[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years

by Tracie Peterson

  Ethan. Ashley still couldn’t believe Ethan was truly here. It all seemed so much like a dream. Sometimes she was completely convinced she would wake up at home and find Grandpa still alive and well and that the events of the past few months had been nothing more than her imagination working overtime.

  “Russell Whitman will be sorely missed,” Pastor McGuire said. His words pulled Ashley’s attention away from her worries. He continued. “I myself will miss our games of checkers and chess, our walks and discussions, and the humorous way Russell had of looking at life. But most of all, I’ll miss his faith. Grandpa Whitman was a man of such deep conviction and faith that he put most of us to shame.”

  Ashley noticed her mother shift in her seat, as if the words were entirely too much to bear. Lavelle sat beside her and reached over to pat her sister’s hand as if understanding her discomfort.

  “Whenever I had a problem and needed counsel, I went to Russell. One of the first things I could expect him to ask me was this: ‘Sean, do you believe God can take care of this problem?’ ”

  Ashley heard a few chuckles. No doubt more than one person had been faced with this same question. She herself had been asked that by Grandpa. Most of the time she didn’t think God would take care of the problem. It wasn’t a matter of whether or not He could take care of it—she just didn’t believe that He would.

  I’m sorry, God. I wish I’d come to know you sooner. I wish I’d listened more to Grandpa. Ashley felt tears come to her eyes and wiped at them with the hanky she’d remembered to tuck into her sleeve.

  “Sometimes I told Russell I knew God could take care of the problem. I just didn’t know if He would.”

  Ashley startled at the pastor’s words. Sean McGuire looked at her and smiled, as if knowing her thoughts. Ashley felt her face grow flushed and lowered her gaze to her gloved hands.

  “Russell would just laugh and tell me I wasn’t being honest with him. He’d say, ‘Sean, I know you believe He will resolve the problem—you’re worried, however, that He might not solve it your way.’ ”

  Most everyone laughed, and even Ashley had to smile. Pastor McGuire continued, his voice taking on a great deal of emotion. “Russell Whitman knew the right thing to say to get my eyes off myself and back on God. I think that’s what he’d also ask of us today. He’d not want our focus to be on him and all that he’d done for us. Russell would want our focus on the Lord and what He did for us. Russell would want us to remember that it was only because of God that he was the man he was.”

  Ashley knew it was true. She listened to Pastor McGuire conclude the service and felt at peace. Grandpa was in a better place and happier than he could have ever been here on earth. She needed to remember that. She also needed to remember that Grandpa’s illness and Ethan’s appearance in Winslow had not taken God by surprise. God knew the way things would play out.

  They were escorted from the front pews, with two elders from the church offering their support to Lavelle and Leticia. To her surprise, Ashley watched her mother dab tears from her eyes before accepting the man’s offer. Maybe a little of the ice had thawed.

  That day in the kitchen had been so strange to Ashley. She had never seen her mother act in such a way. At one moment she wanted to open her heart, and in the next breath she’d be angry and hostile. Still, Ashley knew her mother a little better for the telling of her tale. It didn’t make things right between them, but it was a start. Perhaps it would take months or even years for her mother to figure out the truth for herself. Maybe she would never be warm and affectionate, but at least she could learn that Ashley and Natalie and even Ethan weren’t the enemies in her life.

  Ethan took hold of her arm and guided Ashley out to follow her mother and aunt. Natalie had stepped aside to bring up the rear and walked beside Pastor McGuire. The sunlight seemed rather diffused in the November setting. Soon Thanksgiving and Christmas would be upon them, and sometime between those two events, the Harvey hotel construction was to be completed. Ashley wondered what it would mean for Ethan and his job duties.

  He’d implied that he intended to be there for them—that he wanted to be a family again. But once Mary Colter took her entourage and moved on to the next Harvey job, would Ethan feel the tug to move along as well? By his own admission, he’d never settled into one place for long since coming back from the war.

