Beastly Lights

by Theresa Jane

  "What took you so long?" Ant grumbled, pushing past Liam and walking determinedly down the hallway.

  "Your message didn’t go down well last night," Ryan shrugged as I looked at him questioningly, but the reply wasn’t directed to me. Liam just shrugged and followed after his non-friend, leaving only Ryan and me.

  "What message?" I prodded, but Ryan simply shook his head and followed after the two men, leaving me to close the door behind them.

  I looked up just as it was about to close to see the elevator doors opening again to reveal the immaculately dressed Lucinda. There was a phone glued to her ear as she spoke animatedly with the person on the other end.

  "This relationship is hardly exclusive, Harvey; you know that," she charmed as she breezed past me, and I sighed before finally shutting the door.

  I reluctantly headed down the corridor after the human tornado to find everyone gathered in Liam’s kitchen. I edged around the group as Lucinda still spoke loudly on her phone and Liam and Ant seemed to be having a silent staring contest.

  I was about to successfully make it through unnoticed when I smelled the beautiful aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Instead, I somehow found my feet gravitating toward Ryan, who seemed to be on good terms with the devil.

  "How?" I asked in awe as he made a perfect cup.

  "What?" he asked in confusion, looking up at me as I stared enviously at his steaming cup.

  "How do you do that?" I gestured, and he looked between me and the coffee machine in confusion.

  "You don’t know how to use this?" I shook my head in reply, mouth agape. "It’s easy." Then, he proceeded to start teaching me which buttons I could press that wouldn’t lead to a freak milk rainstorm in the kitchen.

  "Don’t teach her that, Ryan," Liam instructed. He didn't even turn back to look at us.

  "Why not?" I demanded, but he remained silent.

  "Yeah Liam, why not?" Ryan asked with an amused smirk as I glared at Liam’s back.

  "Just don’t," he answered with finality, and I shook my head angrily.

  "He’s cranky this morning," I explained to Ryan. "He thought I ran away."

  "I’d run," Lucinda interjected, finally hanging up her phone. "He’s a nightmare."

  "I didn’t think you had run away," Liam spoke over the top, defensively.

  "Yes, you did," I confirmed. "You came running out here all flustered and shouting my name." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ant's calm facade shift slightly, but I couldn’t read what he was thinking.

  "You’re exaggerating, I was just a little startled that my maid had actually done her job for once."

  "So, Liam, who did you commission to paint your artwork on the wall there? It’s magnificent," Ryan interrupted, and I looked over to find everyone staring at my mural. Instantly, I felt my cheeks flush red.

  "I didn’t," Liam answered, the familiar anger in his tone. I felt his burning eyes on me.

  "I think the footprints are a nice touch," Ryan mused, and this time, I glared at Liam.

  "They are Liam's fault," I accused and watched as his face exploded with unrestrained anger.

  "My fault?" He was going to continue, but Lucinda calmly interrupted as he took a few menacing steps toward me.

  "I did not come here to watch you two argue."

  "Why are you here, Luce?" Liam asked, taking a deep breath to calm his temper.

  "Well, now that you’re sober, I have several things to discuss with you," she answered, looking at me meaningfully.

  "Ant?" Liam prompted, and I found my head darting between the three of them, trying to understand the silent conversation.

  "Come on, Freya," Ant sighed, and I looked at him suspiciously.

  "What do you mean, 'Come on, Freya?’" I asked.

  Ant looked at me in annoyance before shooting another look at Liam, who just shrugged in reply. These two were useless.

  "I think what my vocally challenged boyfriend wants to say is we’re taking you shopping," Ryan announced, stepping up beside Ant and pulling him close. He still didn’t say anything, but the angry glare on his face was enough to warn me he wasn’t excited about this supposed field trip.

  "But-"

  "No buts, Lucinda is relieving you of your babysitting duties, and we’re going to make sure you spend your time right."

  "I don’t want to go shopping," I replied adamantly, sending Liam a look, but he was too busy conversing telepathically with Ant.

