Make Me Whole

by Marguerite Labbe

  That argument was the fear talking, though. He’d let Galen go without a whimper of protest, the way Dexios had let Lykon walk away. Despite Galen’s angry message the day after their fight, Nick had known that Galen probably hadn’t gotten his first plea to come home. He should’ve followed it with another and another instead of remaining silent and pulling back to sulk over his wounds.

  The crazy fucking thing was, now that he’d gotten the guts to come this far, now that he was sitting here, he was frozen, so damn afraid of taking that next step, just like he had been with his family. And the terrible twist in this situation was it had been Galen who had shoved him in the right direction with them. It was Galen who had given him the support he needed to make that call to his dad.

  Nick could handle Galen’s texts, the e-mails, and the voice mails that he would play over and over. Maybe it was a form of self-torture, he didn’t know. But those he could handle. They were an affirmation that no matter how stupid he was being Galen, for some crazy-assed reason, still gave a damn about him.

  What Nick couldn’t handle was Galen being heartbroken. The expression on Galen’s face when Nick had gone off on him outside the restaurant gnawed at him in the middle of the night. And the look of entreaty in his eyes as he sat in the fountain, wet shirt plastered to his chest before Nick prepared to walk away, before Galen had gone so cold, haunted his thoughts during the day.

  He’d completely booted Galen out of his life, and Galen would have every reason to tell Nick to go fuck himself.

  Nick picked up his cell phone and replayed the last message again. “I really miss you.” There was a pause, as if Galen wanted to say more, then the click of the phone.

  He swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at the museum doors. Galen had tried to cover it, but he hadn’t been able to hide the wounded tone to his voice. And every time Nick heard it, his mind flashed back to the fight and Galen’s hurt expression. He had to find a way to make Galen stop hurting, to stop it for them both.

  All Nick had to do was go in and scope out the gala. If Galen looked at him like he’d grown three heads and he was the last man that he wanted to see, then Nick would slip quietly back out. There was no need to embarrass them both. In the morning, he could look for Galen in private so they could hash this out.

  He loosened his tie as he got out of the car. Damn thing was too tight, choking him. The sound of the car door shutting and the beep of it being locked seemed unnaturally loud in the still night. Light spilled from the doorway out onto the street, and Nick’s heart hammered as he approached. A young woman sat behind the counter in the gallery, and beyond the doorway Nick could hear the hum of conversation, the low, throbbing beat of some drums, and laughter.

  “Your invitation?” the woman asked, holding out a slim hand.

  “Uhhh.” Nick flushed and cursed himself. He’d forgotten that little detail. Maybe he had one in the car that Galen left behind. He hoped this wasn’t a sign that it was a mistake to come tonight. “There isn’t a list of invitees?” He asked, as he checked his wallet for a spare one and the woman shook her head. “Hold on, let me check my glove box.”

  “And just where do you think you’re going, Nicholas Charisteas?”

  Nick winced at the absolute steel in Suzane’s voice and turned around to face her. Her dark hair was short and spiky, and she wore a snazzy purple dress that glinted back all of the light like a scintillating disco ball. “I was going to tear apart the car to look for an invite.”

  “Wouldn’t it have been easier to ask for me or Galen?” She gestured impatiently at him. “It’s okay, he’s one of the organizers, though if he’d been any later he’d have been here early for our grand closing. Come on, no sense dragging your feet now that you’re here.”

  There was no way that Nick could escape Suzane without a ruckus, and now that he was here he had to at least see Galen. “How is he?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

  She led him down the hallway, snagged two glasses of champagne off a tray, and handed him one. “Here, you look like you could use one.”

  Nick took it with fingers he didn’t trust. The glass was so fragile, and his grip was uncertain. Everything was uncertain. He took a sip as they neared the entrance, and still Suzane hadn’t answered his question. “You were the only one he ever talked about,” she said as they stopped in the archway. “Even back when he was running around town every night, you kept coming up.”

  With that little nugget dropped, Suzane abandoned him and disappeared among the throng of people inside the exhibit room. Nick hung back, scanning the room and taking another sip of champagne before he gave into the urge to tug at his tie again. At first his eyes were drawn to Dexios and Lykon, somehow miraculously still together except for the final statue. Nick thought he heard the voice Galen had described. Make me whole, it whispered. Only Nick wasn’t sure if it really was Dexios or the urgings of his own heart.

  He took a step farther in, faces blurring, conversation nonsensical as he searched. His heart flipped, then twisted as he saw Galen intent on the man before him as they conversed. He stood there, drink in hand, the other hand in his pocket, missing the animation he usually had. Nick knew that look, that stance. Galen was in pain and hiding it by putting on his social mask. It made Nick ache to see it, because he knew he was the one who had robbed him of his joy tonight.

  Nick was a fool for considering not coming, because next to Galen was where he belonged, and walking out now would be a regret he’d never forgive himself for. He began slipping through the crowd, making his way toward Galen, nerves fluttering along his skin. Please don’t let him freak out. Please let this be a good thing for him.

  Their eyes met, and the both of them froze. Nick’s heart pounded louder, drowning out the sound of the drums, the conversation around him, as his entire focus centered on Galen. This was the moment when he’d know if they had a chance or if he’d fucked up past any hope of redemption.

