A Place to Rest My Heart (Crimson Romance)

by Galen Rose

  “Happy now?” he snapped, as he walked past Chase and out of the room.

  I just lay there. I had no idea for how long. My whole body hurt and I was sure I had bruises on bruises, but at this point I didn’t care. I had absolutely no idea what to say. Eventually I sat up with a loud groan. Chase was sitting a few feet away watching me. “I hope I passed your damn test?” I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes? That’s all you have to say? Yes?” This was unbelievable.

  “Uh huh.”

  I slowly stood up and tried not to groan again at the pain. I looked at Chase and then flipped him off. He could fire me for insubordination if he wanted. I couldn’t care less. I stopped about half way to the locker room. One might say I was hit with an epiphany, or maybe a rock. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You set Sean up?”

  Chase stood up. “Yep.”

  I shook my head, “You’re a son of a bitch.” Chase looked at me with a faint smile and a nod.

  “Yep.” He walked out.

  Once in the shower I stayed there for a while. The hot water felt good and it gave me time to think. Okay, so the guy wanted to kiss me. This made him grumpy and unhappy. Part of me found this amusing and somewhat satisfying. Another part of me didn’t want to know this bit of information. Hell, I knew I was attracted to him. That one damn kiss rattled me even after a month had gone by. Like me, it appeared Sean was afraid of wanting more than just a kiss. Kissing didn’t always lead to love but it sure opened up the possibilities for it. I had grown up in a loveless household and I suffered for the so-called sins of my parents but somewhere in the back of my mind I had known that I was loved at one time. I didn’t like to remember it, but I could remember the love and laughter that my parents had for me and for each other.

  I knew that my father had left and that my mother was very sad. I also knew that when she had found out he was dead she told me the truth of his passing and never spoke of it again. We went to live with her sister and Mom died a year later. The doctors said it was cancer. I believed it was from a broken heart. Sounds melodramatic, but it was true. She never smiled again after Dad died. I think she just walled herself off and counted the days that she had to remain on Earth without him. I guess in some respects the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree. I had essentially done the same thing after losing William.

  I had loved my parents. I tried to love the family that I was left with, and it was slapped back down every time. I had loved William. Devastatingly so, but I also felt betrayed by him. He had neglected to tell me some important things about himself. I’d like to think that he was protecting me when he didn’t tell me that he came from money. William had known about the way I had been “brought up” by my aunt. Maybe he hadn’t told me because it didn’t matter to him. Maybe he had run away from it too? I didn’t know and there was no way to find out now. In the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter. The problem was how to deal with Sean. I wasn’t ready to get involved with anyone. Maybe I wouldn’t ever be ready again. I didn’t like the price that had to be paid for love.

  So how to get Sean past this? Maybe if we just sat down and talked about it reasonably. Then we could make it go away. As I said before, I like my delusions. And this one — this one was a doozy.

  When I got back to my locker, Mason was sitting on the bench waiting for me. “I got mad at Chase the day I was tested.” Mason said as she stretched her legs out. “I had no warning at all. I was ambushed on my boat and let me tell you that bay is damn cold.”

  “You had no warning?”

  “None. So be thankful you got some warning.” Mason stood up and grabbed her briefcase. “I understand the reasoning that goes along with the test. I have seen firsthand what happens to someone who goes into this job with not enough knowledge to save the life of the one they are protecting, and/or themselves. We put our life on the line because we are asked to. Sure we get paid for it. Nonetheless, we take the risk because someone needs us. Chase has seen too many things go wrong from lack of knowledge. He does whatever he can to narrow the margin of error.”

  I stood there not quite knowing what to say. Mason stopped just at the door. “You did real good out there today. Better than I expected. Right now it may not feel like it, but you did well. Keep it in mind, you got a warning this time for a test. This time.” The door swung closed behind her as I sat down on the bench and put my head in my hands.

  This time? There would be more? Wonderful. “Welcome to Woo,” I said aloud and got dressed.

