Surf & Surrender

by Riley Edgewood

  "What?"

  "You're making me want to kiss you. And that'd blow our cover." I press my hands on the padded seat in front of me. "Now I'm resorting to furniture blockades."

  "'Admit it, you always want to kiss me."

  "Guilty as charged." I drum my fingers along the seat. "You ready to meet Cassidy?"

  "She's important to you, right?"

  I nod.

  "Then you don't even need to ask."

  "God, now I really want to kiss you."

  "Feeling's mutual, honey." He glances at my mouth, and I lean forward on my hands across the chair…

  And then backward.

  I don't care if we're a secret, but he does, and I don't want to push him into revealing anything before he's ready.

  So mature of me.

  Even if stepping back a second time, pushing away from the stool, is really freaking hard to do.

  "I've just realized how much I hate being in public with you," he says.

  Then don't make us keep this secret. But I simply smile and say, "Come on, I'll introduce you."

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  QUINN

  I DIDN'T TELL anyone Sawyer was coming, but only because I didn't want to have to lie to my friends about him. As we approach the table, I realize it might have been a mistake.

  Cassidy greets him with a huge smile and Gage shakes his hand, easy. But…the other half of the group isn't quite so welcoming.

  "Sawyer, this is Chase," I say.

  Sawyer looks at me and says, stiffly, "I didn't realize you'd be bringing a date."

  So much for keeping this thing between us a secret. No way my friends aren't going to notice his jealousy.

  But his reaction makes me a little happier than it should. I'm not the biggest fan of jealousy, but knowing Sawyer's affected by me in any way will never, ever get old.

  "My date," Gianna says. "But thanks for making this awkward since Chase took Quinn out first." Her expression is deadpan, but I recognize the dry sarcasm. Not sure Sawyer does, but he's more relaxed than a moment ago, so maybe it doesn't matter.

  "Nice to meet you, man." Sawyer holds his hand out to Chase, who takes it after a moment of hesitation.

  Chase slides his gaze to me for a moment before responding to Sawyer. "You two are…"

  I say, "Just friends," at the same time Sawyer says, "Ran into each other at the bar…" He trails off and I look away to keep from giggling. We really suck at this.

  Gianna, however, is not giggling at all. In fact, if her eyes were skewers, I'd be a shish kebab—the kind that's burned when it falls over the hot coals, at that. I give a tiny shake of my head and plead with her through my own expression to stay chill. As if there was ever a chance of that.

  "I need to go to the bathroom," she says. "Which means, via girl code 101, you have to come with me." She stands and walks toward the restrooms without waiting for a response.

  "Uh, you want me to come, too?" Cassidy asks.

  I should tell her no, that I'll be fine on my own. But what I actually say is, "God, yes. Please. I need a witness, I think."

  "You need a bodyguard?" Sawyer asks, his face impassive. Is he offering to come face the fire with me? I lift a brow to ask, but he doesn't give any response. I wish I knew what he was thinking right now. I wish he'd tell me I could be honest with my best freaking friend about us.

  Suddenly, I'm mad. Mad at him. Mad at our situation. Mad at myself—because to stay with him, I'll keep his precious silence. His stupid silence. And I know I'm overreacting, considering it was my own damn idea, but I still don't bother answering him, reaching out instead for Cassidy's hand and leading her to the bathroom.

  Gianna's washing her hands, her eyes still blazing in the mirror when they meet mine. "Spill it," she says. "Now."

  "Hey," Cassidy says, tone calm, "maybe we should—"

  "Nope. Stop right there." Gianna fixes her pink bangs and spins to face us. "Cassidy. I like you. I really do. I want us to be good friends and I especially can't wait to hear your stories about Quinn while y'all are at school together. If you don't tell me, I'll get you drunk and get them out of you anyway. But right now? She and I are going to have this out because I watched her fall to pieces over that guy out there, and I'm not about to do it again."

  Cassidy glances at me and back to Gianna. "I…don't know what to say anymore. I think I like you even more than I did a second ago, but I think I'm a little afraid of you now, too. Sorry, Quinn…"

  "Traitor." But I smile, letting her off the hook. Then I look at Gianna, long and hard. "It's not what you think."

