Where You Least Expect It

by Durango, M.

  “There is nothing wrong,” Matt repeated. “Do you need to get something or not?”

  “Fuck. Is this how it’s going to be? Something’s wrong and you just ignore me until, what, until you feel better? Or is this your fucked-up way of getting rid of me?”

  “Jesus, Christian, you don’t have to be all fucking melodramatic.”

  “Melodramatic? Nice. Fine, I give up. Can I get my stuff out of the bedroom?”

  “Go ahead.”

  Christian stormed past Matt into the bedroom. Matt let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hands through his hair. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He knew he was about to blow it with Christian if he didn’t do something now to fix it. He had wanted Christian to just go along with Matt’s distance and wait patiently for Matt to decide he was ready to talk, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

  It was a stupid, childish idea anyway. Matt made himself walk into the bedroom and try to give Christian some kind of explanation, even if Christian was still pissed.

  “I have nightmares,” he said without preamble.

  Christian jumped and turned around at the sound of Matt’s voice. Matt held eye contact as he walked the rest of the way into the room and sat on the bed. “They don’t happen a lot, but… I don’t sleep for a couple of nights.” Matt shrugged, not sure how to explain and not wanting to go into detail.

  “About the Army?” Christian asked.

  “Mostly. Sometimes there’s other stuff mixed in, random stuff that doesn’t make any real sense. They’re not horrible, but they remind me about…” Matt made a vague gesture with his hand, unsure how to explain. “Just remind me of things.”

  “Matt.” Christian crawled into the middle of the bed and sat by Matt’s side, rubbing a hand across his back. “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

  Matt shook his head. “It’s not something I talk about. Sam’s the only one who knows and I’ve never given him a lot of details.”

  Christian kept rubbing Matt’s back. “What can I do? Can I help?”

  “I don’t know.” Matt finally looked up to meet Christian’s eyes. “Will you stay?”

  “Of course I will.” Christian reached up to cup Matt’s jaw.

  “I’m sorry.” Matt rested his forehead on Christian’s.

  “I know, honey. But you can’t shut me out like that.” Christian shifted and brought Matt along with him so that they were lying in the center of the bed facing each other, legs entwined.

  Matt reached out and wrapped his hand around Christian’s waist, rubbing his thumb in circles.

  “Do you want to talk about them?” Christian asked after a short silence.

  “Not really. It’s not like they’re all that bad, just —” Matt paused, looking for the right words. “I don’t wake up screaming and shit like that, it’s just images, really, and impressions. Sometimes it feels like I’m trapped, sometimes there’s gun fire. I’ve seen guys have a lot worse.”

  Christian kissed him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, but I don’t mind if you do. You can wake me up, or you can call me if I’m not here.”

  Asking for help or comfort wasn’t something Matt was accustomed to doing, but he said anyway, “Yeah? I might just do that.”

  Matt leaned forward and kissed Christian, pulling him close.

  “I am sorry,” he said once they parted for air. “I told you I wasn’t good at this whole relationship thing.”

  Christian smiled again and stroked Matt’s cheek. “It’s okay. I think we just need to remember to talk about stuff. I’m kind of used to talking about everything with Trent, so I kind of run my mouth off sometimes. I was just feeling really shut out and — I — I didn’t know what had happened, if you were having second thoughts or —”

  Matt kissed him suddenly, hard, cutting off the flow of Christian’s words. “No. Absolutely not, I promise. And I wouldn’t do that to you. I told you, I want this to work. I guess I just need you to be patient.”

  “I can be patient. I just need you to not completely shut me out.”

  Matt nodded. “Okay. I warned you this wouldn’t be easy.”

  “That’s okay, too.” Christian leaned close enough so that their noses were just touching. “I haven’t really done this before, either. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go.” He kissed Matt, pressing closer and wrapping his arm around Matt’s neck. The kiss started slow but built quickly, stress and relief and emotion taking over.

