Recovery

by Simmons, L. B.

  “Well, I would like to live to three seconds pregnant…think you can manage that? I don’t know why you’re freaking out. It’s not like they can start without me. So, calm your ass down and breathe. We’re almost there anyway.”

  I feel the car begin to slow and watch as Harlow’s coloring returns to normal. “I know. I’m sorry.” She slams her hands down on the steering wheel and my heart jumps back into my throat.

  Jeez—I don’t think I can take much more today.

  “It’s just… I’m so excited! And nervous! And excited!” She turns to me with such an enormous smile on her face that it actually frightens me. I point my finger at the windshield, signaling for her to keep her damn eyes on the road, and to stop looking at me because she’s freaking me out. She continues with her excited, but nervous explosion of words.

  “Alex, you’re getting married! To Blake! And you’re having another baby! With Blake! Can you believe it? The girls are going to go nuts! Ohmygod! What if it’s a boy?” She once again looks at me, eyes widened. “What if it’s a boy, Alex?” And then…she bursts out into laughter.

  Typical.

  “Do you even know what to do with a boy? Like, how to clean them properly? You know, down there? Under…there?” She scrunches her face like Rylie does when I try to make her eat her vegetables.

  “Harlow, I think I’ll be fine. Many, many mothers have been able to handle having boys. Plus, that’s why I have Blake. I’m sure he knows all that stuff.”

  “Well, I should hope he does!” Harlow barely squeaks out before we both break into a fit of the giggles upon finally reaching our destination. Coming to a stop, our laughter dies down. With the car in park and the ignition off, we turn to one another with smiles on our faces, both of which seem to be touched with a bit of sadness. It feels as though we’re saying goodbye. Not to each other necessarily, but to certain aspects of our friendship. Particularly the unhealthy and dysfunctional parts…like her need to take care of me and my need to use her as a crutch to get through life. It’s my time to move on with Blake and her time to live without constantly worrying about my welfare. Even though this is a good thing for both of us, it’s still closing the door to those parts of our lives.

  I reach out, gathering Harlow’s hands in mine before I speak. “Thank you. For everything. I know I’ve said it a million times, but I wouldn’t have made it through the loss of Derek without you. You’ve practically raised my children with me, and you know, I think we did a pretty damn good job.” Feeling the tears gather in my eyes, I try to swallow them back. This really shouldn’t be a sad time, for either of us, but knowing she’s doing the same makes them rather difficult to contain.

  “We did,” she responds with a swipe, removing the moisture on her cheek. “I’m kind of proud of us, actually. Who would have thought we could be such great parents? But it’s time, Alex, for both of us. It will be different, but…better.” She squeezes my hands gently, breaking the dam holding back my tears. So many times over the last three years she has given me that same tender gesture…willing me her strength when I had none, telling me she loved me when I needed to hear it, demonstrating her unfaltering support when doubting myself.

  Different…but better.

  Releasing our hands, we pull each other into a tight embrace. “I love you, Harlow.”

  “Love you too, hun,” she lets out a sigh, “but, if you mess up my artistry on your face, I’m gonna have to downgrade that to a strong like.” I let her go as we begin to laugh, and just like that…no more tears. Quite a few sniffles, but no more tears.

  “Well, you ready?” she asks me after a few seconds.

  Right at that moment, I happen to glance over her shoulder, catching my first glimpse of Blake. With Rylie on his hip and Kyndall holding his hand, he confidently makes his way over to where Nycole and my parents are standing. After placing Rylie on the ground, he shakes my father’s hand and flashes them his devastatingly beautiful smile, making my heart melt.

  “Most definitely.”

  Sniffling one last time, I open the car door.

  I couldn’t be more ready.

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  The second I set my foot down on the ground, my sense of smell is assaulted by the overwhelming smell of fish. Fish and flowers. Grimacing, I make what I can only assume is the most unattractive face imaginable and pray no one has noticed the bride has finally arrived. I close my eyes and shake my head in a pitiful attempt to rid my nose of the awful fragrance. It’s everywhere. I can feel the blood draining from my face where it seems to be forming a tight knot in my stomach. When I attempt to swallow, I find it damn near impossible. My throat feels like I just downed a bucket full of glue.

