Ethan's Song

by Jan Carol

  "She loved him too much. I suppose he felt something for her. Ron was in the band that traveled with her, they were married secretly and it was only a year later that she found him with someone else, but it wasn’t the first time he’d cheated on her, just the first time she saw it."

  She leaned against his chest, her hands now empty. She needed his arms around her. She’d never told anyone about her sister’s death. In fact, most who knew her didn’t know she’d had a sister.

  "Darlene had a problem with drugs before her marriage." She began her story, going more into depth of the things she had told him before. "We loved her enough to help. But after she found Ron with that other women, she wouldn’t accept anything from anyone. She overdosed two months later, driving down the freeway." She felt like crying, but her eyes remained dry. "She was holding the final papers of her divorce," she whispered. "She’d been crushed over it and wanted to end her life. She was willing to forgive him, try to keep the marriage going, but he wanted the divorce. He said she wasn’t much of a wife, having to be on the road all the time. She was too tired for this, too tired for that, when she was home. He had quit the band shortly after their marriage and traveled with her only when he wanted to."

  Ethan let her talk, holding her until she wound down. "I wish I knew the words to say. I want to comfort you, to let you know everything between us is going to be all right. But words can’t assure you of that. We can say all we want right now, but the future has to be acted out. We have to trust one another, and let what happened between others rest in the past."

  "If I weren’t so frightened of the future... But I am. What does it hold for me? For us? I’m so much like her, Ethan, it’s even more frightening." The food was all but forgotten. She no longer felt hungry for it, nor for the man who was holding her. She wanted to find a corner she could curl up in and never come out.

  "I want to take care of you, Jenà. I want only the best things for you. Can’t you believe in me?" His feelings were to take her into his bed, to make passionate love to her until she could forget everything in the past, and she could only live for him and their future. But he knew he could drive her away from him if he ignored her needs for his.

  "I want to," she whispered the words. "You don’t know how much I want to. But how can you take this fear from me? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live a complete life with it always nagging at me. I want to let it go." Her arms went around his neck tightly as he stood with her still in his arms. She didn’t fight him, because she knew he only wanted to answer her pleas. Maybe through his love, she would lose that fear.

  <<<< jc >>>>

  Chapter Five

  "YOU’VE HAD two long days to think about it, Jenà." Ethan sat across from her at the head table in the diningroom. His brown eyes reflected the candle light between them. "I know you think I’m impatient. The truth of it is, I’m so much in love with you, I can’t wait any longer for you to be completely mine."

  Shaking her head, her shortened hair softly moved from side to side as she put her silverware down, folding her hands in her lap. She’d felt a calm in her life the last two days that she had never experienced before and could only wish it would continue.

  He reached across the table, asking silently for her hand. The way she was looking at him he knew she was going to tell him no. He couldn’t understand, but that was going to be her decision. "You need more time?" He asked as he lightly squeezed the hand she put in his.

  "No. Yes." She couldn’t seem to make up her mind what she wanted. "I don’t need time to give you my answer. Yes, I’ll marry you. But it can’t be right now." She knew she would have to explain, but she waited for him to ask.

  "Why not now? Why not on this island? Is it that you don’t want to stay here? The workers will take another week to complete the repairs in the kitchen. I’d settle for that long, if that’s the problem." He had ordered their dinner early, but now there were others coming in around them.

  "I’ve put a lot of thought into my decision, Ethan. Since I’m their only daughter now, I feel it would be unfair to deprive my parents of attending my wedding, the way my sister did." Pushing her plate away, she nodded at the woman who came to take it. "I also have a book full of engagements. I wouldn’t want to get married and then have to be away from you. Can’t we give it six months?"

  His expression showed incredible disbelief. "Six months?" The words were just above a whisper. "Six months?" He repeated a little louder. "I don’t want to wait six months, Jenà. I’ll not accept your decision."