  Matt took control, thrusting his tongue into Christian’s mouth and gripping Christian’s ass in his hands, pulling them together before rolling so the smaller man was underneath him. Christian thrust up, cock as hard as Matt’s. Matt could feel fingers teasing along his crease through his jeans.

  “Christian. Fuck. Missed this.” Matt pushed up onto one elbow and ran a hand down Christian’s chest and stomach, along his hip and thigh, and back up over his cock. The sound that escaped Christian’s throat sounded almost like a whimper. Matt started fumbling with the zipper on Christian’s jeans and kissed Christian’s throat, tongue playing over Christian’s Adam’s apple.

  Christian arched back and moaned when Matt finally pushed Christian’s boxers out of the way. He watched as his hand moved over Christian’s cock, feeling the skin move over Christian’s hard shaft. He thrust his own hips against Christian’s body, arching as the friction brought him close.

  Christian shifted and suddenly he was opening Matt’s zipper and circling Matt’s cock with his hand.

  Matt’s mouth crashed down on Christian’s, tongue plundering his mouth as they pulled and thrust frantically. With their clothes out of the way, Matt could feel heat and precome from both their cocks mixing.

  Christian wrapped a leg around Matt’s thigh, grinding them together, hands bumping as they moved.

  Matt moaned and pulled away long enough to push their jeans down so Matt could straddle him, body pushing Christian into the mattress. Matt felt the clash of teeth as they kissed.

  Christian broke the kiss. “Fuck. Matt. Close.”

  “Oh, fuck yes. Do it.” Matt’s voice was husky, harsh with his breathing and his own need to come.

  Christian grabbed Matt’s ass, hard enough to leave marks. Matt’s balls were so tight they almost hurt and he could feel his orgasm starting to take over. He threw his head back and shouted as he shot, cock throbbing over and over, come landing warm and wet on his stomach and chest. He heard Christian’s answering shout and felt more come hit his chest a split second later.

  They lay there, Matt’s head buried in Christian’s neck and Christian’s arms wrapped tightly around Matt until the need to move finally drew them apart. Matt flopped on his back next to Christian and they both moaned at the lack of contact and cold air.

  Matt looked over at Christian and grinned. “We’re a mess.”

  Christian laughed. “We’re good at that.” Christian stretched and made a sound close to a purr. “Nap?”

  “You’re over-dressed.”

  Christian made short work of his already askew clothing and curled up on his side.

  “Motivated, I see.” Matt settled next to him and pulled the blankets up, even though he knew Christian would just kick them off in his sleep.

  “Hmm. Motivated and sleepy.” Christian snuggled up against Matt and rested his head on Matt’s shoulder, arm wrapped around Matt’s waist.

  Matt hoped his conversation with Christian, not to mention the orgasm, was enough that he could sleep without being woken by phantom screams. He had hoped they’d fade away, at least for a while, once he’d admitted he wanted a relationship with Christian, but he realized now that there was still more work to be done.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Seeing Christian waiting for him by the bike rack after work the next day brought a smile to Matt’s face. He quickened his pace.

  “Hey, you,” Matt greeted him with a small pang of regret that he couldn’t give Christian a more tangible display.

  “He
y.” Christian smiled and pushed away from where he was leaning. “How was your day?”

  Matt shrugged. “Decent but getting better. Yours?”

  “Buses, classes, fancy coffee drinks. The usual. Busy.”

  Matt jerked his head in the direction of his truck. “Come home with me and I’ll feed you.”

  “Okay, but I need to go home at some point tonight. I’m pretty much completely out of clean clothes.” Christian fell into step with him as they headed through the parking lot.

  “Deal.” Matt could sympathize with the need to do laundry.

  “Do you want to do anything this weekend or do you need to study?” Matt asked once they were on the road.

  Christian was silent for a moment before saying, “I’ve been thinking.”

  Matt frowned. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong? I thought we were doing okay.”

  “Oh, shit, I don’t mean like that. I’m sorry.”