  Ah pregnancy, how I’ve missed you.

  “Oh my God, Alex, are you okay?” Harlow slams her door and rushes to where I’m standing. Well, attempts to rush. Her expletives get increasingly worse as she stumbles over almost every piece of gravel that she comes across. “Goddamn it,” she mutters, adding an extra “Fuck it” before removing her shoes and tossing them on the car.

  “Only for you, Alex. Only for you do I do these things. These heels are gorgeous and here they are, being battered by rocks because you just had to get married at the lake. I get it. I can be sentimental too, but my shoes…”she trails off as she turns her head to the hood of her car.

  “Harlow, I love your shoes, I really do, but, I’m about to lose my breakfast here. How the hell did I ever find this scent appealing?” I shake my head again, but the jarring of my brain seems to only antagonize the nausea. My teeth clench tight, sealing my mouth shut. This is going to be a major problem during the vows.

  I brace myself against the car, willing my brain to get the message to the little guy running the tilt-a-whirl in my stomach that this ride is closed. A light breeze blows and I wince in preparation for my next intake of air, but as soon as it hits and I breathe it in, my body relaxes.

  The blood knotting my stomach is redistributed. My jaw unclenches. Tilt-a-whirl guy’s evidently on break.

  I take in a long, deep breath.

  I know that smell. The scent is unmistakable.

  Leather and soap.

  I pivot myself slowly, keeping my arms bent behind me against Harlow’s car just in case I need the support. Which definitely works to my advantage, because the moment my eyes take in my husband-to-be, my knees go weak.

  Good. God.

  I mean, Blake is always handsome, no matter what he’s wearing. T-shirt and jeans, button-up and khakis, plaid pajama pants, nothing at all…

  The corner of my mouth lifts slightly as the thought crosses my mind.

  But Blake in a tuxedo? Absolutely breathtaking.

  His hair styled perfectly, lightly gelled back away from his face, little sections still perfectly messy as they flip out from behind his ears and curl away from the nape of his neck. Black jacket, fit to perfection over his broad shoulders. Crisp white button down which, unfortunately, is covering his rock hard stomach – the one I can’t wait to run my fingers all over later. Black bow tie wrapping itself around that neck that I can’t wait to kiss and nibble on later…

  I see his mouth moving, but all I can focus on are his full lips. I really want to taste those lips.

  Damn hormones.

  “Alex, I asked if you’re okay.” I force my blank stare away from his mouth where I just started focusing on his tongue.

  “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” My eyes keep trying to make the journey back down to his mouth, but I manage to keep them above nose level. Which is not easy…

  “You’re as white as a ghost. Do you need a drink? You look…nervous. Absolutely beautiful, but nervous. ”

  “NO!” Harlow and I shout simultaneously. Harlow stifles a giggle and clears her throat. “I guess I better go. Alex, good luck my friend. Blake, I would grab that drink if I were you. You’re gonna need it.”

  Sh
e whisks her shoes off the car and slides them on her feet. “I’m going to go find Trace and give you two some much needed alone time. I haven’t seen my man all day, and I’m sure he’s going into withdrawals.” Her eyes bounce back and forth between Blake and my stomach. “Yeah, so…I’m out.”

  Harlow marches her way to where Trace is standing, his arm stretching for her and a grin on his face. She stumbles one more time before completing her trek. I smile in spite of her clumsiness; I can’t help but hope that I’ll be attending her wedding soon. She and Trace have been dating since the night at George’s bar, when I more or less told Blake I didn’t need him to save me, which, in retrospect, couldn’t be further from the truth. My grin widens as I watch them together. I know her time is coming soon, and it makes my heart swell with happiness. After a couple of seconds, I turn to Blake. My smile fades when I see the concern etched on his face.

  “Are you okay?” He reaches out and runs his knuckles down my cheek, then places his hand on the back of my neck while continuing to stroke my face with his thumb. I tilt my head into his hand and inhale deeply.

  God, I love this man.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. Harlow’s just being Harlow, you know how she is. That being said, I do have something to tell you. But, I’d like to give you a little something first.”