  "Nonsense, every girl loves to go shopping," Ryan assured me, grabbing one of my hands and pulling me down the hallway. "Besides, this grunge look you’ve got going just isn’t working." I looked back desperately over my shoulder to see Ant snatch a card from Liam’s hand, and I knew I wouldn’t be buying anything on this trip, not from him anyway.

  * * *

  "Come on Freya, I’m sure you look magnificent," Ryan sang, and I heaved a huge sigh before begrudgingly pushing the door open. This was by far his most daring outfit yet. Some of the previous ones I had tolerated, even liked, but I didn’t tell Ryan that. I didn’t want to see Liam's card come out, so I feigned indifference. I didn’t need a new wardrobe anyway; mine had a history.

  When I stepped out, Ryan’s face lit up, but my eyes were drawn to his sullen boyfriend, who unsurprisingly hadn’t said a word since we started walking down Fifth Avenue two hours ago.

  "Perfect," Ryan gushed, drawing my attention back to him as he rushed to my side and started fiddling with the skintight scrap of fabric that some referred to as a dress. I looked down at the price tag and shook my head disapprovingly. It always baffled me how they could use so little fabric and still charge prices that could feed a small family for a month.

  Ryan batted my hand away from the price tag for what felt like the hundredth time since we’d started this shopping expedition, and I let out another annoyed sigh.

  After the tenth outfit, I had stopped protesting to being Ryan's doll, but I was resolved to making no purchases. I was never going to owe Liam anything.

  "Okay, next one," Ryan clapped, stepping back from me for one last look.

  "There aren’t any more," I grumbled, already tugging at the zip before I slammed the door in Ryan's face as he tried to follow me in, again. Gay or not, he was not going to see me in my underwear.

  "I’ll get you something else," Ryan announced, and I groaned, knowing I wasn’t trying on any more clothes.

  A few moments later, I came out of the dressing room, and it was just Ant and I. An awkward silence quickly fell between us, and I shuffled uncomfortably in front of him. I didn’t know how to act around him, especially when it felt like he hated me for no other reason than existing.

  "What did I do?" I asked, annoyed that even in his silence he was hostile.

  "Excuse me?" He grunted, looking up at me with fire in his eyes.

  "Why do you act like you hate me? What did I do?" I demanded.

  "It’s not an act," he muttered, looking away from me and causing my blood to boil.

  "You know what? I don’t need to take this. I get enough of it from Liam, I don’t need it from you as well,” I seethed before storming out of the changing area and heading straight for the door.

  "Freya, what’s wrong?" I heard Ryan ask, and I looked back to find him surrounded by shop assistants whose arms were laden down with almost the entire store.

  "Ask Ant," I shot back before pushing through the doors and out onto the bustling street. I stood there for a moment, not sure where to go, before marching back the way we came. I was halfway down the street when I felt a hand wrap around mine, pulling me to a sudden stop and causing me to stumble slightly.

  "Hey," I shouted, turning back to see who had grabbed me, only to be met with Ant's stoic face.

  "I’m sorry," he said softly, releasing my arm.

  "What?" I asked stupidly, pulling my hand from his.

  "I said I’m sorry. It’s just Liam, he’s…he’s been through a lot." He shrug
ged. "He can’t deal with your problems as well."

  "He told you?" I gasped, feeling my stomach drop out.

  "Not much, but enough," he answered vaguely, looking around at the people who were passing us by. Some shot us annoyed looks as we stood in the center of the busy walkway

  "I don’t see how this is any of your business," I replied defensively

  "Freya, you have no idea what Liam has been through."

  "Of course I don’t," I shot back. "He doesn’t tell me anything."

  "Why would he?" Ant demanded, and I saw an unfamiliar anger spark across his face. "You’ve barely known him for a week. I’ve known him for years, and you expect him to be open with you?" I felt my body begin to hum, but I had no reply because deep down, I knew he was right. Why should Liam reveal anything to me? Why should I have told him anything about my past?

  "Ant?" We both turned to Ryan, who stood behind Ant, watching us carefully. "What’s going on?"

  "Nothing," Ant grumbled, looking away from me, his anger quickly fading until his face returned to its stoic mask.