  Chapter Eight

  At five o’clock, Mason, Stacey, and Mindy showed up at my desk. I’d spent the last few hours trying to concentrate on a diagram for an alarm layout. I say “try,” since every time I moved I discovered a new place that hurt. I looked up at them as they gathered around me.

  “What?”

  “How soon they forget,” Mindy said, as she reached over, saved my program, and then snapped my laptop shut.

  “Hey!” I yelled. “I wasn’t done.”

  Mason sighed and arched an eyebrow at me. “Now, tell me the truth. You’d really rather stay here and read this boring stuff than go out with us?”

  “Is that a trick question?” I played tug of war over my jacket with Mindy.

  “Laney, don’t make me call Mike,” Stacey said with an evil grin.

  “No, I think you should call Sean,” Mason said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up.

  “Come on. Trust us, it will be worth your while.”

  I gave up. “Fine. Just don’t call Sean. I’ll come along quietly, for now.”

  They laughed as we headed out the door. Mike and Dallas were in the lobby as we exited. “Mike, I’ll pay you to make them stop.” I pleaded.

  “Sorry, kid, you’re on your own,” he said with obvious enjoyment of my extreme discomfort. Dallas’s eyes lit up. “Are you going to see Madame Elise? Can I come? Please?” The three women said a most resounding “NO!” in unison. I said “yes,” but I don’t think he heard me as I was dragged out the door.

  Our first stop was at a small store near Macy’s in Union Square. This place even had a doorman. “Guys, I can’t shop here.”

  “Girls, and yes, you can,” said Stacy. The doorman opened the door for us and bid a good evening to Mason by name. I felt like something one drags up from the bottom of the barrel. This place said money and luxury. I had neither. I was a Sears, Target, K-Mart kind of gal, not this.

  A tall, older woman with glorious white hair in a perfect chignon approached us with a smile of delight and embraced Mason warmly.

  “Mason, bonsoir. Comment allez-vous?” She held Mason at arm’s length looking at her.

  Mason motioned to me, “Je suis de bons mercis. J’ai amené un ami qui pourrait utiliser votre avis d’expert.”

  The woman looked at me with a critical eye. Mason placed a hand on my arm, understanding I didn’t quite care for the appraisal.

  “Madam Elise, I would like you to meet Laney Murphy. She is almost family to Tommy and a new employee at Woo. Laney this is Madame Elise, the best lingerie designer in the world.”

  Madame Elsie took my hand in a firm grip and smiled. “How is that old scoundrel? How is Molly?”

  “They’re fine, ma’am,” I said trying desperately to remember my manners.

  She kept my hand in hers and tucked it under her arm. “Laney, relax. I don’t bite hard.” She led me toward a back area that was curtained off. I looked for the others but only Mason was following. Well, that was something. At least I wasn’t completely thrown to the wolves. Madame Elise signaled two women standing nearby, who were no less than drop-dead gorgeous. Talk about an ugly duckling complex. Now I know how Julia Roberts felt in Pretty Woman. Madame Elise started spouting off orders to the young women in French and they scattered around the room to bring things to Madame for her approval. Then I was directed to a dressing room and told to try everything on. I must have looked terrified because Madame Elise soft
ened her manner.

  “Laney, you truly have no idea what gift you are about to give yourself. As this lingerie is a foundation for the outer clothing we wear, your confidence is a foundation as well. Your outer self, that person that we see when she walks into a room and the room lights up because of her. That is what confidence gives us. That radiance. Look at Mason. Do you think she was always like the woman you see now? Mon dieu, she was far from it. But her confidence has brought her to what we see now. Lingerie has the ability to make us feel beautiful and that in turns boosts our confidence. No one else may know what you have on but you do and that is enough. Now allow me to give you some advice. No?”

