Decidedly With Love

by Stina Lindenblatt

  But then decided I didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. They were probably too preoccupied to care anyway.

  No sooner had I thought that, then Travis licked my clit with enough pressure to cause me to see stars. “Oh, God,” I groaned, my eyes squeezing tightly.

  “I can guarantee God had nothing to do with that.”

  Giggling, I opened my eyes. “Don’t worry, in my mind you get full credit.”

  “That’s good to know. Now, no more closing your eyes. I want you to watch me make you come.”

  “Yes, sir.” I propped myself on my elbows.

  His mouth curled up to one side. “Yes, master, will work, too.”

  My mouth copied his. “Are you going to fuck me, master, or just talk?”

  “Definitely fuck you.” He ran the tip of his tongue against my sex. “I missed you, pussy. Did you miss me?”

  “Oh, she missed you all right. You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “Who’s worried?” He flicked his tongue against my clit, and I had to fight to keep my eyes open.

  It didn’t take much in terms of his lavish attention before a rush of heat powered through my lower belly and lit me up like a truckload of fireworks.

  July 4th celebrations had nothing on this.

  Travis reached for a condom from his nightstand.

  “Wow, were you a boy scout?” I asked. “Because you definitely come prepared.”

  “More like I’m prepared to make you come again.” He winked at me and my body went all tingly.

  “Sounds good, but…” I sat up. “But I want to ride you this time.”

  The gleam in his eyes? I translated that as a yes.

  He sat back on the bed, a pile of pillows behind him. I shifted my body to straddle his hips and took the condom wrapper from him. But instead of rolling it onto him, I leaned forward and flicked my tongue against his nipple.

  He groaned; I grinned. Then I closed my lips around it and sucked. That too was rewarded with a moan. Not wanting the other nipple to feel ignored, I adjusted my body and lavished nipple #2 with the same attention as the first.

  The ache between my legs was resting against his hard length. He rocked his body, pressing himself against me in a way that nearly had me coming once more.

  I chuckled. “Hint received.” I ripped open the condom and removed it from the wrapper. “I’ve only put one on a banana before.” And they weren’t exactly the same thing.

  I peered down at his cock. His was much wider than a banana. Yep—not the same thing.

  He laughed. “A banana?”

  “Yes, it was Hannah’s idea in high school…just in case.” The just in case I never had to worry about until now.

  “I’m sure you’ll do fine.” He parked his hands behind his head and nodded for me to continue.

  Once I had it on him, with relatively little trouble, I got into position, his tip against my entrance, and lowered myself until he was deeply seated inside me.

  I leaned back and thrust my hips forward. My already sensitive clit promised me an orgasm to break all records if I kept that up. So naturally I did it again. “Oh, God.”

  “I think this is my new favorite position,” Travis said, his eyes on my breasts. He leaned forward and took an eager nipple in his mouth—and I had to second his opinion.

  While he teased my happy nipples with his mouth and fingers, I continued the slow yet deep thrusting movements of my hips. But once he’d finished feasting on my breasts, he grabbed my hips and switched the pace to something faster and harder.

  My heat clenched around him as another orgasm rocketed my body into the stratosphere—where Travis joined me a moment later.

  Once we had returned to the planet, spent and satisfied, Travis removed himself from me and disposed of the condom. He then climbed back in bed.

  Lying next to me, our legs tangled together, he traced his thumb against my lower lip. I would have given anything to know what he was thinking—or not. He was a guy, which meant he could be contemplating a million different things—and none of it to do with us.

  “You must think I’m silly being scared of spiders,” I said.

  “It’s no big deal. Everyone is scared of something.”

  “Right. Are you saying that big bad alpha you is scared of something?” I believed that as much as I believed I would wake up tomorrow a million dollars richer.

  “I lost my parents and then I lost my best friend in college to cancer. And I almost lost my grandmother when I was a teen…”

  He didn’t finish the sentence but he didn’t have to.

  “You’re afraid of losing someone you love?”

  It all made sense now. He didn’t keep girls at a distance because of his crazy ex-girlfriend or because he was worried he’d get screwed over by someone only interested in his bank account. It was because he was protecting his heart.

  “I don’t exactly have a great track record.” He shrugged as if it were no big deal.

  Except it was a very big deal.

  Only I had no idea what to say to it. It wasn’t as if I had lost anyone I loved. Not in the same sense as Travis. No one had cared enough about me to stick around—with the exception of Hannah.

  “But you can’t give up on love because of that,” I said. “Everyone loses someone they love at one time or another. We’re humans, not immortal.”

  Did he look convinced? Not at all. He had spent half his life feeling this way, and nothing I could say would change his opinion.

  “Doesn’t matter either way. I’m a hockey player, Emma. We get traded all the time.”

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t love someone. Are your teammates all single?”

  “No, but—”

  “There are no buts. If the girl loves you, she’ll be willing to move with you. Or the two of you will work something out so you’re together during the off-season. But either way, you can’t give up on love because you’re scared of losing the person like you lost your parents and best friend.”