  "Freya?" Ryan prompted, looking at me expectantly.

  "Ant was just reminding me of where I stand with Liam," I replied flatly.

  "So you’ve noticed it too?" he asked, looking over at Ant, who still wouldn’t look at either of us.

  "Noticed what?" I asked in confusion.

  "How he looks at you," Ryan frowned as if I should have known what he was talking about.

  "How does he look at me?" I demanded as a strange feeling flooded my body.

  "Umm," Ryan stuttered, looking over at Ant, who still refused to look at either of us.

  "Well?" I prompted impatiently, glaring at both of the men.

  "Never mind, it's none of my business," Ryan tried to cover, but it was too late.

  "Why couldn’t you just stay quiet, Ryan?" Ant hissed, glaring at his boyfriend.

  "One of us needs to talk in this relationship. Otherwise, we may as well dress up in black and white striped T-shirts and mime on the street, and you know I don’t look good in stripes." Ant was about to say something in return when I interrupted, feeling a frustrated wall start to build inside of me.

  "What’s going on?" I demanded, and the two fell silent, neither of them able to look me in the eye.

  "Didn’t you ever wonder why Liam wanted you in the first place?" Ant asked.

  "I just thought he was a jerk who liked messing around with people's lives when his other games grew boring," I shrugged.

  "Why don’t we go somewhere a little less public?" Ryan suggested, pressing a hand firmly to my back and pushing me toward a waiting cab I hadn’t seen him hail.

  "Fine," I grumbled. "But I want answers."

  "So do I," I heard Ant mutter behind me bitterly as he followed Ryan in. Then we were moving through the thick New York traffic, a tense silence hanging between us. I could feel an anticipation in my chest begin to mix with dread. I was both terrified and excited to learn what Ant knew. I was growing tired of the mystery that was Liam Henderson.

  Chapter 15: Almost Brothers

  "This is amazing," I breathed, making sure to get every last drop of aroma from my steaming cup of coffee.

  "It’s just coffee," Ant grumbled, and I trailed my eyes over to him, reluctant to look away from my mug.

  "Sometimes it’s the little things in life that make the difference," I shot back.

  "Okay, that’s enough of that," Ryan interrupted, shooting Ant a harsh glare across the table. They had taken me to a small coffee shop with a hipster vibe. Apparently it was their favorite, just a few blocks down from their apartment building.

  "You suggested this," Ant growled at Ryan as I silently enjoyed my coffee. Not even Ant's attitude was going to ruin this for me. Who knew when I would be able to afford the luxury of going to a real café again? If I could figure out how to work Satan's spawn of a coffee machine, I wouldn't have to, but I didn't see that happening in the near future.

  "Ant, if she has to live with Liam, she deserves some answers. Lord knows that boy isn’t going to give her any," he sighed, rolling his eyes impatiently.

  "I don’t see why we need to tell her anything," Ant grumbled, and I almost missed it over the loud hum of the other customers in the café.

  "Ant," Ryan hissed before he leaned closer to him and whispered something in his ear that made Ant's face scrunch in disgust.

  "Fine," Ant sighed, and Ryan pulled away before taking his own coffee and getting up from the table.

  "Where are you going?" I asked in alarm, not interested in being left alone with the reluctant Ant.

  "I think you both need some time to talk," Ryan smiled knowingly before disappearing into the busy café. I strained my neck to see him, but it was useless. He had vanished as if it was another one of his magic tricks he performed for Davis.

  "Well, I guess it’s just us," Ant pouted, brushing at his black hair that had fallen into his eyes.

  "I don’t understand you," I huffed, watching the steam rise from the coffee in my cup.

  "The feeling is mutual." I held my tongue at his snide remark.

  I kept trying to convince myself I would only need to put up with him a for a little while longer, just until he told me what I wanted to know about Liam. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I needed to know his past and deep down, I knew it wasn’t just because I was curious.

  "So, what do you know about Liam?" I asked bluntly and surprisingly, I heard a snort come from Ant’s direction. I almost looked twice just to make sure it was actually him.

