In the Land of the Lawn Weenies

by David Lubar

Obernewtyn by Isobelle Carmody

  The Shadow Guests by Joan Aiken

  This Time of Darkness by H. M. Hoover

  Song in the Silence by Elizabeth Kerner

  Red Unicorn by Tanith Lee

  Putting Up Roots by Charles Sheffield

  The Billion Dollar Boy by Charles Sheffield

  WHERE DOES ALL THIS STUFF COME FROM?

  Story ideas come from all over, and they come in many different ways. If I cut myself shaving, I usually bleed a story or two. If someone says something unusual, or does something strange, it can give me a plot. At times, it’s something very ordinary that can inspire a story. Here’s a look at the story behind the stories in this collection.

  Fairy in a Jar

  Some ideas pop up out of nowhere. This one came to me in the shower. I was struck by the thought of a kid hunting fireflies and catching a fairy. I got dressed and ran to the computer. The whole story poured out in less than an hour. It was the first really good horror story I ever wrote.

  The Touch

  A friend complained that his daughter lost everything she touched. He suggested I write a story about it. I did, though I don’t think the result is what he expected.

  At the Wrist

  I keep an idea file where I put anything that might make a good story. One entry said: a boy loses his father’s hand and it comes back to punish him. It came out wonderfully wacky. This is easily my silliest story.

  Crizzles

  No idea where it came from. Must have been something I ate.

  Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board

  I saw kids playing this game at a picnic. I really wanted something magical to happen. When life doesn’t give you what you want, you can write your own ending instead.

  The Evil Tree

  When I wrote the opening sentence, I had no idea where the story was going. I do that a lot. I end up with tons of unused openings, but I also get lots of stories that way. It’s sort of like doodling with words.

  Kidzilla

  There’s a famous short story by Franz Kafka called “Metamorphosis.” It’s about a man who turns into a disgusting insect. Someone jokingly suggested I should write about a kid who becomes a cockroach. I thought a lizard would be a lot more fun. I started with the opening sentence, and just followed it wherever it wanted to go.

  Everyone’s a Winner

  My daughter and I went wild one day playing skee ball at an amusement park. We ended up winning so many of these little stuffed turtles that we couldn’t carry them. They just kept spilling from our clutches. That image was the seed for the story.

  A Little Off the Top

  The setting and discomfort come straight from childhood memories. I really didn’t like going to the barber when I was a kid. My wife cuts my hair now.

  The Slide

  True story—I was sitting next to a tube slide when a kid came out. He hit the ground—plock—and froze for an instant as if he’d just been dropped into the world. Then he looked around and went running off. Some day I guess I’d better confess to the kid’s dad that his son inspired such a gruesome story.

  Big Kids

  This sprang from memories of the fear of Big Kids, combined with a thirst for revenge. Bullies beware—the kid you’re messing with today might grow up to be a writer.

  Your Worst Nightmare

  As a game, my daughter used to try to avoid falling maple leaves. Why avoid them? I wondered. The answer that came to mind was wonderfully shivery.

  Phone Ahead

  I got the idea for the phone first, then thought up a story about it.

  Sand Sharks

  I wrote the opening scene with no idea where it would go. But I guess I had sharks on my mind.

  On the Road

  Memories, again. Those trips sure did seem to stretch out.

  The Languages of Beasts

  I had the idea for the ending. I like stories that end with a twist, but it’s important to plant little hints and clues along the way. Otherwise you end up with a long joke instead of a short story. Luckily, my editor works very hard to keep that from happening.

  Class Trip

  Another story taken from my idea file. Again, all I really started with was the ending.

  Collared

  I wish I knew where this one came from. I think it’s one of my scariest stories. As far as I remember, I just started writing, making it up as I went along.

  The Substitute

  Usually, it’s the substitute who has a hard time. I thought it might be fun to write about a substitute who isn’t quite what he seemed to be. As for Jane, if she’s in your class, you might want to think about being a bit nicer to her. You never know … .