  Blake’s eyes light up as a mischievous smile spreads widely across his face. “Wait…I have something for you too. Hold on.”

  Whipping around, he races down the gravel path to where all of our guests are congregating and runs right up to Nycole, leaning to whisper something into her ear. A huge smile extends across her face while she nods her head at him, clapping her hands excitedly as they head off together…somewhere. What are they up to?

  I take in another breath. My senses must have acclimated themselves to the floral fish smell because now I barely smell anything. Shielding my eyes, I peer out over the lake. The bright orange sun seems to be sitting right on the water, with its reflection dancing on the ripples passing just underneath it. I glance at the old familiar wisteria trees as the light breeze blows the branches ever so slightly. Our cove. At sunset.

  Absolute perfection.

  “This is where your daddy first kissed me. Twice.” I lightly graze my hands over my tummy. It seems hard to believe that it’s only been seven months since he kissed me on the cheek, right here. The same place he kissed me when we were twelve years old. It only seems fitting that we come together as husband and wife right where it all started.

  Full circle.

  “And now we have to tell him about you, little lovebug, so hang tight. I’ll let you know what happens.”

  I whirl myself around, opening Harlow’s car door to fetch Blake’s present. The silver wrapping definitely won’t be giving anything away. I could have wrapped it in baby covered paper I suppose, but I really hate pastels. Immensely.

  Closing the door, I turn back around just in time to see Blake coming back up the path, beaming from ear to ear, holding a shiny white package in his hands. Perfectly wrapped, of course, with a gorgeous silver bow tied around it.

  I can’t help but smile as he approaches. “Nice wrapping job there, Blake.” We laugh together as we exchange gifts. “Well, who goes first?” I ask him, holding the box to my ear while gently shaking it back and forth. It’s light. Interesting.

  “Ladies first, of course.” He gestures at the gift. “But, before you open it, I just want to tell you that you look absolutely amazing, Alex. I have never seen you look so beautiful. Now that you actually have color in your cheeks again,” he finishes with a trademark chuckle and a lingering kiss to my temple.

  “Thank you, Blake. You also look amazing, as usual. I kind of want to jump your bones, actually.” I press into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. Hearing a soft growl from him in response, a smile breaks across my face and my heart picks up its pace. “We’ll have plenty of time for that later, Alex.” He snickers lightly under his breath. “Go ahead, open your present.”

  Unthreading my arms, I grin up at him before ripping the paper to shreds. I’ve always been a little too excited when it comes to presents. Quickly turning around, I set the box on the hood of the car before opening it. As I lift the top, and see its contents, I let out a little laugh. Yeah, Nycole definitely helped with this.

  Inside the box is a white t-shirt with iron-on pink glittery letters that reads:

  “Blake! I love it!” His light green eyes shift from mine to the shirt.

  “Well obviously it required a feminine touch, so I recruited a little help. GI Joe didn’t turn out so well, but hopefully Nycole’s master craftsmanship will ensure that you’ll have it forever. Go ahead, take it out. Let’s see it.”

  After giving him a quick hug, I turn back to my gift and begin to pull the shirt out of the box. As I lift it up, a smaller box falls from its folds. Surprised, I give Blake a sideways glance. “What’s this?”

  “It’s your real present.”

  Intrigued, the right side of my mouth curves into a smile and I gaze back down at the velvet covered black rectangle lying in front of me. I reach for the box and excitedly flip it open, only to let out a gasp when I see what it holds. “Blake, you shouldn’t have!” I exclaim, peering down at the teardrop shaped diamond earrings and matching solitaire necklace. “They’re beautiful.”

  Moving in behind me, Blake places a soft, warm kiss on my neck and nuzzles behind my ear. My whole body immediately begins to throb.

  “As are you,” he says, taking the box from my hands. He removes the necklace and I stay in place so he can hook it around my neck. Facing back around, I remove my old pearl stud earrings, placing them in the box while Blake hands me the diamonds. I slide them into my ears with a smile. Something New. Well, I have something new for him too.

