by Durango, M.
Matt’s laugh turned into a groan when Christian flicked his thumb over Matt’s nipple. Matt kissed him again, harder this time, pent-up need taking over and making him uncharacteristically aggressive. Christian responded by digging his fingers into Matt’s shoulders and grinding against Matt.
“That’s so hot,” Matt muttered as he kissed Christian’s neck. Christian tipped his head back with a soft thump, giving Matt better access.
“Oh! What?”
“That. They way you get so turned on and don’t tell me I’m being too rough.”
“God. No. Fucking amazing.”
Matt tried to get Christian’s shirt off but realized he had no room. He stepped back reluctantly and let Christian down. “We should move this somewhere else.”
Christian nodded and it only took Matt a second to opt for the bedroom over the couch. He wanted to get Christian naked, wanted to find out if there was more to this than just desperate blowjobs.
Matt stopped near the bed, arms around Christian’s waist. Christian’s hands were still sliding over Matt’s chest and arms like he couldn’t get enough. Christian leaned up and kissed Matt softly. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
Jesus, wasn’t that his line? It was fucking weird, but he kissed Christian back. “I want to touch you. I want to get naked with you and not worry about getting interrupted. I want to do more than jerk you off on the couch.”
Christian groaned. “It makes me fucking hot when you say things like that.”
“Yeah?” He pulled Christian’s T-shirt off. “You want me to tell you how I never thought guys were sexy and now I can’t stop thinking about you?” He mirrored Christian’s movements and touched Christian’s chest and arms. He moved his hands down to Christian’s jeans, opening the button but stopping, instead wrapping his hands around Christian’s hips, down to cup firm ass cheeks. He kissed Christian’s neck and shoulder.
Matt pulled away long enough to tug the blankets down on the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed to take his boots off.
Christian toed his sneakers off and crawled on the bed behind Matt. Matt couldn’t see him, but could feel his breath as he lay close and traced the muscles on Matt’s back.
“God, even your back is ripped. I didn’t know real people looked like this.”
Matt turned and lay next to Christian, reaching out and putting a hand on Christian’s hip. “I’ll have to remember to go to the gym more often.” He ignored the implication that he was planning on messing around with Christian again and leaned in for another kiss. Matt moaned at the feel of their naked chests rubbing together.
“If you get any hotter, I might come just from looking at you,” Christian managed to gasp out.
Matt was half on top of Christian now, one of Christian’s legs wrapped around Matt’s, pressing them together. Matt rubbed his prick against Christian’s hip, not enough to get off, but enough to make him ache.
“Is this okay?” he asked, suddenly wondering how fast he should be moving and wanting to make sure Christian was with him.
“Oh, God, yes, anything you want to do is okay. Do you have any idea how badly I want you?”
Matt kissed him again, unable to get enough and reveling in the taste and the sharp pressure of teeth clashing.
“I just. God.” He was kissing Christian’s chest now, supporting himself on one elbow as his leg slid along Christian’s thigh. “I want you so much.” He trailed his tongue around Christian’s nipple, making Christian whimper. “I’ve never wanted anyone like this.” He was placing little sucking kisses on Christian’s stomach, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough to make Christian writhe. As he moved lower, Christian’s moaning got louder.
Matt touched Christian’s inner thigh gently, wondering if it turned Christian on as much as it did him. He was rewarded with a sharp gasp as Christian’s hips started thrusting, a string of breathless words falling on Matt’s ears.
“Feels so good. Been hard all night.”
Matt moved his hand over Christian’s balls, causing Christian to hump him harder. He opened Christian’s jeans as Christian implored him to touch more. Matt kissed Christian as he teased Christian, grinding against Christian’s thigh in earnest now.
Christian broke the kiss suddenly. “No, wait, naked, please.” Christian started fumbling with Matt’s zipper, touching his aching shaft inadvertently and making Matt lose focus. He wanted Christian, wanted them both naked. Now. He managed to get Christian’s jeans and boxers off before practically tearing his own off.
Once naked, he crawled back up the bed and Christian pulled him in for another mind-blowing kiss as they ground furiously against each other, sweat and precome making their shafts slide together.
Christian rolled them suddenly, pushing Matt onto his back and straddling him. Matt grabbed Christian’s ass, fingers digging in as they both rubbed and moaned, seeking release. Matt tore one of his hands away from Christian’s ass and wrapped it around their cocks. He alternated between watching himself jerk them off together and watching Christian’s face, both equally fascinating. Matt felt it the moment Christian started to come, prick pulsing and body going stiff. The sensations combined with the warm come on Matt’s hand triggered Matt’s own climax and he threw back his head as he thrust up hard against Christian and came all over both of them.
When the world stopped spinning, Matt opened his eyes and realized Christian was still on top of him and his hand was still wrapped around their now-soft cocks.
“You’re going to get stuck to me,” Matt chided.
He felt Christian’s smile against his chest as the other man spoke. “Well, you’re pretty comfy.”
Christian showed no signs of moving and, oddly enough, Matt didn’t do anything to separate them. He did, however, slide his hand out from between them.
