m pretty sure Sebastian only likes real redheads,’ and handed her a Rock Chamber Boys T-shirt and walked off.”

  “Tell her how you sent Seb back into the room,” Hailey prompts.

  “YOU DID NOT!” I shriek, almost jumping out of my seat.

  “What? I knew he wasn’t going to do anything. I was standing right there. I just thought he might like a little peek. I mean, she had abs.” Cadence pats her own stomach then grins. “He’s not going to see any of those on me,” she says matter-of-factly, before downing her drink and slamming it on the table with a victorious look on her face.

  The three of us fall against the table laughing again. I feel completely at home with them, like we’ve been friends for decades.

  “So, Emily, do you have any groupie stories you want to tell us about? I mean you’ve been a music journalist for what, almost five years now,” Hailey asks, waving to the waiter for another round of shots.

  “Well, I don’t kiss and tell.”

  The girls instantly look disappointed, their smiles fading, and their shoulders
droop. So I continue.

  “But I might walk into a public bathroom and see the four members of a certain male Irish band, um, doing some ‘crafts’ and tell.”

  The question on Hailey’s face tells me I’m going to have to be more detailed.

  Cadence, on the other hand, asks right out, “What? What were they making?”

  I feel my eyes lighting up even before I answer. “They were making… a DAISY CHAIN!”

  Cadence’s eyes bulge out so far, I feel like I might have to hold out my hands to catch them. “NO. WAY.”

  “Wait! What? What’s a daisy chain?” Hailey demands, still confused.

  “Just think about it for a moment, honey,” Cadence prompts her, her eyebrows doing a samba on top of her bright eyes.

  The moment it finally dawns on Hailey is clear. “HOLY CRAP!!” She laughs so hard, she falls off her seat, her legs flying into the air, boots kicking back and forth in absolute uninhibited laughter.

  The boys walk in right at that moment and Hailey struggles to recover from her impersonation of a bug on its back.

  “What’s so funny?” Brad asks, smiling at me, and I try not to look away too abruptly.

  “Oh, nothing, just some girl talk,” I reply.

  “Well, more like boy on boy on boy on boy talk,” Cadence says, raising her eyebrows at Hailey again, who bursts into laughter even louder than before.

  “What??” Jez asks, raising his voice to be heard over his boss’s daughter’s cackling.

  “It’s nothing, Emily was just telling us of some of her more sordid experiences on the job,” Cadence manages to say before succumbing to the giggles again herself.

  I think I catch a look between Jez and Marius, but it’s gone before I can figure out what it was.

  “So, what are you guys drinking?” Sebastian asks, pulling Cadence to her feet, before sitting down on her chair and pulling her onto his lap.

  “We just finished off a few rounds of shots. You guys ready to catch up?” Hailey asks, finally calming down.

  “Er.” Marius shoots another look at Jez that I’m sure I didn’t imagine this time. “I’m not really in the mood for shots.”

  The waitress comes over, her notepad ready. “A round of beers then?” Hailey suggests.

  “Um, nah. Maybe later. I’m not really in the mood for a drink,” Jez mutters.

  “Dude. What’s wrong?” Cadence asks.

  “Nothing’s wrong!”

  “You just refused alcohol. Twice,” Hailey adds.

  Jez narrows his eyes at her, scrunching up his nose. “I’m not an alcoholic!”

  Hailey stares at him back, not backing down. “No, you’re just a very social drinker.”

  “Well, I’m not today, okay? Give it up,” Jez says, pulling an empty chair from the neighboring table to sit on.

  “Okay, fine. What about you, Marius? You wanna take us on?”

  “Er, they do iced coffee here, right?” He aims his question on the still-waiting waitress who nods.

  “ICED COFFEE?” Cadence yells, her eyebrows in motion again.

  “Okay, it’s not funny anymore, guys...what gives?” Hailey asks.

  There’s no answer, and each one shirks away from Hailey’s stare when she turns to them.

  “Ooohhhh. I know,” Cadence finally speaks up. “They’re scared of Emily.”

  “What? Why?”

  “They’re scared of what you’re going to write about them,” she explains to me. And of course it all makes sense.

  I can’t believe it. “Guys. Seriously?” And I wait for them to deny it.

  I turn to Brad, who squirms in his seat. “BRAD!”

  He just looks apologetic, but doesn’t even begin to deny it.

  “What? I’m not here as a spy, guys, to busybody into the nitty-gritty of your debauched lives!” I shake my head, trying to let it sink in that they see me as an outsider, when the only reason I got this job was because my editor felt I had an in with them. But if all they see me as is a two-bit tabloid reporter, I might as well work for TMZ. It hurt. More than I would’ve expected it to. I feel a prickle behind my eyes and blink furiously trying to get rid of it.

  Brad notices, and he moves his chair closer to me. “It’s just… look, we haven’t had the best experience with paps, okay?”

  “I’m not a pap,” I say, shocked that I even have to explain that.