  “What then?” Matt stole a glance at him. “You’re chewing your lip, you know.”

  That got a small smile from Christian. “Sorry. I was thinking that you need to talk to Sam.”

  Matt was silent as he thought about that. He knew he’d need to talk to Sam eventually, he just hadn’t figured out what to say. “Hey, I know we’ve known each other for more than a decade, but I think I might be gay and I’m sleeping with a guy.” That certainly didn’t seem like the way to go.

  Christian broke the silence nervously. “I figured that’s what’s been bothering you lately, and I know you’re worried about it, but I think it’ll be okay. I mean, he’s known you since you were kids, right?”

  “Yeah.” Matt looked over at him. “I’m just — I don’t know. It’s just weird and freaking me out a bit.”

  “I know, honey. But the longer you wait, the weirder it’s going to get. I mean, eventually he’s going to try to set you up again.”

  Matt grimaced. “Yeah. That’ll be awkward.” Matt reached out for Christian’s hand. “Thanks.”

  Christian kissed his knuckles. “No problem. So what are you feeding me?”

  “How do you feel about pork chops? I though we’d try something besides chicken or spaghetti.”

  “Works for me.”

  Dinner was easier to cook than Matt had hoped. He was starting to enjoy cooking, particularly since it meant Christian ate more than ramen and baloney sandwiches. Once everything was cooking, Matt joined Christian in the living room.

  Christian looked up from his book. “How’s it coming?”

  “Good. We have about twenty minutes to kill.”

  Christian grinned. “Yeah? That gives me time to read a couple of pages then.”

  Matt leaned in and kissed Christian’s neck. “Or we can fool around. Since I have to take you home tonight, and all.”

  Christian hummed happily and closed his book. “I can read later.”

  Matt grabbed Christian around the waist and dove in for a passionate kiss. It still amazed him how worked up Christian got him. Just being in the same room was enough to make him hard some days.

  Christian responded eagerly, pressing close to Matt and taking equal control of the kiss.

  He moved to straddle Matt’s lap and Matt took advantage of the change in position to grab Christian’s ass. Christian found one of Matt’s nipples and squeezed, causing Matt to moan and thrust his hips up.

  “So fucking sensitive,” Christian murmured.

  “Want you.” Matt figured they had just enough time.

  Christian tugged his shirt off and Matt leaned forward to tease Christian’s nipple while working Christian’s pants open. Christian arched and gripped Matt’s head in place against Christian’s chest. Matt opened Christian’s zipper, seeking skin.

  Matt didn’t hear the key in the door, but he did hear Sam’s sudden exclamation of “Holy crap,” followed immediately by the sound of the door slamming.

  “Shit.” Matt turned his head, but Sam was gone. Christian scrambled off his lap and Matt hurried to the door, just having a second to take in the mortified look on Christian’s face. “I’ll be right back,” he said.

  Sam was standing in front of the elevator when Matt walked into the hall. Matt called out to stop him from leaving. Sam turned around, hands on his hips and eyes wide and shocked; he looked almost as freaked out as Christian had been.

  “Wait,” Matt said. Matt felt like there was a rock in his stomach.

  “Dude,” was all Sam managed. He shook his head, opened his mouth, closed it again. “Dude.”

  Matt ran a hand through his hair as he stopped in front of Sam. “Shit. I. You weren’t supposed to find out like that.”

  “I bet.” Sam restated the obvious, voice a little more high pitched than normal.

  “Look, I was going to tell you.” Fuck, this was going badly.

  Sam put up his hands, palms out. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”

  “Bullshit,” Matt responded. “I owe you something, at least. Do you want to come back inside? I’d rather not do this in the hall.”

  “You looked kind of busy, man.”

  Matt didn’t know what to say to that. If Sam had walked in on him with a woman, they certainly wouldn’t be having this conversation. And he certainly didn’t want to tell Sam that he’d killed the mood and Matt would just spend the rest of the night stressing about what Sam had seen. “Look, just come inside for a minute.”