  "Did he tell you why he did what he did?" She glances at Cassidy. "Did she tell you he disappeared four years ago without a word, after they'd been together for years?"

  "No," I say. "He didn't tell me. And, no, I hadn't told Cassidy, so thanks."

  "Actually," Cassidy says, "you did. The first year we met. But I'm only right now putting this all together."

  "Oh." I have no recollection of this. I never let myself talk about Sawyer. Unless it's with Gianna—and only very rarely. "When?"

  "Sig Ep party. You were drunk."

  Well. That makes sense.

  "So far it sounds exactly like what I think," Gianna says. "I bet you're sleeping with him, too."

  I glance below the row of green bathroom stalls, making sure nobody's listening. No feet. "Nope."

  "Liar. You blew him a day after you saw him the first time. No way are you not sleeping with him now."

  "I swear that's the truth." I sigh because even telling her the truth feels like a lie right now. And because the judgment in her tone stings. "But Gi, he's back in town. And he was a huge part of my life. Can you blame me for wanting to know him again? Maybe this will heal the parts that never set correctly after he left."

  "Or maybe they'll end up beyond repair."

  "Maybe it's worth the risk."

  "Fine." Her expression flattens. "But I won't help you pick up the pieces this time."

  "Maybe you won't need to," I say. "But we both know you'll do it if it comes to that. It's why I ever take any chances, Gi. Because I have you. And you have me."

  "I feel like I'm going to fucking cry," Cassidy says, throwing an arm around my shoulders and sliding against me. "You girls are so sweet. And…it's possible I've had a little bit too much to drink already."

  Gianna keeps her gaze on mine. "I still don't know how you can forgive him."

  "I'm not sure I have." Great. More honesty that feels like a lie.

  Cassidy squeezes me. "I think sometimes people we love react badly to bad situations. Sometimes they make really stupid decisions. And sometimes you have to let it go; you have to find a way to forgive. Otherwise, what's the point?"

  "How is she supposed to be able to forgive him, if she doesn't know why he hurt her?" Gianna fires back.

  Cassidy opens her mouth, but I speak first. "I know his heart, Gi."

  "You want his heart to be a certain way because you used to love him. You don't see him clearly."

  "Maybe," I admit. "But I don't think you do either. Because of how much you love me. So I can't fault you for it. But I can ask you to play nicely, and I think you will for the same reason. Because you love me."

  "God. You're annoying." She shoves past me, but stops, holding the door for Cassidy and me to follow. "I hate when you play the damn BFF card like that."

  "But you'll still be smiling by the time we get back to the table," I say sweetly, breezing past her. And she is. At Chase instead of Sawyer, but at least it's something.

  The guys are all sitting around the table with menus.

  "I don't go on for another hour and a half," Gage says. "We figured we had time to grab a bite."

  "Good." Gianna pulls her chair out, sliding into it next to Chase. "I'm starving."

  Cassidy sits next to Gage. He leans over to whisper in her ear and a second later she's giggling. I…sit a chair away from Sawyer. I'm not mad at him anymore, but Gianna's comments hit their
marks. He looks at me questioningly, but I study a menu instead.

  Chase takes Gianna's face in his hands, checking her over.

  "What?" she asks.

  "Just making sure there aren't any scrapes or bruises."

  "Please, like I'd be the one you have to worry about?" She shakes her head, but smiles.

  "Excuse me," I say. "Let's not make any assumptions otherwise, either." But they're all canoodley and I don't think they even hear me.

  "You okay?" Sawyer murmurs.

  "Yep. Thanks, bodyguard." I stare at my menu.

  A second later, he switches seats, sliding closer to me. "You don't seem okay."

  "Are bodyguards supposed to care about their wards?"

  "You don't need a bodyguard, Quinn. You've always been able to take care of yourself. But I'll be whatever you want."

  "No, you won't," I say to my menu. "You can't. And I'm trying to hold on to everything that makes it okay with me."

  He grabs my hand under the table, weaving his fingers through mine, and just…holding it. It's exactly what I need.