  "Subtle, aren’t you," he smirked, tracing his finger around the rim of his coffee cup. He had ordered some strange caramel concoction that, in my opinion, ruined the purity of the coffee.

  "How long have you known him?" I pushed ahead, wondering if his good mood would last.

  "Since he first came to our school in the second grade," he replied. His eyes glazed over as if he could see the memory as clear as a movie reel playing out just for him. "He and his younger sister were so alike, she had golden hair just like his," he paused for a moment before he continued. I couldn’t help but notice a darkness pass over his eyes, like a cloud covering the sun for the briefest moment until it escaped from behind it again, his blue eyes clear. I wanted to ask so many questions, but I didn’t want to interrupt, so I waited impatiently for him to continue. I distracted myself by taking a sip of my forgotten coffee.

  "Liam was like a bright light, everyone at school couldn’t help but be attracted to him. Every time he entered a room it immediately felt warmer, brighter. He started in Lucy's class, and she brought him home after his first day at school. He immediately fit in with our family. Even though I was a year above, Liam was my only friend. When I went to middle school without him, it was bad."

  "Why?" I asked gently when the silence began to grow between us.

  "I knew early on that I was different from all the other boys," he sighed, "and kids can be cruel. When Liam finally came up, he was the only one who stood by my side, and no one ever bothered me again."

  "Why does he say he doesn’t have any friends?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

  "People have a history of leaving him when he needs them the most," he answered bitterly, and for the first time, I wondered where Liam's parents were. I wasn’t an avid follower of his career, but from what I had heard, they weren’t really in the picture. Thinking about his parents made Jenna's name pop up in my mind again. Why did he react so defensively whenever she was mentioned? I felt as if she was from this past that Ant was only giving me hints to.

  "Where are his parents?"

  "His father left, and his mother died in a car accident," Ant answered flatly, and I knew there was more to the story. However, looking at Ant’s expression, I also knew I wasn’t going to get any more answers from him about Liam’s family.

  "Who is Jenna?" He paused after my question, and I was afraid he wouldn’t answer me. Th
e answer he gave me was even worse.

  "She’s someone from his past."

  "Who?" I demanded, tired of his vague answers.

  "Another person who left Liam behind. I know on some level he blames her, even though deep down, he knows it wasn't her fault. He loved her so much. They were so alike, her hair just as gold as his and her eyes even more so, but when the illness took hold, it stole that from her and then stole her from her family as well. Nothing was ever the same after that," he finished, and I had almost forgotten we were in a busy café as the sadness wrapped tightly around the two of us.

  I didn’t need to ask who she was, even though much of her was still a mystery. She was Liam’s sister, she had to be, but what had happened after her death, and why was it still so devastating for Liam to speak about her? What does he blame her for? I couldn’t ask Ant any more questions about her because I knew the pain ran deep for him as well. He said Liam was like his brother and I guessed Jenna must have been like his sister, too.

  "Why does he act as if you have left him too?" I asked quietly, still confused by the relationship between the two men.

  "I, along with my family, were just more people in Liam’s life who let him down," he shrugged weakly before resting his head in his hands on the sticky café table.

  "I don’t understand; you’re here. You look after him when other people would just let him self-destruct. You act as if you owe him something," I answered.

  "I do owe him, my whole family does," he ground out. His shoulders tensed with an anger I didn’t quite understand.

  "What do you mean?"

  "After Liam’s mom died, he had nowhere to go. They couldn’t find his dad, and they were going to put him in the foster system. I begged my parents to let him stay with us, and they agreed. He was like another son to them.

  "I didn’t know at the time that they were having problems, and they never let on. They went through the entire adoption process but the night before it was to be finalized, they had a massive fight that led to my father storming out of the house, shouting about getting a divorce," he said bitterly before continuing again.

  "I remember going to see my mother after Dad left. She tried to cover her tears from me, but I saw them. I was only fifteen; I didn’t know what to do, and selfishly all I could worry about was Liam arriving the next day." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke again, and I could see how hard reliving this was for him. I knew how difficult it was to pass back through painful memories, but I needed answers, so I didn’t interrupt.