  The Vampire’s Rat

  I’d been working on a novel about a plague, so I guess I had rats on my mind. At first, I thought this story would be about a disease, but the way it ended up was a lot more shivery.

  Slugs

  I’d been discussing slugs with a friend (doesn’t everyone?), and the story idea just sort of grew from our conversation and a comment she made. I have neat friends.

  Snakeland

  I’ve always been fascinated by tourist attractions, especially those small roadside places that are run by one person or a family. They’re such a wonderful part of the American highway. I’ve never been to a place exactly like Snakeland, but I know it’s out there waiting for me.

  Burger and Fries

  This began with an idea of how someone could run a business while cutting down on expenses. Once I had that initial unappetizing concept, the fast-food connection just seemed natural.

  Game Over

  This might be a case of biting the hand that fed me since I worked for many years as a game designer. But you have to admit, video games have a way of taking over.

  Smunkies

  A good chunk of my allowance used to go for stuff from mail order catalogs when I was a kid. The moment I sent in my money, I started watching for the package. You can get some absolutely fabulous junk this way.

  Pretty Polly

  I know parrots are wonderful creatures. They’re colorful, entertaining, and intelligent, but there’s something about them that strikes me as a bit sinister.

  Join the Party

  I suspect most of us have, at some point, looked around and wondered why everything seemed so easy for everyone else. We only know our own fears and weaknesses; We know ourselves from the inside. We see others from the outside. I think most of us are more alike than we realize.

  The Billion Legger

  In general, I don’t mind insects. There’s a great spider hanging out in my office right now. I leave it alone. But centipedes make me just a tiny bit uncomfortable. That’s a lie—they make me very uncomfortable.

  The Battle-Ax

  There’s something frightening and fascinating about old weapons. They almost seem to have a power of their own.

  In the Land of the Lawn Weenies

  I like to go for a walk every day. It’s a good way to get ideas. One afternoon, as I strolled through the neighborhood, I noticed a lot of people out mowing their lawns. It almost made me feel I was living in a hive, where all the workers were functioning by instinct.

  Sunburn

  I’d started out wanting to write something about a couple of kids who go overboard trying to get a tan. The story took a twist I didn’t expect, but I like the way it turned out.

  Thin Silk

  One evening, I walked into a whole bunch of thin strands of spider web. They seemed to be everywhere that night. I brushed them away, but the idea stuck.

  The Witch’s Monkey

  My daughter loves cats. She has cat shirts, cat jewelry (especially earrings), cat sheets, cat books, cat posters, and tons of other feline things. I took this passion, transferred it to a more unusual animal, and let the story grow from there.

  As You Say

  This started out with the idea for the curse. I didn’t know when I began that it would take off in such a w
acky direction, but that’s part of the fun. One of the joys of writing is that there are no limits.

  Hide

  My daughter’s friend Amanda lives in a house with a lovely view. Her backyard borders a farm. It’s hard to stand there and enjoy that peaceful scene without getting an idea or two.

  Well, that’s it for this collection. I’d like to stick around, but I’ve been thinking about these piles of leaves I saw on my last walk. There’s a story in them. It’s sort of a wild idea, but I think I can turn it into a good tale. Guess I’d better get back to work.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  David Lubar grew up in Morristown, New Jersey, spent a few years in Northern California, and ended up, much to his delight, in Eastern Penn-sylvania. He likes writing short stories and hates mowing his lawn. Though he’s never owned a monkey, a smunkie, a rat, or a parrot, he does live near an awful lot of cows. His first novel, Hidden Talents, is an American Library Association “Best Books for Young Adults” selection. He lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and daughter.

  This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  IN THE LAND OF THE LAWN WEENIES AND OTHER WARPED AND CREEPY TALES

  Copyright © 2003 by David Lubar

  The Psychozone: Kidzilla & Other Tales © 1996 by David Lubar The Psychozone: The Witch’s Monkey & Other Tales © 1997 by David Lubar

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form.

  A Starscape Book

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, NY 10010

  www.tor-forge.com

  eISBN 9781466803770

  First eBook Edition : October 2011

  First Starscape Edition: June 2003