  I nodded and spent the next hour learning that silk and lace can come in amazing colors and textures. But I also learned that Madame was right as I critically looked at my almost naked body in the mirror. How these filmy, flimsy things could make me feel more feminine I didn’t know — but they did. Somehow I found that all was not lost. That deep inside me was a woman who had long since been neglected, a woman who had gone through many transformations and had yet to find her place in this world, but a woman nonetheless.

  There were no prices on the items and I had a feeling that most of what I had picked out would be more than my first month’s pay. But, Mason signed a receipt, ignoring my protests, and off we went across the street to another store, and then another. By then my stomach was growling and I was getting grumpy but we stopped at a hair salon called Ronni’s. “I didn’t know they served food at hair salons?”

  Apparently I was to be delayed a bit longer. Mason introduced me to Ronni himself and I was dragged off to get the “works.” By now all I wanted to do was get something to eat but first I had a hair consultation, then my nails were done, my skin tone reviewed and my eyebrows waxed. Damn it, that hurt. Through it all the girls gave advice and tips. And through it all they teased and complimented each other and me. I was included and that was that.

  Finally, after being poked, prodded, waxed, shorn, and redone, I was allowed to look in the mirror. I had no idea who looked back at me; the transformation was amazing. A little color here, a few highlights there and I hardly knew the woman in the mirror.

  Finally, we found a place to eat dinner and relax.

  “So what’s wrong with my brother?” Stacey asked me as she cut into her slice of cheesecake.

  “Huh? Nothing that I know of, why?” I was hoping to divert this conversation to something else quickly. They laughed.

  “He’s not Sean,” teased Mindy and I blushed. Christ, I blushed. What was the world coming to?

  “Well, well,” Stacey said and winked at Mason, who true to her word said nothing but directed the conversation to something else. I was grateful. It was not that I didn’t want to talk about Sean or my feelings. I kind of did want to. But I didn’t know how to, nor did I really have a clear picture yet of what my feelings were for Sean.

  Later that night I sat on the floor of my room amid the boxes of lingerie, clothing, bags of hair care products, and — Lord have mercy — makeup. I was now the proud owner of lacy, frilly underwear. No more serviceable plain white stuff for me. I now had lingerie that would grace a fashion runway. I also had two inches lopped off my hair. But even though my bones ached and my lip, where Mike had smacked me, hurt, I felt good. Going out with the girls had not been as torturous or as traumatic as I feared it would be. I’d almost hazard a guess that I had really made friends today. Who would have thought that this could happen, given the fact that almost three months ago I had no hope left and had nearly decided the world would be better off without me.

  I understand why I had given up all hope. But the reasoning now, some few months later, was no longer as solid. I’m not saying my life was perfect. Whose is? But I now had family that I could count on, should I want to ask them to be there for me. I had a solid job with an incredible company — albeit a strange one. Regardless, it was a damn good company and I now had friends I could also count on should the occasion arise. Just because I had people that I could count on didn’t mean I would do it. Yes, I trusted them. But allowing myself to rely on anyone but myself was still folly. Disappointment and betrayal came in many guises.

  Then there was Sean. After losing William, I swore I wouldn’t give my heart to another again. Of course I was being foolish to think that. The human heart needs love; so does the mind. They need to believe in a realm of comfort and trust, a place to rest. I had a man who wanted me — now, granted, he didn’t want to want me, but he found himself doing it anyway. I could understand this. I hadn’t wanted to fall in love with William, but I had. William had been gone for a year. Was a year long enough to grieve? I didn’t think time limits were placed on the heart’s ability to heal. It healed when it was ready. But how could I allow myself to try again? I would think it requires a leap of faith. But here I was. Still in the seventh inning slump. I had no faith. I certainly had none in God. I did have faith in myself and my abilities. But was that enough? I didn’t know. I was sure I would get my answers sooner or later.

  The next day I received my first assignment. We were providing security for a political fundraiser at a private residence. I was teamed up with Sean and four other guys. Dallas would also be there, in the company van. He would provide our wireless headsets as well as going over the surveillance set up for the house and its layout. Chase was even going to be there in a semi-official capacity — he’d been invited to the fundraiser. I wondered how that had come about? It didn’t seem like Chase’s cup of tea to schmooze with the movers and shakers of the political world. But there was so much more to Chase than met the eye. I was learning pretty quickly that, where Chase was concerned, I had to stop trying to put him in any one category.