  “Whatever. Reporters, journalists. It’s been hardly a few months since...” His voice trails off and his eyes shift to Cadence”

  “What?” she asks him.

  “You know. The pics...and the video,” he says, lowering his voice, referring to the very well-publicized sex video of Cadence when she was younger.

  “Dude. I’m cool with Emily.” She winks at me and reaches over and gives my shoulder a little pat.

  I smile at her appreciatively. What an amazing woman.

  “But...well, we’re...not,” Jez says, frankly.

  Wow.

  “It’s just...” Marius starts, trying to find a way to explain.

  “No. I get it.” And I guess I do.

  The group is quiet. Possibly the only time I’ve ever heard such quiet when the guys have been together.

  I scan their faces, these faces I first met before they even needed to shave. It hurts, but I know where they’re coming from. But the person they’re afraid of, it’s not me, not my style, and it’s never been my intention to air any dirty laundry or plaster their secrets across the front page.

  And as much as they are feeling awkward about admitting their distrust, the hurt is tenfold for me. I thought that our past had meant something. It might’ve taken them a few days to warm to me, but that they would. Breaking the ice was what I expected, not them waiting for me to break their trust.

  But I knew what I had to do.

  I hadn’t gotten this far in my career without learning a thing or two on how to get the most tight-lipped creatures on earth to open up to me.

  I had the advantage of four years of high school with these guys, and there’s something they can never refuse.

  I stand up, pulling my jacket off, and drape it over Brad’s shoulder.

  “Hold my beer. I’m going up for some karaoke.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Brad

  I can’t have heard her right. “I’m sorry, what?”

  She grins at me. “I said I’m going to go sing some karaoke.”

  “In God’s name, why?”

  She tilts her head as her shoulder lifts in a tiny shrug. “Because you guys are not going to trust me until I prove to you that we’re all in this together. So get your cameras out and turn them on, because I’m going to give you something you can use to blackmail me with for the rest of our natural lives.”

  Jez stares at me for a moment, and then breaks out into grin. “Yep, that’ll work!”

  I throw him a scowl that he brushes off with a wave of his hand. I’m torn. I don’t want to see her humiliated, but I know that something must be done to get the guys on her side. And this just might be it.

  “Er, are you sure about this?” I ask her, as she downs another shot.

  “Yes... why?” she asks, knowing perfectly well why.

  “Because um...the choir solo debacle of ‘98.”

  “What’s the choir solo debacle of ‘98?” Hailey pipes up, sitting straight up in her seat, obviously eager to see the show start.

  “Oh my God, I’d forgotten that,” Marius says, the horrified look on his face telling us the memory is now coming back to him.

  “Me too!” Sebastian adds.

  “Well, I think we’d all repressed it,” I explain, and everyone nods in agreement.

  “Hey! What’s the choir solo debacle of ‘98?” Hailey demands again.

  “Let’s just say Emily had a choir solo. It was just one or two stanzas, but…well…who knew vomit bags were something you should provide at a school concert?”

  “OH MY GOD! Emily!” Hailey turns to Emily, her mouth
agape.

  Butter slaps me on the arm, hard. “It wasn’t me! It was the cafeteria food!”

  I rub my arm where she’d attacked me. “Hey, your singing set it off!”

  She sticks her bottom lip out in protest. “Hey, I can’t help it if our classmates were a bunch of ‘You vomit, I vomit’ pact-makers!

  Jez stands up, a newly acquired beer in his hand. “So, are we gonna do this or not? Because this dry night thing is fast losing its appeal.”

  Butter tugs on the sides of her jacket, psyching herself up. “Yes! I’m going up. Any requests?”

  “Yes, I’ve got the perfect song,” Cadence announces up and covers her mouth from us as she mouths something to Emily.

  Butter obviously approves, as she skips through the crowd to the karaoke operator and says something to him. The background music immediately cuts out as Emily steps onto the tiny makeshift stage in the corner. I see her grab the microphone and mouth something, her eyes looking upward. Whoever she’s praying to, I hope they make it work for her.

  The music starts up, and the crowd roars with laughter even before she starts, and I can’t help but join in. We all know the song. She locks eyes with me for just a moment before she lifts the microphone to her lips and starts to sing. Over the crowd I can just make out the words “walked” and “party” and “yacht” but I don’t need to hear much more.

  Her choice of song, “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon, is clearly meant for me.

  She closes her eyes and sings along, the words somehow etched into her memory without her knowing. Her pitchy and flat-as-an-ironing-board voice has somehow caught the attention of the entire bar, who cheer her along as she stumbles over words and shrieks to get at those hard-to-reach notes.

  I turn and the guys are holding their sides with laughter, Marius’s camera pointed squarely at the performance on stage, shaking as he tries to stay upright.

  I can’t look away for too long and spin around to face the stage again.

  Her body bends and sways to the beat, emphasizing words out of time and letting her voice take severe liberties with the melody.

  And in this moment, she is undeniably the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life.