  She looked up and found Ethan watching her. She fixed her gaze on him, trying to will unspoken answers from his heart. He nodded and looked away as if telling her he had no answers to give. It made her feel even more doubtful of what would happen next.

  The ladies of the church had set up a meal for Ashley and her family at the house. Pastor McGuire offered to drive them home while Grandpa’s coffin was being loaded in the hearse and taken to the train station. Lavelle would catch the afternoon westbound train and escort her father’s body back to Los Angeles. Ashley frowned at the thought. He’ll be so far away. Why couldn’t we just bury him here? At least then I could visit his grave and put flowers on the stone.

  But it was Grandpa’s last wish, she chided herself, knowing she sounded more like her mother than she wanted to admit. It was Grandpa’s desires—not her own or her mother’s—they needed to honor. After all, he would be buried next to Grandma, and Ashley knew that was only fitting.

  They crowded into the car, Ashley’s mother taking a place up front with the pastor and his wife, while Ethan, Ashley, and Lavelle rode in back. Natalie sat on Ethan’s lap, as it seemed the only alternative. She didn’t seem bothered by the arrangement; in fact, Ashley thought Natalie looked rather content.

  Ashley smiled at her daughter. Her bruised forehead wasn’t quite so visible after they’d restyled her hair to give her bangs. And Natalie seemed at ease with Ethan, but there was still a hesitation in the way she interacted with him.

  Time. Ashley knew it would take time. Time for Natalie to adjust her thinking and accept Ethan as her father rather than Mr. Carson the architect. Time for them to become a family.

  And what about the time you need? she asked herself. Ethan has changed. He told you so and now you’ve seen it for yourself. The idea of being a wife again was both terrifying and thrilling. She could easily find herself quite content to keep house for this man—her husband.

  “Do you need me to come drive you to the station this afternoon?” Pastor McGuire questioned Lavelle as they climbed out of the car a few minutes later.

  “No, Ethan has offered to walk over and borrow one of the Harvey cars. He’s going to drive me.”

  Pastor McGuire smiled. “It’s been a real pleasure to get to know you, Mrs. Guzman. I hope you have a safe journey back to Los Angeles.”

  “Thank you, Pastor. You did a wonderful job on the eulogy. I know my father would have approved.”

  “Yes,” Ashley added, “Grandpa would have said you did it just right.” She reached out her hand. Pastor McGuire shook it vigorously.

  “See you in church on Sunday?”

  “Absolutely,” Ashley replied. She put her arm around Natalie’s shoulders and led her to the house.

  “Hmmm, it smells good in here,” Natalie declared, immediately going to investigate the meal.

  Ethan and Ashley followed at a slowed pace while Lavelle and Ashley’s mother walked behind them. Ashley wondered if her mother would comment on the service. So far she’d said very little, and Ashley couldn’t help wondering if the words had made any sort of impact in her mother’s heart.

  The ladies from the church finished putting the food on the table just as they entered the dining room. “Look, Mama. Fried chicken,” Natalie said, coming to her mother. She looked up at her mother and then at Ethan. “My mama loves fried chicken.”

  Ethan nodded, as if this bit of news was an important fact to remember. Ashley smiled. “I certainly do.”

  They took their seats and as the food was passed around, Natalie again interjected a comment. “Don’t give the lima beans to Mama. She hates those.” She stated this again for E
than’s benefit.

  Ashley quickly realized her daughter was trying to help Ethan get to know who Ashley was. It seemed rather funny that after having Natalie play matchmaker, now she would act as guide and interpreter to help Ethan better know his own wife. Maybe in doing this little deed Natalie was also better able to adjust to the situation herself. Ashley wouldn’t have put it past the child to fully comprehend what she was doing and to meticulously plan it out for everyone’s benefit.

  The meal soon passed and it was time to take Lavelle to the station. Ethan had gone to borrow Mary Colter’s car and had just pulled up in front of the house when Lavelle came downstairs with Leticia close behind.

  “Sister is going to accompany me,” Lavelle told Ashley. She’d already mentioned to Ashley that she’d like to have some privacy with her sister. Ashley had agreed she’d remain behind when the time came to go to the train station.