  Sam relented and followed Matt back to the apartment. Christian was no longer in the living room, but Matt knew he couldn’t have gone far. He didn’t want Christian to worry, but he didn’t want Sam to skip out on him.

  “Just. Wait here a minute, okay.” Sam nodded and Matt went to check the den for Christian; the door was closed and Matt assumed Christian was hiding behind it.

  “Hey,” he said from the doorway. “You okay?”

  Christian looked up from his textbook. “Yeah, I guess. Completely freaked, actually. You?”

  “I’ll let you know after I talk to Sam.”

  Christian bit his lip. “Okay.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I’m sorry.”

  “So not your fault,” Matt managed a grin. “I’ll be right back.”

  Sam was in the kitchen drinking a beer. Matt picked up the one Sam put out for him and leaned against the counter.

  “I. Fuck.” He took a swig of beer and shook his head. “Look, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”

  “You don’t know what you’re supposed to do? I just walked in on you with your hands down a guy’s pants. Is this a new thing or have you been keeping this from me for the last ten years?”

  Okay, Sam was angry. That at least gave Matt a place to start from, however unprepared he was. “It’s a new thing, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to explain it or what you want to know. But it’s only been going on for a couple of months and I wasn’t ready to tell you. Hell, at first I didn’t think there was anything worth telling.”

  “So, what? You’re bi? Gay? You better not just be using him to get off, ‘cause he’s a good guy and doesn’t deserve that.”

  “Fuck, Sam, no I’m not using him. I’ve barely had enough time to wrap my head around it. You know my relationships with women have always sucked.” Matt shook his head, still confused. “I’m not running out to define it just yet.”

  Sam narrowed his eyes and looked at Matt closely. “Are you telling me you’re actually dating Christian?”

  Matt frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You used the ‘R’ word, man.” Matt thought he saw the hint of a grin and rolled his eyes.

  “Yes, fine. We’re dating.” Matt’s annoyance softened as he said it. Weird. “I need to know if you’re going to be freaked out about this.”

  “That you’re gay? No. But I’m pissed that you think I would be and that you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about it. Hell, if I’d known, I wouldn’t have wasted time trying to find chicks for you, I would’ve fou
nd dudes to hook you up with.”

  Matt didn’t even want to think about Sam fixing Matt up with guys. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you or thought you’d judge me.” He tried to explain what he’d been thinking. “I was, I don’t know, judging myself, I guess. And freaked out that I could be so far out of touch that it took me until now to figure out why I didn’t want relationships with women.”

  The timer on the stove beeped and Matt turned to take the chops out of the oven.

  “You’re cooking?” Sam sounded incredulous.

  Matt placed the pan on the stove and turned off the potatoes. “I’ve cooked before.”

  “No, you made frozen pizza. That’s…” Sam went closer to the stove. “That’s pork chops! Jesus, did you make a vegetable, too?”

  Matt crossed his arms. “No, I did not make a vegetable. I made meat and potatoes. If you stop being an ass, I’ll even offer you some.”

  “For free food? I’ll totally behave myself.”

  “Good. Set the table.” Matt clapped Sam on the shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen.

  Christian was on his cell phone when Matt opened the door. “Got to go.” Christian clicked the phone off. “Hey. Everything okay?”

  Matt walked the rest of the way in and shut the door partway. “Think so. I offered Sam dinner.”

  “Okay.” Christian bit his lip again but didn’t move.

  “You’re invited, too.”

  Christian stood up and moved quickly to hug Matt, as if he was afraid Matt might get away. “I’m sorry.”

  “What? Why?” Matt hugged him back. He’d never been so confused, so often since puberty had hit.

  Christian took a deep breath but didn’t look up. “Because I started all this and I don’t want to ruin anything for you.”

  Matt tilted Christian’s head up and kissed him. “Shut up. You didn’t ruin anything.” Matt kissed him again before pulling away. “Let’s go eat.”