  “Your turn, mister. Open yours.” Childlike expression full of excitement fills Blake’s face. My hands instinctively rub my stomach as my nerves cause it to flutter. He delicately unwraps the gift, completely opposite of my earlier paper carnage, to expose a small, square box. As the top creaks open, Blake’s eyes broaden and his brow shoots up, the smile on his face slowly falling as the realization of what my gift is telling him becomes clear in his mind.

  Wide eyed, he stares.

  And he stares.

  And he stares.

  Finally, his eyes let go of the box to find mine. A huge knot in my throat forms when they finally meet because staring back at me are those gorgeous light green eyes filled to the brim with tears.

  “Are you sure, Alex?” I give him a slight nod. Smiling a bewildered, crooked smile, he looks back down at the box. I move in closer to him, wrapping my arm around his waist and snuggling my body into his, placing my head against his chest. Holding each other, we both stare at the solid silver diamond shaped charm that simply reads “Baby on Board”. I laugh silently, remembering my joke in the car with Harlow. Soon after, my silent snicker turns into full on laughter as a thought crosses my mind.

  I lift my head off of Blake’s chest and peer up at him from underneath my eyelashes. Memories of all the charms he’s given me since we were kids enter my mind, my crucial mistake becoming clear. “Blake, I totally just gave myself a present. I’m such an idiot! I get two and you get nothing? That’s not fair. I’m so sorry. I swear to God, this baby is sucking the brain cells out of my head already.”

  Blake simply shakes his head and swallows back his tears. He places his finger under my chin, tilting my head back just slightly before he speaks. “Alex, you’ve given me more than you could ever imagine. There’s nothing more perfect than this moment, right now.”

  Leaning down, he brushes his soft lips against mine. The tenderness of his kiss sends a wave of pleasure rippling through my entire body. I wrap my arms around his neck and part my lips ready to accept his warm, soft tongue into my mouth…

  “Ewww!” Three sets of high pitched giggles immediately follow. “Blake and Mommy, sitt
in’ in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…”

  My lips miss the warmth of Blake’s when he pulls away slightly, pressing his forehead against mine. With heavy breaths, we stare at each other until the serenade is over.

  “First comes love, then comes marriage,” more giggling, “then comes baby in a baby carriage.”

  Laughter erupts and we can’t help but join in. “Welcome to fatherhood,” I say, removing my arms from around his neck. “You can kiss your privacy goodbye.” After lacing my fingers through his, I turn around to face my little devils.

  I lock eyes with my brown haired beauty, Nycole. The huge, dimpled grin on her face brings a content smile to my own. Reaching my arm out for her, she walks over to me and leans her body into mine, wrapping her arms around my waist. I place my cheek on the top of her head and squeeze her tight. Taking in a peaceful sigh, I think about how nice it is to see her being a kid again. With Blake around, she eased back out of her grown up role rather quickly, and I couldn’t be happier to see my little girl being a little girl. All is as it should be.

  Releasing Blake’s hand, I turn to face her. “You look beautiful, Nyc,”

  “Thanks, Mom. So do you.”

  As the breeze blows lightly, I raise my hand to move some of her long, curly hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear. She smiles, happiness filling her eyes. Signaling for her to turn around, I watch in amazement as she spins slowly. Her dress is a white sleeveless solid satin top, with a matching dusty rose satin sash similar to mine and a double layered white tulle skirt. When she does an about-face, I catch the shine of her light layer of lip gloss and my mind strums up the image of my little girl in her own wedding dress one day.

  With tears surfacing in my eyes, I break my stare from Nycole to find Kyndall standing just behind her. She sheepishly smiles, and with her arms behind her back as she swishes her dress back and forth, I know she is anxiously awaiting her compliment. As Nycole steps aside, I take a small step forward and reach both my arms out to gather her in a tight embrace. Releasing me, she steps back and curtsies. “Kyndall, you look absolutely gorgeous.” And she does. The sun hits her eyes just right, bringing out the flecks of light green mixed in with her greyish-blue irises; her light brown hair loosely tied back with a rose ribbon matching the sashes. Although their dresses are identical, where I see Nycole as a future bride, Kyndall exudes only youthful innocence.