  He waited for me. He kisses me like he loves me when we're alone. It's not an act. I can be with him like this or not at all.

  "I choose this," I say, running my thumb over the back of his hand.

  "Good," he says. "Because I can't walk away again."

  My heart freaking glows, but I glance at him with a wince. "Oh, this is awkward. I was talking about the spare ribs."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  QUINN

  WE MAKE IT through dinner. There's laughing. Drinking. Even Gianna defrosts a little toward Sawyer. She doesn't fall all over him or anything, but she answers when he asks about her parents. About their ice cream parlor. About her brother.

  She doesn't want to warm up to him, I can tell. But the thing about Sawyer is that…he's still Sawyer. And being around him for any amount of time reveals it more and more. She's remembering the boy he was instead of the boy she's hated all these years. And every time he runs his fingers discreetly over my knee under the table, I'm remembering that boy too.

  We move to the bar when the restaurant staff starts to clear the tables from the dining area in front of the stage, and Gage sets up. By the time he's ready to begin, the place is slammed and my stomach has butterflies for Gage. He, however, seems completely at ease, sitting up on a stool with his guitar in his lap. And Cassidy's standing there at the edge of the stage with the biggest grin I've seen in a long time. Granted, I haven't had any mirrors around when I've been smiling at Sawyer, so she probably has a little competition there.

  Gage kicks off his performance with a song he says is called "Popsicle Sticks." But it has nothing to do with Popsicle sticks, which I think is weird at first—and then, I don't care. Because his lyrics are sweet and deep, and Cassidy's eyes are shining with tears, and Gage is really freaking talented.

  "He could go places," Chase says to me a few songs into the set when Sawyer's getting a fresh round of drinks and Gianna's off catching up with someone she knows from work.

  "He should tour," I agree. "And I bet Cassidy would go with him—she goes out of town every chance she gets for her travel blog, anyway."

  He leans a little closer. "Are you okay?"

  I know he's asking about Sawyer. I nod. "I think so."

  "Good."

  "What about you and Gianna?"

  "She said you were okay with this?"

  "Yes. I love you two together. Just be careful because her bite's even worse than her bark."

  "It's one of the things I like about her, actually."

  I grin at him, and Gianna shows up a moment later to pull him out to the floor to dance. She motions for me to join them, but Sawyer's walking back with another drink, so I wave her off. Because all I really want to do is lean against Sawyer while nobody's watching.

  He must want that, too, because the instant Gi and Chase are looking at the stage, he drops our drinks on the bar and wraps a hand around my hip, pulling me back toward him until my shoulder blades hit his chest. He breathes deeply and his heart thumps against my spine; I turn my face so that my cheek is against his shoulder and it's my turn to breathe deeply, letting his Sawyer citrus scent flood into my lungs.

  We stay this way for maybe a minute—though it feels like the flash of a second—before he slides out from behind me. I turn toward him and he whispers, his teeth nipping my ear, "Jesus, I can't wait to get you alone later."

  I fight a shiver.

  And then I fight a frown.

  He hands me my drink and studies my face. "I'm sorry about the alone thing."

  "Me, too." I keep my tone light, but I know he can still read my disappointment. I should step away. Get it together. "I have to pee."

  "Good to know." He smiles, trying to help with the mood. And I appreciate it. But my own face falls the second my back is to him. Maybe it's the second vodka cranberry hitting me. Maybe it's being around two of my happily dating friends. Maybe it's just me. But this is hard.

  I wait for the bathroom to clear out, leaning against the wall and scrolling through my phone. When a spot at the sink opens, I wash my hands and scrutinize my reflection in the mirror. I don't look like my heart aches. But…I'm also not exactly glowing with happiness, either. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it'll help keep the secret.

  Then, of all people, Morgan walks in. "Oh, hey!" she says, all smiles. "You're Sawyer's friend, right?"

  "Yep." I try to smile at her, but all I manage is to flash my teeth.

  She doesn't seem to notice. "Is he here?"