  Galen’s expression softened, and his eyes lit up as he gestured to Nick. Relief poured through him, and Nick smiled as the room around him came alive again. He stepped up next to Galen and took his hand, lacing their fingers together. They were going to be okay. They had a lot of work ahead of them, but they were going to be okay. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

  “I’m glad you came.” Galen turned to the other man.

  “Commissioner Pople, I’d like you to meet my partner, Nick Charisteas.”

  For a second Nick couldn’t speak. God, nobody could undo him like Galen Kanellis. For someone who liked being helpless, Galen definitely had Nick bound in the palm of his hand. Nick shook the Commissioner’s hand, and they made small talk for a few minutes while he silently willed the man to disappear.

  After several long, agonizing moments, the Commissioner excused himself, and Nick set his champagne glass on a proffered tray before he dropped it and drew more attention to them. He was so shaky on the inside that he was surprised he was still standing. “I….” A thousand things flashed through his mind, but only one stumbled out onto his tongue. “I love you.”

  Galen’s eyes flashed a warm brown, and he stepped closer, a smile tugging at his lips. “I love you too.”

  “Look, I’m—”

  Galen shook his head, cutting Nick off. “Hold that thought for later. We can apologize when we’re alone. Right now I think there’s someone you need to see.”

  He turned away before Nick could argue and pulled him through the crowd toward the buffet table. There wasn’t anybody here that Nick wanted to see except for Galen, and it occurred to him that it was going to be a very long night of socializing before he’d get the chance to drag him off for a little alone time and a lot of groveling.

  Galen was excited about whoever it was, probably a big potential donor, so Nick plastered on his pleasant business smile and went along with the flow. An older man with silvering, brown hair stood at the tables overlooking the selections, and it took a moment for recognition to sink in.


  “He’s here!” Galen crowed.

  Nick’s dad turned around, and for the second time that night the world seemed to stop spinning. There was a suspicious wetness to his eyes, then he grinned and pulled Nick into a rough hug. “What are you doing here?” Nick asked, hugging him back. He pulled away to stare at his dad in stunned delight. “I thought you were staying home.”

  “I realized after our conversation the other night that maybe I pushed being realistic and cautious a little too much with you.” His dad patted Nick’s cheek, then squeezed his shoulder with a broad grin. “So I decided that maybe you could teach me a little about being spontaneous and living for the moment. I want to see you get a little of that back.”

  Nick had a long way to go with both Galen and his dad, but for the first time he truly believed that he could show them the same faith that they had given him. He cleared his throat to ease the tightness in it and gestured to the room around them. “Have you had a chance to look around and see what Galen built?”

  Galen nudged Nick with his hip. “I had help.”

  “No.” His dad’s gaze slid to the first statue in the Dexios Collection. “I wanted to wait for you.”

  “Well, come on. We’ll show you around.” Nick took Galen’s hand. “Unless you have to get back to your guests.”

  Galen’s brown eyes sparkled. “Your dad is one of our guests; besides, I think I’ve earned a little break.”

  THE moonlight shone down into the now-deserted exhibit room, and the museum was quiet once more. Galen loved the museum at night. It was almost as if he could hear the pulse of the place, the energy it collected during the day shining back at him. And tonight that energy had been very good.

  Nick came up behind him and slid his arms around his waist. “You and Suzane did an amazing job, pulling this exhibit and gala together. What are you going to do with all the donations?”

  “Oh, I have plenty of things in mind, activities I’d like to sponsor with the workshop, maybe putting in some computers for digital art and a photo lab for the purists. As much as I love the museum part and do want to open a third, final room someday for the public, I want to work more with the kids first.”

  “I think that will make you very happy.”

  They stood in silence, and Galen let Nick’s presence be a balm to the ache of the last week. He was here. He’d come. Galen didn’t know what spurred Nick’s change of heart, but he was determined that he wasn’t going to let past resentments steal their tomorrow. That was, if Nick still wanted a tomorrow. Galen hoped for it, and he’d find a way to fight for it.

  Nick let go of Galen and turned him around. “Apologies aren’t enough, but here they are. I’m sorry I blew things way out of proportion with you and Vincent. I know that I have to let go of my past and my fears. I swear to you, Galen, I really will focus on getting past that. I had no right to go off on you like I did.”

  Galen smiled as one of the worries that had been nagging him about their relationship left him. He could see a conviction in Nick’s eyes that had been missing before. “I have my faults, God knows, too many of them, but I won’t take you for granted. And I have to apologize too. I didn’t realize how much I hurt you when I walked away like that. This last week has given me a taste of what you went through, so I think I understand where you’re coming from a little more. I’m sorry, and I wish I could say that I would have done it differently, maybe had lunch on occasion, hooked up on the net, I don’t know. I was coming out of a bad place and trying to work through it day by day.”

  “I know you’ve tried telling me that so many times, and I didn’t listen like I should have. There are so many things I regret. I kept telling you that I wanted you to stay, and I didn’t realize how much I was pushing you away at the same time. I was so afraid that the past would repeat itself.”

