Remember This

by Patricia Koerner

  John told me later that was glad for the opportunity to get to know Dad professionally and see him at work. He said he was impressed with how down to earth Dad was, and with how he let the other actors shine and didn’t grab the spotlight, even though he was one of most respected and venerable members of the cast. I told him that was because Dad respected others’ talents and never had an oversized ego. Even after decades in California in the entertainment industry, Dad still had his Midwestern practicality and straightforward manner.

  I saw little of Dad during this time, but once when John and I were having Sunday dinner with him and Mother, Dad pulled me into the study for a private word. “I’ve been watching John these past few weeks. He really is a gifted actor. I’m glad to see that he’s stopped drinking and straightened himself out. Maybe his career will take off now that producers and directors are seeing that. It would have been truly regrettable if he had wasted himself and his talent.

  “Dad, how did you know…,” I began.

  “You know how it is. Word gets around.” Dad put his arm around me as we returned to the living room. “I’m glad to see you two back together. I know your love will keep him from going down that road again.” He tweaked my nose like he used to when I was a child. “And you need him, too. You need a man who loves you for who you are, not for what he can get from you.”

  19

  Present Day (July 1st):

  Hannah noticed some changes in Sophie when she came for their session. Sophie’s hair was cut in a cute, shorter style off her face and tamed somewhat, but not completely, with a little styling mousse. She was also wearing more make-up than usual. “Going out somewhere special later, Sophie?” Hannah asked, curious.

  “Eddie and I are going out to dinner, yes,” Sophie answered. She fidgeted a little with her skirt, as if she was a little self-conscious that Hannah had noticed. “Graham phoned me this morning. He’s found an interested publisher and wanted to schedule a meeting with us. I told him that it would have to be next week because Eddie and I are planning to go up to Lake George for the Fourth. I hope this is OK with you.”

  “Fine by me. I take it that you and Eddie are planning to do some serious talking about your future?”

  “Yes. We thought if we could get away somewhere alone, we’d be away from distractions from our families and friends and be able to see once and for all whether this is going to work.” A wistful expression came onto Sophie’s face. Hannah smiled at how innocent and childlike it made her look.

  “He has a job now with another web design company. The pay isn’t what he was hoping to get, but I was happy to see him take it anyway this time. He realizes now that he’ll make more once they see how good he is. Before, he would have rejected the offer outright.”

  “It looks like he’s done some growing up.”

  “Yes, I think … I hope … he’s finally getting serious about us, too.”

  One week later (July 8th):

  “Something smells good in here and I think it’s gyros from Ithaka,” laughed Sophie, sniffing as she came into Hannah’s kitchen.

  “Yes,” answered Hannah, motioning Sophie out to the balcony. “I had a gyro attack, so I decided to pop over to Ithaka to get my fix.” While they ate, Sophie chattered on about Lake George, how much fun she and Eddie had, how they loved the sailing and how nice it was to get out of the heat of the city.

  As they cleared away the dishes, Sophie asked, “Once you and John were back together, did you ever again talk about getting married?”

  “Yes, we made wedding plans, but one thing after another kept derailing those plans … “

  20

  December 1980:

  John’s parents, Robert and Louise Eaton, phoned John over Thanksgiving and said they planned to come to Los Angeles for Christmas. I was excited because I hadn’t seen them since Alicia’s wedding five years before. John too, was looking forward to their visit. He hadn’t seen his parents in over two years, since he went back East to be best man for Greg Barnes when Greg and Cindy married. By this time, John had regained the weight he lost and his color was much better. I was so happy to see him looking healthy again and especially relieved that his parents wouldn’t see him as he was back in the summer because I knew they would have been upset.

  Around this time, an up and coming singer, for her debut album, covered one of the songs Dee-Dee Cummings and I wrote, entitled Snow Queen. When we heard this new version, neither Dee-Dee nor I quite knew what to think. The quick tempo had been slowed down and the instrumentation completely changed. The trends in popular music at that time included New Wave and Synth Pop, so the new arrangement leaned heavily on synthesizers. Dee-Dee wasn’t pleased at all, since her style was jazz and folk. I wasn’t too crazy about it either. I thought it sounded rather bizarre, but I gradually wrapped my head around it and over time, it grew on me.

  My parents and the Eatons had never met one another, so I decided to host a family Christmas Eve dinner for them. I invited Danny and Patrick to join us. It was so wonderful to have our families together at last that it almost compensated for the fact that a turkey dinner for eight people was far beyond my culinary skills. The cranberry sauce came out all wrong and I had to send John out on an emergency trip to the market for some canned. I also had some trouble getting the gravy just right. Cooking wasn’t my mother’s forte either, so I was enormously grateful for Louise’s help in pulling it all off.

  My father and Robert Eaton hit it off immediately and soon they were trading war stories. They had plenty of them to share, too. Dad was in the infantry and among those who landed on Omaha Beach in Normandy. Robert was in the Air Force and was part of a bombing crew that flew 27 missions before they were shot down, captured and sent to a POW camp.