Matt started to doze as they continued to lie there for a few more minutes. Eventually, Christian shifted to the side, head pillowed on Matt’s chest and arm stretched across his stomach.
“We probably should clean up so I can head home.” Christian’s words sounded sleepy.
“Yeah, okay.” Matt wasn’t sure if he should be disappointed or relieved. He was perfectly comfortable the way they were, but it had been ages since he’d actually spent the night with anyone. He didn’t want Christian to start getting the wrong idea about what was going on.
Whatever the hell that was. Spending the night always led to questions and expectations that Matt wasn’t ready to address. All he could say for sure was that he liked Christian, liked spending time together. He’d also admit that the sex was damn good, but waking up with Christian in his bed would make Matt ask himself too many questions about why he wanted to have sex with Christian almost constantly.
Instead, he watched silently as Christian stretched, sat up, and went to use the master bath.
“Shit, you have two bathrooms for one person. I would kill to not have to share with Trent.”
Matt looked at the clock and realized it was almost three a.m. Christian declined Matt’s offer of a ride home, which Matt was grateful for.
“Thanks for the offer, though.” Christian looked almost shy. “I’m glad I ran into you.” He leaned up and kissed Matt quickly before leaving.
Matt sighed at the sudden odd turn of his life; he wondered if this was what it meant to be a closet case.
***
It became a routine. Matt would “run into” Christian outside of the coffee shop on the way home, load Christian’s bike into the truck, and they would have dinner somewhere. After dinner, they would go back to Matt’s and inevitably end up fooling around on the couch. They never talked explicitly about what they were doing; Matt always invited Christian over on the pretense of “hanging out.”
Matt didn’t particularly want to discuss the fact that he was having the best orgasms of his life with a very out gay man that he had met at a party. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore about his attraction to men, but he certainly didn�
��t need to tell the world. He wasn’t ready to label himself gay, but he couldn’t very well deny the direction his fantasies — and his porn — were taking. It was a fine line he was walking, but he still saw no reason to look at things too deeply.
Leaving work late once again on a Friday night, Matt was surprised to find Christian unlocking his bike.
“Hey,” Matt said as he walked up.
“Hey.” Christian smiled at him.
“You look tired. You want a ride?”
“I would love a ride, but I really do have to get home. I have finals next week and I’m totally behind on studying.”
Matt tried to push down the flash of disappointment that he felt. He was coming to expect to see Christian and it hadn’t occurred to him that he would get turned down. “Well, that sucks, but I can still drive you.”
Christian unlocked his bike and started walking toward Matt’s usual parking space.
“One of these days, I’m going to have to park somewhere else just to confuse you.”
Christian laughed. “Just wait until after finals or you might send me over the edge.”
“That bad?” Matt opened the truck and loaded the bike.
Christian gave him a curious look before answering. “Well, I’ve been a little distracted.”
“Oh.” Matt was pretty sure he blushed. He bit his lip, unconsciously mimicking Christian’s nervous gesture.
Christian giggled. “It’s okay. Come on, drive me home.” He walked around Matt and got in the truck.
Matt shook himself out of his temporary shock and embarrassment and locked up the tailgate.
When Christian fell asleep in the passenger seat on the short ride to his apartment, Matt couldn’t help but notice how cute Christian looked.
Shaking his head at himself, Matt leaned over and shook Christian gently. “Hey. We’re here.”
Christian blinked awake. “Oh. Shit, sorry. I’m not very good company.” He undid his seatbelt and looked up at Matt. “Thanks for the ride.”
Matt smiled, tempted to kiss him. “No problem. Go study and good luck with your finals.”
“Thanks.” He could see Christian hesitate before he turned and got out.
“See you next week.”
“Bye.”
Matt tried to not be disappointed and waited until Christian was up the stairs before pulling out and heading home.
Matt spent the evening flipping channels and, oddly enough, missing Christian. Mystery Diagnosis. What fun was a “slightly bizarre but you already know the answer” diagnosis? click Bridget Jones’ Diary followed by Bridget Jones’ Diary’s sequel. Fuck, no. Why was that movie always on, anyway? click A Rocky movie, followed by ten other Rocky movies. click Star Trek. Guy in a red shirt dies. click News. click News.
God damn it, there was fuck all on. It made Matt wonder why he even paid for cable.
He thought about Christian and wondered how studying was going.
Jesus, he was getting pathetic.
He threw the remote down with a sigh and decided to distract himself with a book.
Chapter Nine
For once, Matt found himself with nothing to do all weekend. Sam had some new girlfriend taking up his time, Alison had plans, and Christian was studying. His boredom Sunday afternoon sent him to the coffee shop in hopes of seeing Christian.
Christian was indeed working, looking frazzled and even more tired than he had on Friday, but he still managed a smile when Matt got in line.
“Hey. The usual?” Christian was already grabbing a cup.
“Yeah. How’s your day?”
“Long, and I’ve still got a ton of stuff to do tonight.” Christian sounded distracted.
Matt waited as Christian rang him up. “When’s your first exam?”
Matt thought Christian looked annoyed. “Tomorrow at ten, another on Wednesday and two on Thursday.”