  “Like what happened with the other couples and the curse?” Galen asked, and even as Nick nodded he knew that wasn’t the real driving force behind the fear that had been his excuse. “And with your mom?”

  “Yeah.”

  The quiet way Nick said that tugged at Galen’s heart. “I was a jackass too. I shouldn’t have walked out like I did, especially after you told me about your mom. I’m so sorry for pulling a stunt like that. There was no excuse for it.”

  Nick tilted his head up to look at the skylights and drew in a breath, as if to fortify himself. “I… after you left I did call you and asked you to come back. I’d always told myself that I wouldn’t ask somebody to stay when they wanted to leave, but I couldn’t not call you. When I got your message the next day I realized that you hadn’t gotten mine, and I punked out. I should’ve called you again. I should’ve at least tried to beg you to come back home. You are worth me laying aside my damned pride.” The raw pain in Nick’s expression and voice made Galen ache inside too, and it took a moment for his words to register. “It just… I… I was so afraid that the answer would be no and that you were gone for good.”

  “Wait a minute. I left a note saying I was just going to be gone for the night. I asked you to meet me at the café for breakfast.” Galen broke off as Nick stared at him in confusion, and a horrible sinking realization struck him. “You didn’t see the note?”

  “I… I didn’t see a note.” Nick searched Galen’s face, his brow lined, his jaw set. “I don’t understand. If you only wanted to be gone a night why did you move out?”

  “I didn’t move out. I packed a duffel bag. You brought all my stuff here. You kicked me out.” Though as he thought about it he realized that he hadn’t actually seen Nick move the boxes, he just assumed, and the expression of confused heartbreak on Nick’s face told him all he needed to know. “Lykon.”

  “You’re not making any sense. I swear I didn’t kick you out. The last thing I wanted was for you to leave.”

  Galen touched a hand to Nick’s chest. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” The weight of the realization struck him even harder, and his eyes stung. He couldn’t imagine what Nick had felt when he came home to an empty apartment, with no note, no word, just Galen gone. “It’s my fault. I was so upset after the fight that I let Lykon take over for a while. I assumed he’d go back to the museum to be with Dexios. I never thought that he would do something like this. He must’ve been the one to pack everything.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense,” Nick said, sounding bewildered as he turned his head to look at the statues. “Why would Lykon do something like that? He had so much at stake. Why would he try to sabotage us? Didn’t we have enough shit to work through?”

  “I don’t know.” This time Galen touched a hand to his own chest, but all he got from Lykon was a sense of stillness. “He mentioned tests, but I didn’t really pay that much attention to him. Every relationship is tested, so I thought he was just talking in metaphors.”

  “I… I feel like such an idiot.” Nick turned back to Galen, still looking a little lost. “Why he did it doesn’t really matter, though I think there’s something in the old myths about it. What matters is that I should’ve done more, sooner. After everything that has happened, you taking that time away and what has been going on with the statues and the family legends, I just played it all up in my head. I just kept waiting for you to leave, like you already had, like how Lykon had left, and I was forgetting that you came back like he had come back. I focused on the wrong thing. I’ve been such an asshole. I don’t know how you can forgive me.”

  Galen stared at Nick, his thoughts tumbling over themselves in a chaotic rush. Nick had believed Galen had walked out on him the way that his mom had walked out. And despite that belief, despite his fears, he’d shown up tonight. His heart started beating faster, and his throat ached.

  “Shut up, Nick.”

  Nick’s apologetic litany stopped, and Galen smiled at him as an aching joy filled him up. “Forgiving you is easy. For one, you didn’t make me wait six months. And you came back too. Just when I needed you the most, you didn’t let me down. Thank you for coming tonight. I
needed you.”

  “I was worried that I’d ruin it for you by coming.”

  “No, you made the night for me. It wouldn’t have been right without you,” Galen said, sliding his hand through Nick’s hair. “You had every reason in the world to give up on us, to be so damned afraid that it would be easy to choose to let it all fall apart, and you still came. That tells me everything I need to know.”

  A look of profound relief crossed Nick’s face, and then he was kissing Galen, holding him tightly. Galen had missed this so much. Just the chance to hold Nick again lifted the weight that had been holding him down.

  “I love you,” Galen said softly when they broke apart.

  “I love you too.” Nick cupped Galen’s face and kissed him again. “I’ve got to give it to you. You’re one persistent bastard. Thank you for that.”

  Galen laughed at Nick’s lighter tone, feeling so damn free after the misery of the last week. “A note of warning, I can be a serious nuisance when I want something, and I want you. Whether you knew it or not, when I was hurting you gave me something good to strive for, you helped me to find the strength to heal the broken bits inside of me. Even after we got together and I was still afraid of taking new steps to put the accident behind me, you were there for me. Thank you.”

  “I’m choosing you, no matter the risk,” Nick swore, his expression becoming serious. “You helped me too, even when I didn’t know I was broken. You helped me to reach beyond my fear so I could connect with my family again. It’s kind of funny, we’ve been concentrating so much on the statues, but really we were the ones who needed to be whole first.”

  “We did it. Together,” Galen said, looking up at him.

  “No more running, for both of us.”