  The Eatons had been saving some happy news for their arrival. Alicia and her husband Erik were finally expecting a baby the following June. They had been hoping and trying for a couple of years and were beginning to worry that something was wrong. Robert and Louise were almost giddy with anticipation. I sensed right then that hints were going to be dropped to John and me, especially when I noticed how they played with Matty and fussed over him.

  During the fall, I worked on my sonata and thought I’d play it for the families and see how it went over. I titled it Mountain Springtime because it was inspired by that trip Danny and I took to Utah. I considered it complete except perhaps for a few finishing touches. Danny said that he thought the piece did well in invoking the experience. Robert got on John’s drum set and the two of us had another jam session. We enjoyed jamming together again every bit as before. He and the Dukes still played at the Rainbow Lounge and had traveled to New Orleans to play in a jazz festival the previous year.

  My instincts were right in regards to our parents dropping hints to us about our future. Two days later, both sets of parents went to dinner together at the Brown Derby. Since it was a popular dining place with out of town visitors, John and I didn’t think much of it. However, the next morning when Mother called and asked, almost insistently, that John and I have dinner with her and Dad that night. I hesitated because John and I had plans to go out with his parents.

  “Please dear, it’s important. Robert and Louise will be here, too. I’ve already asked them.”

  “Is there something wrong, Mother?”

  “No. We just want to talk with you two.”

  It wasn’t like her to be evasive, so I had a pretty good idea of what was on their minds. I wasn’t against it. In fact, I too had been thinking that it was time for John and me to plan our future. Perhaps his parents’ presence and encouragement would provide additional support. I was happy and fulfilled with John in my life, whether or not we married, but we wanted a family and there was enough of the good Catholic girl still in me to believe we needed to be married first.

  As soon as we all had begun eating, my father said to John and me, “I think you’ve guessed by now why we wanted to have you here tonight.” When John and I said that we ha
d, he continued, “If you feel we are meddling, forgive us. We respect that you are adults and have the right to decide the course of your lives, but we just want to tell you how we feel.” He looked around the table at Mother and the Eatons. They all nodded.

  Louise spoke next. “We are so glad you two found your way back to one another. You belong together. We’re hoping that now you’ll think about making it official.”

  “We want to see you settled and happy; and we want what’s right for this little fella especially,” Dad said. He reached over to stroke Matty’s hair.

  “Hannah and I have talked about getting married and starting a family,” John answered, “but with the strike, and both of us trying to find work, it just hasn’t seemed to be the right moment.”

  After some further discussion, we decided that late July or early August would be the ideal time, since Louise wanted to be with Alicia when her baby came and John thought Greg would have vacation time then and be able to be his best man.

  That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying the events of the evening over and over in my head. Everything our parents said rang true, but now, I needed to ask my heart. His deep rhythmic breathing told me John was asleep. I could feel his breath so close to me, as if it were intertwining with mine like our bodies had intertwined only hours before. John stirred and his arms tightened around me, one hand caressing my face. For a moment I thought he’d woken up, but he was still fast asleep. Just then, I had the answer from my heart. I knew from then on that John would be the only man I’d ever love; regardless of whether or not we married. Even if we were to separate again and never marry, no other man would set my heart on fire and shake my soul the John did. I knew it was him I wanted to wake up to every morning, his side I wanted to lie next to every night. I knew this was right.

  I was on the verge of finally falling asleep when I heard a noise coming from Matty’s room. Extricating myself from John’s arms carefully as not to wake him, I slipped away to check on Matty. As I entered Matty’s room, I heard him laugh. Walking up to his crib, I could see by the night light that he was still asleep. The little guy was laughing in his sleep!

  ***

  The new year got off to a busy start. I began work on music for two TV pilots. One of these was immediately picked up by a network and became one of their most successful series. The second was also, but the series ultimately lasted only one season. I also worked on wedding plans, including writing a song for the wedding. I asked Laurie to be my maid of honor. Greg Barnes of course, would be John’s best man. Cindy Barnes and James Peck would be the only other attendants. We weren’t interested in show and ostentation, so we planned a small church wedding with only the people closest to us in attendance. I didn’t want an engagement ring, either. I would wear the topaz ring from the ring and earrings set John gave me for Christmas and we would exchange plain gold wedding rings. I felt that engagement rings had become a status symbol rather than a symbol of love and commitment, especially in Hollywood.

  I heard that Snow Queen was being released as a single. It had been frequently requested by callers to radio stations, so the label felt the song had the potential to be a hit. At the same time, I learned that Suzy Wright and I were up for a Golden Globe for Dance into My Heart and were being asked to perform the song together at the award ceremony. Whether we won or not, I felt honored. My father’s TV series, Daily Grind, had won the Emmy once for Best Show and Dad himself once for Best Supporting Actor. I was so proud of him. It meant a lot to me when he said that he and Mother would be watching and rooting for me.

  Suzy and I rehearsed for three days before the ceremony. We had it down cold, but we were still a bit nervous. It was the first time either of us had been nominated for any award. John came with me to the Beverly Hilton Hotel where the ceremony was held. I was so happy to have his support. When Suzy’s and my names were announced as the winners for Best Original Song, I sat frozen to my seat, unsure if I’d heard correctly. Only when John nudged me and said, “Hannah, sweetheart, go on. They’re calling you,” did I get up and join Suzy onstage. As I accompanied Suzy singing our song, I could feel John’s love touching me and I played as if for him alone.