“Ouch. What time do you get off?” He handed over cash for his drink.
“In an hour. Your drink’s ready.” Christian turned and disappeared into the back, leaving Matt frowning at his uncharacteristic terseness.
“He’s been bitchy all weekend,” the woman — Sally, according to her name tag — behind the counter said.
“It’s probably his finals. Thanks for the coffee.” He barely heard her reply as he went to sit at one of the tables near the window. He considered leaving, since Christian was obviously in a bad mood, but he’d driven across town for coffee he could get a block from his apartment.
It seemed like ages since they’d hung out and Matt, well fuck, he just missed Christian. Missed the sex, but missed the just hanging out and bullshitting, too. Christian had started to become a good friend.
Of course, he’d never exactly missed Sam like this. Then again, he’d never been attracted to Sam.
Shuddering slightly at that thought, Matt opened his book, keeping half an eye on the time so that he didn’t miss Christian. He looked up about forty minutes later and saw Christian walking out the far door. He got up and followed, annoyed at being intentionally ignored.
“Christian!” He saw Christian tense before spinning around.
“What?”
“I thought I could give you a ride home.” He frowned, confusion warring with anger at Christian’s response.
Christian shrugged, arms folded across his chest. “You don’t have to.”
Wow, Christian could do pissed off extremely well, Matt noted.
“I know.” Anger won out. “Forget it.” Matt started to leave but Christian called out and stopped him.
“Wait. I’m sorry.” Christian seemed to deflate. “Can you really give me a ride?”
Matt sighed. Fuck, he hated shit like this. “Yeah, come on.”
Christian nodded silently and started walking with him.
They were on the road before Matt bothered to try and break the silence. “Do you want to get some food?”
“Which part of ‘I have to study’ don’t you understand? Look, I get that you didn’t go to college, but I can’t just coast by and I’ve wasted a bunch of time not studying.”
Matt clenched his jaw and counted to ten. That was definitely not the response he was expecting to his peace offering. “Fine, forget I asked. Christ, you still need to eat, don’t you?”
“I can eat while I study. It’s not like I can afford to eat out all the time, anyway.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“What’s my problem? Jesus, Matt, how oblivious are you? We’ve been fucking around for weeks, I spend more time with you than anyone else, and you don’t have a clue when my finals are. You’ve never even asked for my phone number, but you show up at work and expect me to be able to just rearrange my schedule and do whatever the hell you want.”
“That’s bullshit, Christian. I never forced you to do anything. You don’t want to hang out, fine.”
“I didn’t say that. All I said is that it would be nice if you had a fucking clue about me.”
“Shit, do you think I know Sam’s fucking schedule? No, I call him, he calls me, we hang out if we’re free. What the hell do you expect?”
“Oh, so you’re sleeping with Sam, too? You’ve got me all fucking compartmentalized. You hardly even talk to me in public unless you’re buying coffee.”
Matt almost stopped the car. Instead, he kept driving. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Is it? You want to know what I think?” Christian didn’t wait for an answer. “I think you’re so freaked out by the fact that you’re fucking around with a guy that you’re trying to hide from everything. I think you’re afraid that someone might notice you’re hanging around with a fag and it might hurt your fucking image.”
Matt didn’t say anything; he had no response to that. Matt couldn’t say for certain that Christian was that far off base; after all, Matt was putting a lot of energy into keeping Christian separate from the rest of his life. He pulled up in front of Christian’s apartment complex a few minutes
later.
“Matt.”
Matt was done listening and he refused to be forced into a conversation about whatever it was they were doing. Shit, this was exactly why he tried to avoid relationships. He needed some distance before he said something he’d really regret. “Get out.”
“Matt.” Christian tried again, sounding almost contrite.
“Get the fuck out of my truck, Christian. You’re right, I don’t know your God dammed schedule and I don’t know your phone number, and I don’t really fucking want to.” Well, so much for keeping his mouth shut.
“Fuck you.” Christian got out of the truck. “Open the fucking tailgate so I can get my bike.”
Matt popped the gate and pulled out as soon as Christian slammed it shut again.
He drove home, having to focus hard on the driving. He hated being this pissed off, and he hated driving when he was pissed.
He made it home without getting anyone killed and stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. Hanging his coat up, he continued into the kitchen in search of a beer.
What the fuck was that about, anyway? All he did was ask Christian if he wanted to get dinner and suddenly he was the inconsiderate bad guy. God damn it.
***
Alison stopped by Matt’s desk Monday afternoon and leaned against his cube. “I need some coffee. Want to take a walk?”
Matt leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know, I’m pretty busy. Rain check?”
“Oh, come on. It’ll only be fifteen minutes. You can chat with Christian and I can get my caffeine fix.”
Matt startled at Christian’s name, but tried to hide it. “I don’t even know if he’s working.”
“Huh. I thought you were driving him home on a regular basis?”
Matt shrugged. “When I run into him in the parking lot sometimes. It’s not like we’re carpooling.”
“Well, whatever. Come get coffee with me. We can talk about the database conversion and call it an off-site meeting.”