  "Yeah, but I think he's with someone." I should try to speak a little nicer. I know I should. But God, I'm sick of pretending to feel one way when it's another emotion running through me altogether.

  "Oh, that's good. I am, too! It won't be awkward."

  God. She's not competition. I need to loosen up. "Well, have a good night."

  "You, too!" She smooths her hair down in the mirror.

  I walk out of the bathroom and almost right into Danny. I study his face, checking for any leftover bruising from his fight with Sawyer, but it's all gone. Unfortunately.

  "Quinn." His lips curve into a nasty smile. "You look like you're feeling kinda tired."

  "Nope. Pretty sure that's just the shape of your boring old routine."

  "No," he says, shaking his head. "It's you. Tired, tired girl. Up all night with the dude of the week again?"

  I step to the side, but he slides in front of me. "Come on, Quinny. Tell me I'm right and I'll let you pass."

  "You got me. I'm such a slut-bag. Good one." I'm so close to not feeling any of the shitty things he says to me. I think he knows it, too, because it's like he ups his game every time I see him, so he can get just one more dig in before they become completely ineffectual. I sigh. "But if you're looking to get back in my line, you can take your place right after the last guy on earth."

  "Don't flatter yourself. I've got something better lined up," he says, his eyes darting at the door over my shoulder.

  Morgan. Of course. "Always going after Sawyer's sloppy seconds."

  "So you admit you're a sloppy lay."

  This time I don't bother trying to step around him. I barrel through him, knocking him back because he's not expecting it, and ignoring the bitch he throws at me.

  Screw him.

  And screw my mood.

  I just want to listen to Gage. And share the air with Sawyer. And make it to the end of the show, when I can slip into the back of his car for some persuasive reassurance that this is all worth it.

  But through the crowd, I discover Sawyer's no longer alone at the bar.

  He's with my mother.

  She's taking him in, dragging her eyes down his T-shirt and jeans, the sneer on her face turning my heart to ice and instantly shoving the frigid splinters of a headache behind my eyes. I force my way through people until I'm in front of them.

  "Mom." I push myself next to Sawyer, but he takes a huge step away, running into a
guy standing beside him near the bar, not looking at me. His hands are in fists by his sides and he's staring at my mom. I massage my temples with my thumbs, glaring at her. "What are you doing here?"

  She glances at me, sniffs. "Why is Chase over there with his arms around Gianna? Shouldn't he be with you?"

  "What are you doing here?" And why is it so tense I can barely breathe? "Is Dad here?" I glance around, but don't see him anywhere. But no way would my mom come to a place like this by herself. Well, honestly, I'd never think she'd set foot somewhere like this period.

  "Your father's in the restroom." She wrinkles her nose like she's in there with him. "I'm only here because you told me your friends from school were performing. I thought I'd drop by to see."

  "I don't remember saying anything about this to you." I try to catch Sawyer's eye, but he's looking at my mom like she's something on the bottom of his shoe he can't scrape off. "If I did, it certainly wasn't an invitation."

  "Don't be rude, dear." She's forced to raise her voice because Gage's transitioning to something louder and a little heavier on his guitar. "You mentioned it at dinner."

  It's…true. I wanted so badly to talk about Sawyer, I rambled on about everything else I could think of instead. But I didn't invite her. I clear my throat, my mind spinning in its search for something to ease the awkwardness of the situation. "Well. I guess you see that Sawyer's back in town…"

  "This was a mistake," Sawyer says, suddenly, roughly. "One that won't happen again."

  "What are you talking about?" I stretch my hand toward him, but he's already out of reach, elbowing his way through the crowd.

  And, a second later, he shoves right out the front door without even a backward glance.

  For a moment I stare after him, shocked.

  Then? I'm pissed. "Mom," I whirl on her. "What the hell?"

  "Sweetie, he isn't worth your concern. Let's just enjoy the music." But there's a tight little smile on her mouth, like she's won some round I didn't even know I was a part of. "If, of course, you can actually call this music."

  "Yes, he is worth my concern." I turn to follow Sawyer, but she grabs my wrist, tightening her fingers like a vise, pinching my skin. "You're hurting me."