  I cupped his face and studied his beautiful hazel eyes. But it was clear that no matter what I said, he wasn’t convinced. Not that it mattered when it came to my heart. He didn’t love me. I was just someone to keep his grandmother happy until hockey season commenced.

  I gave him a small smile, keeping him from guessing the truth, and kissed his jaw. “Good night. And thanks again for protecting me from the vicious spider.”

  Too bad he couldn’t have protected me from my own foolish heart.

  30

  Emma

  What’s the best way to deal with a broken heart? Hang out with the guy’s grandmother and break your heart some more.

  Right—that wasn’t the best advice, but it was exactly what I was doing.

  Travis and I had returned from Napa Valley three days ago. Neither of us had talked about what happened the night the spider decided to be an unwelcome intruder. We had continued as if we hadn’t discussed Travis’s fear of losing someone he loved. And yes, that included having more incredible sex.

  Why weren’t we currently working on the mural? Because we had finished it last night.

  And since I hadn’t gotten my oven fixed…

  “Have you thought of making sugar cookies and decorating them with little love sayings?” Fanny asked as I added chocolate chips to the cookie batter.

  “You mean like those little candies?”

  “Yes—but with longer sayings. Like ‘I just want to be yours,’ ‘Forever yours,’ and ‘You’re my new favorite feeling.’ You can cover the cookies with icing and then pipe the sayings on. My hands aren’t steady enough, but I bet you could easily do it.”

  “Even though I know nothing about doing something like that?” I asked.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sure you’ve heard of these little things called Google and YouTube. Great inventions. I’ve found all kinds of information on them.”

  “It’s not a bad idea,” I said, and I meant it. “I could at least try it out and see h
ow things go.”

  Grinning, Fanny patted my hand. “That’s the attitude. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. You know, you really are something special, Emma.”

  Right—that was kind of random. I didn’t mean the difficult roads part. That was just Fanny being Fanny. I meant the second part. She thought I was special because I’d agreed to make cookies with messages on them?

  “I’ll be back in a moment,” she said and walked to her bedroom. She returned a minute later carrying a small box covered in blue velvet. “For years, I’ve wondered if Travis would find a woman who would make him happy. A woman who I’d be thrilled to call family. And I’ll admit I was getting worried when that wasn’t happening. Until you…”

  Oh, no. Can’t we go back to discussing cookies?

  “You’ve made Travis happy, Emma. And because of that, you’ve made me happy.” She opened the box to reveal a twisted gold pendant about an inch in length, with six small red gems and a bunch of smaller clear ones. “Those are diamonds and rubies,” Fanny said. “My sweet Robert gave it to me on our thirtieth wedding anniversary, even though it wasn’t our ruby anniversary. He didn’t believe in following tradition. He believed in following your heart.

  “And since Travis has finally followed his heart, I’m giving you this for being the one willing to cherish it.” She handed me the box. Pesky tears clouded my vision.

  How many people had ever given me a gift—if you didn’t count Hannah?

  None—that was how many. Maybe there had been some when I was born but I didn’t remember any of those. I only remembered seeing kids at school showing off their birthday or Christmas or just-because presents. They were always so happy. And each time, for a brief moment, I had allowed myself to pretend it was me. That I was the one getting to show off my gifts.

  And when I was younger and the teacher announced our birthdays to the class? I would lie about my presents because it was better to do that than to admit no one cared about me enough to remember my birthday.

  Not even my foster homes had bothered to acknowledge it. Yes—I had won the lottery jackpot when it came to foster care parents. Not all were like that. Hannah had gotten lucky in some of her homes.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Fanny said, looking concerned.

  I gave her a weak smile. “I’m sorry. It’s just I grew up in foster care. I’m not used to getting gifts.”

  Fanny’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide. “I had no idea,” she said at the same time I said, “But I can’t accept it.”

  Why couldn’t I? Because it would be wrong. She was giving it to me because she wanted so much to believe that Travis was in love with me. But he wasn’t—and would never be.

  Lines creased on her forehead. “Why not? You’re like a granddaughter to me. I love you like a granddaughter.”

  The tears came harder at that—because Fanny was the grandmother I’d never had. Or if I had a grandmother, she hadn’t bothered to track me down.

  “Why do I have a feeling those aren’t happy tears?” Fanny said, looking even more confused. She stepped forward, her arms wide as if to hug me.

  But I couldn’t let her hug me—not with all the lies Travis and I had told her about us being a couple. I didn’t deserve a gift or a hug.

  What did I deserve? To sit on the platform in a dunk tank and have people toss baseballs at the target. At least the money could go to charity, so it wouldn’t be a complete loss.

  “I’m not Travis’s girlfriend,” I said.

  Her frown deepened. “What do you mean?” Then her eyes widened again. “You two broke up? When?” The compassion in her voice almost did me in.

  I could lie and pretend that Travis and I broke up the other day, after our weekend in Napa. But I’d fibbed enough and couldn’t do it anymore…even if I was throwing Travis under a train. Maybe I could toss him a puck bunny or two to keep him company while I was at it.