  “Oh, I’m glad. I wasn’t going to be able to get away,” Ashley said. “I’ve some things I’d like to take care of. I hope you don’t mind if I stay here.”

  “Not at all,” Lavelle replied and hugged Ashley close. “Thank you,” she whispered in her niece’s ear.

  Ashley kissed her aunt on the cheek and bid her farewell. Natalie did likewise, then announced that she was going to go tend to Penny. Leticia, in her dark purple suit, looked at Ashley for a moment, then returned her concentration to the front door. Ashley wasn’t sure if her mother had intended to say something about the pony or Natalie or if she’d wanted to comment on another matter altogether. Whatever it had been, she said nothing instead.

  “Are you ready to go?” Ethan questioned as he came through the door and spied Lavelle.

  “I am. If you would be so kind as to retrieve my trunk, I’d be most grateful.”

  Ethan nodded and bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Within a moment he was heading back down, the black trunk on his shoulder. He headed out the door and Lavelle turned again to Ashley.

  “I promise to visit you in the spring, and you remember your promise to come see me in the summer. Natalie will love the ocean.”

  Ashley could well imagine her daughter wanting to remain in Los Angeles for that feature, if nothing else.

  “I won’t forget,” Ashley replied. And if Ethan had no objections, Ashley fully intended to see her promise through.

  ****

  Ethan was glad to see that Lavelle had worked out getting Ashley and Natalie to stay home. He had plans for talking to Leticia in private and hadn’t been at all sure how to go about it. He drove the two ladies to the station, listening to them comment on the future. The uncertainty of the financial world was still of grave concern to Leticia Murphy. She had little understanding of exactly how bad things might be once she returned home. He hated to see anyone suffer, but his heart was rather scarred where this woman was concerned. He didn’t want to hold a grudge or treat her with indifference, but she needed to understand his position and that he would no longer allow her to interfere in his life or Ashley’s and Natalie’s.

  They arrived at the station and Ethan made arrangements for Lavelle’s luggage while Leticia bid her good-bye. Returning to where the two older women stood waiting, Ethan said, “I’m glad for the opportunity to have gotten to know you, Mrs. Guzman.”

  “As am I. You are a miracle. Without a doubt. I know this is all going to work out.” She smiled and reached up to pat Ethan’s cheek with her gloved hand. “Just give God time.”

  “That’s the trick, isn’t it?” he commented.

  “To be sure.”

  Ethan glanced at the steam engine down the track. Wisps of steam escaped here and there, and the heady scent of oil, grease, and creosote filled the air. These were the smells of the railroad—an odor he’d gotten quite used to in his work with Mary Colter. Would he now leave that world and remain in Winslow to settle down and piece his family back together? Would they pick up and go elsewhere with him if that were the direction God led?

  “I think I’ll just wait in the car, Mrs. Murphy. That way you two can have some privacy,” Ethan offered, knowing that the questions in his head would not be easily resolved standing there on the platform of the Winslow depot.

  Leticia said nothing. Her façade of strength and fierceness held everyone at bay. Ethan didn’t really care. He didn’t need or desire a relationship with his mother-in-law, but he was bound and determined to have one with her daughter.

  Walking back to the car, Ethan forced his thoughts to come into order. He replayed the speech he intended to make to Leticia. If I don’t make it clear now, he reasoned, she’ll try to walk all over both of us.

  He waited nearly twenty minutes before Leticia returned. Without giving her a choice, Ethan went around to the front passenger door and opened it for her. Leticia didn’t so much as glance at him. She stepped into the car and continued to stare straight ahead.

  They were soon on their way, but when Ethan should have turned for home, instead he began to talk. “I have something to say to you,” he began. “You may not be inclined to listen otherwise, so I’m making it so that you’ll have to listen.” He drove out of town and headed east.

  “Where do you mean to take me?” Leticia questioned, her voice betraying fear.

  “I only mean to drive out far enough that you can’t just walk back, and then I mean to talk to you about Ashley and me.”