  By the time we got to the after party, we were both famished and were grateful for the generous buffet and the copious amount of champagne which flowed. After accepting congratulations and good wishes from dozens of people, many of whom I did not even recognize, I told John I wanted to leave. I never felt comfortable in crowds and I was beginning to feel queasy. As we made for the exit, on impulse I grabbed the bottle of champagne from our table and took it with me.

  As John drove, I looked up at the full moon, almost at its zenith. A strip of cloud passed across its center, making the moon look like a giant cat’s eye glowing in the night sky. “Let’s go for a walk on the beach,” I said. “It’s so beautiful tonight.” John gave me a skeptical look, but he turned onto the beach road anyway.

  We found a relatively isolated stretch and still in my floor length dress, I ran along the water’s edge. I still had the champagne bottle in my hand and I took a long swig. John caught up with me, took the bottle from me and drank from it, shaking the last few drops into his mouth.

  “Hey!” I yelled as I made a grab for the bottle. Laughing, John ran further along the beach to an even more isolated area, partly overgrown with brush. We sat down in a clear spot and for a while, just listened to the waves breaking and the brush rustling in the breeze.

  The moonlight and I suspect, the champagne, made me feel quite romantic. I leaned over and kissed John as I removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. We however, could never stop at just one kiss – or two – or three. The fact that we were where there was a chance, albeit small, that we could be seen didn’t deter us. In fact, it added a certain thrill to our lovemaking.

  I woke to a chilling breeze and cold ocean water lapping at my feet. The tide was coming in and if we didn’t move immediately, we’d be soaked. Even in Southern California’s mild climate, February was too early in the year to spend all night on the beach. I shook John awake and shivering, we made our way back to the car just as the first rays of the sun touched the water.

  Since the strike ended, John had been getting guest parts in TV series and a small role or two in films, but they were for the most part, unmemorable. He was getting discouraged and I was concerned for him. After I completed the music for the two pilots I had been working on, I put aside any further pursuit of projects and concentrated on supporting John’s career. I knew that perseverance was called for here, so I did what I could to keep his spirits up. I also discreetly put in good words for him with anyone I or my father knew. I know that some would say that I should not have meddled and just let John’s agent do all that; after all, that was what he was being paid for, right? But, when you love someone enough, you will cross lines to do what you can for them and there was no line I wouldn’t cross, short of murder perhaps, to help John.

  It apparently paid off. John came home late one evening from meeting with his agent after I had put Matty down for the night and was in bed reading a book Louise Eaton had recommended to me when she and Robert were here for Christmas. “I finally got something I think will be pretty good,” he said. I put my book down to listen. “It’s a crime story and I’m playing a hit man for some syndicate boss. I’ve looked at the script and I like this character. I think he has some style. So, I told Ron I want to go ahead with it.”

  “A hit man?” I laughed. I had trouble imagining John in such a role, knowing as I did that he didn’t have a sinister bone in his body. In fact, he truly was the most loving and selfless person I’d ever met. “You know,” I continued, “come to think of it, you would be quite successful as an assassin. That altar boy face of yours provides the perfect cover.”

  “Altar boy?” He laughed heartily and his eyes sparkled with amusement. “Oh, Hannah, one thing I’ve always loved about you is how you can really come up with some witticisms.” As we talked, John
had been undressing and was now down to his briefs. “So you think I have the face of an altar boy, eh?” He shucked off his briefs and stark naked, climbed onto the bed and straddled me. He took off my glasses and put them on the night stand. “Well, lucky for you tonight,” he said, cocking his eyebrow and pinning me down on the bed, “I don’t have the mind of one.”

  ***

  Soon, filming began for John’s movie began and he was gone for long days into the evening. I missed him, but I had plenty to occupy myself, with taking care of Matty and especially with wedding plans. I’d had no idea what went into planning a church wedding. John and I were expected to attend the Pre-Cana courses required of Catholic engaged couples. Sometimes John was unable to attend due to his filming schedule, but I attended every one. Mother was especially happy that we were having the wedding at St. Martin of Tours.

  For John’s upcoming birthday, I racked my brain for an idea for a gift. I was wearing the topaz ring John gave me for Christmas and was absent mindedly gazing at it when the idea hit me; I would give John a ring with his birthstone. I suddenly had another idea. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. I envisioned a polished gold band, the gold twisted along the edges. I wanted to engrave two interlocking hearts on it and somehow incorporate an aquamarine into the design. I played with several ideas until one struck me. I decided that hearts would be a little too much and opted for circles instead with the aquamarine set in the space where the circles interlocked. I’m no artist, but I was able to make a drawing that I thought conveyed my ideas adequately and took it to a custom jeweler in the area to see if they would make it for me. To my delight, the craftsman agreed and even had aquamarine stones for me to choose from. I took this part very seriously, as I wanted to select just the right one; one that would match the beautiful color of John’s eyes. I also ordered it engraved. I thought these rings would be far better tokens of our love than gaudy engagement and wedding rings.