  “We were never together. We told you we were because Travis knew it would make you happy. All he wanted was for you to be happy.”

  And yes, Travis was going to be beyond pissed at my telling her this. My brain pointed out this was a good thing, then after he’d finished yelling at me, he’d never want to see me again. And in time, I would be able to move on with my life.

  My heart wished me luck with that; it had no intention of making things that easy for me.

  “But he loves you, Emma. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  What do you know? Once his hockey career was over, he had a bright future ahead of him as an actor. He had to be good to have convinced his grandmother that he was in love.

  Shaking my head, I lowered the box onto the counter. “Travis isn’t interested in falling in love.”

  “It’s not about whether or not you want to fall in love. We don’t always have a say in the matter. It just happens because the heart knows what the heart knows. And there’s no arguing otherwise.”

  Except in Travis’s case, even his heart didn’t want to fall in love. It didn’t wish to risk being damaged more than it already was.

  I could relate.

  “That doesn’t matter,” I told her. “He’s not interested.”

  She studied me for a moment. “Are you interested in falling in love with someone?”

  Falling? Try fallen—bruised butt and all.

  Despite my deep-down fear of commitment—my way of protecting my heart from more pain—I had screwed up. I had let Travis in when I shouldn’t have. But was I willing to do that again with another man?

  I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fall in love again. There was only so much being kicked around that my heart could take.

  I grabbed the spoon on the counter and scooped cookie dough from the bowl. “No,” I said as I dropped it onto the cookie sheet.

  “Hmm.”

  I dug the spoon back into the bowl, giving the task one hundred percent of my attention. Shit, why did I come here? At least if I hadn’t been baking cookies, I could have bailed.

  Hello, awkwardness, my old friend.

  What would make this more awkward? That’s right—Travis showing up.

  I slapped my palm against my forehead. “Oh, I can’t believe I forgot. I have a meeting with my realtor.” I backed toward the hallway. “Do you…can you finish the cookies for me?”

  Now that I had broken my part of the agreement with Travis, I would need to contact the realtor anyway. Fair was fair. I didn’t expect him to still help me now that Fanny knew the truth.

  I grabbed my purse from the kitchen chair. Fanny followed me into the hallway.

  “I can’t believe I’m so forgetful,” I said, hurrying toward the door. “I’m really sorry about that, but I’m sure Hazel and Abigail will be happy to eat them.”

  “You don’t want us to bring them to the store tomorrow?”

  More than anything I longed for her to do that, but it would be wrong. She wasn’t my grandmother and I had to stop wishing she were.

  Maybe I could find a place that rented out grandmothers for the day, to help me move on.

  Or maybe once I was kicked out of my store and had to begin all over again, I could create my own “grandmothers for hire” business for people like me.

  “Or Travis can drop them off?” she suggested.

  Right—because that was so much better. While he was at it, maybe he could bring his next fake girlfriend with him.

  “That’s okay. They’re for Hazel and Abigail and you. And I’m really sorry about everything.”

  Luckily for me, I was quicker than Fanny. I was out the door and racing down the stairwell faster than you could say, “Bingo night.”

  At my car, I sent Travis a text. Your grandmother knows I’m not your girlfriend. I’m sorry. But you’re off the hook to find me a new store location.

  Now if only we weren’t still working together on the fundraiser.

  But after I screwed things up for him, maybe he would avoid me anyway.
>
  Hello, my new awkward. Pull up a chair and grab some popcorn.

  31

  Travis

  Holly turned off the music. “That’s looking much better. Mark, remember to relax. And Sean, nice wink at the end. You caused the women in the corner to swoon.”

  Sean gave the rest of us a smug smirk.

  “Great job, Sean.” I slapped him on the back. “You made a group of make-believe women faint. I bet Bridget would be proud.” Bridget was his wife.

  What was going on? Next week was the fundraiser and we were rehearsing. Those women Holly had referred to? They didn’t exist. We were just pretending the room was filled with a group of overly excited women.

  “I’m picking up the costumes tomorrow so we can start dress rehearsals on Friday,” I told my teammates. The granddaughter of one of Granny’s friends from the senior center had offered to sew them. Granny had already hinted that the woman was single. Not for my benefit, but for the benefit of my single teammates.

  There was a good chance I failed to mention it to them. Like me, they weren’t the settling down type.

  The guys began packing up. I checked my phone and discovered a text from Emma: Your grandmother knows I’m not your girlfriend. I’m sorry. But you’re off the hook to find me a new store location.

  Shit.

  How the hell did Granny figure out the truth? I thought we had been very convincing and our kisses looked real. They had sure as hell felt real.

  As it was, I hadn’t kissed Emma since Sunday night, when I dropped her off at her place. I missed her kisses. I missed the way it felt to be inside her and to hold her in my arms.

  While the temptation to go see her and discover what had happened was strong, I needed to check on Granny first.

  A short while later, I knocked on Granny’s apartment door. The entire way over, I’d gone through several scenarios in my head as to what had happened. None of them were good.