  Leticia looked at him for a moment. “I really have no desire . . .”

  “I don’t care. This is how it will be.”

  Ethan drove for nearly fifteen minutes before he felt comfortable pulling off to the side of the road. Once he was satisfied with their safety and the ability to see traffic coming from either direction, Ethan turned to Leticia.

  “I don’t trust you,” he said firmly. “You lied and made Ashley and me most miserable.” Leticia said nothing but continued to gaze out the windshield, as if there might be something of great interest outside.

  “Your selfishness denied my wife and child a better life. Your lie left me grief stricken and hopeless for years on end. At one point, because I’d drawn away from God so completely, I even contemplated taking my life. Had you even bothered to consider that you might have contributed to the death of another human being?”

  He didn’t want to deal with her in anger, but her cold reserve chiseled away at his self-control.

  “I won’t let you cause this family any more harm,” he finally said. This seemed to get her attention.

  “Oh, and what will you do? Kill me here and now?”

  Ethan shook his head. “No. I’m not going to cause you harm simply because that’s your method. But I will do whatever it takes to protect my family. I have friends in high places now. Friends with money and power, just as you have. Both sets may be a little worse for wear given the crash, but I’ll use whatever means I need to keep Ashley and Natalie safe.”

  “And you think you need to protect them from me?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Absolutely. You were at the very heart of their pain. You told me Ashley was dead. And you allowed Ashley to go on believing I was dead.”

  “I had no way of finding her. Her own father had tried to locate her,” Leticia said in her defense. “I couldn’t have told her the truth even if I’d wanted to.”

  “But that’s my point. You didn’t want to. You wanted to keep us separated because you never thought I was good enough for your daughter. I’m just making sure this matter is clear once and for all. You will not interfere in our lives anymore.”

  “I’m Ashley’s mother and I have a right to see her.”

  “A right you gave up a long time ago when you sent her away without a penny.” He stared hard at the older woman and hoped her fidgeting was a sign of discomfort under his scrutiny. “Besides, until this moment, I’ve not heard you even mention wanting another chance to see her. You came to Winslow with an entirely different motive.”

  Leticia’s shoulders rolled forward slightly. “What is it y
ou want from me, Mr. Reynolds?”

  “An understanding,” Ethan said, trying to steady his temper. “I want you to be a part of Ashley and Natalie’s life if that’s what they desire. However, I want it on their terms.” He paused and added, “And my terms.” He let the words sink in for a few moments before continuing.

  “If you want to spend time with them, you’ll leave your fury over our marriage in the past. You’ll not malign my good name, and you’ll not force your opinions on my wife and child. Also, you’re never to raise a hand to my child again. Do you understand?”

  Leticia looked at him for a moment, her piercing eyes never so much as blinking. Then her expression seemed to soften. “I understand.”

  “And do you agree to those terms?”

  “I suppose I must.”

  Ethan shook his head. “No one is forcing anything on you, Leticia. You choose to come willingly into my family or not at all. I want no moping or grudge holding. I want no false tears of martyrdom. You are the only living grandparent Natalie has. I don’t know if you have other granddaughters, but she’s a pretty special girl. She needs someone to look up to. What she doesn’t need is someone or something else to regret.”

  “I understand,” Leticia stated, then returned her gaze to the windshield. “I want only what I deserve.”

  Ethan shook his head. “No. No, you don’t. Because if you were to get what you deserve, it certainly wouldn’t have anything to do with Ashley and Natalie. Ashley and I were wrong to marry in the fashion we did.”

  This caused Leticia to turn back to him. Eyeing him with a look of disbelief, she waited for him to continue. “I know that now,” he said. “I didn’t then. I was young and idealistic and foolish. The war was on and it seemed that there might not be a tomorrow. I didn’t think about the consequences of anything. I fell in love with Ashley and married her—and never gave a single thought to respecting your wishes. For that I’m sorry, and I do apologize. I hope that somehow you can find it in your heart to forgive me—to forgive Ashley too.”