  Many of San Francisco’s top-notch players would be on hand while the man who wanted to be governor did his best to get money out of their pockets and into his. We spent the day going through the house and grounds. By evening, when the guests arrived, we were in place to quietly observe. The governor-to-be had upset several groups that had now made threats on his life and candidacy prospects and were protesting his local appearances. But inside there was plenty of glitter and gold around the room as he pressed hands and drank champagne. I had been watching for a couple of hours when a voice from my past slipped quietly up behind me and whispered in my ear.

  “Well, well, looked what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t my little Helena all grown up.” His hand touched my shoulder and I flinched stepping slightly away from him but not turning around. “I’m working, James, so forgive me if I don’t greet you with something resembling kindness.” I forced a wall of disdain into my voice hoping it would quell the fear that was now centered in my gut.

  “My, my, such a well-spoken lady now. You know, Helena, I’ve never forgotten you. You used to call me Cousin James. Please Cousin James. Please stop.” His breath was close to my ear again. Pitched higher like that of a child begging for freedom. My body went rigid, my hands clenched, and a cold chill ran along my spine.

  “You’re a bodyguard now. How quaint. Not surprising, given your penchant for violence.” James came around and stood in front of me forcing me to look at him. God, how I hated him! All that I had suffered at his hands came back to me. The fear, the pain, the bruises, the humiliation — and the lies to Aunt Katherine.

  He pulled a business card out and slowly slid it into the front breast pocket of my jacket. “Call me. We’ll do lunch. Catch up on old times?”

  “Laney. Can you go to section four, please.” said Chase from behind James. James smiled at me but did not turn around to look at Chase.

  “Yes, sir.” I looked up at James with revulsion and left. I made my way to another room passing Sean who touched my hand but didn’t look at me. Once in position I took several calming breaths, my knees felt like jelly and I wanted to run and hide.

  “Who was that creep?” said a voice in my head and I remembered that Dallas could hear everything. “No one, Dallas,” I said pr
aying my voice was calm now. “No one important. Let’s drop it!” I insisted, before he could say anything more. I couldn’t let the panic come back. He couldn’t hurt me now and I had to believe in that. The rest of the night went quietly and agonizingly slow. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home, bury my head in a pillow, and forget my childhood. Why does the past keep haunting us? Why can’t I bury the dead and be done with it?

  The night was finally done around eleven o’clock and the last of the movers and shakers had been tucked into their limos and sent on their way. We packed up and went back to Woo to put all the equipment away. I bid good night to all and headed down the driveway. I didn’t want to face the questions that were sure to come from Chase, or even Dallas and Sean, so I made my retreat quickly, before anyone insisted on seeing me home. I wanted the time alone to clear my head.

  I was about two blocks away when I realized that someone was following me. I stopped and looked back as Sean caught up to me. He looked up at the clear sky and the few stars that were visible. “Nice night for a walk.”

  “What are you doing, Sean?”

  “I’m walking. Or I was, until you stopped.”

  “You were following me.”

  “Of course I was.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. “Look let’s be reasonable about this. You’re just confused. We both know that anything between us is madness. Besides, you’ve disliked me from the start and I don’t like you much, either. You’re just confused.”

  “You said that twice.” Sean smiled at me. “I was confused at first. I didn’t understand why I wanted to push that cute nose of yours back a few inches and yet still want to kiss your lovely mouth. Hell, I’m still not sure whether I want to kiss you or deck you.” He stepped closer to me. “I was angry at you, Tommy, myself. It didn’t matter. I kept coming round and round to the same conclusion.” Sean slowly moved his hands to my waist and pulled me close to him. But he didn’t kiss me. He hugged me. I tried to pull away, but his grip tightened.