  She smiled sweetly. "I’m sorry, Ethan. You gave me a choice. I assumed you would accept whatever I decided." To her it was almost a comedy, watching him veto what she was telling him. What would he do now? "It’s my final decision."

  "A Hobson’s choice, Jenà?" He asked. His hand held the one that was trying to get away.

  "A what?" She’d never heard of such a thing. Knowing he wasn’t going to let go of her hand, she quit the slight struggle with him.

  "Meaning that I take it or leave it. Final. There will be no negotiations." Something was gone from his eyes. Was it the triumph she had grown used to seeing? Would he decide not to try to change her mind?

  "If that’s what you call it, yes. Hobson’s choice." Her smile was completely gone as she repeated his words, seeing how he took her decision. "We should have talked about it before now. But it would have come up the same way, Ethan. I have a life full of obligations." She felt anger rising in her. Why should she be angry with him? Or was it aimed at herself?

  He let go of her hand, standing, walking around the table, pulling her to her feet. "I think I’d like some fresh air." Those were his only words until he was leaning on the rail, watching the life around the beautiful island. He had taken her ashore to show her around the village the day before. She had enjoyed it, he could see her joy just being with him. "You could fly home." He finally broke the silence.

  Sitting in a deck chair, she watched him. Her love for him had grown fourfold in the little time since they acknowledged how they felt about each other. "What good would it do for me to fly home?" She watched as he turned toward her, his back against the rail. The look of sadness was in his eyes.

  He shook his head. "Are the appointments you have iron-clad? Can’t you empty your book?" He walked to her, taking the lounge beside her. "I agree with one thing. I don’t want you out singing to someone else. At least not right away. I want you home with me for a while. I don’t want to share you with anyone, and yet, I also feel you should share your talents with everyone."

  "You aren’t talking about... Because if you are, just keep it to yourself. I’ll never go public, not like Darlene." She stood, facing him. Her voice softened. "I love you, Ethan. Just give me what I ask for. Six months will be gone before you know it, and we’ll have the rest of our lives to be together.

  He stayed where he was, watching her walk away. The only thing on his mind was the six months. He could make good use of that time, as he had several business deals awaiting his return. He should have a clean slate to begin a marriage on, too, his inner voice told him. How could he concentrate on important money matters when he had such a beautiful young bride sitting at home waiting for him? And then when he got home, she would be going off to sing at some nightclub to other people. No, that would never do.

  "What’s wrong, Jenà?" Westley found her sitting on the steps looking as if she had lost everything in the world. Joining her, he hoped he wouldn’t get caught by his jealous boss, but she looked like she needed a friend.

  "Nothing and everything." She sighed, knowing no one knew the predicament she was in, as no talk had taken place outside their suites, except over their dinner this evening, and no one had been close enough to hear. She sighed again. "There’s too much happening, that’s all."

  "Want to talk about it?" he asked, taking her hand in his. "I think I can squeeze a few minutes out of my busy schedule."

  "I need to talk to someone other than Ethan. He doe
sn’t seem to understand that I have many responsibilities in my life." She let him tease her fingers because he didn’t realize he was.

  "And?" he urged her to continue.

  "I asked him for six months. I don’t think it’s a lot of time, Wes. I don’t want to get married and have to spend our first months apart." She wasn’t looking at him, but rather at the hands in front of her.

  "Married?" The word echoed through the stairway, into the halls above and below them. "That’s a little sudden, isn’t it?"

  "Yes. That’s what I’ve been telling him the last two days. But I do love him and he returns it. Does time really have that much to do with it when you know you belong together?"

  "I suppose not." Westley seemed to have caught the darkness that had gathered around the woman, rather than finding a way to cheer her up. "No, time has nothing to do with it."

  "What can I do to make him understand I need this time? I can’t break my obligations because he wants me to." She stood, leaning against the wall, looking at the one across from her. "I’m sure he has things he can’t set aside."

  "You’re right, Jenà." Ethan’s quiet voice came from above them. "Can we talk about this somewhere more private?" Though she’d been talking to Westley about their personal affairs, he wore a smile, showing no aggression toward the man. "I’m sure you can find something to do, Mr. Marx." His tone was pleasant.

  "Yes, sir." Westley, already on his feet, excused himself and continued up the stairs as he was headed when he found Jenà sitting alone.

  "Thanks for listening, Wes." She called after him, adding as an after thought, "please don’t say anything to anyone."

  "It’s under my hat." The man had stopped long enough to answer at the top of the stairs. "Congratulations. To both of you."

  Ethan took her arm, walking her the few steps down, then to his front room. "Want something to drink?" He had left her on the sofa, continuing to the bar.

  "No, thanks," she answered, watching as he poured something for himself. "You aren’t angry with me, are you?" There had been no reason to ask, as he had shown none. But she felt guilty talking about their private problems to another man.

  "Should I be angry, Jenà?" He turned toward her with a grin. "Because you were with Mr. Marx?" As he took a seat beside her, he put an arm around her shoulder. His drink was non-alcoholic. Very little did he drink liquor, it didn’t surprise her. "I think I’m being very unfair to you."

  With a slight frown she looked at him. "And you’ve had some... What? Three or four minutes to think about it and change your mind?" There was sarcasm in her voice. Was he going to try physical pressure, make love to her, to get her to change her mind?

  Explaining what he had thought in those short minutes and having heard what she had said to Westley, Ethan agreed that they should give it four to six months, but no longer. He wasn’t crazy about her living in Atlanta, while he was in Savannah, but couldn’t see a way around it. It was where her agent was, where her jobs were.

  "I can always come up on weekends." He suggested. "Maybe some evenings, when you’re free."

  "What are we talking about? Visitation rights?" Jenà’s smile caught in her eyes. "Who knows, maybe it won’t take that long to get things in order. We haven’t discussed where we’ll make our home. I can’t give much in material things to our marriage. All I have is a rented apartment with a few old pieces of furniture."

  "All I want is you, sweetheart. I have a large home in Savannah, full of things. You’ll have a chance to visit, to see if you want to live there. If you don’t like it, I’ll sell it and we’ll go somewhere you’ll be happy." Ethan emptied his glass, hugging her to him. "I can be happy anywhere with you."

  His kiss sent her into a dizzy spell. She was sure what he said was true, but she wouldn’t ask him to give up anything, as she felt the same way. She would be happy anywhere, as long as his love for her remained as it was.

  <<<< >>>>

  WHEN THE yacht had been repaired to his liking, they headed back northwest toward Savannah. They had called ahead with the expected few day’s delay due to the problem, but now it looked as if they were going to be back with a day or two to spare. Ethan needed those extra days with Jenà before she drove back to her apartment. He had to know if she liked his home and could be happy there. If there was any doubt, he would begin looking for another so when they were married, they wouldn’t spend precious time house hunting.

  The last morning she didn’t want to get up. She woke finding his arms around her, and a look in his eyes that told her he had been awake for a while, watching her sleep. This was where she always wanted to be. But the knowledge that they would be at the end of their journey soon, seemed to hit her with a sadness. Moving in his arms, she put hers around him. Closing her eyes, she kissed him.

  "What’s wrong, honey?" He not only saw it in her eyes, but felt it in the way she kissed him. "Is it because it’s the last morning?" She nodded, hugging him tighter. "We still have two days before you have to leave."

  With a big sigh, she rolled onto her back, pulling him with her. "I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to leave you." Tears rolled down the side of her face as she spoke. "Make love to me, Ethan."

  "M-m-m-m." His kiss was deep as his hands moved about her. She was under him with little movement. "I do like how you wake in the morning. I’m going to miss this." The words were whispered as he nuzzled her neck, bringing alive all her senses. "After a shower, I want to take you up to the house. You’ll be the first woman to enter my bedroom, the first I’ll make love to under my roof."

  She giggled, pushing him away from her. "Don’t tell me that can be true." She was still giggling when he propped up on his elbows and looked at her as serious as he could. "What? Did you just buy the house before this trip?"

  His smile grew. "I love it when you laugh. You make me happy." He was silent for a little while, listening to her heart beat.

  "When did you buy it, Ethan?" Her giggles turned to laughter, but she didn’t know why she was so happy all of a sudden.

  "I didn’t." He finally answered, letting his fingers run up and down her sides, his tickling adding to her reason to laugh. "I grew up in it." Her squirming only made him want her all the more.

  "Quit, Ethan." Her hands caught the one tickling her, then fought to catch the other that had taken up where the one stopped. "Please, quit." She begged, but he continued as she squirmed about. Moving her hands to his ribs, she hoped to find he was even a little sensitive.

  "No you don’t." He grabbed both of her hands, holding them above her head.

  "Good. You’re ticklish, too." Her laughter died down as she looked into his eyes. Raising her head up to his, she began what he quickly took over. As soon as he had let go of her hands, moving his down onto her body, she brought hers down also.

  "No, Jenà." He rolled off of her, making a large wave in the bed. "Jenà, no." He pleaded when she straddled him, continuing her attack.

  "You don’t tickle me, I don’t tickle you." She spoke calmly, but continued. "Say uncle, Ethan."

  "Uncle Ethan." He called out, catching her hands finally. "I call a truce, Jenà."

  "Uncle Ethan." She repeated with a giggle. "I guess when we get married, that’s what you’ll become." He was an only child, but she had three brothers who had children from age fourteen to four, a dozen of them all together.

  "I’d rather be Daddy." He sobered up quickly.

  "Daddy?" Her smile remained. "Where did that come from?" She sat back, still straddling him. "Daddy. It does have a nice ring to it."

  "I could get used to it." He put his hands on her hips. "You do want children, don’t you?" His seriousness had come back strongly.

  "I suppose," she teased. "I hadn’t given it much thought." Her eyes went to the ceiling as if she were in deep thought. "With as much fooling around as we’ve done, and neither of us has given thought about prevention..." Her hands went to his shoulders as she bent over him. "It could be possible that we might
have to get married." Though she was teasing him, she knew the possibility was too real.

  Rolling her over, he looked deep in her eyes. "I don’t guess there was any reason for you to be on the pill, was there?" His grin turned into a smile again, then it disappeared all together. "Maybe our waiting isn’t a good idea, Jenà. If you were pregnant now, we couldn’t wait six months, or even three."

  "Ethan. We decided it best to get our lives straight so we can be together with time for each other." Her arms were above her, resting on his shoulder. "If I find out we’re going to have a little one, I’ll be on your door step the next day with everything I own. Okay? Now, are you going to make love to me here, or in your bedroom at home?"

  His kiss answered her question. "I’ve a lot to do before I take you there. You won’t mind waiting for me?"

  Her fingers worked their way down his back slowly. "I’ll just wait right here until you’re finished, Mr. Ayers." She placed kisses on his shoulder, running her fingers back up into his hair. "Are we going to talk all morning?"

  <<<< >>>>

  TAKING A long soak in the bathtub, Jenà thought back to more than three weeks ago, when Westley helped her get the job that had just been complete. She owed him many thanks for that.

  Over coffee at one of her favorite all night cafes, she had talked with Westley. She’d complained about having so much time with no where to go, nothing to do. "It’s not that I need to make any money through the lapse," she had told him. "I need something to do for that time. I can’t believe Donaho let this happen. No, it isn’t his fault we had a cancellation. Those things just happen, thank goodness it comes rarely. But I don’t want to sit around twiddling my thumbs."

  "Why don’t I take you to the agency. The time you’ve got off fits right in with the next cruise I go on," he had said with s smile. "Last I heard, they needed help. That is, if cleaning up after and serving rich people and the owner isn’t beneath you." He had been teasing.